I own no one but my own people

A/N So... um yeah the promo killed me. Like I must have watched it like 200 times and "I wanna live," gets to me every time and Brian was crying and Amaro was probably doing something illegal and Lewis had a sharp old fashion can opener... You have no idea how excited I am over this episode and it's only a month away which makes it even better (it also means I only got a month to finish the story but I'll get it done, I assure you. )

So please read, enjoy, and review. But mostly enjoy :-)

Elliot made his way towards the waiting room where Amanda was on the phone and Nick was sitting next to her listening intently. His anger flared at the sight of the younger male Detective. Amaro had actually been at her apartment while she was being raped by this Demon and he had done nothing.

There was no way in hell he would have fallen for whatever she had told him.

His hands clenched into tight fists as he made his way over to the group. Amaro looked over at him and narrowed his eyes at the blue eyed detective as Elliot took a seat next to Amanda who was still knee deep in her conversation.

"Okay. Okay, see you in a bit. Alright. Bye, Captain."

With a sigh the blonde hung up the phone and turned towards Amaro. "They caught a lead. He stole Olivia's debit card so they got the bank giving them updates every time it's used plus he stole Vanessa's car so they got a report out on that and they're on their way here until they get something from her bank."

"Who's Vanessa?" Elliot asked.

Amaro's eyes flickered over to him but just as quick he turned back towards the floor.

"His lawyer," Amanda told Elliot. "They might have been in a relationship but she was just found murdered in her home."

"And we're sure it was him?"

"Tied to her bed using the same cables he used on Olivia and his previous victims, tortured, assaulted... Cragen and Fin thought she was hiding him but something must have set him off and he killed her."

Elliot shook his head as he turned towards Amaro. "So we were in a place where he was two times and no one caught on that he was there?"

"It's speculations that he was there when they were," Amaro snapped fiercely.

"Twice isn't a coincidence, it's sloppy work," Elliot shot back. "Okay this little bitch raped and tortured Olivia and from what I've seen people are acting like a bunch of first year rookies!"

"Oh please!" Amaro spat as he stood up with Elliot right behind him. "You prefer we all act like you? Use our fists to get the cases solved?"

"If it gets him off the street, you're damn right you use your fists or a knife or your gun or whatever you have! Elliot shouted.

Amanda stood up and swallowed hard, standing in between the two of them although nervous because she wasn't sure what on earth she wold be able to do if these two men got into it. "Guys, calm down," she pleaded.

"Oh and then what?" Amaro yelled back squaring off to the bigger man, both ignoring Amanda's plea. "We lose him in the process so he's free to do it again to another woman? No wonder they got rid of you, you're psychotic!"

"You don't know a thing me, Amaro, so just back off!" shouted Elliot before he pushed the younger Detective.

Amaro was about to come back when a loud bark cut through both of them, a bark they each knew exceptionally well.

"That's enough! Both of of you!"

They turned and saw Cragen and Fin, both looking just as angry as Elliot and Nick felt, storm up to the group. "Captain-." Amaro began but Cragen interrupted him without a second thought.

"I can't tell him to stand down but I can you! So knock your shit off, Amaro!"

Elliot shook his head. "Captain, that guys a loose cannon that doesn't give two shits about Olivia, you gotta-."

WHAM!

Stunning every person in the room and eliciting a small scream from the nurse, Cragen had turned around and cold cocked Elliot in the face as hard as his age and abilities would allow him, sending him crashing into the over stuffed chars and toppling over several of them.

Elliot grabbed at his face and stared up at the older man he once considered a mentor who was freezing his blood cold with the icy stare he was throwing at his former Detective. "You don't get to talk about how anyone in this unit treats her," Cragen told him with a shake in his voice that told Elliot just how angry the CO really was at the comment. "Not after what you did to her."

Elliot swallowed hard as he looked up at his former boss before he stood up from the ground. "Captain, you know why I left. I-."

"I know exactly why you let and I don't blame you at all. But how you treated her afterwards? Dropping off the face of the earth in concerns to her? THAT I will never understand!"

Elliot's face fell as he looked from Cragen to Fin who just shook his head. "Don't you dare look to me for help, I would've hit your punk ass first if my partner wasn't in the way."

