Hey guys ;)
Not that proud of the chapter, but I hope you still like it ;)

Sarah X

It was almost time for lunch but I was about to perform a knee replacement. Normally, I would be quite relaxed as it was a standard procedure and I had done at least a hundred of them but this time it would be different. Because the patient was a 13 year old kid, so there would be a paediatric surgeon too, and of course, Arizona, as head of the department, had managed to scrub in with me, even though she knows that I don't want to see her. I can't see her, because it makes me angry, angry and sad. Because we lost something special. But I guess that's life. So I'm going to suck it up and be brilliant in the OR, like I normally am.

"You're going to be fine Callie, you don't have to look at her, just focus on the boy's knee. That's what you're supposed to do anyway. You're going in there and you rock, because you. are. an. amazing. surgeon. You're a rockstar, that's what you told Webber, remember? And now, for the love of god's sake, stop talking to yourself like a crazy old lady."

I washed and disinfected my hands before entering the OR. Normally I like the thrill you get when starting a surgery, today however, I'm looking forward to when it's over. Arizona was already ready to begin.

"Hello Calliope." I guess she tried to smile at me, I couldn't see it though because of her mask, but even if she was, it wasn't one of her 'super magic smiles.'

"Hey."

Beside Arizona, there were also Leah Murphy, a new intern, and two scrub nurses in the OR with us. I didn't really know any of them so I figured it would be quite a silent surgery as I wasn't really keen on either talking to my now ex-wife or having some chit-chat with almost complete strangers.

"I know this is Derek's thing to say, but isn't it a beautiful day to save lives?"

"I guess."

I turned away from her, trying to make it obvious that I didn't want to have a conversation with her and stepped right in front of the patient to begin with the surgery.

"A number 4 scalpel with a number 20 blade, please."

Just as I was about to make the first incision, Arizona started to talk again.

"I was really looking forward to this surgery, 'cause, you know, we'd be spending some time together."

"Whatever."

Just focus on the patient Callie, the quicker and cleaner you work, the faster you'll be out of the OR again.

"Calliope, I know we're having a hard time right now but-"

I took a deep breath, put the scalpel away and practically stared at Arizona.

"No! There is no but. We are not having a hard time. We are over. I am not here, because of you, I am here because it is my job and I learned how to sort my private life from my professional one, but if you continue talking I'll get another otho-surgeon down here, because seeing you is hard enough, I can't talk to you and pretend to be happy and funny, as I'm not. I'm feeling like shit. Because you fucking cheated on me."

I didn't care if this had been some news to anyone in the OR, the whole hospital knew already, so what change would it make if a bloody intern was aware of the fact too that my wife cheated?

Arizona may have taken a lot of things from me, but she didn't take my pride, at least not all of it. This little party of dignity helped me to not starting to cry in the middle of the OR as I continued.

"I let you shout at me, I let you cry , I let you be alone, I tried to be patient, understanding and caring, because that's what a wife normally does. What about you though? Did you try once? No you didn't. Instead, you betrayed me. And now excuse me, there's a knee I need to fix…"

I guess she wasn't prepared to hear that kind of speech in front of other people, because Arizona remained silent for the rest of the surgery.

I was washing my hands, when I heard someone entering the prep room.

"I am still seeing the therapist."

I immediately knew it was her who had entered. Although my head told me to just leave, my heart knew that I was nowhere near being over her and that I still needed to have some answers. To move on. To be happy again at some point. The sooner, the better, right?

"What?" As I turned around , I could see she was clearly nervous and if things had been any other way, I would have walked over and hugged her tightly. Now, I just stood there, expecting her to go on.

"You were right. I didn't try, I mean I thought I did. But deep inside, I was still mad because of my leg. And sometimes I still am."

Is she really using her freaking leg again to justify her unfaithfulness? But most of all, is she really trying to blame me again? What the hell is wrong with this woman?

"You can't be serious. I fucking saved your life. You freaking coded! It wasn't like 'Oh, let's hack of my wife's leg just for fun'. I am sorry that you feel betrayed, I really am-"

Suddenly something inside me clicked.

"Is that why you did it?"

Arizona, who was staring at the ground for the entire conversation lifted her head to look at me confused but suddenly her face changed into a frown and she made three steps over to take my hands. Shocked about the sudden movement, I let her.

"Oh god, no. I did not cheat on you to pay something back, you have to believe that!"

After processing what just happened, I pulled my hands away and took a few steps back, even though it felt good, having her hands in mine again.

"Then why did you do it? Did you stop feeling attracted to me? Was I suddenly not enough anymore?"

Tears were rushing down her face at this moment.

"No, no. You were, no, you are enough. And I still was attracted to you, look at you, you are hot. But you also saw me sitting in my own pool of urine, you saw me at my lowest, and she didn't. She only saw the happy person I used to be. And that flattered me. She thought I was amazing and somehow I gave in. I am so, so sorry for it and I feel horrible because of it. Please Callie, give us another chance. Let us talk about it."

I didn't really know what to say, I just needed some fresh air to process everything.

"I can't. At least not right now. Maybe we can talk about it at some point."

I pulled the door but turned once again.

"Just so you know. I thought you were amazing too." And with that, I left…