Author's Note: Oh my… it has been quite a while since I've updated, over a month. Nearly two. So here I am now, graduation is later this week so it might be a tad more emotional I'm not sure. Please keep reading. I won't give up.

Chasing Time: Chapter 11: Catching the Past, Running from the Future

Previously on Chasing Time:

"I don't understand what to do anymore." Meredith pulled her coat against her chest to look out the frigid winter air. New York was freezing. She instantly placed her hands on her swollen stomach protecting her unborn child from the cold. Meredith looked at Mark.

"I don't know what I should tell you. Derek was my best friend. I really want to make it up to him but… you know how stubborn he can be. I'm actually surprised that he came back with Addison instead of putting up a fight to stay in Seatttle…"

His eyes gave off a sincere look with was hard to hate… or doubt. A moment of silence crept over them. Meredith removed her hands from her stomach and placed them on the edges of her forehead. Why did life have to suck so much?

"Why'd you sleep with Addison?"

Mark was taken aback by this… the answer was pretty obvious but it seemed like he and Meredith know the feeling of rejection… the feeling of fear… of being the dirty ex-mistress.

"I'm in love with her. I needed to do something. She was vulnerable and I wanted her. Derek found us and left. She stayed with me. It was all okay until she left for Seattle and then she never really came back."

Manhattan General Hospital was definitely one of the best in the country. And possibly the world. Meredith looked at the landscape. Night had fallen and the chill in the air became colder. Mark comfortingly placed his hands on top of hers, "You need to tell him how you feel Meredith."

"Life never goes to the side of the dirty ex-mistresses."

"Yeah. But it just depends on how it will all go down. You need to tell him…"

"Only if you tell Addison."

"Do you wanna know secret?"

"Sure. I'm here in New York… waiting for the love of my life and his wife… I've got time."

"Addison never told Derek about us. The affair was longer than just that once… and after Derek left."


Meredith raised her eyebrows. 'McSteamy and Addison have been hiding this for how long?'

"Really? Seriously?"

"Oh yeah. Total, one and a half years. The year came after Derek left. Addison and I were emotionally involved for six months before we actually… you know. She called me over one night when she was feeling lonely and needed someone to talk to. Next thing you know we were on the bed, Derek walks in, turns are and leaves."

"Oh…"

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Well I have to take this. If you're ever in New York and in need of a bed to sleep in…"

"I'm okay."

"I hope you make the right decision. With Derek. Who knows maybe Addison will come back to me."

"I hope things go down on our side."

"Bye Meredith."

"Mark."

--

"What's wrong?" Derek looked at Meredith and saw the extreme hurt in her eyes.

"I went to New York to go after you."

Chapter 11: Catching the Past, Running from the Future

Derek turned his head and looked at Meredith who now got off thetable and circled around the island of the kitchen toward the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. Meredith's breaths were slow and steady as she looked to Derek for some notion that he was still there mentally.

"What?" Derek's eyes followed Meredith's every movement, hoping that she would give him an answer to settle his inner turmoil.

"I went after you. After I found out I was pregnant. I wanted you back and I figured that a baby would be the solution but…" Meredith looked at the sink seeing her rippled reflection embedded into the metallic surface. It didn't seem like much but there was more that she did…

Addison drummed her fingers on her juju. The hot liquid swayed back and forth. As she looked up, Meredith Grey came walking down the hall with a swollen stomach.

"Meredith," Addison barely whispered her name in complete shock.

"Addison, can I ask you for a favor?" Meredith swallowed hoping that Addison would say no and let her head back to Seattle but some part of Meredith screamed out to Addison for help. Help with the unborn child she was carrying.

"Sure. What do you need?"

Meredith shrugged, "Medical advice? Privately."

Addison nodded still shocked, "Does Derek know?"

"That's the thing. I want an exam… just to be sure everything is alright. I'm already here right? But I don't want Derek to know."

"Okay, go to exam…" Addison looked down at the nurses log and saw a few open rooms. 'Derek's in surgery in OR 3… the furthest room is… 734' "734. I need to finish this chart and I'll see you there in a few. Derek is in surgery by the way. Last time I checked he still has…7 more hours."

In exam 734, Meredith nervously sat on the bed and absentmindedly staring off into oblivion. Addison knocked and Meredith nodded for her to walk in. Addison quickly closed the curtain behind her.

"Meredith…"

"Addison… please."

"I won't tell Derek if you don't want me too but please tell me, why are you here?"

"I want Derek to come back to Seattle."

"Oh." Addison turned looking at the ultrasound.

"But I'm not going to bring him back. I screwed things up. I should have known that he was married. A wedding ring in his closet, a torn photo of him in a tuxedo with a veil hanging on the side…"

Addison accidentally curled her fists at the thought of Derek tearing a picture of them at their wedding but she quickly shook it off realizing that this was not the time to bring that up.

"Meredith, I won't tell him. Doctor patiently confidentially. But I advise you to."

"I know. Can we get on with the exam?"

"Sure. One more question, why me? It is to make me jealous or…"

"It's nothing like that. I want the best. Plain and simple."

Addison smiled at the compliment and quickly began the exam.

"ADDISON KNEW!" Derek's eyes filled with rage.

"Derek, please don't be mad," Meredith was pleading, pleading for him to calm down, for her to explain her feelings to him.

"What do you want me to do Meredith? Sad or maybe I should be jealous. Jealous that you told my ex-wife that cheated one me that you were pregnant but you couldn't take two damn seconds to tell me, the father!" Derek was sure as hell angry, his eyes blazed a deathly red shade. Meredith's breath quickened as she looked to her sides for an escape if Derek got too angry.

"I'm sorry! I just couldn't…"

"Couldn't what Meredith? You have got to take responsibility for things in your life, for once."

That was it. Meredith had endured Derek's lies, lived through him being gone, and was willing to give this relationship another chance but now he was telling her to take responsibility?

"Me take responsibility? What the hell are you trying to say? I raised my daughter for five years without any of your help and you are calling me irresponsible? I gave you another chance after you left. How about you take responsibility Derek? I find out you have a wife and then you turn around and walk away. That's it. No goodbye or apologies or anything. You just walked away. Take responsibility for what you did. For breaking my heart. I had no obligation to tell you about Madison. None at all. I don't believe you have the fucking audacity to tell me to take responsibility." Meredith's tiny ineffectual fists curled tightly, "Leave Derek."

"What?"

"Leave. Walk away. Do what you do best."

With that, Derek turned and left, "This is over Meredith. I'll be back to get my daughter."

Meredith shut her eyes and tried to pretend that none of this happened. She quickly reached for the phone, "Merci West? About that 6 month temporary program…"

Oh wow, I'll tell you something, I didn't expecta fight when I was writing this chapter. Seriously I wasn't it just came to me. Wow. Anyway review of this might not end the way you want it too because I'll have to cut it short. I love you.

--and if you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it somewhere only we know

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane