"You call yourself a Marsan?" I hear you all cry. Oh yes, absolutely.

"If you kill Susan, the story will be over!" you say. Well, yes, that's a very good point. But how do you know I'm not twisted and crazy?!

Once again, thank you so so much for all the reviews – abigailc, Melissa Larkin, NotHereAtTheMoment, saved-by-grace, tv-crazy, lemonjelly and dupton. You can now go ahead and leave as many anonymous reviews as you like…as long as you keep reviewing!

Mmm, so what happens now? Read on and find out…

Lost and Found

Everyone stood in shock. The shrill ring of the telephone sounded, but nobody moved.

Susan was dead?

Mark felt his stomach turning somersaults and he ran to the toilets to be sick. His head was spinning, the words repeating over and over in his mind – 'caught up in the storm…broken propeller…crashed…no survivors'.

'How could this have happened?' Mark questioned. Only a few hours ago everything had been normal; no, better than normal. Life had been great. And now…what? Nothing? He sat back, leaning against the toilet door. His body felt numb. He tried to get his head around the idea of never seeing Susan again and he felt sick, leaning over the toilet to throw up again.

When there was nothing left in his stomach, Mark stumbled out of the toilet and towards the lounge, conscious that he was being watched. The ER was still as everyone tried to come to terms with the news. Mark rushed into the lounge and went to the sink to pour himself a glass of water, his hand shaking as he held the glass. His mouth was dry and a sickly aftertaste had settled. He stood leaning against the sink, not sure what to do. He didn't want to believe it; he couldn't believe it.

Doug and Carol came into the lounge after him.

"Mark?" Carol's voice was croaky and tearful.

Doug walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry."

Mark shrugged him off. He didn't want their sympathy; he didn't care if they were upset. He just wanted it all to be a bad dream that he would wake up from. Only this was real, and Susan was dead.

"Leave me alone," Mark whispered, barely audible.

"What?" Doug asked, taking a step closer to hear what Mark had said.

"I said, leave me alone," Mark said, a little louder.

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Carol said.

Mark noted the irony of this statement. No, he shouldn't be alone right now, he should be with Susan.

"Mark…" Doug started, reaching out to touch Mark's shoulder again.

Mark moved away. "I just want to be left alone," he said, frustrated that they weren't listening to him. They didn't understand. She had said that she wasn't going anywhere; she had promised that she wouldn't leave. And now he was faced with the prospect of spending the rest of his life without her and he could feel his heart physically break in two.

"I'm not leaving you on your own," Doug said.

"Just GO AWAY!" Mark yelled.

Doug was so surprised by this outburst that he stumbled backwards, watching as Mark kicked a chair across the room in anger.

"Mark…" Carol tried to calm him down.

"GET OUT!" Mark screamed. "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Doug grabbed Carol and pushed her out of the lounge, pulling the door shut behind them. Everyone outside had stopped what they were doing and were staring at the lounge. Behind them, Doug and Carol could hear crashing as Mark proceeded to vent his anger on any breakable object he could find. Finally, it went quiet.

"Do you think we should go back in there?" Carol said, as she fought back tears.

"No, I think we should do what he asked and just leave him alone," Doug said, pulling her into him to comfort her.

The ER was eerily silent. Even the patients knew to be well-behaved as everyone stood in mourning. One by one, some of the doctors and nurses began to go back to work. People moved slowly and quietly so as not to disturb the calmness that had enveloped the ER. Doug stayed at the admit desk, trying the review some charts whilst keeping one eye on the door to the lounge. There had been no noise and no movement since Mark's earlier outburst. Carol sat next to him in a chair, staring into space.

Doug glanced down at Carol. "How are you doing?"

Carol looked up at him, a vacant look in her eyes. She opened her mouth, but couldn't find any words to say, so she simply shook her head. Doug reached down to touch her arm reassuringly.

Suddenly the peacefulness of the ER was shattered as a gurney was pushed out of the lift, almost knocking Kerry over as she came downstairs from the meeting.

"We need some help here!"

Doug did a double take and Carol nearly fell off her chair as a familiar body rushed past them.

