THE KAGAMINE SHOW
(beat boxing) It's the-the-the (b-b-b-boom-t-dsh) Kagamine Word (bdbdbdbdbd –boom) Shoooowww~ (FUCK YEAH!)
(Len comes onstage and throws a chair at the audience)
(audience screams)
「レン」
You're lucky there's not a lot of you in the audience otherwise I would've just FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE!
「リン」
Len is MAD today!
「レン」
Yeah! Wanna know why I'm mad?
「リン」
Tell em, Len!
「レン」
Because that FUCKING squirrel bit me on the FUCKING ASS! Look!
(Len turns around and pulls down his pants)
(Some of the audience gasps at the bite mark, but most of the fangirls just fainted)
「レン」
I KNOW! Everyone knows my ass is the property of KAITO. And sometimes Rin on the weekends..
「リン」
Len how did he even bite you there? You're supposed to stick your hand into the post box not your-
「レン」
I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO ASK QUESTIONS.
「リン」
YOU DON'T PAY ME AT ALL!
「KAITO」
Can we get to the lesson you guys?
「レン」
FINE. But my boy bottom does NOT appreciate-
「リン」
Okay, guys! Today we're going to play a game. Everyone in the audience can participate. The game is called:
The ANIMAL GAME. AKA "動物ゲーム" (Doubutsu ge-mu)
Rules: Rin yells an animal and Len has to think of someone or something related to it so you bastards will remember. For those playing at home, say the word out loud. Learning things are easy – we do it all the time – but retaining something is different. If you say it out loud, the left side of your brain will remember better.
Ready, otouto?
(Len cracks his knuckles)
「レン」
If anyone can make bunnies badass IT'S LEN FLIPPIN KAGAMINE.
(Numbers appear from a screen behind them).
3..
2..
1..
START!
「リン」
Cat!
「レン」
Neko! (猫) WE LEARNED THIS ALREADY. WE DON'T NEED A REFERENCE.
「リン」
Dog!
「レン」
Inu! (犬) We learned that too Rin. Come on!
「リン」
Unicorn!
「レン」
Yunikon! (ユニコーン) Charlie the FUCKING unicorn.
「リン」
Pig!
「レン」
Buta! (豚) It sounds like Puta – which is bitch in Spanish. Your mother was a PIG, BITCH!
「リン」
Weasel!
「レン」
ITATCHI (いたち). Sasuke's psycho brother is named Itatchi. WE NEED TO STOP REFERENCING NARUTO. I AM SO SICK OF NARUTO.
「リン」
Giraffe!
「レン」
Kirin! (きりん). I don't know why but this makes me think "killin'." GIRAFFES ARE MURDERERS.
「リン」
Lion!
「レン」
Raion! (ライオン) It sounds sort of the same. L doesn't exist in Japanese, so say goodbye to that letter. Why doesn't it exist? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. STOP ASKING ME SHIT.
「リン」
Fox!
「レン」
Kitsune! (きつね). It has the word "kits" in it.
「リン」
Rabbit!
「レン」
Usagi! (うさぎ) That chick from sailor moon is called Usagi (I think).
「リン」
Kitties and puppies!
「レン」
Ko-inu or ko-neko. Just add ko (which can mean child – 子).
「リン」
Butterfly!
「レン」
Chouchou! (蝶々) That chick from Harry Potter was named Cho. She was hot. Er, cute. Like butterflies? What is this I don't even-
「リン」
Mouse!
「レン」
Nezumi! (ねずみ) If you have a rat, hamster, or mouse call it Nezumi-chan if you want. Same with other pets, -chan is used on pets.
「リン」
Squirrel!
「レン」
Kinezumi. (きねずみ) It's also has NEZUMI in it. Pretend squirrels and mice are long lost cousins or something I DON'T KNOW.
GAME OVER
「レン」
I WIN!
「リン」
Len, you can't really win that game-
「レン」
I WIN GOD DAMNIT. We should play another time, since there are so many animals in the world..
「リン」
Anything else you'd like to add about cute little doubutsu, Len?
「レン」
Yes. Yes I do. Okay, look. Shiro (白) = white. Kuma (熊) = bear. So guess what a Shirokuma (白熊) is? A polar bear. JAPANESE IS FUCKING EASY.
