holy bloody hell. it's been almost a year since i last updated this! i'm sorry! my laptop crashed last august while i was in the middle of rewriting this chapter and i got discouraged, so i said fuck a new laptop, i have games coming out that i want and conventions, so i did that instead. i'm so sorry, to anyone that still follows this or me, ha.

again, combined chapters 4&5 and a huge change from the previous story, which means new content soon!

"Love is so irrational- oh, oh,
the more we we fight the less I know- oh, oh.
Well, I want you just as bad,
Oh, just as bad as I always have,
I want you just as bad."

- Tete-A-Tete, Walk the Moon.

Mello kicked his legs out, ignoring the protesting squeak coming from the chains. His fingers tightly wrapped around the cool metal, moving with the small links as he pushed himself back and forth, higher and higher, climbing towards a destination he knew he'd never quite reach.

Before him, blue battled with black as a ribbon of purple claimed the skyline. Days were growing shorter and he knew that before long he would no longer be able to spend his evenings outside, musing alone. He would soon have to start retiring to his room or listen to his parents nag him over the smallest things.

Until then, he was determined to make the most out it still being light out. He hoped that his parents would for once forget to call him back inside before they went to bed; that wouldn't happen though- the were too afraid.

Afraid of what?

Mello had always questioned their motives, but to no avail. His answers were always the same and that was incredibly frustrating. Most times, he figured that his parents didn't want someone to meet up with and possibly corrupt him. This could fall back to a number of things that they did wrong in their lives and were now trying to atone for their sins by using him as an example. Apparently they had spent the better part of their lives trying to set morals and values for him- a list he'd like to see so he could check off which ones he'd broken or hadn't followed.

The only thing he was certain of, however, was that his parental units were becoming more aware of his friendship with the red head he'd gotten close to over the last couple months. He had plans to keep them in the dark as long as he could, but such things couldn't be helped once they began to get more comfortable with their secrets.

At first, his mother had been extremely wary of the gamer as he closely followed her son, patiently awaiting his next command. It didn't take her long to get used to him, thankfully, but Mello's father was an entirely different story. He still didn't approve of Matt, despite various attempts from both himself and his mother in regards to him accepting Matt. The blond had even pulled the "he's always going to be in my life, so you need to get used to it" card. If that one sentence could have sounded any gayer than it already did, he would be on a way one flight to boot camp in bumfuck nowhere.

It was times like those that Mello wished he had better self control, especially when it back to his relationship with...

Matt, who was currently leaning against one of the slanted wooden poles of the swing set, eyes watching his boyfriend soar against the decorated sky.

Not wanting to disrupt his peace, the red head watched from afar - or, closely, depending - as Mello smiled, his eyes closed and the wind ruffling his already tousled hair. The same expression that he wore the morning of the last day of the convention crossed his features as he inched closer towards the charcoal canvas littered in specks of yellow. If Mello could be a star, Matt thought, he would be the brightest of them all.

"Mel?" Matt's voice was quiet.

The swing came to a slow stop, happily rejoicing in its freedom, as Mello's feet acted like brakes against the ground underneath him. Opening his eyes, he looked at Matt with mild curiosity, his hands twitching around the chain-links as he pushed off, legs bent and preparing for immediate connection.

Time ceased to exist.

With wide eyes and a crooked grin, Matt stepped directly in front of the swing the moment he realized was Mello was about to do, awaiting the inevitability of the blond hitting him. However, he was more surprised than he thought he would've been when it actually happened. Mello laughed softly, straddling Matt's hips as he fought to recollect himself from the childish high and fits of giggles.

"Hey," he greeted the boy under him.

Smiling softly, Matt chuckled in response at the carefree persona Mello had taken on, even if was more for show. Still, even knowing this, it felt nice being the cause of said momentary happiness.

Slowly, Matt lifted a hand and brushed stray strands of gold away from Mello's face, allowing his fingers to linger lazily on silky skin. It was like caressing a flower petal, without the delicacy, because in no way was Mello delicate- ask him, he'll punch you.

"Hey, yourself," the gamer said, leaning up to meet Mello for a chaste kiss. "Your parents home?"

"Yeah." Mello deadpanned, looking up at the lilac curtain of his parent's bedroom window.

They'd called it quits early on, droning on about how they promised the pastor their help at tomorrow's church event. They had insisted that Mello attend - volunteer his time at - the function, but he blatantly refused when he realized he would be wasting his first Saturday off from school with people he didn't like or care about. Instead, he wanted to spend it laying around with Matt, like they'd done so much of over the summer.

"Damn. That sucks." Matt stated, bringing his hands along Mello's sides, "you think they'll let you come over tonight? It's the weekend."

"Hm. I don't know," the blond shivered at Matt's motions, reaching down and grasping his cold hands from their position on his waist and pulling them to his face, "they might. I have to ask."

Nodding against the dirt, Matt retrieved his hands from the possessive blond and grinning when he heard a faint "stay there!" from Mello as he retreated around the house towards the front door.

It was dark out, he realized after Mello left. And it was terrifyingly quiet, save for the drowning ambulance siren in the background and the train whistle blowing in the distance as it rolled over broken rails.

Matt shivered, blinking up to watch a plane fly by, much lower than he liked. Closing his eyes and letting his ears take over, Matt realized he didn't like being alone in the dark, especially at night.

Digging his elbows into the dirt, he leaned back, his eyes opening so that he could blankly stare off into the direction that Mello had gone. A soft glow emitting from the sliding glass was disrupted as Mello ran by it, casting his shadow on the backyard. Matt couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape his lips as he watched the light. Mello would surely ruin it when he ran back through with either a yes or no on whether he could stay with his boyfriend. Only, he wouldn't exactly refer to Matt as his boyfriend, instead, as his best friend.

Matt was fully aware of what their night together would hold and he smirked the more he thought about it. Mello, in his room and on his bed, hovering above him and creating a trail of saliva across his clavicle and sternum. Matt could already imagine the feel of Mello's hands against his naked anatomy and he could hear the pleased groans from Mello as he violated the body under him, and in turn, Matt would moan too loud for comfort.

Just thinking about it - about them - turned him on. Mello would be in for a surprise when he returned to Matt wanking it in his backyard. The mere sight of a frantic, hysterical Mello, with blue eyes wide and trying to get Matt away from the view of the window made Matt laugh. Mello would definitely claim that he was owed big time for that.

"Matt?" the voice was a startling sensation. Matt bit his lower hip to hold in a moan that had crept up the back of his throat. The faint click of the storm door closing and the footsteps of Mello heading towards him, made his situation even more difficult to keep under control.

"Yeah," he answered, rolling his hips upwards and shivering at the contact of his once loose fitting jeans rubbing against his straining erection, "over here. Right where you left me."

"They said," Mello started, sitting down beside Matt, eyeing the gamer as he fought to not give himself away.

Matt shook slightly, trying to not let himself get too wrapped up in the feeling on the fabric pushing against him. He had to still himself. Not moving meant no friction and that was slowly beginning to get to him, both mentally and physically. Matt hated it.

"You okay?" Mello asked, concerned.

"Nn, yeah." Matt answered, sitting up and wiping his hands on his thighs in attempt to accidentally - purposely - brush the bulge between his legs.

"Liar." Mello hissed, watching Matt warily as his fingers skimmed over his pants suggestively, his nose scrunching up on contact, warranting a small gasp of heated pleasure. Mello wasn't stupid, but watching Matt suffer was entertaining, to say the least. If Matt made these sounds by himself, he could only imagine what sounds he produce if he were the eliciting them.

"That bites."

"What does?" Matt turned his head to look at the blond, who took the opportunity to capture his lips, forcing his tongue into the warmth of Matt's mouth.

Dragging his tongue over Mello's intruding tongue, Matt fought back, declaring a name for himself in their battle. It would have worked, and he would have certainly won, if Mello hadn't purposely placed his hand atop the denim covering Matt's erection.

"Mm. Mels," the younger teen mewled, head falling back as Mello's hand began to knead his jeans. Matt bucked his hips, pushing against the blond as he squeezed Matt.

"Feels good, yeah?" Mello asked.

"Oh, hell yeah."

In desperate need for more contact - more friction - Matt pressed upwards harder, coaxing Mello to touch him more. A hoarse moan escaping his mouth.

Aside from the one incident where Mello nailed him against the bathroom door, they hadn't really shared another intimate moment. Yes, they had, like every other couple, fooled around in hopes of achieving satisfaction, but given the many obstacles in their way, it never happened. Thus, leaving them both, many times, with a bad case of blue balls.

"Matt," the sultry voice of his lover hung in the air as Mello nibbled on his ear, "you have no idea how much I want you right now."

"T-then... do something," Matt insisted; not that he could deny himself pleasure, even if he wanted to.

"Wow, Matty. I don't think I've ever seen you this eager before." Mello whispered, his teeth latching onto the skin right below Matt's ear, nipping at the flesh gently as he brought one leg over Matt's body so that he could straddle his hips. If he wasn't already aware of Matt's hard-on then the way he teasingly ground his hips against Matt's would give him away.

