so, i figure that if i keep updating this at the rate i'm going at i'll have this finished in no time. i've rekindled my love for matt and mello over the last week, so because of that, i've been writing my ass off. also, i lost my job. it's also a cure for my boredom since i've stopped gaming as much. yay?

enjoy.

"In this room without a view,
(don't turn on me now, don't turn on me)
all I can see is you.
Open your window for me;
this is my only hope that I may walk
through the darkness and find
my way home."

- A New Focus, This Day & Age.

Matt rolled over in attempt to get comfortable, one hand blindly searching for the blanket he'd kicked off in the middle of the night. When he realized that he couldn't find it, he cracked open his eyes only to be met with Mello laying on his side and facing him. Mello looked serene; no worries etched on his face as he slept. Blond locks had fallen into his face and Matt wanted to push them out of the way so he could get a better look at his boyfriend. It was then that he noticed his blanket was completely wrapped around Mello's body and that he wouldn't be getting it back any time soon.

Matt extended a hand out, gently trailing his fingers along Mello's exposed cheek, his hand forcing the hair to move from Mello's face. Mello stirred slightly, instinctively leaning into Matt's touch. It was such a small gesture, but it made Matt's heart soar. Knowing that he did this to Mello, that he made him happy- it did wonders for the red head and the way he thought about himself.

He felt wanted, needed, and most importantly, he felt loved.

Slowly running his hand down Mello's side to stop at his waist, a barely there smile graced his lips. Mello was perfection and he was his, and Matt had never felt luckier than he did in that moment.

"Hey," Mello whispered, startling Matt from his thoughts.

Matt's eyes lit up and he fisted the blanket covering Mello's body. "Morning, Mels."

The blond rolled over onto his back, forcing Matt to remove his hand, and he lifted up the blanket to silently offer Matt some of his warmth. Scooting over closer to Mello, the red head welcomed the heat as he propped his head against his hand.

"What time is it?" a groggy Mello asked, turning back to over to his original spot so that he could mimick Matt's position.

"I don't know," Matt said. "Too early."

Mello chuckled. "It's never too early, only too late."

"Then does that mean we need to get out of bed?" Matt asked.

Mello blinked. "Probably."

"Damn," the red head muttered. "I was enjoying this."

"Me too," Mello admitted. "But, I really have to pee."

Matt nodded to the best of his ability in his awkward position and removed himself from the covers, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. Instantly he regretted it. Matt had finally warmed up and now it was being taken from him. Life hated him sometimes.

Mello came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Matt's chest and kissing the nape of his neck. A shiver ran down Matt's spine and he turned his head to the side, catching Mello's lips in a closed-mouth kiss. Mello used this oppurtunity to get off the bed, using Matt for support.

"I'll be right back," the blond told him, pulling away.

For the first time that morning Matt was able to find out that it was a little after nine, though he knew he'd been awake for at least an hour. The red head thought about what they would do for the rest of the day, seeing that Mello's parents hadn't given him a time in which they'd like him home. Matt had just assumed they'd spend it laying around all day, throw in a few make-out sessions or maybe a quickie, and enjoy spending time together since it would start to get progressively harder with school. Matt's father had left for the weekend, giving him free reign of the house until sometime Sunday morning, so really they could do anything they wanted.

Knowing Mello though, he'd probably want to go out. Pull a couple pranks, get into a little bit of trouble, the usual.

The only problem with that was having to hide themselves out of fear that someone would see them holding hands or stealing a small kiss; they would tell Mello's parents, he was sure. Everyone who knew anyone was aware of their stand on homosexuality and they wouldn't hesitate to inform his parents of their child's sins.

For some reason this infuriated Matt. Maybe it was their old school way of thinking, or their overly religious point of views, or how they would treat their own flesh and blood for not turning out the way they wanted. Whatever it was, it really pissed him off.

But, until the time came where he needed to speak up or tell Mello how he felt, he would keep those emotions filed in the back of his mind under stupid fucking people.

"You're thinking too hard." Mello's voice broke the red head out of his reverie.

"Not really," Matt uttered.

"Defintely were," the blond reiterated.

