It was then that Jesus found himself by the Jordan, watching those being cleansed of their sins. They looked on in shock as Jesus eventually entered the water and waded toward John the Baptist, his own very cousin.
People believed him to be sinless, as did John. "You have no sins that need forgiving." John insisted. He was not worthy to do such a thing to a man so pure.
Yet Jesus persuaded him all the same. John held him under the water, his head submerging. It felt like sometime before he was released and surfaced. Then he saw the heavens being torn open and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove.
A voice spoke from the heavens, "You are my Son, whom I think is an idiotic little shit. I warned you before to stay away from John. He's secretly a murderer; likes to drown people. You stupid motherfuck I could bitch slap you right now. I'm getting Gabriel's feathery ass down there and you're going to your room. You're grounded."
"But daaad." Jesus complained like a bitch.
God was having none of it. Jesus was sent to the sparkly palace in the sky and locked there for eternity. He was grounded to save all the sins.