I own no one but my own people

A/N Less then 3 weeks until the premiere. I wanna try to get at least one chapter a week and there's not that many left to be honest, and finish up on the 24th. So anyway, now that I told you my plan, I hope you enjoy and love the new chapter. Love you all :-)

Cragen glared Elliot down for several moments, being thrown into the memories of when the Detective had worked for him. He wanted to tell him to go to hell, to call his bluff, knowing deep down that blue line was still thick in Elliot's mind.

The hardened veteran Captain was not in any scared afraid of Ed Tucker or IAB. But what he was afraid of was wasting time while Lewis traveled upstate into Canada while they were forced to answer questions and he would be lost forever.

Plus, as much as he hated admitting it, Elliot still cared for Olivia and even though he had hurt her more then any other man in her life had, he would do anything for his ex partner and not think twice, including commit a murder against the man who had raped and tortured her.

So, it was with a fierce glare that he barked at Elliot that if he slowed them down any he would pay.

Elliot bit back a smart remark and instead just nodded. "Let's go."

Fin looked at Elliot like he had contracted some dangerous disease and he stormed out with Cragen by his side and Elliot at his heel.

"You said you had a weapon?" Cragen asked as they made their way through the maze of hospital hallways.

"Yeah. It's a .28, legally registered with a carry and conceal."

"Good. As of now you're back on NYPD's payroll so same rules apply to us apply to you but you know a shooting from your weapon won't look good so unless you feel your life is in immediate danger do not shoot."

You could practically hear the wink in Elliot's next words."I understand, Capt."

"No I don't think you do." Cragen turned round and faced him, throwing a pointed finger in his face. "That wasn't something I said for the benefit of paperwork, Elliot. You do NOT shoot him unless he's about to pull the trigger on you or one of us, do you understand me?"

Elliot paused for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Keeping his stare for a moment longer Cragen turned and carried on leading the trio towards the elevator. "He's in Albany right now," Cragen informed Elliot as he pressed the down button. "We make a quick stop in Queens for your weapon then we high tail it upstate."

"We put it out we're looking for him?"

"No. We gotta be the ones to get him in order for this to work," Fin told his old colleague as they got on the elevator.

Elliot nodded in agreement but said nothing further on the matter, knowing full and well not to ask any further questions until they wee in the privacy of their own car. If being a cop for over twenty years taught him anything it was that don;t trust any public place to discuss anything. No matter how careful you thought you were, you would get caught.

They rode the elevator down to the first floor where they went out to the parking garage Silently they made their way towards the car Cragen had brought him and Fin in. Elliot got in the back while Fin and Cragen got up front and in a shot they were off into the city they called home.

After several minutes of silence Cragen looked in the mirror at Elliot. "You still live in Queens?"

"Yeah. Same house too."

Cragen nodded as he turned back towards the road and the car was filled with a deep tense silence once more. Another minute or two passed before Elliot nodded towards Fin. "How's Ken doing?"

Fin shrugged. "He still blames me for all his problems in life but he's good. He got a engaged last month."

"That's good," said Elliot with a gentle smile. "You like him?"

Fin shrugged again. "I really haven't spent that much time with him but I know he treats my son right and that's the most important thing."

Elliot nodded before he leaned back up against the seat and gazed out the window. "So," Fin said as he cleared his throat. "How's your kids? What did you have like six?"

"Five," Elliot corrected as he cleared his throat. "Maureen decided to take after Kathy and is working at Sacred Saint as an RN, married a Pharmacist for a year and a half, just had her first kid two months ago."

"You're a grandfather?" Cragen asked with slight amusement. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Elliot said with a grin at the thought of his first grandson. "His names Patrick and he's amazing. But anyway Kathleen just got her Masters in social services and work's at a counselor in a women shelter in Brooklyn, Lizzie's still has no idea what she wants to do with her life but she;s leaning towards something in law enforcement and Dickie just finished boot camp at Paris Island a month ago."

Cragen's eyes grew wide as he whipped back towards him. "You let him join?"

"He was eighteen, I didn't have a choice. But the lifestyle agrees with him so..."

Cragen nodded as he turned back towards the road. "Well next time you see him tell him thank you."

"Of course."

"And even though you don't work at the precinct anymore, if you ever need ANYTHING regarding Dickie or any of your kids, you let me know, you understand me?"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

Cragen gave a curt nod before he twisted back towards the winding roads in front of him. No one talked the rest of the journey which lasted what seemed like forever, each men knowing every second past was time that Lewis was moving further and further north.

When they finally reached their destination Elliot all but raced out of the car and towards the house. He all but barged into the home and disturbed Kathy who was reading a book silently on the couch. When she heard the door open the blonde looked up from the printed words and she quickly abandoned her spot on the couch and ran over to him. "What's going on? How's Olivia?" she asked as he made his way up the stairs.