Elliot ran a hand through his hair and turned his eyes towards the ground. "I... Look I know I screwed up but-."

"No you didn't screw up," Cragen snapped. "You destroyed the woman you called your best friend and put her through hell for months! That's not screwing up, that's being a straight up asshole!"

"And I told her I was sorry," said Elliot as he looked towards them again. "What the hell else does she expect me to do, eat my gun?!"

"You put her through hell!" Cragen shouted.

"You don't think I know that?" Elliot yelled. "You don't think I didn't wanna call her every chance I got? She's my best friend but I couldn't stand the shame! Alright, I- I couldn't stand looking at her face after what I did! How could I show my face to her, to anyone for that matter, after that?" He shook his head in disgust both at himself and the situation. "You think she went through pain? Well try looking at it from my end."

Cragen paused for a moment before he spoke. "You walked away to a family, she stayed with nobody. That's the difference, Elliot."

Elliot and Cragen just stared at one another before a loud primitive scream broke through both their minds that was familiar to all of them. The two of them along with Amaro, Fin and Amanda raced towards Olivia's room with two Doctors and several nurses sprinted in front of them.

They crashed through the door of Olivia's room and the Doctors immediately raced up to the brunette Detective who was thrashing and screaming while she laid. "MY BABY!" she screamed as sobs ripped past her lips. "HE KILLED HIM! HE KILLED HIM!"

"Get me fifty of Adavan and Haldol!" one of the Doctors shouted at the nurse before he grabbed Olivia's wrists and held them down at her side, all but laying over top of her to keep her from injuring herself.

The moment the Doctor touched her Olivia's screams increased in volume and intensity. "GET OFF ME!" she shrieked as she fought tooth and nail against the Doctor's iron clad hold. "DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!"

"She's a rape victim, you can't do this to her!" Amaro yelled but the Doctor ignored him, putting all his concentration on holding down Olivia.

Amaro took a step towards him but before he knew what was happening Elliot had grabbed the Doctor off of her and slammed him against the wall by his shirts collar. "Get off of me!" the Doctor shouted, staring at what he thought was a mad man.

"You don't touch her," Eliot snarled as his grip tightened.

"She needs to be restrained!"

"And I said you don't touch her!"

The Doctor opened his mouth to argue but was drowned out by another petrifying scream. "HE KILLED MY BABY!" Olivia screamed, her whole body shaking violently from the horrific sobs. "BRIAN! OH GOD, BRIAN, PLEASE! MY BABY!"

The nurses sprinted back in with the medications the Doctor had prescribed and the one doctor who wasn't being held up against the wall by Elliot Stabler snatched it from her and jabbed the needle into Olivia, quickly administering the meds. Within seconds her screams had died down and her body was no longer wracked with sobs.

"Brian," she groaned as tears made their way down her face. "Bri... Bri, our baby. Our baby..."

Then another few moments passed and she was out. The doctor threw Elliot's hands off him and threw a sharp glare. "I'm calling security and having you thrown out of here!"

"And I'll have your ass arrested for what you just did to her if you wanna go down that road," Cragen barked.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at Cragen but instead of arguing he just shook his head and pointed towards an irate Elliot. "Get him out of my sight then."

"Let's go Elliot. Nick, stay with Liv while he's in there with her."

"Captain, Amanda should. Let me go help you catch this bastard," Amaro pleaded.

"No. Your job is to stay here with her. Elliot, let's go."

"She's my partner!" Amaro yelled. "Let me go catch the guy who did this to her!"

Cragen whipped around to face him, his eyes narrowed in anger. "This isn't up for debate, Detective! "

"Captain-!"

"That's an order! You got a problem then hand in your badge!"

Elliot could see his rivals hands curl into fists and he was practically shaking with restraint to not yell at the commanding officer.

Shaking his head in disgust, Nick went over and flopped down in the chair next to her bedside. Without another word Cragen and Fin left with Elliot right beside him.

"What the hell was she yelling about?" Elliot demanded in a hushed tone. "What baby?"

"She was pregnant," Cragen explained. "After everything that happened she... she miscarried."

