Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi
"What's on your mind?" The slightly balding, middle-aged man questioned Cam kindly, his hand hovering over a fresh new page of a notebook filled with notes of Cam's sessions.
Meeting the psychologist's eyes briefly, Cam settled his gaze on the notebook that he desperately wished he could read. Maybe getting a glimpse of it would help him understand what's wrong with him—if that was even possible, considering how monumentally screwed up he felt. Channeling his frustration into words, Cam began to stutter nervously. "I …um." He paused to look at the whimsical cat clock adorning the simple office—only five minutes of the session had passed so far. Taking time to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, Cam frantically begged himself to be honest about what happened earlier today. The words that left his mouth didn't really do what happened justice, but it was a start. "I lost control of my temper with someone I really care about." He began to fiddle with his hands as his voice softened with his next words, "My girlfriend."
The psychologist offered him a nod of understanding before quickly scribbling down a few words into the notebook. "Maya," he stated kindly, "We've discussed her quite a lot. If I remember correctly, she is one of your biggest support systems and from what you have described about her I don't think you have anything to worry about."
Cam understood that Dr. Wilton was trying to help him feel better, and even though he appreciated the gesture greatly, he couldn't allow himself to believe the comforting words. "Some part of her may understand and not hold what happened against me, but how many times can this happen before she gives up and leaves me? She doesn't deserve any of this." Saying the words aloud made him feel a thousand times worse—probably because vocalizing them makes the thoughts frighteningly real.
Dr. Wilton put his pen down to address Cam. "Worrying about whether your struggles will drive those close to you away is a futile effort, Cam. You have a genuine medical condition that is no way your fault. It just takes time, patience, and care to cope with it. All you can do is keep moving on, no matter the setback. When you feel despair allow yourself time to deal with the strong emotions until they subside. Look at you now—the feelings that drove you to try to commit suicide are no longer as extreme; they calmed down and eventually with the medication, counseling, and time you will be able to manage your moods in a much better way. It can only get better. Remember that."
The doctor's sincere words eased Cam's uncertainty, allowing him for the first time that day to truly believe that everything was not falling apart. He just wishes that he could experience these moments more often, instead of the depressing, bitter thoughts that invaded his mind. Time would be the only thing to help. Cam just wanted time to go faster…
0000
While Cam dealt with therapy, Maya sat alone in the middle of a crowded Dot taking turns drinking and staring at her vanilla bean frappucino. She didn't even drink coffee, but after what happened with Cam, she had no problem starting now. She sighed deeply and slouched in her seat, letting her thoughts drift to Cam. They didn't speak to each other after the blow out in the locker room, choosing instead to awkwardly wait in silence for Cam's mom to give him a ride to therapy. It was hard to find something to say when all she could feel was hurt, frustration, and fatigue. She never expected Cam to magically recover after his suicide attempt, but she really never realized how difficult the effort to cope with his mental health would be. In that moment, her eyes fell on the laughing couple that just entered the Dot hand in hand. Eli and Clare couldn't keep the smiles off their faces as they continued to chat happily and survey the menu. Maya watched them in both awe and envy at how carefree they could be. While she became acquaintances with both Clare and Eli through Tristan's involvement with Romeo and Jules, she still didn't quite know too much about either of them as individuals or as a couple. Most of what she did know was gossip through Tristan and Tori, and the majority of it she really didn't want to believe. How could the pair be standing before so happily now if at one point in time Eli crashed his car just to prove his love for Clare? It just didn't seem possible. But then again, no one would look at her or Cam and predict that they were dealing with the issues of suicide and depression as a couple—more like dealing with the dorky, awkward first time couple issues, which they still were and probably always will be. She kept her eyes focused on the pair, speculating about their history until a pair of bright, blue eyes met hers. Maya froze, quickly grabbing her frappucino and refocusing her gaze on the window in hopes of avoiding Clare's eyes.
Clare caught the shy blonde looking at her and Eli curiously, and was about to wave but quickly chose not to once Maya quickly broke eye contact. Frowning, Clare faced Eli who held out her herbal tea, while wearing his own confused expression. "What's with the long face blue eyes? You were just laughing at my hilarious joke a minute ago."
Taking the tea from his hand, Clare rolled her eyes. "Ego much, Goldsworthy?" She shook her head playfully at him before falling into a serious expression. "I just saw Maya looking at us and tried to wave, but she turned away before I could." Clare reached for Eli's hand and tugged it gently, "We should go say hi, Eli. She's been having a rough time—I've been meaning to talk to her for a while now."
