i don't know how i managed to make this longer than the original chapter, but apparently i did. everything i've posted so far has been longer than the originals and that scares me... a little. anyway, i feel like my writing is horrible at the moment, which is why this took so long. i apologize.

"We'll make the same mistakes.
I'll take the fall for you;
I hope you need this now,
'cause I know I still do."

- Until The Day I Die, Story Of The Year.

Morning had finally arrived in the from of chirping birds and obnoxious trickles of sunlight seeping through the blinds. It had been a restless night for Mello; this change in time was definitely not welcomed. Groaning, he placed an arm over his face to hide his eyes from the harsh sun.

"Ugh, what time," he muttered, his voice cracking, as he flipped over to face the open room. It didn't take a genius to realize that the brightness of the sun meant that it was much too early in the morning. This sucked. Mello tossed and turned in a weak attempt at finding a more comfortable position, settling on lying on his back when nothing else felt good and his eyes shut to protect them. "Fuck this... too early."

In reality, though he didn't want to admit it, it wasn't too early. Mello was trying to prolong getting the day started because he knew what he had to do. What he'd been asked - forced - into doing to save himself. The blond was dreading it. He would be losing his boyfriend; his lover; his best friend - he would lose his entire world because his mother found them during a moment of weakness in his backyard.

How could they have been so stupid? They'd gotten to comfortable, he decided.

Mello lay in silence, filtering through his thoughts and replaying the images from the day before. Turning over, he buried his face in the cool fabric of his pillow. He had come up with every possible way to avoid breaking up with Matt. Hell, he even considered outing their relationship.

Mello conjured up many ideas. They could skip class and hide out in unused parts of the school on days when Light was absent; or they could work around their schedules and plan random trips to the bathroom; they could join extra curricular activities ranging from sports to theatrical performances; get a job working together after school. Only, with each possibility his tired brain came up with, he would find faults in his plans. Mello knew they wouldn't work out.

Things wouldn't be the same between them if he couldn't wrap his arms around Matt, pull him close and whisper how much he loved him. Passing glances and hidden advances did nothing for him. He'd only get more frustrated.

Their relationship would suffer severely if they tried to work around Light. Mello knew that he would run to his parents the moment Light found him in a compromising position with Matt. If he couldn't have Mello for himself, then things wouldn't look pretty. Light would make their lives hell.

Mello vaguely wondered why he was afraid of Light now that his mother knew about his relationship. Was there even a reason to be scared?

Shrugging, he continued his mental mantra, weeding out the flaws in his ideas.

Staying after school for things that didn't interest him was a no go from the start. He was fairly certain that Matt wouldn't go along with this one either, seeing that neither teen really cared for school or related events. Also, the fact that his mother would probably pick him up from time to time made him feel uneasy. She'd see Matt and automatically jump to conclusions, thus putting an end to anything he wanted to accomplish. Mello didn't exactly want his mother to find them battling an intense game of tonsil hockey. Nope, no thank you.

So, with the those options out of the way, that left him with one more to ponder. It seemed the most logical, but probably the least practical. They could get jobs working at the same place to maintain their relationship. But, then again, this idea was not what he really had in mind for terms of sneaking around. It wasn't that he didn't want a job; finally having his own money to do as he pleased and spend a few short hours with Matt a day really did sound great, but that's all it did. Sound great. Their boss would force the duo apart so that they could get their jobs done, and this would end up causing more friction than their already teenage travesty relationship could handle.

No matter which way he looked at things, they were over.

"Mello, honey, it's time to get up," his mother's voice greeted him much too cheerfully, pulling him from his thoughts. "We have a lot to do today, sweetie."

This actually meant 'you have a lot to do'.

Cringing, he reluctantly pushed himself up into a sitting position as he mentally cursed the woman that was ending his life. How the fuck was she so happy this early? And on a day that her son would be crying his eyes out, no less. It made absolutely no sense to him, but that didn't keep him from getting out of bed and trekking down the hall to meet with his parents for breakfast.

"Good morning," they both greeted in unison as he sat down in the chair that had been claimed by him when he was a child. Mello nodding in acknowledgment, a few strands of golden locks falling to block his vision.

"So, we have a big day ahead of us," his father announced as if he was aware of the agreement between his wife and son. Mello snorted, arching an eyebrow.

"I believe your mother said that you have something important to do first," he said, voice almost void of any emotion. Mello took this as a sign that his father didn't approve of him doing something that didn't either him or his mother. "Is this correct, Mello?"

"Yes, sir." Mello responded, nodding slowly to emphasize his point. He could feel his father's gaze, so he busied himself with picking at his food to avoid looking up only to find out that he was right. Mello didn't want to make eye contact with his old man out of fear that he would learn more about his plans. Apparently Mello's eyes told his parents everything and that was slightly upsetting.

"Well, what is it? It can't be so important that your old man can't know," he droned.

"Honey, he has a project for school that he has to work on," his mother interjected. "I am going to take him over to Matt's for a few hours so he can get everything he needs to work on his half tonight."

Oh, she was a splendid liar. Who knew that his mother, the saint and preacher of all things righteous, was such an amazing liar. The fact that his father fell for it made him laugh mentally. Outwardly, he snorted in amusement.

"What's the project?"

Mello blinked and looked up, eyes fixed on his mother as if looking for her to answer for him. When she didn't speak, he pulled something out of thin air. "It's for creative writing."

"What's it about?" his father pressed.

"I have to learn as much about Matt as I can so that I can write a biography on him," the blond stated, putting extra emphasis on 'learn as much about' as he could. Mello knew that ticked his mother off, seeing as he already knew enough and she was well aware of that fact.

"Don't you already know enough? You did spend the entire summer with the boy."

"And? That wasn't enough time to learn everything," Mello said, lifting his glass of orange juice to his mouth. "There's more to learn."

"Like?"

"... Well," Mello chewed on the inside of his cheek, "how life was like as his old school. Matt never really talked about it, so I figured this project would be a good time to ask."

"I see," the man muttered, forking more food into his mouth. "Good luck with that one, son."

Mello rolled his eyes and shifted the food around on his plate in attempt to make it look like he'd eaten more than he had. He wasn't hungry because his nerves were shot.

"May I be excused?" he asked, standing up, gathering his cup and silverware before being given an answer.

"Sure, sweetie," his mother smiled. "Go get ready, we're leaving soon."

If asked how he felt in that moment, after he dropped his dishes in the sink, he would have answered that he'd rather play chicken in the middle of train tracks than be forced to break Matt's heart.

In a house much different from Mello's was a sleeping redhead. He was curled into a ball in the middle of his bed, shaking as he fought off the demon plaguing his dreams. Matt unconsciously pulled his legs closer to his chest, arms loosely wrapped around his knees, as he whimpered. The nightmares only assaulted him when something happened or was going to happen, and he figured that being allowed to spend the previous day with Mello had been enough to trigger his childhood haunts. Matt didn't blame Mello for this, but instead, he put it all on his older brother. Mello wasn't the cause of him hiding in the farthest crevice of his mind and trying weakly to shield his body from attacks coming at him from every direction. No, the redhead blamed his older brother, because if not for him, Matt wouldn't be in his current state.

It was weird, the timing. After one good day alone with his boyfriend repressed memories surfaced. If awake, Matt would have certainly questioned it and possibly doubt himself on his ability to keep them at bay.

Over the past few months the nightmares had practically ceased to exist, and this was because for once something was going right in his life. His budding relationship with Mello was pushing back his negative thoughts and views on the world. Originally they had been a reoccurring thing, mocking Matt nightly as he tried to calm his erratically beating heart. It wasn't often that he was able to get a full night of sleep, but the moment he meet the blond everything changed.

Their first night together proved to be the cure for his troubling dreams. Of course, it had been after several rounds of sexual satisfaction that had taken place outside a bathroom in the convention center. That was the first night in a year that he'd slept without tossing and turning. It frightened him; he wasn't used to not battling the unseen monsters in his mind.

