If Castiel didn't have memories of Dean and him having sex in that dirty motel room he could have sworn it never happened. It is obvious that Dean doesn't fully trust him, he knows that Castiel isn't being completely truthful and his best way of dealing with it is too avoid him.

Yet, on that particular day there seemed to be many more unspoken problems than just Dean's suspicions. When Dean and Sam came back from finally getting rid of the cost they've been hunting, there is a heavy silence between them. They return with coffee and greasy fast food and when they lay the food on the table, Sam's fingers brushes Dean's and the older brother quickly yanks his hand away. Sam frowns at the action but doesn't comment on it.

Dean grabs the third bag off the table and turns to Castiel. "Hey, you hungry?"

"I'm never hungry," Castiel tells him bluntly.

Dean rolls his eyes and sets the food back on the table. "Just eat the damn food, Cas."

The angel rises from the couch and goes to sit with the Winchesters, dumping the contents of his bag on the table and spilling the fries everywhere.

"Smooth," Dean mumbles under his breath and Sam shoots a glare at him.

Castiel quickly puts all the French fries back into the container and grabs one of the coffees. Sam unwraps his burger and lifts the bun to check that everything he wanted was there. Castiel mimics Sam's actions even though he doesn't know what should be in a burger in the first place. When Sam shoves a few fries into his mouth, Castiel begins to nibble on his own and when he sees Dean dip his fries in ketchup he reaches across the table to put his half eaten fry in the red liquid. Dean makes a face, sticks his hand into his burger bag and pulls out a handful of ketchup packs which he then throws at Castiel.

They eat in relative silence, it makes Castiel a little uneasy as they usually have already picked a new case to work on or at least a direction to start driving in at this point. Instead Dean keeps his eyes firmly glued on his food and doesn't speak to his brother. Sam's eyes keep glances up at Dean and occasionally he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out.

Hm, Lucifer hums idly, do you think perhaps, the reason you never went after Dean was because Sam so obviously wants in his pants?

"What?" Castiel sputters, choking on a mouthful of coffee.

Dean and Sam both look up from their meals and Castiel accidently spills his cup. Dean cusses and lifts his burger up just before the brown puddles reaches it. Sam grabs a handful of paper towels from the counter and wipes it across the mess. "Are you okay, Cas?"

"Yes, yes, just-" Castiel coughs again. "It was much hotter than I had anticipated."

That was crude, Lucifer. Why would you say something like that?

Please tell me you are not so oblivious that you don't see it.

They're brothers.

You'd be surprised how little that matters.

Castiel looks between the two brothers and though the tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife, he found it hard to imagine it had anything to do with sex.

Sam finishes cleaning up Castiel's mess and it's only then that Castiel realizes that he didn't help clean up the spill. Sam tosses the dirty towels and in the garbage and then grabs his coat off the chair. "I'm…going to go out."

Dean's only response is to grunt and take another bite of his burger.

"Where are you going?" Castiel asks.

"Just out." Sam gives Castiel a tense smile. "Need some fresh air."

"Oh." Castiel looks over at Dean who doesn't show any interest in the conversation. "Well, we will see you later then."

Sam nods, slips on his jacket and rushes to the door.

"Is something wrong?" Castiel inquires ones he's sure Sam is out of hearing distance.

"No."

"It's just that you and Sam seem-"

"Just leave it alone, Cas."

"Is it…" Castiel trails off, unsure if he should press the issue. "Is it about me?"

Dean lets out a harsh laugh and rises from his chair. "Sam doesn't know about that."

Castiel frowns at the

way Dean refers to their night together but brushes it off. "Perhaps we should talk about it."

"What's there to talk about?" Dean shoves the garbage on the table into one of the take out bags.

"You've been…distant since then."

Dean rolls his eyes and tosses the bags into the trash. "I've been working a case."

"I am just concerned that you're upset."

"It's no big deal, Cas," Dean sighs. He yanks the fridge open and puts Sam's uneaten food in it.

"No big deal?"

"Yeah, I don't know why you're trying to turn it into one."

"I told you I loved you."