"It... it isn't everyday that I have a hot blond sitting on me, Mel."

"You'd like that though, wouldn't you?" Mello asked, pressing a trail of kisses along Matt's jaw line, stopping at the corner of his mouth in anticipation of Matt's answer.

Mello's shallow breathing ghosted over his mouth and he shuddered lightly. It was true, he would like it - hell, he would love it - but he wouldn't admit more than just liking it.

"Y-yeah. I'd like it," Matt told him, moving his head slightly so that he could press his open mouth to Mello's tantalizing lips.

Matt groaned as Mello pushed him back against the ground, his palms pressing into the dirt of either side of Matt's head. The red head whimpered in response to the sudden tingling on his bottom lip as Mello sucked the swollen skin greedily.

"Mm," he drawled, tugging at the bruising lip in attempt to coax Matt into opening his mouth.

Complying, Matt gave Mello free range of his mouth. In the midst of a weak dance of appendages, Mello pushed against Matt's lower half, earning a pleased gasp.

"Fuck." Matt's breathing was becoming ragged as he bucked against Mello, pleading with the blond for something more than just a simple grinding of his ass on his crotch. Green eyes opened wide as Mello trickled a hand down his clothed chest, rising and falling intensely, to the top of Matt's pants, his fingers working to undo the button and zipper.

"Hm?" Mello teased, slowly treading his other hand under the black cotton covering Matt's upper body, effectively pushing the fabric upwards until it nearly covered his face.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the barrier keeping Mello from his sight, he jumped at the contact of warmth spreading across his navel. Matt's stomach coiled, and he dug his fingers into the palms of his hands. Mello sucked, nipped, and licked random spots along Matt's abdomen that the red head never realized gave him pleasure.

He was more than certain that because of Mello's teasing his body would be riddled in questions in the morning.

"Mel..."

"Mm?" was the muffled reply.

Curling his fingers into the soft clothing, Matt lifted his shirt from body with one hand and the other pushing back into the ground, allowing him to sit up slightly. Slowly, Matt removed his shirt with much difficulty and tossed it lazily to the side. It crumpled up somewhere beside them, but he didn't care. The only think he could focus on was the agonizingly slow pace in which Mello was working at.

Offering a lopsided grin, Matt threw his head back and stared up at the night sky in awe of the light that shone down from the stars glittering from galaxies far away. It was then, in his moment of being lost, that he felt Mello bite the skin right above his pants and he realized that he'd never been on the receiving side of getting head. He had only sucked Mello, not the other way around.

"H-hey," he leaned towards the blond, his voice lost against the wind as it picked up speed and other noises associated with night time, "I... I, you said..."

"I said what?"

Mello peered up at him through a curtain of yellow, azure eyes burning holes into Matt as he crawled his way back up the lithe body of his boyfriend, "said that I don't give head?"

Gulping and nodding, blood rushed to Matt's cheeks, mocking him.

He hadn't expected for the words to spill so loosely from Mello, but they had, and he knew that because he brought it up he wasn't getting anything. Matt always tried to keep his words to a minimum when it came to sex because everything set Mello off and Matt wasn't exactly read to have his boyfriend call it quits before his release.

"Matty," Mello's face inched closer, their noses barely touching, "oh," he stuck his tongue out and ran it along Matt's lips, "you have no idea."

And he didn't.

And he probably never would.

"I want to do this. Think of it as an apology for my behavior at school," he whispered, lightly brushing his lips over Matt's mouth.

"You... don't have to apologize for that," Matt said, lying back on the ground and placing a hand on the side of Mello's face." It's okay."

Leaning into his touch, Mello turned his head to press his lips against the palm of said hand, his voice small as he spoke, "It's not okay. I'm sorry..."

It had been sincere- the guilt from pushing Matt away tore at his heart; the rejected look that fluttered across Matt's face as he was neglected; the secretive kisses that had been stolen by Light; it all dwindled down to one apology.

And, of course, the current situation on hand.

"Mel?" Matt spoke softly, caressing Mello's cheek with his thumb. His skin smooth and flawless.

"Mello?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?" Matt fidgeted slightly, positioning himself so that Mello was no longer seated directly on his aching front.

"Yeah," he responded, sliding his hand into the one Matt had on his face and stealing a short kiss from the gamer, serenely smiling into it as the moonlight settled over the young couple.