"Susan!" Carol called, running after her with Doug closely behind.

The ER woke up and a buzz filled the air. Susan, who was completely oblivious to the reaction she had caused, began to relay details to Doug.

"Twenty-nine year old male, major head and chest traumas. Possible tension pneumo, his BP's low and he needs a central line. Let's get an ABG, chest film and CT, and let's give him four of O-neg…what?"

Susan was aware that Doug and Carol were staring strangely at her. They stopped outside the trauma room as the nurses pushed the patient inside. Carol reached out and hugged her.

"We thought you were dead," she cried.

Susan looked puzzled. "Dead?"

"They told us your helicopter had crashed on the way to the accident," Doug said.

Susan shook her head. "It got a little rough for a while, but we made it ok. We got delayed coming back and the radio cut out in the storm."

"So you're ok?" Carol asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Susan said, bewildered.

"Uh, guys, when you're done, this patient could do with some help," Haleh said, sticking her head out of the trauma room.

Susan, Doug and Carol started to follow, but Doug held out his arm to stop Susan.

"You'd better go find Mark," he said, before disappearing into the trauma room.

Susan stood outside the trauma room, tired and completely confused. They had thought she was dead? The idea was crazy, yet everyone proceeded to come up to her and hug her, telling her they were glad she was ok. Even the patients seemed pleased to see her. Susan suddenly thought of Mark, remembering Doug's words, and realising that Mark thought she was dead.

Meanwhile, Kerry was cursing at nearly being run over by a gurney as she walked into the lounge. Her mouth dropped open at what she saw. Mark was sat at the table, his head in his hands. There was furniture and broken plates scattered everywhere.

"Mark, what the hell has been going on?" Kerry exclaimed.

Mark looked up at her, his eyes red from crying.

"Mark, what's wrong?" Kerry asked, immediately concerned.

"It's Susan. She's dead."

Kerry looked confused. "No she's not."

"Yes, Kerry, she is," Mark said, the tears continuing to fall. "There was an accident…"

"No, Mark, she's not," Kerry interrupted. "Not unless she's got an identical twin, because I've just seen her pushing a gurney towards the trauma room."

"What?" Mark looked up at Kerry and saw that she was serious. He shot up from his chair and out the door towards the trauma room. His heart leapt as, from a distance, he saw her slim shape outside trauma room one, talking to Carol and Doug. He rushed round the admit desk, and as he turned the corner he could see her body, alive and well, being pulled in one direction and the next by her friends and colleagues. She turned around, her expression changing from confusion to relief when she saw Mark.

"Hey," she said softly.

Mark didn't speak, not trusting his voice. He ran up to her and wrapped her up in his arms. Susan put his arms around his waist and held on tightly, partly to comfort him and partly to support herself, fearing that her legs were about to buckle underneath her from exhaustion.

"I thought you were dead," Mark whispered into her ear, trying to make her understand.

"I know," Susan said simply. She pulled back slightly to look at his face and was pained by what she saw. She cupped his face with her hands. "I know," she repeated. She lifted her head and kissed him, wanting him to know that she was here, and alive, and ok. He buried his head in her shoulder, crying with relief that it had all been a mistake.

They stood in the middle of the hallway, holding on to each other, oblivious to everyone else around them. Eventually Mark pulled back to look at Susan.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Mark. I'm not in any hurry to get back on a helicopter, but I'm fine," Susan answered, trying to reassure him. Mark kissed her forehead. Only moments earlier he had thought he would never see her again, but now she was in his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

Suddenly, he felt Susan's body go limp in his arms and she collapsed to the floor.

"Susan?" Mark cried. He lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the closest exam room.

"What happened?" Kerry asked, as she and Lydia raced across to help.

"She fainted," Mark said, as he checked Susan's pupils. "Can I get some saline in here."

Kerry backed out of the room, knowing that she wasn't needed here. Lydia had told her what had happened, and she understood now why the lounge looked like a bomb had fallen there. She left Mark to deal with Susan and went to yell at Jerry for eating behind the desk again and leaving a trail of crumbs.

