Dear Diary
Tonight went than I had expected, we made it to Merlot's at about nine and I was shocked to find out that Tara planned a welcome home party in my honor. So many people from my childhood and school years came that I actually started to feel like myself that was until Jason walked in and my shame and guilt washed over me again. I honestly didn't think he would show up let alone speak to me and when he threw his arms around me I flinched a little, I didn't deserve his forgiveness I know that much he is the only family I have and I allowed my fear to come between us. A few tears were shed but true to his nature Jason kissed my cheek and shouted for everyone to party, we had drinks and talked about when we were younger enjoying each other's company like we did in high school. The night got even better when Eric Northman came into the bar wearing a pair of fitted blue jeans and a gray t shirt that showed off his masculine body I couldn't help but gasp when I saw him and it didn't go unnoticed, Tara elbowed me "Sook what was that" she whispered I giggled at her reaction "I'm only human" I said with a smile as Eric came to join us. The conversation was light kids, work, jobs the usual stuff. Andy asked Tara to dance causing a chain reaction in our group Jason found a young girl and pulled on her the dance floor along with a few others leaving Eric and I alone at the table, we sat in an awkward silence for what seemed like forever before he took my hand and pulled me to me feet. I have no clue what song was playing as the sound of my heart racing filled my ears and I melted into his eyes, we swayed to the music while his hands cradled around my waist and mine around his neck. It wasn't until Tara tapped my shoulder that we noticed the music had stopped and our group was back at the table, Eric laughed as he led me by my hand back to our table where he sat next to me. The rest of the night went smoothly and I actual felt whole when Bill showed up around midnight and joined us he filled us in on his life and I felt so at ease just listening to how well everyone had done for themselves, that was until Bill asked me how I came to be back in town alone. I panicked my chest felt tight as I excused myself to the bathroom of course Tara followed "Sookie you're ok it's ok just breath" she fluttered her hands at me, "why did he have to bring him up" I said with my back to her. I had made it through the night actually enjoying myself for once and that quick I am a hot mess hiding in the bathroom, "Sookie I'm sure he was just fishing to see if you were single or not you know he has always had a thing for you" Tara said smiling at me. We made our way back to the table but the damage was done I could feel everyone staring at me and the conversation was slow so I stood and said goodbye to everyone giving the excuse that I had a lot of things to do in the morning and I headed home.
Sookie made it halfway to her car when Bill came running up behind her she heard his footsteps coming and she froze, her heart raced and her mind went back to her honeymoon. She planned the night down to the very last rose pedal hoping the perfect honeymoon would mean the perfect marriage but she couldn't have been more wrong, they boarded the private plane and headed for Italy he kept telling her it was one of the most romantic places in the world his father had taken him there when he was younger and he loved the buildings and the people.
She had never been on a plane before and she was terrified of the long flight she was about to take, even after he assured her everything would be fine her stomach stayed in knots and she felt sick the entire time so when he kissed her and pushed his hand up her dress she had to tell him she didn't feel up to it. His face said it all the anger and disappointment poured over her, he shoved her to the floor of the plane and rolled her on her stomach pushing her dress up over her head.
He enjoyed the sounds of her screaming and crying as he raped her for the next several hours, when he finally finished he leaned down pushing toward her dress covered head and told her to stay still until he told her she could move. The pain she was feeling was more than enough to make her stay still but the fear is what kept her there even when the he called the flight attendant into the cabin to prepare dinner she knew she would be sorry if she moved an inch.
Two hours passed and her body was feeling stiff and cold on the floor she was counting the hours until the flight ended and she hoped he was finished proving his point by then and would allow her to clean up before they exited the plane. While she laid there feeling completely humiliated she knew she had to leave him and she told herself she would as soon as the opportunity came, she heard him moving around behind her and her body tensed she prayed he wasn't going to rape her again and when she smelled his cologne hovering above her she started to cry.
"Get up and fix yourself" he said pulling her dress off of her head and yanking her to her feet, she didn't dare look him in his face she knew he would be begging and crying for her to forgive him soon enough he would be telling her he would never do it again and blame his temper. She turned and walked to the bathroom passing the flight attendant on her way there, the older woman handed her two warm towels and a packet that held two Tylenol before she closed the bathroom door.
That small act of mercy from a total stranger reassured her fear that things were bad and they would only get worse, Sookie stayed in the bathroom as long as she could just waiting for the flight to end and even when the plane descended and threw her around the small bathroom she felt safer than she would have being buckled into a seat anywhere near him. The ride to the hotel was quiet and she was thankful for it the sound of his voice would only bring tears and she needed to stay angry with him or she would just end up forgiving him again.
