I own no one but my own people

"Liv," Amaro began as he looked down at Olivia. "Liv, we were gonna tell you, I swear! We were just waiting for you to get a little better before we sprang it on you."

"And what, you were just gonna say he was in surgery until I get out of the hospital?" Olivia demanded as tears filled her eyes. "How long were you gonna keep this from me?"

"I- I don't know, it wasn't... it wasn't my idea, Liv, you gotta believe me."

Olivia wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "I can handle my boyfriend being sick, no matter what's wrong with me."

"Liv, I get that-."

"No, obviously you don't," she snapped. "Otherwise why did I have to hear it from his mother four hours after I've been in the hospital when my supposed friends knew it from the moment the doctor talked to them?"

"Liv, we weren't sure you could handle it," he told her, hating how the words came out of her mouth. "With everything you're going through we didn't wanna add any more stress. You've been through a lot."

"You have no idea what I've been through," she all but hissed at him. "You have no clue what I just had to endure."

"I know. I know, and that's why we didn't wanna add anything to your plate." Amaro walked up to her and kneeled beside her. "It was wrong to hide it from you but we did it to help you."

Olivia just shook her head. "You need to leave."

"Liv-."

"I already hate one partner. Don't make it two, Nick."

Amaro's face fell as the realization of her words hit him. But instead of arguing he just nodded and stood up from the floor. "I'll go check on Brian," he told the two women with a gentle smile towards the older one before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

When they were alone in the room Olivia turned towards Joanne who looked at her with the one thing she didn't want.

Pity.

"I'm... so sorry about your son," Olivia told the older woman, hoping how truthful she was being was shining through. "I didn't... I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Sweetie, no one blames you," said Joanne with a gentle smile. "For any of this."

"Me and him got into a fight," Olivia admitted as more tears filled her eyes. "I know he was there to try to make it up to me. If he hadn't of been there-."

"Thinking about 'what might have' doesn't change 'what did'. Brian got hurt. There's nothing either of us can do about it except pray but I know my son. He's gonna pull through this."

"But the doctors said-."

"Doctors are men and women who just had a lot more college then your or I. They're human, they can be wrong. There's a reason why they have entire classes dedicated to teaching them how to cover their ass and save them from getting sued when they do mess up."

Olivia nodded in agreement as she looked down at the blanket covering her what she considered ruined body. "I can't get through this without him," she whispered softly. "I need him. If I lose him... I don't know how I'll survive this."

Joanne's bottom lip trembled at the younger woman's words. She reached in her purse and pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. "He'll get through this, Olivia. I promise you."

Olivia wanted to believe her so much. She wanted nothing more then her boyfriend to wake up from his coma and be there with her. But she was a realist. Olivia saw Brian bleeding on that bathroom floor. There was no possible way he was waking up from this. No matter if she healed physically from what Lewis had done if Brian never woke up, if he stayed in that coma for the rest of his life... she almost wasn't sure if it was worth it.

The mere thought of losing him brought her to tears once more that she failed to hide from Joanne. The older woman's face fell. "Olivia, sweetie, it's gonna be okay..." With Olivia's mind firmly on Brian Joanne reached out and gently grabbed her shoulder. "DON'T!" screamed Olivia as she jumped and scurried to the edge of the bed, her eyes wide with terror.

Joanne pulled her hand back like she had been burnt. "Oh God! Olivia, I'm so sorry, I didn't-!"

"It's- it's fine," Olivia told him as she sniffed away her tears. "I'm fine, Joanne, but.. but do you think you should go back and- and check on Brian?"

Joanne realized the double meaning behind her words and she offered Olivia an apologetic smile. "Sure. If there's any change in his status I'll let you know."

"Thank you."

Joanne stood up from the chair and gave Olivia a final smile. "I'll be back, Sweetie, I promise."

Olivia managed a grin that appeared to be more of a grimace before the older woman walked out. When the door shut behind her Olivia leaned back in her bed as tears glistened in her eyes. But not even thirty seconds after the old woman left there was a timid knock on the door.