"Yeah." Dean slams the fridge door. "Which is why I spent the night with you instead of just bending you over and fucking you."

Castiel flinches at Dean's harsh tone and he's suddenly thrown back into the recesses of his mind as Lucifer takes over. Lightning fast hands knock Dean against the fridge, Castiel's hand wrapped tightly around his collar.

"If you ever speak to me like that again," Lucifer growls. Dean looks shocked for a moment before he tries to shove the angel off him.

"You'll do what?" Dean snaps. He's too weak to push the angel away and gives up with a frustrated sigh. Still Lucifer keeps his grip tight on Dean, still seething at the hunter's words. "What's wrong with you?"

"Me?" Lucifer laughs harshly. "You're the one that-"

"The old you never would have acted this way," Dean cuts him off.

Lucifer, let me handle this.

But-

Now. Castiel says firmly and for once his brother doesn't argue and quietly gives Castiel control again. Castiel releases his hold on Dean and steps back, eyes darting to the floor in apology. "I should not have acted like that."

Dean grits his teeth and his hands curl into fists at his sides. "You think you can just flash around your angel powers every time something doesn't go the way you want?"

"No, Dean I-"

Dean stops towards the door and ignores Castiel. "there's no point talking to if you're gonna slam me against something every time you don't like what you hear."

Castiel tries to go after him but Dean is already in his car by the time Castiel realizes he's slammed the door in the angel's face. For a second too long Castiel simply stares at the rickety door, sure that Dean will return any second and apology.

When he realizes that his hopes were foolishly placed he goes back to the table and picks at his cold, half eaten food. Behind him the door slowly creeks open and Sam's voice drifts in.

"What was that about?" Sam asks. "Dean nearly ran me over, pulling out of the parking lot."

"I thought you were going out."

"I just walked around the block." Sam shrugs off his coat and tosses on the bed. "What's Dean so upset about?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Sam sits down on his bed and kicks his shoes off. "…It wasn't about me, was it?"

"No, Sam," Castiel sadly shakes his head. "I'm afraid I might have pushed Dean a bit too far."

"No," Sam shakes his head. "It's my fault. I brought up a touchy subject after we roasted that ghost."

Touchy indeed.

Stop it, Lucifer.

"Whatever." Sam stands up from the bed and stretches his arms above his head. "Just you and me for a while, I guess."

"You don't think Dean will be back soon?"

Sam laughs and drops down into the chair next to Castiel. "I think Dean is going to get smashed a the closet bar and go home with the easiest red-head."

Castiel's heart drops at Sam's words, though he knows the hunter is only making a joke and has no idea what went on between his brother and Castiel a few nights ago, it still leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

"Hey," Sam nudges Castiel arm and gives him a warm smile. "Don't look so down, Dean never stays mad long."

Sam reaches into his bag and brings out an old ratty green book. "I guess I might as well finish this before I return to that professor I uh 'borrowed' it from. I have some other books, if you want to read anything?"

"No, I'll just sit here." Sam's smile twitches a little at Castiel's strange response but cracks open is book and doesn't mention it.

This is actually a perfect opportunity.

For what?

You're choice of Winchester was clearly a hit-and-miss. Perhaps it's time we tried things my way.

Pardon.

You wanted Dean. Lucifer tells him. Castiel understands the implications, he knows he would still be stealing sideway glances if he wasn't given a push. Castiel knows without Lucifer he wouldn't have Dean. And now I want him.

I can't do that to Sam. Castiel fidgets nervously with his coat, Sam looks up from his book after noticing the stretched out silence.

I have a feeling Sam wouldn't mind much. Lucifer laughs and it makes Castiel look up into Sam's eyes. He sees something there, a tiny spark before the hunter ducks his head back down into his book, something he had seen in Dean's eyes too. A small twinge of longing for something you don't deserve, Castiel is sure someone else would see the same look in his own eyes whenever the Winchesters were around.

I made my choice. Castiel says weakly.

And is it the right choice?

I don't know. He admits. I thought Dean had wanted me to but now…

He wasn't exactly a prince earlier, was he? Lucifer prompts.

It's more than that though. Sam and Dean they…

What is it?

The Winchesters are two sides of the same coin, they're not complete without the other and you can't simply choose one.

So greedy, Little Thursday. Now you want both of them? Lucifer laughs.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks, snapping Castiel back into reality.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You've seemed a little out of it since you got back," Sam points out. Sam's concern gives Castiel a warm feeling and he can't help the barely there smile that break across his lips.

"Are you worried about me?" Castiel moves his chair closer, barely even a few inches but Sam's whole demeanor changes with the slight change.

"Well," Sam coughs and closes his book. "Of course I am."

"I admit, things have been…strange the last few weeks."

"I bet." Sam gives him a small smile. "Are you remembering more?"

"Pieces come to me, a little more every day, but there are still some holes." Castiel chooses to not count that as a lie, instead of pieces he has nearly every memory back. Yet he knows if he admits to it that they will question him about what happened with Lucifer and he isn't ready to reveal that yet.

You could lean over right now, he's so close. Lucifer pushes.

Lucifer. He sighs tiredly.

"It'll come back," Sam assures him. "We'll help you."

Yes, he snorts, I bet you will.

Castiel shakes his head which makes Sam frown slightly, he probably thinks that Castiel is upset with him and Castiel is quick to correct it. "I know, I appreciate it. I was…I was lost without you two."

Castiel knows it sounds feeble and he can practically feel Lucifer roll his eyes at the comment. Yet it's completely true, he's spend the whole time he was away trying to find something and once he realized what that was he just couldn't rest till he found the Winchesters. At first he had thought it was only Dean he needed but when he was the pathetically tortured look on Sam's face when they returned from their hunt he realized that he wanted both of them to be happy. He wants to make Sam feel needed and he wants to make Dean feel safe.

Sam gets a sort of lopsided grin and his eyes drop down. "Well we're not going anywhere."

Oh, enough of this. Lucifer is doing it again, pushing Castiel aside and moving around in his skin. It's also so jarring when Lucifer does this, to have to watch your body move of its own accord, not being able to stop it.

"Sam," Lucifer says softly and he takes Sam's hand in his own. "You've always been so kind to me."

"It's hard not to be," Sam laughs.

"I don't know of many decent human beings." Lucifer leans in and Sam instinctively pulls back a little.

"You don't know many humans in general." Sam has a look in his eyes, he's picking up on 'Castiel's' intention yet at the same time denying it. Sam's hidden insecurities used to make Castiel ache, made him want to explain to Sam just how fantastic he really was. Now it just seemed like Lucifer was a lion drawing in a lamb.

Lucifer yanks on Sam's hand and pulls him in, tangles his hand in Sam's hair and slams their lips together. Castiel struggles against his brother, Lucifer just doesn't understand the Winchesters enough to know the damage he'll cause doing this. Lucifer pushes back and it causes Castiel to drift in and out. One moment their kissing at the table and the next there on the lumpy motel bed.

I don't want it to be like this. Castiel begs his brother. He feels the faintest sensation from Sam's touches and he can't deny he wants it, needs it, can't deny that it's something he's always thought about but it shouldn't happen this way. The least he can give Sam is all of him and anything less would an insult to a hunter who's already risked his life for the good of the world

Fine. A growl rings in his ears and he's snapped back into his body, feeling the weight of Sam above him and the hot press of his mouth of Castiel's neck. "Sam, wait."

Sam tenses and pulls back, pushes up onto his elbows and looks down at Castiel. The angel stares at the hunter in a way that would have disturbed anyone else. He runs his thumb over Sam's cheek but it doesn't chase away that look in his eyes, Sam who doesn't think he's good enough for another human must think he's an insect compared to Castiel.

The angel's heart clenches in empathy, he wants Sam to see himself the way Castiel sees him. He wants Sam to know just how worthy he is, that he deserves the stars themselves.

"I love you," Castiel blurts out. He expects Sam to pull away, expects that it's too much, too soon. Instead his eyes brighten and he smiles, he leans down and kisses Castiel's forehead, before moving down to kiss his neck.

Castiel decides he can worry about the repercussions later.