"It's bad, Kath. He... he tortured her for two days straight."

"Jesus," she breathed as he walked into his bedroom with her hot on his trail. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Physically, probably, but emotionally? I have no idea. She was pregnant, Kath, and he killed her baby and her boyfriend was attacked and in a coma..."

Kathy froze in the doorway as her eyes grew wider then they had ever been. "Who... who the hell would do something like that?"

"A beast," Elliot spat as he began working on opening his gun safe. When he finally heard the tell tale click he opened it and retrieved his civilian weapon and five ten clip magazines. "And I'm going hunting."

Kathy's attention turned towards the gun in his hand and she shook her head as she stormed up to him. "No, Elliot. You can't do this."

"He raped my partner."

"Let Cragen handle this," she pleaded as tears pricked at her eyes. She came over and stood in front of him. "You're not a cop anymore."

"I can't let him get away with this."

"Elliot, please!" Elliot turned towards her and swallowed hard when he saw a tear streaming down her cheek. "I know you miss it but ever since you turned in your papers I have been able to live in peace knowing my husband and the father of my children will come home to me every night."

"This isn't about chasing some cheap thrills, Kathy, he raped her! He burned her with cigarettes and cut her and humiliated her... I can't stand for that, I WON'T stand for it!"

"And what if you get killed? If this guy already hurt one of the bravest and strongest women I've ever known, you really think he'll hesitate to kill you? I'm not gonna lose you Elliot, I had too many close calls when you were working and I deserve some peace. YOU deserve some peace, okay our CHILDREN deserve some peace!"

"I'll get peace when the man who raped Olivia is lying in a body bag."

He reached back to grab his holster and his carry and conceal permit before he turned back to her, his face falling when he saw more tears make their way down her face. He swallowed hard as he wrapped his arms around her. Kathy threw her arms around him and buried her tear stained face in his broad shoulder. "I don't wanna lose you," she cried, her voice marred with fallen tears.

"You won't," he whispered towards her, inhaling the scent of her silk like blonde hair. "Ever. But... but this is something I have to do. I abandoned her with nothing, Kathy... I owe her this."

"You don't owe her your life."

"I owe her the peace of mind knowing I helped capture the man who raped her. I can't let him get away with hurting like he did, Kathy, and deep down you know this."

Kathy held the embrace for several more moments before Elliot pulled away. He looked down at her, blue eyes meeting blue for a moment that was far too short for his liking before he leaned in and kissed her soft red lips, unwilling to think for both their sakes this may be the last time he ever felt her lips against his.

After several moments he pulled away and he gently lifted her chin so she was staring into his eyes. "I'm coming back, Kathy. Never doubt that. Even for a second, you hear me? I will come back to you."

The words he had so often spoke to her in the beginning days of their marriage, the very last words he told her before the Marines shipped him off halfway across the world, for the woman standing in front of him, never rang as true as they did then.

She could see the fire in his eyes, fire she hadn't seen in such a long while it almost made her frightened but in a crazed sense it calmed her. Elliot was determined to catch the man who raped his best friend, come hell or high water, for he would fight through both. And it was that sheer determination, the burning embers shining like a torch against the midnight sky, that told her that he would conquer his enemy and make good on his promise to come home to her.

So it was with a heavy heart that Kathy nodded. "Go. Find him, lock him up, do whatever but don't let this be in vein. Promise me you'll get justice for her, Elliot."

"I promise. I'll always promise."

With a final kiss, each trying to convey over thirty years of love into a single embrace, he pulled away from her and didn't turn back.

When Kathy heard the front door shut she couldn't help the tears that rushed forward as she slid down the wall and began to sob for her husband.

XxXxX

"This is bullshit," Amaro muttered to Rollins as he paced back and fourth in front of Olivia's bed. "I'm her partner, not that head case anger management poster boy! Okay, if anything deserves to be out there right now looking for the man that hurt him it's me!"

Amanda simply remained silent as she watched the agitated Detective try to work through his anger with no success.

"Nick, you gotta calm down," Amanda pleaded. "You getting upset isn't helping anything."

"I'm not helping anything!" he shouted. "I'm sitting here doing nothing because Cragen thinks I'm responsible for what happened!"

"No one thinks that. He think it's too personal for you, you're her partner."

"Yeah? Then why the hell is Stabler out there with them? Okay there's a reason that psycho was thrown out of SVU and I'm guessing it's not because he knows how to control his temper."

"Don't call him that."

Both Nick and Amanda turned towards the cracked dry voice that came from the bed and saw Olivia with her eyes halfway open and was shaking her head. "He's an ass but he's not a psycho and he choose to leave SVU, he wasn't thrown out."

