Disclaimer: Degrassi belongs to the original creators. I'm just amusing myself while all of my favorite couples fall apart on the show! No big deal :p
Maya sighed as she slowly placed her books in her locker, preparing for the full day of classes ahead of her. Her current bad mood felt fitting for the particular cold, gloomy, and rainy day in Toronto—if there was one thing Maya hated, it was the rain. Maybe it was due to the uncomfortable feeling of being soaked in your once dry clothes, the way puddles would splash against her leg once she unknowingly stepped into a deceitful deep one, or the fact that her umbrellas always broke after a little while of using them. But Maya knew that the primary reason above all the others involved the sad tone rain brings to a day. The consistent flow of rain reminded her of tears and sadness, both of which had been following her around since Cam's suicide attempt. Maya chuckled humorlessly as she tried to desperately push any thoughts about it out of her mind; she sort of succeeded by managing to focus on violently pushing her books into her locker, creating tons of noise that attracted the rest of the students walking down the halls. Their whispers didn't bother her though-she had enough problems to deal with. Her frustrating thoughts halted once she noticed a hand grip her open locker, the person it belonged to appearing from behind the door with incredibly concerned eyes.
She wiped her eyes and played with her ponytail, pretty much anything to distract Cam from seeing her upset. Putting her own hand on the locker, she met his gaze and spoke softly. "Hey." Her forced smile didn't put Cam's mind at ease at all. All he could do was stare at her, his eyes surveying every part of her face before settling on her eyes. "How are you feeling?" he took a step closer, hesitating before lifting his hand to swipe her cheek gently.
Maya closed her eyes at the contact, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. No matter how long they are together, she really didn't think the feeling would ever go away when he touched her. "I'm alright," she replied smoothly, really trying to convince him of her words. "I practiced the cello for like three hours straight…I was exhausted. I just had to go to bed right after dinner. My mind just couldn't take it anymore." Quickly thinking of something comforting to say, Maya smiled when she tried to make a joke. "The notes were literally dancing on the page. Break dancing, doing the salsa…whatever. They just couldn't stop moving. Started making me feel dizzy." Laughing lightly, Maya faced her locker and hoped she didn't completely embarrass herself.
Despite the severity of the situation and his own struggling mood, Cam couldn't resist the snort that came out of his mouth. He cleared his throat, quickly covering it up and met Maya's eyes again, his heart feeling at ease when he saw the simple smile on her face.
"I appreciate you liking my jokes you know," she spoke while choosing a book for her next class and turned around quickly surprising both herself and Cam for the quick kiss she gave him.
With a faint blush appearing on his face, he replied instantly. "Anytime." The statement was simple but both teenagers knew better than to take it at surface value—it sounded more like an earnest promise, a positive lifesaver to hold onto during the difficult and sometimes hopeless situation they found themselves in.
Taking a step back to briefly check her locker, she decided to bring up the conversation neither of them wanted to have. "You have practice today?" She really tried to deliver those words as nonchalantly as possible, but her true feelings about the situation tinged them with a sad and straining quality.
Not wanting to lie, Cam shrugged his shoulders and grudgingly confirmed her question. "Yeah, I do." His eyes lingered on her still frame, expecting a negative reaction, but Maya surprised him.
"Okay, I have practice too. I have to do the same routine with the cello." Her gaze never left the locker as she spoke. An outsider would interpret the simple action to be Maya's way of casually telling Cam of her afternoon plans, but it was the furthest thing from it. She knew the words that left her mouth were a lie—she wanted Cam to think she was home playing the cello when in fact she would be at the rink watching him. Witnessing Cam's first practice back could be a really great way to calm her nerves about the situation or just be a monumental disaster. Maya was ready for both possibilities.
Maybe it was the fact that they had been dating for several months now, but Cam could see right through her. He didn't exactly know what was wrong, which was clear when his eyes flickered to her covered arm, immediately assuming something that had been causing him anxiety lately.
Maya felt his hand grab her arm, firmly pushing her owl-covered sleeve up to expose her forearm. Carefully running his free hand across it, Cam sighed in relief when he didn't see any scars.
"Cam?" inquired Maya almost desperately. She had an idea of why he was inspecting her arm, but it made her feel sick. "I didn't do anything to myself, okay? I practiced my cello, which really helped me take my mind off of things." She waited patiently for Cam to drop her arm and look her in the eye.
"I just thought…I'm sorry," he turned his gaze to the floor with a feeling of shame weighing down on him. He felt Maya's hand grab his chin, tilting his head up. She opened her mouth to express her understanding, but the loud bell frightened the two teens and forced them apart.
Maya silently cursed the bell as she watched Cam glance behind her nervously. "I better get to homeroom. I'll see you in French?" He waited for Maya to confirm his question with a small nod and then leaned in to give her a gentle kiss. She didn't watch him walk down the hall; instead, choosing to shut her locker and press her forehead against the cool metal. She wondered if watching Cam's practice would really be the best idea…
ooooooooooooooooo
Despite any doubts Maya possessed, she still made her way to Degrassi's new ice rink after school. Her movements were extremely careful, almost stealth like as she tip toed through the door and sat on the first bench at the top of the rink's tiered seating. The seat was perfect for watching Cam without any chance of being spotted by a member of the team. Once settled, her brown eyes shifted back and forth between the frantic skating of the players; she found Cam's number and followed it faithfully, making sure to catch every movement. For the first five minutes of being a spectator, Maya began to feel silly for spying on the practice in the first place. After all, the sight in front of her simply consisted of numerous hockey players hitting a puck from one side of the rink to the other—Cam leading of course—but nothing special aside from that.