Matt rolled his eyes and motioned for Mello to come over to him. Mello obliged and Matt wrapped his arms around Mello, burying his face in the fabric adorning his chest. He couldn't imagine not having this, especially since he'd finally gotten used to the idea of being with someone. Matt didn't know how he would react if it was taken from him.

"This is nice and all, but I'm hungry." Mello said, grabbing Matt's arms and pulling him up so that the red head was standing. Matt led the way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Have whatever," Matt offered, jumping up and sitting on the island in the center of the kitchen, his feet swinging.

It didn't take long for Mello to decide that he wanted something light to eat, so he settled on an apple. Matt was sure he would've gone for the banana in order to tease him. Needless to say, he was shocked when Mello grabbed the apple and took a decent sized bite out of it.

The rest of the morning was almost as slow. They sat on the couch, talking and flicking through different television stations because neither teen could figure out what they wanted to watch. Matt was content with watching Saturday morning cartoons or the gaming channel. Of course, Mello couldn't be bothered with either one of his choices; instead stating that he'd rather watch something informative, with depth, or a movie.

Finding a movie was no piece of cake either.

Matt wanted comedy, something he could laugh at. Mello wanted suspense, something that would have him trying to decipher cryptic codes before the movie ended. Matt then suggested a horror movie, mainly because he hated anything scary and it gave him an excuse to hide his face against Mello's person. Matt hadn't told his boyfriend about his dislike for horror flicks, and he had no plans to ever tell him. Mello seemed fine with this movie genre, so he set about finding the scariest, most gore filled movie he could.

"I'll be right back," Matt announced at random. "Don't start!"

Mello nodded and leaned back against the couch, his legs straightened out and his feet propped up on the coffee table. "Okay, hurry your ass up."

Matt laughed and shook his head as he disappeared into the back of the house in search for a blanket he would use for cover, drinks for them both, and a quick something to eat.

"Ready?" Mello questioned as Matt sat down beside him, placing their glasses on the table. Matt nodded with a day old slice of pizza hanging from his mouth, wrapping the blue blanket around his body. Mello's only response was a shake of his head.

The movie started normally, pointing out the main cast and mapping out what would be happening as it progressed. Not even fifteen minutes in and Mello was already rattling off who he thought the killer would be before anyone died. He would tell Matt all of his possible theories based off how each person was acting and Matt could do nothing but chuckle. How could he know this when all they'd watched was a pool party and a rejection from the hottest girl in the movie? Surely the guy rejected would be the killer because he got rejected.

"I'm sure there's more to it than unrequited love, Mello."

"I doubt it. These movies are always the same," the blond said, keeping his eyes on the screen. "They're so predictable, it's sad."

"What if he's not the killer?"

"Then she is," Mello pointed to the brunette girl walking across the screen with a drink in her hand. "She's pissed that the guy she wants, who was the guy rejected, wants the other girl that turned his ass down. So she's going to go on a killing spree."

Matt arched an eyebrow. "I bet she's the first one dead."

Mello looked at him incredulously. "What makes you say that?"

"The drunkest one always dies first and she's pretty fucked up," Matt explained.

They went back to watching and sure enough, true to Matt's word, the drunk girl was killed first. Mello paused the movie to stare at the red head, who shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly grinned. This earned a smack on the head from the pillow Mello had been leaning against. Matt laughed.

If asked, Matt couldn't say when he stopped watching the movie and became more interested in Mello and his own thoughts. At some point he'd manage to scoot himself over to the blond, ball part of the blanket up and place his head in Mello's lap. He tried to continue watching the movie, but when the masked killer shoved a butcher knife through some guy's back, he decided that he'd rather not vomit all over the place. Instead, he busied himself by studying Mello's features, thinking about what he'd rather be doing, and how they would be going back to ignoring one another in a few days.

"Matt," a soft voice spoke. "Hey, wake up."

Matt stirred, turning and burying his face against Mello's stomach, inhaling deeply. He pulled his legs up closer towards his body and twisted the blanket around his arms, cuddling into the warmth and soft strokes against his side. Matt didn't want to wake up yet.

"Come on." Mello gently pushed Matt's chin up, forcing sleepy green eyes to open. Mello couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. Matt was too cute for words, especially when he was waking up.

"I don't wanna," the red head said, rolling onto his back.

