Chapter 2:-

Howard lay in his king sized bed snuggled under the covers, he sighed a confused sigh...of all the years he wanted his father to come back and scoop him in his arms telling him he'll never leave his little boy ever again, he came today of all days his thirtieth birthday and Howard just wanted him to go away. Turning his radio on and putting his headphones in determined to distract himself he was surprised to hear a familiar song surround his ears and bring memories...he hadn't heard this song since...

Hey dad look - at me,

Think back and talk to me-

Did I grow up according to pla-an,

(Howard was about five and looked so proud of himself he had totally ignored the football his daddy gave him, but was adamant he had done something better and heroic he had put the table cloth all around him, a scarf around his head and a superhero proud look on his little face, mama thought it was adorable, but Howard proud face turned to disappointment when daddy just turned around and scoffed muttering idiot little boy under his breath. Mama picked him up and kissed his cheek telling him not to listen to him he had drank too much "milkshake" the day before, Howard decided that made sense and immediately forgave his daddy)

And do you think...I'm wasting my time,

Doing things I wanna do but it hurts when you disapproved all a-long.

And now I try hard to make it . . ,

(At age eight Howard was good at drawing...really really good but his dad wanted a footballer not "Girly artist" Howard didn't dare to tell him men were really good artist...or definitely not that he liked to dance as well, he'd never be allowed to go out of the house again. The first drawing he did was of him his ma and dad they were all holding hands and smiling, he was so proud and went to show his dad he looked like hell had frozen over then he looked frustrated...and he tore Howards art book to shreds tearing Howards heart at the same time, it was then Howard decided to hide his feeling from others and cry, draw and dance in secret. It was more fun to draw and dance in his room anyway there was no one staring or laughing at him)

But I'm never gonna be good e-nough for you- can't stand another fight,

And nothings all right!

Howard was crying at this point hugging the pillows and wiping his nose on his sleeve, he gave up when he was thirteen but he had always did what he loved by himself, and cried by himself. Though he was a lot better than he used to be he showed his friends when he was upset and talked to them all the time... (Howard at ten years old sat huddled under the table crying quietly as his mummy and daddy yelled at each other, and tensed in fear as his daddy punched mummy straight in the face making her cry)

Cause we lost it all...

Nothing last for-ever,

I'm sorry I can't be per-fect,

Now it's just too late,

And I can't go back-I'm

Sorry I can't perfect!

(Howard had played this song at thirteen years old, the highest the radio would go, perfect by simple plan his favourite sad song, in his own little world with no one shouting no one to answer to...music his survival. But he would forgive his dad this time, it was obvious he was not coming back and never would...he was a jerk and the photo of him and his dad smiling was always shut in the bottom of the draw collecting dust and very much forgotten, because if his so called dad didn't want him he didn't want his dad either)