Elliot froze in his step as his old Captain's words hit him like a ton of cement. Olivia had actually been pregnant. She had wanted to be a mother for so long, ever since he knew her in fact, and she had finally managed it with someone she was apparently very serious about only to have it ripped away from her in one of the most violent attacks he had ever seen, even after over thirty years in SVU.

She didn't deserve this. Any of it. The worst part of all this was Elliot knew if he had been there he KNEW he would have been there and not only check in on her but he would have realized something was wrong.

This was his fault. It was his fault that Olivia's baby was dead along with everything else that had fallen on her the past two days. And he had to make it right... somehow.

The shrill ring of Cragen's phone interrupted the former Detective's thoughts. He reached in his pocket and pulled it out, answering it with a quick flip of the cover.

"Cragen," he answered. "Yeah. Albany? Okay, great thank you."

Cragen flipped the phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket. "He just used her card in a diner in Albany, he's about two and a half hours from here," he told Fin.

Without a second glance at Elliot they started to head off but Elliot ran out in front of them. "Let me go with you," he pleaded. "Let me on this case."

"You're not a Detective anymore, Elliot."

"I don't care, I wanna help get this guy."

"No."

"She was my best friend and my partner! I'm gonna help you throw his ass in jail!"

Cragen licked his lips as he and Fin shared a look before they turned back towards Elliot. A moment passed and realization dawned on him as he looked between Fin and Cragen. "Tell me why you don't want Amaro to go with you."

"Because I gave him an order."

"No, no, don't give me that, there's a reason why you're not letting him go and I think I know exactly why..."

"That ain't none of your damn business," Fin snapped but Elliot paid no attention to him.

"Fin's right, this is none of your concern," Cragen told him.

"You aren't planning to let Lewis spend the rest of his days in a cell are you?"

Both were silent for a moment and Elliot just cleared his throat and rubbed his neck, taking a step towards him. "Let me help," he whispered softly.

"No."

"Captain, this guy raped and tortured my partner. I wanna be the one that pulls the trigger."

"I said no, Elliot."

"Give me one good reason why I can't go with you to get this guy?"

"Eli," Cragen said bluntly. "Same reason why we don't want Nick involved. He's got two kids, he's young, got his whole career ahead of him, same with Rollins. If something goes down then where we don't get away with this; I have no family, Ken's all grown up," he added nodding towards Fin. "The reward outweighs the risks for us."

"If I go to prison for this," Elliot muttered "then my son will know his father went down a hero."

"You're not getting the option to make him find out," Fin snapped.

Elliot glanced towards Cragen who almost looked apologetic at turning down his former Detective. "I'm sorry, Elliot. We gotta go."

The pair turned away from him and began to walk off. Elliot looked after them and took a deep breath before he spoke, knowing his next few words could make them hate him even more. "You let me tag along or I call up IAB and tell them what's going down."

They both stopped dead in their tracks and whipped around to face him. "What the hell did you just say to me?" Cragen demanded as he stormed back up to him.

Elliot shrugged carelessly as he crossed his arms. "You let me go, I got my own registered piece at the house, or else I call Tucker and tell them what you just told me."

"You son of a bitch!" Fin yelled as he stood toe to toe with Elliot, neither one backing down. "I always knew your were a fucking rat!"

"I just wanna help her!" He looked between the two irate men and took a deep breath. "I know you two do also but you either let me go or no one gets to." Elliot shrugged again. "So... what's it gonna be?"

Four Days Earlier

Brian's words were still ringing in Olivia's ears by the time she arrived barely on time to the court house.

She let out a breath of relief when she only saw Barba and Vanessa standing at their respective places and noticed a few more stragglers walk in behind her.

Olivia spotted Cragen and sat down beside him, sighing as she did so. "You okay?" Cragen asked as he glanced over towards her.

The brunette shrugged as she turned towards her boss. "I'm fine."

Cragen saw right through the lying words but could say nothing more on the matter when the guards brought Lewis in. He looked haggard and tired, his eyes half closed and was waving back and forth like he was drunk. Lewis glanced back into the crowd and within seconds his eyes fell on Olivia who was glaring at the man.