"Please?" Mello asked, leaning down to press his lips against Matt's. "My mom called and they're almost done at the church. She's going to pick me up on the way."

Matt groaned before sitting up. "How long ago and what time is it?"

"Like ten minutes ago or something," the blond answered. "And it's about noon, I think."

Either that had been one long as hell movie or Mello continued to let him sleep after it ended. That had Matt wondering how Mello occupied himself afterwards, seeing as he was being used as a pillow and really couldn't get up without disturbing him.

"Think we have enough time for anything?" Matt inquired, playing with the hem of his shirt.

Mello laughed, placed both hands on either side of Matt's face and pushed their lips together roughly. Matt let out a startled noise as he pulled Mello back down onto the couch, one hand splayed across the middle of his back and the other combing through Mello's hair in a lazy attempt to bring them closer together. Mello smiled against Matt's lips before raking his tongue along his bottom lip, to which Matt eagerly opened his mouth for their tongues to dance.

Matt bucked his hips upwards and the colliding friction with Mello's arousal earned him a very pleasing moan in response. Mello pulled away, blue eyes taking in the sight below him. Matt's eyes wide and sparkling, his breathing slightly labored and his lips bruised. It was a look that his partner wore well.

They stayed like that, eyes searching each other for something unspeakable and well aware that they'd never find what they were looking for. It was hard to find what had already been found, but there was nothing wrong with trying. And try they would. A lot, actually.

"I'm gonna miss this," Matt expressed softly.

"We'll have other chances," Mello whispered, leaning down to steal a brief kiss.

A car horn sounded in the distance and Mello jumped, groaning unhappily. Rolling his eyes, he pushed himself up and off of Matt with help from the couch. Matt frowned, sat up and watched Mello put his shoes on. He didn't want the blond to leave, he wanted him to stay a little longer; wanted them to keep cuddling on the couch with silent promises and little declarations of love.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Mello asked, standing up and placing a hand on the door knob.

"Yeah," the red head halfheartedly answered.

"Love you, Matt." Mello said him. He grinned when Matt reciprocated his words.

Matt sighed and looked down at his lap. He hated taking care of his problem by himself. His thoughts did no justice in comparison to the real thing. He could only wonder how awkward Mello had to feel sitting in the car with his parents and a raging hard-on.

Something didn't feel right to Mello as he plopped down on his bed after he'd eaten dinner with his parents, listening to them prattle on about what they did to help the church out and how he should have been there because people were asking for him. He promised that he'd attend in the morning as long as they'd shut up; though he didn't exactly including the part about shutting up.

"Mello," his mother's rigid voice called from the kitchen sometime later. "Come here."

"Yes, ma'am," he responded loudly so she could hear him from his room.

When he entered he took notice of two things: his father wasn't in the room and there was a thick cloud of tension in the air. His mother sat in the chair against the farthest wall from him, her legs crossed and one hand on the table; fake nails tapping irritatingly on the faux wood surface as she motioned for him to take a seat.

A strangled silence fell over the room, mocking the two. It appeared to already know what was going to be said as the atmosphere grew suffocating, figuratively cutting off the air supply to Mello's lungs. He coughed and his mother took the opportunity to talk.

"I saw what you did last night," she said, her cold gaze fixed on him, "and I'm disappointed."

"What?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"Mello, don't play dumb with me! I saw it with my own two eyes!" she slammed her hands down on the table as she stood up.

"Then why did you let me go over last night?" Mello asked. A question she pointedly ignored.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. What you did was wrong," she began, preparing to assault him with a round of questions. "How long as this been going on?"

Mello sat silent, tracing the designs on the table cloth.

"How long, Mello?!"

"A few months," he whispered.

"A few months? When did it start?"

Mello blinked, avoiding her eyes at all costs as he leaned back in the chair, his hands shakily gripping the arms. He couldn't do this; there was no way he could give up the details of his relationship. It was a private matter, and no matter his mother's authority, it wasn't her business. Mello wanted to keep these memories to himself.

"Answer me, Mello!" she shouted loud enough to wake her sleeping husband, her arms crossed over her flowered nightgown.

"At the beginning of the summer," his voice was almost lost to her heavy breathing.

"That's when he moved here, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And how do you feel about this boy?"

Worrying his bottom lip, Mello wasn't sure if he should come out and confess his love for Matt or if he should explain to her that it was only an experiment. That it meant nothing to him; he was confused and it was a way to test his sexuality. She would only have more questions that he didn't want to answer.

"I..." he gulped, pushing back tears that were threatening to spill, "love him."

"Nonsense," she spat, coming around the table and standing in front of her cowering teenager, "you don't know what love is! You don't have a clue what it feels like to love someone!"

"Y-yes, I do." Mello stuttered, looking up to meet her scrutinizing eyes. "I know that I love him."

"Mello, stop talking this trash! Even if you understand love," she seethed," my son will not be wasting it on another boy! I will not allow that in my house!"

"Too bad," he vocalized defiantly.

Mello never imagined that he would be put in this situation so soon. He had always hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with it until he graduated high school. At least then he could run.

"Too bad? Too bad?! I don't know who you think you are, young man, but this is going to stop! I will not have my son laying with another man! It is against everything we've taught you, Mello. Do you really want to disappoint your father?" she spoke harshly.

"N-no," Mello whimpered, a tear sliding down his face.

"I didn't think so," she stated, returning to her original spot across the table and re-positioning herself.

Mello couldn't believe it was happening. He knew they didn't agree with the 'gay lifestyle', but he couldn't believe that she would act the way she had. She wasn't his mother- a mother couldn't act that way to her child.

"Mom?"

"Yes, baby?" she cooed softly. It was almost like she wasn't trying to ruin his life.

"What do you have against us?" he questioned, placing the palms of his hands against the cool top of the table. "We've done nothing to you! We've done nothing and you want to take away the one thing that makes me happy!"

"Mello, we are no longer having this discussion," she proclaimed, eyeing Mello. "And you are not going to see him again."

"Whose going to stop me?"

His mother gasped, fisting the fabric of her nightgown into a ball as she stood and took the few steps back around the table to stand before her son. "We will send you to military school, Mello. Do not tempt me."

"You think that scares me? It doesn't, Mom! It doesn't fucking scare me!"

In the second that it took Mello to buck at his mother, it took half of that for her hand to come across his face with a resonating crack. "I will not tolerate that kind of language in my house, young man!"

"Just like you won't tolerate any happiness, right?" Mello choked, eyes wide and a hand against his tender cheek.

Flinching at the vulnerable sight of her child, she shook her head slowly. "Mello, I need you to understand. We're only trying to do what's best for you and taking part in... in homosexual acts with that boy isn't it."

"That boy has a name," he said through clenched teeth, "it's Matt." Mello dropped his hand away from his face and looked her in the eyes. "You don't know what what's best for me, Mom. Only I do! And Matt is what's best for me!"

"No, honey, he isn't."

"Yes, he fucking is!"

"Mello, watch your language," she reiterated, pursing her lips. "I'm only going to tell you this once. You are not to see him again, do you hear me? You are to break things off with him tomorrow after church. I want your life to be as normal as possible, Mello, so trust me when I say that this is for your own good."

"No military school...?" He asked. A devious plan already forming in his head.

"No, honey. As long as you do as told," she said, opening her arms to him.

Mello sighed heavily, forcing back a sob as he loosely embraced his mother. "I still love him, regardless."

"Then you'll have to get over that," her voice was quiet.

"I never will and you know it. He's the only one for me," Mello whispered, letting go of his mother and walking out of the kitchen towards his room.

"He's not the only one! This... this Matt," she spoke, venom lacing her voice when it came to his name. Matt was like the devil in her eyes and unworthy of anything.

Mello slammed his bedroom door, not caring if he woke up his father. He brought his hands up to his head, fisting his hair and falling back onto his bed. The sob that had been wracking his body tore through his chest in a fountain of tears as he curled up atop the quilt covering his bed.

"I love you," he cried out, holding onto a shirt that Matt had left there from when he stayed over the summer; his favorite black zelda t-shirt.

Mello wasn't going to throw his relationship away because his parents weren't satisfied with his choice of sexual partner. They'd have to get over it and accept him for who he was. He was willing to fight for Matt.

With a promise, the blond sniffled and inhaled the scent of his boyfriend that was lingering on the shirt. He fell asleep to cinnamon and something unknown.

well shit. that's rough.

review, please. thank you!

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