Maya almost left before the real action began, which thankfully and not so thankfully, she witnessed. It started off innocently enough—the coach blowing his whistle and calling Trent's name, Trent skating toward Cam, the sound of the whistle to begin the practice again, and finally Cam slamming Trent against the wall. Taking off her glasses, Maya rubbed her eyes and blinked a couple times to make sure she correctly saw what just happened. If the team and the coaches prying the two shouting boys apart was any indication, then Maya could definitely be sure that she didn't need a new prescription.
Shocked and frightened, Maya viewed the hectic scene without moving an inch until Cam roughly freed himself from Mike and Owen's grip and abruptly skated toward the exit—it was her signal to move as fast as she could down the stairs, around the rows of bleachers, and through the left side of the rink towards the locker room.
Seeing the flash of a petite blonde hurrying towards the locker room kept any member of the team from following, so it left Maya and Cam alone. Panting heavily, Maya crossed the threshold in time to see Cam throw his helmet against the lockers followed by a punch that left a deep dent behind. All she could do was cover her mouth in horror and watch as Cam became increasingly more violent, hitting anything in plain sight. His behavior influenced her decision to keep her distance as she began to plead with him. "Cam, stop!"
Rapidly twisting around to face her, Cam couldn't rein his anger in before speaking to her. "What the hell are you doing here?"
With wide eyes, Maya shook her head in disbelief at the tone he was using with her. He's just frustrated. This isn't him. Chanting the thought continuously helped Maya gain the strength to face this conversation. "Apparently, I'm watching you have a complete meltdown. What are you thinking?" Her voice rose dangerously, surprising Cam slightly.
His breathing began to slowly return to a healthy pace, but his temper remained the same. "You don't even know what happened out there, so don't come in here to judge me." The harsh words fell out of his mouth rapidly, his feet following the quick pace until he stopped inches away from Maya's face. "This is how I'm choosing to deal with this situation, so if you don't mind I want to continue without an audience. "The leftover adrenaline from the fight with Trent crept into every word and kept him from realizing exactly whom he was talking to.
His sarcasm hit her like acid, leaving her resentful of the boy in front of her. Before she could process her actions, Maya pushed Cam backwards and maneuvered herself quickly around him while he caught his balance. A loud bang behind her caused her to quicken her pace toward an empty bench. When silence finally settled between them, Maya bravely turned around to catch a glimpse of Cam's hunched figure against the lockers. She stared at the way his back rapidly rose and fell for a long time, taking her own time to calm down and process what just happened. Neither of them spoke for a while until Cam turned around and timidly walked toward the bench where a dazed Maya sat. He flinched when she scooted over to avoid being too close to him, but he sat down anyway. When Maya made no effort to speak, Cam pulled one sleeve of his hockey jersey up, grasping the rubber band that adorned his wrist with his free hand and began pulling it. His pace was steady and mechanic; it was the only thing he could do to release his current distress without raising his voice again.
The consistent sharp, snapping sounds alerted Maya to glance at Cam; she was incredibly cautious around him at first, but when she noticed what Cam was doing to himself, she couldn't resist covering the hand that tugged at the rubber band. His motions paused, causing a labored sigh to leave Maya's lips. She rubbed the spot on his wrist before moving her hand up to latch onto his. Both had turned their faces forward and sat quietly—the only sign of a communication between the two were their connected hands.
Helpless and unsure, Maya tentatively murmured her words. "You scared me."
Cam closed his eyes as he sadly agreed with her. "I know." Due to the regret that settled upon him, a heavy burdensome feeling, he could only offer a simple apology. "I'm sorry."
Releasing her hand from his, Maya placed both hands on the edge of the bench and leaned over. "I know that you probably don't want to talk about it right now and that's fine. I think you need time to cool off. But, we are going to eventually, okay?"
He managed to nod slowly, braving a quick glance in her direction, which turned into a more permanent eye lock between the two of them. He didn't tear his eyes away from her once as she spoke.
"I'm not leaving this locker room without you." Her eyes begged him to agree; she knew if they didn't leave together Cam would do something to hurt himself.
His eyes lingered on hers for a minute before he stood up and wordlessly packed up his things. After his behavior, he owed her this much.
"I'll be right outside this door when you're ready." She stood up, slowly walked towards the back door of the locker room, and looked at him one last time before disappearing. Once she was gone, Cam didn't hesitate to start changing. His mind raced as he put all of his gear into his locker; he felt numb and disappointed in himself. He lost control the same way he had lost it with Zig that day of the Degrassi games, and the thought of possessing no control over his next burst of rage terrified him. He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a light knock from the other side of the door. Grabbing his bag and jacket, he didn't look back as he walked out of the locker room.
His eyes flickered in Maya's direction before focusing on the floor. Maya carefully wrapped her arm around his free one, leading him down the hallway and into the foyer where they would wait for his mom to pick him up. No words were spoken between them.
A/N: Ooh. I know—that was a little intense, but I thought the drama would wake you all up a bit lol. Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading and reviewing!