Amanda gave Olivia a tired smile. "Hey, Liv. How you doing?"

Olivia turned towards the blonde sitting at her bedside and tears began abundantly apparent. "N o..." she whimpered as she shook her head.

Amaro abandoned his post at the foot of her bed and hurried over to her side. "Liv what's wrong?" he said softly as he kneeled beside her bed.

The brunette let out a sob as she shook her head slowly, tears streaming down her face, not turning away from Amanda. "You weren't supposed to see me like this. You weren't... Oh God."

Amanda felt her own tears jump to her eyes but she fought with every ounce of strength she possessed to leave them unfallen. "Liv, it's fine. I just wanted to see you."

"No it's not fine," Olivia barked at her as she wiped her tears away only to have more come. "The one person I didn't want seeing me like... like this," she motioned to her body encased in the cheap white hospital gown and covered with a blanket, bruises and burns littering what wasn't covered by clothes, "saw me and I don't... I didn't want you too. You already saw me... saw me after he left, I didn't want you to see me like this either and I just- everything is so screwed up right now..."

A new wave of tears made their way down her bruised cheeks.

"Liv, I... I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you. I'll... I'll go though if that's what you want."

Amanda swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she stood up, half expecting Olivia or even Nick to protest that she stay but received not such thing. With an attempt to give the woman laying in the hospital bed a smile, she turned and left the room, gently shutting the door behind her.

Nick took over Amanda's recently vacated seat and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. "You doing okay?" he inquired softly.

A shrug of the shoulders was her answer as she lightly pushed the tears from her face. "No," she answered in a trembling breath. "I feel... I feel tired but restless at the same time. I can't even remember what happened after the Doctor told me..." A new wave of emotions she hadn't even thought about figuring out yet came crashing down upon her as she was reminded of the heartache that Lewis had given her. Her lip trembled unmercifully as she rubbed her flat now heavily scarred stomach where unbeknownst to her a tiny life had been even if it was only for a short time.

Amaro leaned back in his chair, eying her carefully to see if another break was close at hand but the only emotions she showed was a sadness he never wanted to experience.

But her words unsettled him. She hadn't remembered her episode. She hadn't remember the horrific screaming or screaming out for her unconscious lover or the drugs the Doctors had given her. She didn't remember any of it.

He leaned forward slightly. "Liv..." He treaded carefully. "You... you say you don't remember anything from after the Doctor spoke to you about the miscarriage?"

Olivia thought for a moment, silently mouthing what her mind was trying to show her only to succeed in getting faulty blurry images. "I..." she breathed slowly, "I remember someone was screaming. A woman... she sounded so hurt and she was calling for someone. Oh God is Amanda-!"

"No," said Amaro not giving her a chance to think that a moment longer. "Amanda's fine. But the woman screaming was you." Her face fell, it's emotions masked with shock. "Me... I was the one screaming?"

Amaro confirmed her thoughts with a nod. "Yes. You were yelling out for Brian and... and your baby. One of the Doctor's tried to restrain you but Elliot threw them off then they gave you some drugs that made you go to sleep."

Olivia shook her head as she inched away from him, praying to a deity she didn't believe in to make her disappear completely. "I... I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

Amaro abandoned his chair and kneeled in front of her. "Listen to me, Olivia, no one blames you for that."

She sniffed and rubbed her stomach again. "He killed my baby."

"It's okay, Liv." Amaro raised his hand to reassure her with a gentle shoulder rub but though better of it and quickly put his hands in his lap again. "You and Brian will have another one."

Olivia shook her head. "How can he ever want something this damaged? Plus he's never been good with rape victims. I don't think he'll stick around," she admitted with a sorrowful mutter.

"He will Liv," Amaro said, trying to convince her of something he too had doubts about. "He loves you, Olivia."

Olivia shook her head as she turned towards him. "How could he ever love me after this?"

When Amaro opened his mouth to protest, to tell her Brian would always love her and he knew it wasn't his fault, a grave announcement came over the hospital speakers.

"Code Blue in room 313. Assistance needed Stat. Code blue room 313."

Amaro had heard those kind of announcements all day but he had ignored them only this one he couldn't for terrifying reasons.

Brian was in room 313...

4 Days Earlier

Cragen's eyes widened as Olivia's word's registered with him. The landlady beside him gasped and threw her hand to her mouth.

Olivia swallowed hard as shew stood up from the floor and headed over to her captain. "Come on," she whispered softly placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

"I was just with her last night," he muttered without turning from the body on the couch.

Olivia swallowed as she nodded towards the hallway. "Let's go."

Cragen held his view for another moment before he turned and headed out of the apartment with the landlord following, gently shutting her door behind her.