Regaining his composer from the weakening moment, the blond say up, forgetting his original plan of taking his time to work on Matt. He looked down at the unbuttoned pants before sliding his hand under the jean fabric. Flexing his fingers, he gripped Matt's erection and tugged, earning a low growl. The sound, however small it was, prompted Mello to try harder in order to gain that same noise, if not a better one.

He wanted to hear Matt cry out his name; wanted to hear his name fall from those beautifully bruised lips at his release; wanted to see the shimmer from the sweat that had risen on his lover's forehead as he tried to even his breathing out. Mello wanted it all.

"Nn." came Matt's plea for Mello to continue.

"Patience," was his hushed command, and before he had time to register what was going on, Mello was pushing his pants down to his knees, his hand still working Matt.

"Mel, c'mon... p-pretty," Matt practically begged, losing himself in the moment as he spread his legs apart, his hard-on resting against his thin build and encased by Mello's hand, "please, Mel."

The cool air against heated flesh was more than Matt could take and he rolled his hips into the slight squeezing the blond was giving him. He needed this more anything, and if all he could get was a hand job, then so be it, that was good enough for him.

"Let's do this," Mello said, laying down on top of Matt's partially nude body, attacking Matt's lips in a frenzy before trailing down his body, sucking and kissing here and there.

Mello's voice was husky, laden with desire and passion, making things harder for Matt to deal with.

It was now or never... and it was exciting. New, even.

Mello's breath ghosted over the tip of Matt's erection, causing Matt to shiver. Opening his mouth, he took the tip in and sucked experimentally. This small gesture earned a very pleased moan, and Mello laughed softly, pushing down and allowing the rest of Matt to enter his mouth.

"Nn," Matt mewled, bringing a hand to the top of Mello's head and threading his fingers through his soft hair.

Mello took this as an invitation to do more than just suck. His tongue swirling around the heated flesh as his head bobbed up and down in repetitive motion. Each lick here and each suck there, brought Matt closer towards his release. Small noises emitting from his mouth, and the grip on Mello's hair tightening. It was too much.

Mello stopped momentarily, removing Matt from his mouth as he sat up, blue locking with half lid green. The pleasure on Matt's face was perfection, and he couldn't help but wonder if this was the way Matt felt when he was the one giving head. He felt amazing knowing that he was the cause of this - the cause of Matt's wrinkled nose and swollen lips, the cause his chest rapidly rising and falling, the cause of Matt's pleasure.

Without another thought, his mouth engulfed Matt for a second time, pushing Matt deeper into the confines of his mouth as he kneaded himself through his pants. He had no idea that giving head would turn him on, and he had no idea that it would cause him to moan around Matt's cock.

"F-fuck!" Matt cried, tugging at Mello's hair, forcing him to stop.

"What?" Mello asked, dazed and slightly confused.

"U-use your hand," the red head instructed, knowing Mello wouldn't appreciate it if he got his load off in his mouth.

Mello did as told, understanding Matt's soft request. He gripped the base with one hand and pulled several times, coaxing a series of swears from Matt's mouth as he came. White fluid covering his fingers and dripping onto Matt's body as he shuddered, his head lolled back against the ground and his breathing labored.

Matt wouldn't tell Mello, but that one tiny noise from the blond did him in. It brought him to completion.

"Feel better?"

"Mm, yeah." Matt answered. "But, I'm sure you don't feel that great."

Mello laughed. Unbelievable. How the hell did Matt know?

"Want me to fix it?" the red head asked, sitting up and looking at Mello, face flush.

"Not right now," he said, smirking.

"Well shit. When?"

"Later tonight," Mello told him, wrapping his arms around Matt's torso and pulling him close, his chin resting on Matt's shoulder. "When we can finally break your bed in."

"W-what?"

"My parents said I could come over."

Matt stared, eyes wide, re-imagining all the things that had gotten them into this predicament in the first place. Was this real? Had they actually not been a pair of nazis for once?

They were going to be alone. No parents, no friends, no intruders. This was actually happening. Matt couldn't believe it.

"Get dressed. I'll go get my things." Mello said, standing up and wiping his hand against his pants before heading towards the house.

Matt smiled, shaking his head and looking forward to the rest of the night ahead of them. It felt like it was going to be a night of firsts. He couldn't wait to find out what else Mello had in store.

"Hey, Matt?" Mello called from the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," he said loud enough for Matt hear, followed by the sound of the door shutting thirty seconds later.

Yeah, things were definitely going to be interesting.

so, this is the first smut of any kind that i've written in three years. i took out a lot from the original chapters, but i'm totally saving that for the next chapter. maybe. idk yet. i hope you guys enjoyed.

review please. thanks.

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