Chapter 14: Faith
She ran… and Meredith Grey was not a runner. She walked away, ignored, judge, and criticized but she was not a runner. Meredith took in a confused breath as she opened the door to the stairwell. She heard it slam shut as she ran down the stairs, further and further away from him. Izzie or George knew that they would take Madison home and she would call them later to remind them but if there was one place that Meredith Grey could not be it was standing anywhere near Derek Sheperd. Struggling with her keys her arm started to shake. Shutting the door of her Jeep tightly, she shut her eyes while tossing the keys into the ignition. There was only one place that she could go…
Flipping her cell phone opened, Meredith began to dial. It rang a few times before a timid voice answered, "Iz?"
"Yeah?" Izzie questioned softly as she finished the sentence she was writing in the chart.
Meredith turned into the freeway on-ramp and started to speed, "Izzie, I need to get out. I need space."
"M-Mer?" Izzie started to sound worried. Her casual, joking voice had faded away revealing a compassionate side to Izzie that was such a huge part of her. As she took a moment to think about her friend, Izzie replied, "Are you okay?'
"I need to escape. Just for a little while. Take care of Madison for me?" Meredith started speeding even faster, "I know that I shouldn't leave her but I can't face him Iz. Not anymore."
Izzie paused for a moment, moving her right arm up and down in odd gestures trying to understand what her friend was telling her, "You can't just run away Mer. You know that you can't. The past comes back to get you and running away just makes it harder to deal with it later."
"I-I know I just can't be in Seattle right now. I need my space and air. I have to starting breathing again. And start feeling again."
"What happened?"
"Derek and I had an argument… the kitchen needs cleaning by the way," Meredith exited off the freeway and toward a coffee shop hoping that the caffeine would give her mind the boost that it needed, "and it ended. He-We-I made it very clear that we can't have a relationship. There's too much between us."
"Running off to the airport to go somewhere isn't going to solve anything Meredith," Izzie stated a matter-of-factly, not noticing that someone overheard her.
Derek Sheperd was known for how he could just walk away from his problems. When he caught Addison cheating on him with Mark, he walked away. Just as he had when Meredith found out about Addison. Though he loved her then and now, hell he would always love her… he realized that relationship was broken and time could heal it and that he would return one day when the wounds were healed and they would started over, begin again and find the strength in themselves as well as those they cared about to move on a start a new life. He wasn't going to give up just yet. Madison's hand had long slid into his and he saw the little girl smile. She had Meredith's undoubtedly. Then he remembered the fight, the indifference that was etched in her eye. Derek couldn't believe that he was one that caused her to break and fall. Like a vase…
Madison started skipped as Derek took longer strides to match his daughter's pace. Walking over to the nurses station he saw Izzie madly gesturing, "Running off to the airport to go somewhere isn't going to solve anything Meredith."
Derek froze; Meredith was running away. She was leaving him with Madison and she was escaping… Madison's hand slid out of Derek's as she rocked back and forth smiling.
After an aggravated moment, Izzie snapped her phone shut and sighed. Derek called out to her, "Dr. Stevens, please watch Madison!"
Madison bounded over to her aunt while Derek pivoted on his heel and took off…
He had to get to the airport before it was too late.
Sipping her latte while exiting the coffee shop, Meredith thought of where she was going to go. She didn't want to go anywhere in the area. In truth, she preferred seclusion. It gave her a better chance to not get hurt…
Driving off again, a few tears sprung to her eyes. It wasn't like her to just give up her entire world in a second. But all in all, Meredith knew that this was a mistake. A mistake that she had to make…
Sloppily parking and heading out, Meredith fiddled with her purse trying to locate the nearest usable credit card. Upon reaching the check-in counter, she looked at the woman working, "What is the soonest flight I can get on?"
The woman looked at Meredith and quickly typed in a few words, "Where to?"
"Just the next flight," Meredith answered simply, her foot starting a rhythmic toe-tap.
Exchanging glances with the screen and Meredith, the woman looked utterly confused. A few moments later, she made an attempt to understand, "Spur of the moment?"
"You could say that."
A smile reached woman before she gave her the information that she needed, "Five to Chicago."
Meredith handed the woman her credit card and nodded. A few moments later the transaction was made, Meredith headed off to security, holding in a breath, hoping that this was what she needed all the while knowing that nothing could be more wrong.
Derek ran up to the check-in counter faster than he ever ran before. Unable to speak coherent sentences, the woman had to start for him, "You are heading?"
"I was hoping that you could tell me…"
"Spur of the moment," an all knowing smile reached her face.
"Yeah… I just need to… get through to someone," Derek said while he was thumbing through his wallet to find the appropriate payment plan.
"You're not the first one today that needs a spur of the moment trip. A young lady came by about five minutes ago. Bought a ticket to Chicago."
Derek stopped and made eye contact with the woman, "Was she blonde?"
"Dirty yes. Beautiful woman. Seemed distant though. I hope she gets through her problems… so where do you wanna go?"
"Chicago."
Unsure of whether she should choose turkey or chicken, Meredith blinked a few times looking at the small sandwich place's menu. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her heart thudded in her chest. It was so hard to decide. Left or right, dark or light.
Sadness or happiness. A voice in her head told her. Walking up to the clerk, she muttered, "I'll have…"
"The special of the day?" He supplied hopefully.
"No…"
"Smoked bacon avocado?"
"No," Meredith implied forcefully before turning around, running into someone in the process.
"Mer?" He questioned her softly, his arms gripping her shoulders.
Avoiding his gaze at all cost, she tried to step out of his arms but all the attempts she made, failed, "Lemme go Derek."
"No, I'm not going to let you walk away just like I did," His grip tightened, he needing to get through to her, "I'm so sorry."
"That isn't enough," she was even going to attempt to yell. That was pretty clear a few hours ago.
"I don't want you to go Meredith. We can work this out. We're us."
"Derek…"
"Right now," Derek started, "I am going to give you a choice. Leave or go. If you leave, you're going to give up everything. I know you will. So what's it going to be Meredith?"
They both knew that all the words that needed to be exchanged, already were. It was done and finished and all Meredith had to do was take a turn, left or right…
Madison happily skipped into school. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was more than thrilled. It was hard on her lately, but with people that loved her around her, she would make it through and she knew that. As a new five year old, she knew that the world was at her fingertips and all she had to do was dip them in the paint and see what happens…
Derek sighed as he watched his daughter walk into the school, "She's so bright. Overall."
The figure next to him looked straight ahead and managed a small smile, "Yeah. Just like us."
Derek intertwined his fingers with Meredith and for once she didn't object. At the airport on that day, she opted to leave, Derek let her go and watched her walk away from him. A short hour later, there she was, walking into the bar smiling. When he saw her, she slid into the seat next to him, "Wanna buy me a drink?"
They both had realized that the tangled webs that they wove drove them into this in the first place and it was near impossible to think or how they could go back to the way there were. Meredith made eye contact with Derek before focusing on the swing set a few feet away.
"Are," Derek ventured, "we okay?"
"Yeah, we're okay…"
"Do you think I caught up with the past?" Derek asked as he pulled her closed to him slightly, his free hand tucking back a strand of loose hair.
"You're getting there. We both are."
Pain is like a shadow. It follows you wherever you go. But sometimes, it disappears leaving a pure ray of happiness.