"Sh- she has three children," the landlord said as she wiped away her newly fallen tears. "I'll call them now."

Without another word she headed away from the duo leaving them outside the apartment alone. Olivia turned towards her captain who still seemed to be in shock over what he saw in the apartment. "Go home," said Olivia. "I'll call CSU and handle this."

If he heard what she said he made no notice that he did. He merely stood there looking at the apartment with a sadness in his eyes that Olivia had never before seen in her captain. "Don." He finally turned towards her as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I got this, I promise. Go home."

Cragen finally turned towards her, fighting with every ounce of strength he possessed not to shed a tear in front of her. "This is all my fault." His voice was nothing but a harsh trembling whisper.

"Captain-."

"Maybe if I had followed my instincts and gone back to see her when I first went there-."

"We don't know that this is related."

"She was raped and tortured for nineteen hours then three days later she's..." He sniffed and turned away from the younger brunette. Olivia's heart crumbled at as she watched Cragen try to hide his tears from the younger Officer. He took several deep breaths before he turned back to her. "We have to make Lewis pay for this. He can't get away with.. .with causing this."

"He won't," Olivia assured him. "I promise I will get him for this."

Cragen just gave her another heartbreaking look before he took a deep breath. "Get CSU here. Tell them-."

"I know. Go home, Captain. Take tomorrow off and just rest up a little bit okay?"

Despite all that had happened Cragen managed a sad chuckle. "Wow. You may get that Lieutenant title sooner then I thought..."

Olivia merely offered a gentle smile before she clapped him on the shoulder again. "Go home, Don."

Without another word he turned towards the elevator and disappeared with Olivia looking after him.

After he had left she quickly called CSU along with Amaro to let him know what was going on with the case and Barba to let them know their victim was now dead.

With zero evidence of foul play CSU was only there for a half hour before they wheeled her out in a body bag with Olivia following.

When she reached the precinct she found Amaro and Fin had run out to deal with a statutory case they had been working on prior to all this, and Amanda was working diligently at her desk on the paperwork for Lewis.

"We got a problem," she informed the younger blonde detective.

Amanda immediately dropped her pen and turned towards Olivia. "What's going on? How'd the trial prep go?"

"As worse as a trial prep can go."

"She isn't prepared?"

"Worse. She isn't alive."

Amanda's eyes went wide as she stood up from her desk and went up to Olivia. "What the hell do you mean she isn't alive? What happened to her?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Me and Cragen went to prep her, found her on her couch dead. There's no foul play, no evidence of anything."

"I can't believe this," Amanda muttered. "This is Lewis! It has to be!"

"Which is why I have them putting a rush on the results. But for now just finish up your paperwork, make sure there's not a 'I' undotted or a 'T' not crossed. Last thing we need is for him to get off on a paperwork error."

Amanda nodded as she turned back to the files in front of her, now paying twice as much attention as she normally would have. Olivia turned her attention to her own paperwork and tried to concentrate on it but her mind was too full to allow the accommodation of the mind numbing words on the papers on her desk.

An hour passed and with no word from Warner Olivia threw down her pen and looked over at Amanda. "You get something to eat yet?"

"No, I've been dealing with all this."

"Go get lunch."

"But I'm-."

"No buts, you have to eat."

Amanda rolled her eyes but said nothing about her as she puled on her jacket. "You want anything."

"No I'm good."

"So I have to eat-."

"Do as I say not as I do. Plus my stomach has been a little off lately."

"You okay?"

"I'm sure it's nothing some Pepto won't help but I'm seeing a doctor this Monday just in case."

Amanda nodded before she grabbed her purse from the floor before she headed out of the precinct. When she was finally alone Olivia reached into her desk and after making sure no one she knew was watching her, grabbed the thin black framed glasses and sighed in relief as she gazed down at the paperwork she could actually see clearly now without having to squint

She worked steadily for a few minutes before her cell rang and she quickly slid off her reading glasses as if the person on the other line could hear the frames. She looked down at the caller ID and froze as she read the name displayed.

Brian was making good on his promise. This was the call he had promised her. If she picked up they would get back together but if she ignored it they would be over.

As she stared at her phone, her heart raced and her mind was filled with everything that had happened to them in the last week. He had done everything he could to prove just how much he cared for her and she had just thrown it all away because she was terrified of being hurt by him again.

She almost wondered if it would be better to just allow him to move on and be happy with a woman who would actually treat him the way he deserved.
As Olivia stared at the number, her finger hesitating over the 'answer call' button, she felt tears well in her eyes. She was being selfish. She did care for him but she wouldn't hurt him anymore. She was too damaged and it wasn't fair to him.

With tears in her eyes her finger moved over top the answer button to the big red 'ignore' key, willing herself to press it...

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