Castiel stares up at the ceiling, it's too dark for human eyes to see but Castiel counts every tiny dot in each tile.

Next to him, Sam sleep peacefully with his arm draped over Castiel's torso. Where Dean had rushed into sex, Sam had stopped them before they went much farther than kissing. Clearly concerned that Castiel should take something like that more slowly and insisted that there would be plenty of time for that later. Much to Lucifer's frustration they ended up spending more time talking than they did touching and after a long day Sam ended up just falling asleep next to him.

Now, it was close to three in the morning and Dean still hadn't returned.

Castiel's mind keeps repeating Sam's words and wondering if maybe that was what Dean was doing. As much as he realizes the rudeness of thinking of someone's brother while in bed with them, he couldn't help the panic that was slowly over taking him. Castiel carefully lifts Sam's off of him and stands, tossing one last look at the sleeping hunter before he leaves.

With most of him in tacked it is hard to remember what had made flying so difficult to him before. Such a simple concept; think of a place and be there, he thinks of Dean and finds himself, as Sam predicted, in front of the nearest bar. He opens the door and is hit with a wall of some and the smell of cheap booze.

"I hope you're not here for an apology," Dean snorts when Castiel finds him sitting at the bar and curled around a bottle of whisky.

"Have you been sitting here all night?"

"Most of it," Dean shrugs and pours himself another drink.

"Are Sam and I so awful to be around?"

Dean finishes his shot and slams the glass on the table. "Really not the place to be discussing this."

"Is this because my vessels male?"

Dean laughs at the way Castiel's voice drops into a whisper. "That's the least of my problems."

"Then what is the problem?"

"Look this 'thing' we have," Dean pours Castiel a drink but he doesn't take it, "if you're expecting it to create some deep, lasting change in me, then you are in for a disappointment. I'm the same jackass I was before we fucked."

"Oh," is all Castiel manages to say. A sour feeling creeps up on him, this is the moment that Dean tells him it was all a mistake.

"It's not going to be some epic romance," Dean starts before knocking back another shot. "It's not going to be some touchy-feely chick flick where we hold hands all day and give each other chocolate and give each other flowers every night."

"I don't believe that average couples behave like that…"

"Shut up, Cas," Dean rolls his eyes. "We're not a couple, I don't have time for that because the worlds ending. So if you're looking for a run of the mill human affair, you're going to have to find another motel room to crash in."

Panic rises up in Castiel's throat thinking this is the moment where Dean kicks him out and tells Castiel he isn't worth the effort of keeping him around. Dean strums his fingers against the table and frowns at Castiel's frazzled expression. "If you stay then you're going to have to accept that this is just the way it is for us."

Castiel's hope lightens slightly at the words. "But there is an us, then?"

"Hey, don't get all excited now." Dean chastises. Still he leans in and the look in Dean's eyes is authentic if not as soft as Castiel would have hoped. "But you're my family, Cas."

Do you have sex with all your family members? Lucifer chimes in after a long absence.

"And I…" Dean trails off and looks down to where Castiel's hands lay on the table. He hesitantly brushes the tips of his fingers over Castiel's palm, a barely there gesture that someone who didn't know Dean might have completely over looked. "I could get used to you sticking around for a while."

Castiel's face breaks into a grin, Dean clearly isn't used to such strong expression from the angel because the tiny smile he gives back is a strained. Castiel knows it isn't much and from anyone else it would have seemed insincere but Castiel knew that you couldn't reasonably expect a love confession from Dean Winchester unless someone was about to die.

"I'd like that," Castiel says softly.

"Great." Dean picks up another shot and slams it back. "Now, I'm going to drink and play pool till I chase this cheesy chick flick feeling away. You go fly off back to Sammy and try to keep out of trouble."

Dean grins at him before hoping off the bar stool and walking over to the pool table, throwing a thumbs up back at Castiel. The angel's happy feeling is quickly chased off with the mention of the younger Winchester, the one whose bed he had been in not an hour ago. Without the rush of lust coursing through his veins, the real weight of his actions settles over him.

You certainly know how to get yourself in to trouble, don't you?