Later, when Doug and Carol came out the trauma room, they immediately went to find Susan. She had come around from her black out and was now sat up in bed, attached to a drip to re-hydrate her.

"Are you ok?" Carol asked, concerned. "What happened?"

Susan was starting to grow tired of everyone asking her this question.

"I'm fine, I just fainted," she answered irritably. "It's not like I…"

"Died?" Doug interjected. Susan understood his point.

"How's the husband?" Susan asked, changing the subject.

"He's gone up to surgery," Doug answered. "The wife was a DOA."

Mark came into the room. He placed his hand on Doug's shoulder and smiled at him. It was his way of apologising for earlier. Doug nodded and Mark turned his attention back onto Susan.

"How are you feeling? Do you want anything?"

Susan shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Mark, I'm alright," Susan said, wearily.

"Are you hungry? You should eat."

Susan sighed. "All I want to do is go home."

Doug could see her frustration at Mark's fussing.

"Hey, Mark, why don't you take Susan home. I'll cover the end of your shift," he offered.

Mark looked unsure.

"Thanks Doug, that'd be great," Susan said, smiling gratefully at Doug. She stood up slowly, taking the drip out of her arm and reaching for her coat. Mark hovered around her, supporting her body as she stood up. For once, Susan was grateful for the help.

"At least we don't have to worry about how to tell everyone about us now," Susan said, trying to make the atmosphere a little more light-hearted.

Carol laughed. "You don't really think they didn't know, do you?"

"Besides, I think everyone probably guessed after Mark trashed the lounge," Doug said.

Susan looked up, amazed. "You trashed the lounge?" she asked Mark.

Mark looked embarrassed and shrugged. They said goodbye to Doug and Carol and went outside to the car. They were both quiet on the journey home. Susan longed to curl up in bed and sleep, while Mark felt emotionally drained. When they got to Susan's apartment, Susan went to have a shower while Mark set about making drinks for them. Susan emerged about twenty minutes later, dressed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Do you want anything?" Mark asked.

Susan shook her head. "No, I'm just going to go straight to bed."

She sat on her bed and watched as Mark fussed around her. He picked up her dirty towels from the floor, he moved her stuffed frog from the end of her bed, he started to tidy the kitchen. He wanted to keep busy, scared in case he stopped and he found out that this wasn't real, and that Susan was dead again.

"Mark?"

"What? Are you ok?" Mark panicked.

'If I had a dollar for every time someone had asked me that today, I'd be rich,' Susan thought. "Would you come and sit down here for a minute."

Mark came and sat beside Susan on the bed. She took his hands in hers.

"I need you to stop, ok?" she said softly. "I need you to stop asking me if I'm ok and I need you to stop fussing around me. I can't take it any more."

Mark looked upset and Susan felt guilty. She sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you've had a shitty day. I can't imagine what you've been through. I mean, I try…I think about how I would feel if it was you, and it's unbearable."

Susan brought her hand up to Mark's face and started to feel choked. Tears sprang up in Mark's eyes.

"I thought I was never going to see you again," Mark said. "I don't ever want to feel like that again."

They were both crying now.

"I don't want anything to happen to you. I want to protect you," Mark continued.

"Oh, Mark. You can't stop the bad things from happening. Bad things happen all the time that you can't control. We see that everyday at work," Susan said. "We can't wrap ourselves up in cotton wool for the rest of our lives."

"But I don't want to lose you," Mark said.

Susan reached across to hug him. "I don't want to lose you, either."

They sat holding each other, realising how much they meant to each other. Mark could feel Susan slowly drifting off to sleep in his arms. He gently shifted her body and laid her down on the bed, pulling a blanket over her.

"Stay with me," Susan murmured. She held out her arm, reaching for Mark. He lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you so much," Susan whispered to him, before falling asleep.

Mark closed his eyes, letting her words repeating over and over in his head as he fell asleep.

"I love you too."

Ok, you were right…like I would really kill Susan! Thanks for all your comments, please keep reviewing :)

And I'm going to make the next few chapters a bit more cheery!