Eli's adopted a similar expression as Clare once the severity of her words hit him. He like the rest of the school couldn't forget about Cam's suicide attempt and he especially could relate considering his own mental health issues. Nodding softly, Eli smiled gently at her as he squeezed her hand that gripped his affectionately. "You want to give advice to the next generation of Eli and Clare's?" He grinned playfully, trying to ease the tension of the situation.
"If you mean couples who have gone through hell and back together and remain in one piece then yes. We made it through. They are no different, right?" Her words lingered between the two of them as they took a moment to gaze into each other's eyes, both experiencing painful flashbacks of some troubling moments in their history together. Neither liked to dwell too much on their past struggles, but it was impossible to forget them altogether.
Wanting to rid his thoughts of the haunting memories of his own mental breakdown, Eli stepped closer to Clare and kissed her gently. "Let's go say hi then, eh?"
His kiss warded off the bleak memories and brought her back to the much happier, stable present—something that she thanked God every day for.
Smiling once more at each other, the couple began to make their way over to Maya's table where they found a visibly agitated Maya. Clare noted the dark circles lining the blonde's seemingly tired eyes, and she felt a wave of sympathy for the girl. It's like she was looking into a mirror. "Hey Maya," she greeted.
Snapping out of her trance, Maya turned to find Eli and Clare smiling at her. "Hi," replied a slightly nervous Maya. She wasn't sure why the upperclassmen were acknowledging her.
"Mind if we sit?" Asked Eli. Once Maya nodded, both Clare and Eli pulled out two chairs and settled into their seats. Clare immediately spoke. "Listen Maya, I hope this isn't weird of me, but I've been wanting to see how you've been doing for a while now." Clare hesitated, unable to find the right way to bring up Cam.
Maya noticed her struggle and helped, "About Cam." It wasn't a question.
Eli jumped into the conversation, "We wanted to see how you both were doing. I've been there, Maya. I understand where Cam is coming from." He smiled sadly, his eyes suddenly drifting off as his thoughts lead him to an unhappier place in his life.
Maya quietly acknowledged Eli's expression with curiosity and familiarity—she saw the same look on Cam's face so many times. Something in her snapped, "You two went through a similar situation right?" The words were out of her mouth before she could even process them, leaving her embarrassed. "I'm so sorry," apologized Maya, "I didn't mean to…"
Clare signaled Maya to stop, "It's okay. Really Maya."
She placed her hand on top of Eli's arm, prompting him to speak up. "I'm dealing with bipolar disorder, and I put this girl through a lot of pain before and after being diagnosed. No matter how bad things may seem…it only gets better." He nodded encouragingly at Maya, simultaneously trying to reassure himself of the words.
Maya's immense gratitude for his words and the comforting presence of the couple inspired her to confess her troubles to them. "Cam and I had a huge fight today. He lost his temper, and he…" She met the worried gazes of both Clare and Eli before finishing, "…scared me. It's killing me to see him like this. How did you two deal?"
Taking a moment to search for the right words, Clare voiced her advice to the scared girl sitting across from her. "It's always important to be healthy. Maintaining a distance when the time is right helped me and Eli." Clare felt Eli grip her hand harder at the memory of them breaking up. "You should encourage him to find professional help and remain optimistic about his recovery. It doesn't happen in an instant or easily, and things never disappear—it just defines you as a couple. How you deal with it and help each other."
Clare's words soothed Maya's torn heart. "I really needed to heart that," she confessed quietly. "Thank you."
Clare and Eli smiled. "Anything you need," Eli offered, "We're here. Tell Cam too, okay?"
Maya eagerly accepted the offer, "I definitely will, thanks guys."
Clare and Eli offered Maya another bright smile before saying their goodbyes. Watching them leave, Maya realized that despite the struggles they dealt with, they were still a normal couple. It gave her hope.
A/N: I know….I'm soooo sorry! My life has gotten so crazy, and it's been very hard for me to update. However, I'm still here, and I hope you all like this chapter! I had to include some Eclare, because I adore them! BTW did you all see the latest Degrassi…why? I'll just leave it at that. Plus, I can't believe they are not bringing Tori back for the new season, choosing instead to introduce a bunch of new characters whom we don't know or care about. You never know who is going to disappear into oblivion on that show, and it's so frustrating! Remember Kendra? Lol Anyway, thanks for reading! :)