For one brief second, his deception fell and he smirked at the Detective, and slowly licked his lips.

Olivia glared at him but all he did was chuckle and turned back towards the front of the court, putting on the persona of a tired almost crazed man yet again.

"God that guy's a creep," Cragen muttered to her. Olivia nodded in agreement but the two couldn't continue their conversation any longer because the judge had just walked in and the first part of the trial had began.

Just as the first trial, Olivia watched as Vanessa swept the floor with Barba as hard as he argued his case. She rolled her eyes when Vanessa told the judge they were harassing Lewis and his subsequent speech about how hard a time he was going through since his arrest.

But when the Judge announced that he was remanded without bail, for the first time since this case started, a light was shining at the end of the long tunnel. They had a small win for now. He was off the streets and was behind bars with no chance of him getting out.

When Barba all but ordered them to go tell Parker, Cragen didn't hesitate a single moment to volunteer them to go fetch her.

When they were outside the court house Olivia stopped cold at what was in front of her.

"Hey, Liv," Brian, dressed in jeans and a simple gray T-shirt, greeted as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

After she had gotten over the shock, she crossed her arms and threw a sharp glare at him. "What the hell do you want?" she demanded.

"Liv, you okay?" asked Cragen as he looked between Olivia and Brian.

"I'm fine," said Olivia without turning away from Brian. "Let's just go."

"Liv, wait," Brian pleaded. "I just wanna talk to you."

Cragen cleared his throat and nodded towards his car. "I'll be in the car," he announced to the bickering couple before he took off leaving the angry couple alone.

Olivia rolled her eyes as Brian made his way up the marble white steps. "Before you scream at me, just hear me out."

"I don't wanna hear you out, I know everything that happened. You cheated."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No. Okay, I have NEVER cheated on anyone, you included. My old man had a completely different life with some woman he worked with and it almost killed my mom when she found out. I wouldn't want another woman to through that. "I care about you too much to do that to you, Olivia."

Olivia sighed as she looked at her boyfriend. "I know you've been hurt, Liv, and you got a lot of trust issues and I don't blame you for freaking out. At all. But I've told you before I'm not gonna hurt you, and I gotta be honest, Liv, I'm getting a little sick of trying to convince you that I'm not."

Brian shoved his hands into his pocket and shrugged. "I mean I care about you a lot, you know this, but if every other conversation we have is me trying to convince you I'm not the bad guy then I really gotta think about rather or not it's worth it."

Olivia's face fell as Brian shrugged again. "So that's it? We're over?"

"I don't wanna be but if you don't trust me..."

"I do trust you!"

"Then act like it, Liv. Stop treating me like Stabler or Haden and start treating me like the guy who's never hurt you in the whole year we've been dating."

Olivia held back tears as Brian swallowed hard. "I'll call you before I go to work. You answer, I know you've finally realized that I care about you too much to hurt you, If you don't then I'll know you still don't trust me and I promise you'll never hear from me again."

She could think of nothing to say as he walked down the courthouse steps. "Brian," she called out when he reached the final step.

He turned back to look at her and she couldn't help the trembling in her voice as she spoke. "Do... do you want me to answer?"

He took a moment to pause. "Honestly, Liv? I don't know at this point."

Olivia couldn't help the tears making their way down her face as he turned and walked away. She stood completely still for a moment before she wiped her eyes and made her way towards Cragen's car.

Without looking at her boss, she shut the door, ignoring the concerned look he was giving her.

"You okay?" asked Cragen gently as he started the car. Olivia just shook her head and stared out the window. There was a moment of pause before Cragen spoke again, "you can talk to me, Olivia. About anything, you know this right?"

"Can we please just go?" she begged without turning towards him.

Cragen sighed as he nodded and without another word he was off. A minute or so of silence passed before Olivia chuckled.

Cragen looked over at her, "what's funny?"

"Just the fact that the same time I'm losing my relationship with a cop, your gaining one with a victim."

Cragen couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he told her, the glaringly obvious truth shining through.

"Oh please," she said as she turned towards him with another laugh. "Your car reeks of perfume and flowers. You took Alice on a date the other night."