"Come in," she called after she cleared her throat and wiped some of her tears away.

The door opened and a Doctor, an older man with kind gray eyes and dark brown hair streaked with gray, and a nurse who didn't look old enough to be out of high school much less working in a Manhattan ER walked into the room. The Doctor offered Olivia a gentle smile as he crossed his hands in front of his of well pressed business suit.

"Hello, Detective Benson, I'm Doctor Stone. I attended to you when you came in. How are you feeling?"

"I feel horrible," Olivia muttered. "Everything hurts."

"I'll up your pain meds okay? Plus given the nature of your injuries, I'll make sure nursing staff only changes your bandages while you're asleep."

"Thank you."

He nodded as he reached down and picked up her chart, quickly glancing over it before he set it down, his face unreadable. "Detective, has anyone talked to you about what happened to you? Not the assault but one of the after effects?"

Stone's face fell hard and Olivia felt a sudden surge of fear. "No. What's wrong, what happened?"

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Detective... when you arrived in the hospital we asked if there was a possibility you were pregnant. He told us you were in a relationship so we tested you and it came up positive."

All at once, life began to have meaning again. A thin glimmer of light shone through the darkness that Lewis had surrounded her in. She and Brian were gonna have a baby. Through all the horror and nightmares she would have to deal with thanks to the demon that hurt her, there was actually something to look forward to. Something she had wanted for longer then she could remember.

For the first time in what felt like forever a true genuine smile rose to her lips and her eyes welled with joyful tears. "I'm pregnant?"

She expected Stone to tell her with a smile that she was and how long and that her baby, she was already beaming at that phrase, had survived the attack.

Instead his face remained apologetic and forlorn. "You were," he told her. "Five weeks along. But there was a problem. After everything your body went through, the shock, the stress... you started miscarrying during the surgeries and you lost the baby. I'm sorry."

And just as soon as that light came into her life it was extinguished. For only literal seconds she had been happy again and her pain had dimmed. But hearing she had lost her baby, even if she had only known about it for mere moments, over what Lewis had done to her? It made the whole situation worse in infinite ways to count.

A fresh wave of tears made their ways down her face. "I lost my baby?"

Stone nodded solemnly. "Detective, I'm so sorry. We did everything we could to save it but-."

"Please leave," she whispered not giving him a chance to explain. It doesn't matter if he tried to save her baby, he hadn't. She didn't need to know why he failed, the only thing he knew was he did.

Stone shut his mouth, nodding before he and the nurse left the room and shutting the door behind them.

The moment she was alone, Olivia heard this horrible almost animalistic wounded scream that sent shudders down her back. She wanted to help this poor woman. To put her out of her misery and to save whoever was making that wounded screech.

It took Olivia another moment for her to realize that the horrible scream was coming from her...

XxXxX

"He was in here this evening, about three hours ago," the man behind the convenient store desk told Fin and Cragen as they stood in front of the cashier.

After they went Vanessa's they went to the half way House and followed a useless trail that led them no where but some low level Meth dealer out in Bronx who knew nothing about Lewis apart from his name. After that useless expedition they headed back towards the city and stopped at the same convenient store they had found him the night of Alice Parker's attack.

"I thought he was gonna try to steal my '5K Krazys' again," the cashier continued. "But then he brought them up to the counter and tried to pay."

"Wait try to? What he didn't have enough cash?"

"He had a card that wasn't his," the cashier answered. "Isn't that why you're here? About the stolen card? I called when it happened but no one bothered to come down."

Fin and Cragen glanced at one another before they turned back towards the man. "He was using a stolen card?"

The man nodded. "Yes. He tried to run it through as debit but I needed the pin so he told me to cancel it and try running it through as credit so he wouldn't need the pin. I've had problems with this guy before so I asked him whose card he was using. He just sort of smiled before he snatched the card and a case of my 5K's and ran out."

