Author's Note: Well. Here is the next chapter. Due to popular demand, the name has been changed back to Madison. And the lyric that I use will have the song title. The previous chapter will be changed. So just sit tight. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. I am utterly grateful to the support I hate been receiving. Please continue.

Derek Sheperd was a man that was always wanted. At least most of the time. In elementary school, he had the perfect grades and was the first to understand long division. In middle school, Derek had his first girlfriend, a girl by the name of Ashley. Throughout high school, Derek was idolized by girls. He was known as the hottest guy in school. The athlete and an overachiever. Though his college and med school years, he was one of the guys that were considered 'marriage material'. Nice hair, smart, funny, and fairly wealthy. It wasn't until he was an intern, that he met Addison Montgomery. She was his equal, partner in crime you could say. Then after years of marriage, he was cheated on by Addison and moved to Seattle, only to meet Meredith Grey.

Meredith had rocked his world on this particular one-night stand, which he considered his initiation to his new home. But it wasn't until that he saw her, again that he knew that she was what he wanted. At first it was just a screw to get over being screwed but then he fell for her. Hard. But as most say, you can never run away from your past, and Addison came back. Since Derek was Derek, he tried to work it out and moved back to Manhattan.

Upon arrival to Manhattan, Derek knew that he was wanted and had made the right decision. Which his almost always did. But even though his days were filled with surgeries, and his evenings and early mornings with Addison; Derek's nights were covered by washes of insomnia and the thought of Meredith Grey. Four and a half years later, the thought of her became too intense and he had to have her again even though he knew he could be too late.

Derek lay asleep at night thinking of the past days events. He just found out that his ex-girl-friend or more appropriately, love, was the mother of his child. Their child. The insomnia that he wished would go away upon his arrival to Seattle, was back but now another person was in the picture. A small four-year old child whose name was Madison.

Derek looked at his paralysis patient.

"I'm sorry Mr. Forgo. There is nothing that we can do to stop this. Eventually, the tumor will grow too large and by the results of this CT scan, that can be any day now."

The tears ran down the old man's cheeks. He had lived a fruitful life and now, now was his opportunity to share his wisdom to his doctor.

Derek saw that Mr. Forgo had become uneasy and decided that he should leave. Just as he reached the door, the old man spoke.

"Wait Dr. Sheperd." Derek turned and looked at the old man.

"Yes?"

"Sit with me for a moment."

Derek took the chair beside the bed and saw that the old man's tears had created two damps spots on his gown.

"Dr. Sheperd…"

"Please call me Derek."

"Alright… Derek. Now tell me, have you ever made a mistake?"

"Yes, but everyone has."

"Not that kind. I'm talking about the kind that with every ounce of your being that you wish you could have made another decision. That you just want to go back in time and change your mind."

Derek raised his eyebrows. Even though this was extremely private for him, Derek decided to just tell him.

"Yes."

"What was it?"

"When I was an intern, I met a woman. She was great. So I decided to marry her. Then after years of marriage, she committed adultery. I left her to go here. On my third night, right before my first day, I met this other woman. She was amazing. Things were complicated about our relationship with her but we made it through. The day I was planning to tell her about my wife, my wife showed up. She's also a doctor and there was this case where she was one of the two surgeons that were qualified to do the surgery. I told her that I wasn't going back to her. But this other woman left me when she found out that I was married. With no hope of a relationship, I went back to my wife. But…"

"But what?"

"That other woman, I loved her. There was no spark between my wife and I anymore. We weren't two halves of a whole anymore. We changed. After four years, I couldn't stop thinking of this other woman, so I decided to come back here. I knew I could be too late, that she could probably be off somewhere with someone else. But I took my chances anyway. I got here and I saw her for the first time. I went to her house later and tried to work things out but…" His words trailed off as a thin sheet of pained tears covered his eyes.

"Derek… just tell me."

"When I left her… she was…" The words choked Derek and tears came down. He wasn't sure if they were tears of happiness or regret. Maybe they were both. All he knew was that they were tears.

"She was… pregnant. With my baby. I was going to be a father and I didn't even know. I missed everything. All I know is that the child's name is Madison and that she's four and a half. I just…" The tears came on fully, by this point there was no stopping it.

It just so happened that when the tears fell, Meredith Grey walked by seeing them.

I hurt him. Those three words were all that went through her mind.

Pain is like a shadow, not matter where you are. It's always there.

Well I certainly hope that you enjoyed the chapter. The chapter will be up soon. Please review.

--stop right there, that's exactly where I lost it.

Who I am Hate Who I've Been by Relient K