They were in the hotel room for less than an hour when he walked up behind her kissing her on the neck, the feeling of his lips on her skin made her feel sick and her body grew tense as he lingered she wanted to be far from him and she knew what was coming. He fell to his knees in front of her "baby I'm sorry so sorry I understand if you want to leave me but I love you so much I will die without you please forgive me please" and his tear fell thick and steady down his face.
Sookie didn't say a word as he held her hands in his kissing them and begging for forgiveness, she didn't even put up a fight when he laid her on the bed and made love to her she had already made up her mind she was leaving. They made love and he took her out for a beautiful dinner where she continued to be silent she could tell her silence was bothering him but at this point she just couldn't care, she ate her food and walked back to the hotel and washed up for bed still not saying a word.
She put on her usual night clothes even though she had packed many other more attractive options she climbed into bed and rolled on her side facing away from him. Clearly she was sending him a message that she had no interest in being sexual with him he had broken her somewhere deep inside long ago but now she had finally had enough, he leaned over her kissing the top of her head before he climbed into bed and she waited. His breathing was labored and deep and he hadn't moved in a while so Sookie climbed out of bed and slipped on her shoes before running from the room, she ran to the elevator pressing the button over and over before she finally took the stairs.
Every step she took echoed making her feel anxious she ran faster than she ever had before in her life, when she reached a door on the bottom floor marked exit she jumped through it and out into the alley behind the hotel. She stopped to take a breath but knew she couldn't be still for too long so she ran up the alley and when she turned the corner she could have sworn she heard his footsteps. Suddenly something slammed against her head it was him she knew it, she tried to stop herself from falling she told her legs to run but her knees buckled and she was face down on the concrete.
He stood over her cursing and yelling as the blood pooled around her on the ground, she lay there listening to him yell when everything started to spin around her and then blackness took over. Sookie could hear the nurses talking to her husband she heard him tell his lies "she slipped in the bathroom and hit her head," he begged her to make me better and explained that it was our honeymoon as he held her hand and cried his fake tears.
Bill touched her shoulder and she fell to the ground covering her head with her hands and crying "Sookie Sookie are you ok," he fell to his knees beside her wrapping his arms around her and rocking. When she realized that it was him she jumped from the ground brushing the wet dirt from her knees and feeling totally embarrassed, "oh gosh sorry I'm sorry Bill I lost my balance that's all" she said keeping her tear filled eyes on the ground as she turned and walked toward her car.
He didn't follow her or ask any questions instead he watched her climb into her car and pulled out of the parking lot without looking back, Sookie drove home quickly wanting to feel the safety of the locks on the windows and doors. She knew if he really wanted to get to her he could get into the house but it was better to know he was coming than have him sneak up on her, she looked at her hands as they shook when she unlocked the door the fear of walking into an empty home all alone was creeping up on her.
Sookie couldn't help but wonder where he was right now what he was doing and if he really was going to let her go, the wondering kept her aware she knew to check the back seat of her car before she got in and she always left lights on in her home. Thanks to her fear she left the shower curtain and closet doors throughout the house open, and always locked the door to her bedroom when she was slept, she took no chances when it came to him she learned long ago that he was capable of many things including killing her.
It took a few hours for Sookie to calm down she laid in bed feeling like a crazy person, she took off in the middle of her own party and freaked out in the parking lot, at least it was Bill that saw her breakdown he had seen her loose it many times before. She pulled the blankets over her head and squeezed her eyes shut trying to push the crazy out of her mind and found herself thinking about Eric, she remembered how his arms felt around her, the way he looked at her and the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed and she found herself relaxed as she drifted off to sleep.
Dear Diary
I woke up this morning feeling more relaxed than I have in a long time, I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat on the porch swing for about an hour just listening to the world around me and I felt so free in that moment and I hope it is a sign that my life can finally start again. My coffee was interrupted when the phone rang I answered it and couldn't help but feel giddy it was Eric Northman, he was calling to check on me after last night he actually said he couldn't sleep a wink he wanted to know if I was ok so he called Tara this morning and asked for my number. I smiled at the thought of him lying in bed thinking of me and I had to push that out of my mind before I got to excited, we talked for about twenty minutes and just before we hung up he asked me out to dinner tonight. I HAVE A DATE WITH ERIC NORTHMAN!
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