Fin and Cragen shared a look of flickering excitement, the news giving them a brief glimmer of hope that they were on the right track. They turned back towards the cashier who was mildly started at the cops enjoyment after hearing he had been robbed. "Amal, this is very important," Cragen began finally reading the name on the white plastic tag he had pined to his shirt. "Do you remember who's name was on the card?"

Amal looked deep in thought for a moment before he nodded slowly. "Something with an 'O' I think. Maybe Oliver?"

"Something with an O... you mean Olivia?"

Amal nodded. "Yes that's it; Olivia."

Cragen whipped towards Fin who turned with equal haste to his captain. "He stole her card. As far as he doesn't know we're looking at him he's gonna keep using it until the money runs out."

"We can trace her card," cried Fin. "We can call her bank, have them text us every time he uses it, it may not get us an exact location but it'll be something!"

Cragen nodded before they both turned back towards the Cashier. "Did he say where he was going or id he mention anything about directions or travel?"

Amal shook his head, "no but I noticed when he ran out of her when got into a very nice car. I didn't catch the plates but it was a powder blue convertible, beautiful shape. I thought it was weird a man like that would drive such a feminine looking car."

"Vanessa's car," both Detectives blurted out at once.

"Think, Amal, was there anyone else in the car with him?" Fin demanded. "Specificity a female, mid twenties, with red hair!"

"No, no one. He was all by himself."

Without another word Fin sprinted out of the store with Cragen hot on his heels. "Thank you!" the older Captain called out just before he stepped to go outside.

"He was there with him the whole time!" Cragen barked as they ran towards their car. "I promise you the moment we left she handed him the keys and he was on his way here!"

They got in their car and while Cragen got on the phone and called up every favor he had to make sure any activity on Olivia's, Brian's, and even Vanessa's accounts were texted and emailed to him the moment anything happened, Fin sped off towards the place they had been earlier.

Cragen also called in uniforms who were closer to Vanessa's apartment then they were to arrest her for obstructing justice for lying and to just hold her there until Fin and Cragen got there. When they were about a half hour away from Vanessa's loft, Cragen's phone began to ring.

"What?" he demanded, not having any spare time to be wasted on niceties.

"Captain Cragen, my names Sargent Porter, I'm handling the Vanessa Meyers arrest, they told me if I had any troubles to contact you."

"Yes of course. Do you have her, is she still there?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes to both and no to both as well."

"Look, Sargent, I don't have time for games so if you wanna-!"

"Your suspect is dead," Porter said bluntly.

Cragen froze as the words registered with him. Fin glanced over at him. "Yo, Capt, you okay?" to which Cragen gave no reply. After a moment Cragen finally was able to speak again. "How?"

"We're not sure," Porter told him. "All we know is there's a lot of blood."

"Was she tied to her bed?"

"Yeah. We already called the ME and CSU."

Cragen shook his head in disgust. "We'll be right there."

Without another word spoken Cragen hung up the phone and glanced towards a very confused Fin. "Vanessa Meyers was murdered," Cragen announced to Fin whose eyes grew wide at the news.

"Holy shit. Was it Lewis?"

"Looks like it. He probably murdered her then stole her car."

Fin shook his head as he continued to drive down the road, increasing his speed so they got to the lawyers home faster.

A half hour later when they arrived there was already an ambulance parked in the driveway and several CSU and cop cars out front along with Warner's car. Both of them left the car and made their way up to her loft where it was swarming with CSU and cops. It didn't look anything like Olivia's apartment had. It didn't look like any crime had taken place in it until they got to their bedroom.

"Christ almighty," Cragen muttered as he looked at the corpse on the bed. Her long pale arms from her wrists all the way up to her elbows were drenched in blood and a large puddle of blood was gushing out from between her spread legs and had already seeped into her mattress.

"What the hell did he do to her," Fin breathed as they made their way to the bed where Warner was examining her. The ME glanced up from her examination and walked over to her old friends.

