I never thought he would go through with it. I thought he would find it funny. I never thought he would have taken it offensively. Maybe I thought he would be a little mad. But nothing like the way he was now that it was done and over with. It was just a joke. Well at least it had started that way. I never wanted to cause this much commotion and destruction to such a relationship. Especially ours. I had thought for sure that we were going to be together forever.

Bunny and I had been growing apart of late. Neither of us really had an explanation as to why. We just went with it. Taking our relationship for granted, believing that it would mend in time. So I went on with my ways. No longer staying at the Warren with him anymore, I was hoping that if we got some separation we'd want to be together again. But the feeling of wanting his company was no longer there. It was just an empty no longer explained dead feeling of what used to be love, now resentment. Everything had started about 8 months ago, when our relationship was dying down. We stopped talking and communicating with each other. Getting into fights more times than not. The other guardians would sit back and watch our verbal fights sometimes turn physical. That of course is when they would interfere. It wasn't good for anyone for us to go at it like that. Snapping and cussing at each other like animals. But things really got bad when I found out terrible news one day. Jamie had died in a car crash along with Sophie in the passenger seat. Their car was hit by a drunk driver. Jamie was 19 at the time… Sophie was 15. So young. But they were taken from us. It took a toll on Bunny and I both. Feeling more crushed then I ever had. I was so ready to die. Just done. Bunny acted as though he didn't even care. All he did was morn for Sophie and feel bad for himself. I was so close to ending myself from the depression I felt. Tooth saved me, talked me out of it. When I told Bunny about what I was going to do he became angry. Wondering why I hadn't come to him for help. When I told him why and that he was too caught up in the past of Sophie's death, that he made me leave the Warren. Just told me to get out. Which I did. I hadn't been back there since. So years pass o. f us being in a very hostile relationship, it was never ending fights all night, tears, and remorse. We never kissed, never hugged, we didn't do anything anymore. I still can't remember the last time I told him or he told me 'I love you.'

We thought we could work it out. And we were on the way actually to getting the relationship back. But that's when I fucked up big time. He told me one day when we got into a fight that I should have killed myself. It killed me. He apologized countless times, saying that he didn't mean it. I knew he didn't. But I wanted him to eat his own words for once. So I faked my own death. It broke him. I could see his heart shatter before my very eyes. The heart break was more visible than you could ever imagine. When I decided to make my reappearance I showed up in front of him and shouted 'Gottcha!'.

He responded by ripping the heart he gave me right off my neck and leaving after saying the four words… "It's not yours anymore."

I froze. I couldn't speak. I stood there in my stance, breathing heavily as though I had just run for miles. Finally when the shock was too much for me I broke down crying. Not caring who might be watching. I lied on the frozen ground for hours. Just crying. I couldn't think straight or about anything else except for the fact that Bunny was officially done with me. Had no more to do with me. Didn't want me anymore.

I'd come to accept that now as I sit here on the beach of frozen lake Pennsylvania. The soft but cold sand felt strange under my hands and feet, comforting but still a very unfamiliar texture to me. I lie in it. Letting it cover my feet and left hand. I stared up into the dark blue white flurried sky. Snow was falling gently everywhere, covering the solid lake with a thin coat of white little spots. It never stopped. I actually started hating snow. Because I hated myself. I couldn't stand looking at my reflection because I feel as though Bunny should be next to me in it. But he wasn't. I felt so alone. Like the way I was almost 50 years ago now.

I wondered if there was any way to resign as a Guardian. Maybe after time I could turn in my membership or whatever. I didn't have fun anymore and that's what I was protecting wasn't it? If I couldn't feel passionate about something how was I supposed to protect it? I couldn't. That was the truth. Plus I couldn't face Bunny or any of them again anyway. I hadn't seen any of them in a month at least. I bet some of them worried about me. Not Bunny of course. I don't think he'd care if I lived or died. Not that I would ever find out. He was still the best gentleman I knew.

I was still madly in love with him, even though he no longer loved me. Through all of the fighting and shouting I still wanted him. He was my Pooka. Whether he cared or not. I would always want him and him alone. No one more. I prayed that we would come back together, but the chances of that happening were so very slim.

I wish I could hold his hand again, to be able to breathe in his wonderful scent. Run my fingers through his grey fur. And bury my face into the crook of his neck.

The thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I let them fall. Not trying to hold back in the least. I didn't need to. I was all alone on the icy sandy beach anyway.

The snow continued to cover the ice and sand in a blanket of white. For the first time in my existence I wanted it to be spring. But at the same time I was reluctant of its arrival. It would remind me of the glowing green warren, with all of the eggs running around us, the smell of new grass and flowers filling the air. I wanted to go back to there so badly. But to see Bunny and the heart that was once mine would have been too much for me.

I missed the heart. I was lonely without it. I felt naked without the chain and the beautiful jewel hanging around my neck. I missed the way it sparkled like Bunny's eyes when he was happy. Or the way it would glow different colors when he would tell me he'd love me. The way it would become heated when Bunny kissed me. And the way it would thump occasionally when he'd hold me close to him… But I failed in taking care of it. I failed the heart. I failed Bunny. I failed myself. Though yet still, I'd cut off my right hand to have the heart back. Just like I'd cut off both of my hands and feet just to have Bunny back. I wouldn't even mind begging on all fours for him back. I had considered doing so, but it probably would have made Bunny madder.

No matter what the price I'd do it to get him back. But I messed up, just fucked up everything that we ever tried to build. I really did hope he'd find someone else, someone better than me. Someone who was caring, loving, sweet, and someone that wouldn't break his heart.

I shut my eyes, letting the tears fall one after one down my frozen cheek and sighed. Maybe we weren't meant to be anyway. Maybe we were just both lonely, seeking someone to comfort us. Maybe what we felt was false. Just our emotions playing jokes on us… Maybe we were nothing to begin with.

The last thought left me brain dead, completely lost in depressing thought. All that could be heard was the echoing sound of tiny whimpers that came from my mouth, amid the falling snow…

A/N: Next chapter will be the epilogue, the last chapter of the book. Please review.