But, because of kanji, this concept doesn't always work. Let's look at swan. Shiro白(white again) and Tori 鳥 (bird) makes 白鳥. But, in this case, it's not read "shirotori." It's read Hakuchou. Hakuchou = swan. Note that "shirotori" is still a word. It just means "white bird."
I'm tired, Rin. Luka! Can you bring us the fanmail please?
(Luka comes on stage with the letters. A squirrel is on her shoulder)
(Len gawks at Luka and the squirrel as they exit the stage)
(…..)
「レン」
The squirrel.. it bit my ass and she's friends with.. the squirrel..
「リン」
…Len, are you okay?
「レン」
Just give me the fanmail…
「リン」
What?
「レン」
JUST GIVE ME THE FANMAIL.
i want to know how to say: the stalker is right next to me.
in Japanese, because there is this stalker guy thing and he is always right next to me and i went to say it to my friends without him getting all pissed.
i love this thing your doing
-Darkluscia
Well, you could say "tonari no sutaakaa" (the stalker next to me) となりのスターカー
Tonari = next to. It also means neighbor. A good way to remember that is the real title of My Neighbor Totoro (Tonari no totoro). It literally means next to, but you can use it on your neighbors…because they're next to you.
There's probably lots of ways to do that, but, that's the way I would do it that sounds most natural. He won't get pissed because it's not rude- and you can add pronouns and honorifics, like, "staka-san" if you want to be polite to him. You could also just say "watashi no staka" (my stalker). It's said with a lot of emphasis on the aaa's. StAAAAAkAAAAA.
Next:
This is really helpful. But now that we know how to say love/like in Japanese then what about hate/dislike?
-Anonymous
Hate and dislike is very similar to like and love. Remember 大(big / 'dai') we learned? We're using it again.
Dislike- 嫌いKirai
Hate/intense dislike- 大嫌いDaikirai
Kinezumi wa daikirai. I HATE SQUIRRELS.
Next:
This is pretty awesome, but what about using no honorific?
And what's the difference in calling someone by their last name or their first name?
-Minori-chan13
I would always use an honorific unless you really, really know someone or are connected with them somehow. Even talking to your family should always have some kind of honorific. It's rude not to use one with someone you don't really know, or if their like, your boss or something.
As for names, last names go first in Japan. I would always say "Kagamine Len", and with people I'm not close to they would call me "Kagamine-san". With Rin, though, it doesn't matter, because we know each other so well, but using –chan is still normal for siblings. So, with last names and honorifics, it's sort of the same thing. Always be polite and remember context.
Last thing before we go is this thing –
々
It looks like one of the katakana letters, ma (マ) but it's different (you can see the extra stroke). No, this thing 々means to repeat a kanji. You can see it above in our example Chouchou. If you play music that should be easy to remember; it's like a repeat sign.
(Celine Dion sings to today's credits)
Host – Len Kagamine
Co-Host – Rin Kagamine
Director – Lun Yokune
Camera, Effects, and Guy Who Stops Rin From Killing The Audience – KAITO
Groupies – Luka Megurine, Miku Hatsune, and MEIKO
Executive Producer – Gakupo
Tickets and Admission – Haku
Team Pet – Unnamed Squirrel That Likes Len's Ass
(abruptly cuts back to Len)
「レン」
Okay, who the math let "My Heart Will Go On" play during the credits? FUCK TITANIC. And why did they make it come out in 3D? Jack drowns going underwater AWAY from the screen. How is that in 3D? And he should be FLOATING IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHO PLAYED IT? Come on, SPEAK UP!
「ミク」
..me..
「レン」
YOU'RE FIRED!
(Rin hides behind the curtains with MEIKO and is getting ready to tranquilize Len)
「MEIKO」
Uh, Rin, I know we need to get Len to chill out, but aren't animal tranquilizers a little much?
「リン」
Relax, this is an animal special! And everyone knows Len will just come back if he dies. He does it all the time!
「MEIKO」
Well yeah but-
(Rin fires a dart into Len's butt)
(Len collapses and Miku drags him off the stage)
(Rin winks at the screen)
「リン」
Bye everyone!
Words-
IT'S TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING. I'll do it later..