"Judging by the amount of blood on her arms I'd say he slit her wrists and wanted to make sure he got her veins. Also I can't be sure until I get her on the table but from past experience it looks like he put a gun in her and pulled the trigger."

"How long has she been dead?"

"About four hours."

Cragen shook his head before he turned towards Fin. "It happened right after we left," said Cragen, his voice stunning Fin at the slight tremble in it. "He was here in her house when we were and we didn't see it. Now another woman is dead because I made the same mistake as before."

Without another word Cragen left the bedroom, disgusted at what he had done...

4 Days Earlier

After about a minute of annoying high pitched beeps from Olivia's alarm clock, she sent it flying to the floor but didn't even flinch at the crash. She had cried herself to sleep only four hours ago over what Brian had done and had woken up twice due to nightmares over the case.

They had court today and it was the first time that she wold be seeing Lewis after the interrogation and she was already praying that he wouldn't do anything to piss her off because she was not in the mood.

Olivia sat up in bed and reached for her phones, swallowing hard when she saw she had a text from Brian which he sent after her telling him to leave her alone.

Her finger paused over the phone, hesitating to click and read the message he sent her instead of just deleting it. She swallowed hard as a fresh batch of tears began to come fourth. Brian had lied to her. He told her he loved her, he said he would always be there for her, and that she was the only woman he cared about but it was all a lie.

Wiping away her tears Olivia deleted the message before she threw her phone down on the bed and got out, shuffling towards the bathroom to get ready for the day. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion that morning. From taking the shower to doing her makeup was taking twice as long as normal because she didn't want to do anything more then crawl back into bed and sleep until she forgot about this case and the pain in her heart that Brian had caused.

When she was finally done in the bathroom she glanced at her watch and groaned. Court was at nine thirty this morning and it was almost eight. She had to leave the house within the next ten minutes to beat the Manhattan traffic.

She pulled on her outfit for the day and just as she finished pulling her hair up there was a frantic knocking at her door.

"Coming!" she called to the person at he door, grabbing a pair of socks and black dress shoes from her closet. She went to the door and glanced through the peephole at the person on the other side. A wave of emotions crashed down on her.

"Liv, please let me in!" Brian called through the door. "Let's talk about this!"

"Go away, Brian," Olivia told him, struggling to hide the tears in her voice.

"Liv, it's not what you think! I'm not cheating on you, I swear!"

"I don't wanna talk to you."

"You're being really immature right now! Just talk to me, let me explain!"

Olivia sniffed away her tears as she shook her head. "You had a woman over there late at night and you expect me to believe you weren't sleeping with her?"

"Yes because that's the truth!"

Olivia shook her head as she wrenched open the door to see Brian standing there still in his uniform. "Olivia, listen to me please."

"How about you listen," she snapped. "You lied to me, you cheated on me -."

"No."

"And you made me feel like shit over not saying 'I love you' when you were sleeping around," she finished. "Tell why you deserve the time of day from me."

"Because I wasn't cheating!" he yelled. "Yes I had a woman over there last night because I work nights and I had no other time to talk to her! She lives in my building, Olivia, she was over there to help me with a problem."

"And I bet I can guess what kind of problem she helped you with."

Brian rolled her eyes. "No you can't because I never slept with her, I never even wanted to sleep with her! She's twenty two years old, Liv!"

Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at him. "And how old were the prostitutes you slept with?"

Brian narrowed his eyes at her. "I NEVER slept with anyone under thirty when I was working for him!" he barked, "And you want details? Fine, there was three of them in a two year period, one of them I asked to marry me! Before that I never even looked at a pro! So how about you stop judging me on shit you don't know anything about?"

Brian shook his head as he looked back at her. "You've been screwed over so much, you can't see something good when it's standing right in front of you well guess what, Liv? I'm not gonna hurt you!"

Without another word, Brian stormed away from her apartment with Olivia staring after him.

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