Cragen swallowed hard as he stared intently at the road in front of him. "She... she called me," he explained. "We went out to dinner and we had a nice time. She's an amazing woman," he finished with a soft smile.

"I'm happy you've found someone but you realize that if Meyer's gets a hold of this it could hurt her in trial? Conflict of interest?"

"I know. Which is why we agreed to take a break until after the trial is over."

Olivia nodded as Cragen continued to drive down the streets, unable to get her mind off of what Brian had told her. She knew he was right. She had been abandoned and hurt by so many people she cared about, it was almost second nature for her not to trust anyone. Yes they were just a few days away from their anniversary and he hadn't hurt her but there was always the thought that he would leave her was always in the back of her mind.

It wasn't fair to Brian and to expect him to come running back each and every time she freaked out wasn't right.

She sighed as she rested her head against the cool window and watched as the city passed her, wondering if, no matter how much it hurt, it would be the best idea to pick up the phone later on when he called.

"Do me a favor," Cragen said to Olivia, "call Alice, make sure she knows we're on our way."

Olivia did as she was told and got nothing but a voice mail. "No answer," she told him.

Cragen narrowed her eyes in confusion. "That's impossible."

"Maybe she's sleeping or doesn't have her phone on her?"

"Her Granddaughter is getting her tonsils out today," Cragen explained, "she promised her she could call if she was scared, there's no way she wouldn't pick up her phone."

Olivia shrugged. "I'm sure she's fine, Captain."

Cragen said nothing but instead continued to drive increasing his speed slightly. Ten minutes later he nodded towards her phone again. "Call her again."

"Captain-."

"Call her, Olivia. Please..."

Olivia heard the slight desperation in his voice and she swallowed hard as she nodded. She picked up her phone and tried Alice again and getting the same response. "Voice mail."

Cragen swallowed hard, his knuckled turning white as he clenched the steering wheel. The speed increased even more until what turned into an hour ride turned into a forty minute ride.

"Call her again," Cragen told her as they pulled up with a slight screech to the front of the building and this time Olivia didn't argue.

She called her again, praying for an answer only to have the same result as the last time.

Cragen sprinted got out of the car and sprinted out towards the building with Olivia on his feels, his nerves making her just as nervous.

They ran inside the building and hurried over towards the building manager's floor office and pounded on the door.

There was movement inside before the door opened.

"We need to get into Alice Parker's apartment now!" Cragen demanded, letting his fear shine through.

"Why? What on earth is going on?"

"She's not picking up her phone and I know something's wrong,," Cragen argued, his eyes wide with worry.

"I just talked to her a few hours ago."

"Please," Cragen told her, desperation heavy in her voice. "I'm not gonna walk away again without knowing she's alright."

The manager nodded before the trio all but ran with the building manager to the elevator. Olivia looked over at her captain and saw him looking far more nervous then she had ever seen him. "She'll be okay, Captain," Olivia told him, trying her best to keep calm but the higher they rose the more fear encompassed them.

Cragen remained silent until they heard a short ding and arrived at Alice's floor.

"You said you talked to her a few hours ago?" Olivia confirmed.

The manager nodded as they made their way down the hall. "She seems to be doing okay, everything considering."

"Still she's not answering her phone!" Cragen reminded them, his nervousness evident in his voice as they approached her door and the manager unlocked it. "When is the last time you saw her?"

The door opened and they walked inside, "Ms. Parker?" Cragen called out, desperate for an answer.

"Alice?" the manager asked as they walked into her apartment. They spotted her on the couch with a book open on her chest and her eyes shut. "Oh, she's napping," the manager said with a smile.

Cragen stood frozen in the doorway, unable to approach the woman on the couch, his fear that she wasn't just napping too overwhelming.

Olivia walked over, her heart pounding hard against her ribs. "Ms. Parker?" she whispered, praying with all her might that she was just sleeping. When she got no answer she reached over and pressed her forefingers against her neck.

After a moment Olivia swallowed hard as she turned back towards Cragen and the manager, her voice nothing but a gentle whisper as she looked at her captain. "She's gone."

Ugh I didn't wanna do that! I loved Alice and Cragen! :'( Maybe some of your amazing reviews will make me feel better about killing her off.