The only downfall to that weekend had been the day they'd split up to go back to their respected homes. That had been the night things slowly began to go back to being the same. Matt had thought that because he'd found some kind of happiness he wouldn't be bothered until something happened to upset him, but that wasn't the case.

Yes, the gamer had been upset when he had to leave the blond, but that wasn't enough to fuel the nightmares to their fullest potential. They would come much later - days later, in fact, and until then Matt decided to look at this short period of time as a getaway; a moment where things would stand still and allow him to enjoy life rather than feel like he just existed without any meaning.

In the between period of the convention and moving to a new location, things got progressively worse for the redhead as he tried to hole himself up in his room away from anything that would and could get his mind off the wonderful weekend he'd experienced. Matt associated the sudden increase of nightmares with the stress of packing and not being able to know what his new home would bring him. He hated change and uncertainties. When things did start becoming too much and he felt like giving up, Matt would think back to that weekend with Mello and wonder how he was and what he was doing. They were never too far from the other's thoughts. Mello had resorted to spending his days dreaming of Matt and the things they would do together had they lived in the same place. Matt's thoughts would, on occasion, go farther than that.

It wasn't long until those dreams became reality, and for Matt, that had been a blessing. Two things happened in the moment Matt's father told him they were moving and he knew things were finally starting to look up, even though he really had no idea if they would or not. They were moving away from the filth he'd been subjected to and the step-mother that never really did care for him or his well being. Honestly, she probably would have loved it if he'd succeeded that one time he tried to kill himself. She wouldn't admit that though.

Matt knew that at one point she cared about him, but he wasn't sure when it was.

Just being told that he was moving had him internally cheering, but the greatest news was when he was told that his brother wouldn't be going along for the ride. His brother opted to stay behind for school, claiming that them leaving was the only time he had to get away from a family he hated.

Matt had been his punching bag for so long that he didn't want to interact with him more than he had to. Normally the only thing between them was when his brother looked at him with malice, eyes in slits and a fist drawn back. Matt would cry, scream, and beg for him to stop as he curled into a fetal position, but he wouldn't listen. Matt couldn't make him stop, so with news of leaving him behind, Matt had finally found his relief.

The redhead would no longer be forced to take the only touches he could get from his brother; there would be no more punches, kicks, bruises, and broken bones. Matt didn't understand why he was to blame for their father cheating on his brother's mother or why he had to look almost identical to his birth mother, the woman that his father cheated with. It wasn't like he asked to be born from a relationship of infidelity. Matt couldn't help where he came from, but his brother didn't see him that way. Matt tore his family apart.

Still, being the naive child that he was, Matt cared for his brother even when he was beating him. He didn't question his sibling, his motives, or the blind eye their father offered in regards to Matt's beatings.

Matt's nightmares started nearly a year after his brother left for school and he kept them to himself.

"Matt!" a booming voice from the hallway sounded, followed by a rapid knocking on his door. "Get up!"

"Mm up," he answered groggily, curling into a tighter ball.

"You better fucking be," his father shouted as he trekked back downstairs.

The late morning sun bathed the teen in bright warmth as he struggled to keep conscious under his blanket. He fisted his fingers into the material and stretched out his legs, wincing at a tinge of pain that shot up his right leg. Matt rarely slept curled up in a ball, as he preferred to sleep with his limbs thrown in random directions and taking up the entire span of the bed. Last night had been an exception, apparently.

"Matt, fucking come on! It's almost noon," his father called from the bottom of the stairs, obviously annoyed.

"Damn it, shut up! I'm coming!" Matt yelled back, pushing the covers off his body. He shivered as the cold air collided with his skin.

Sitting with his feet dangling off the side of the bed, he raked them back and forth over the carpet. Rude awakenings were not his things, but after having picked up on the anxious tone of his father he knew something had to be up. It wasn't often that he was formally woke up, hence why the redhead considered his dad's behavior rude.

Matt shook his head tiredly, his fingers pulling through the knots that formed in his hair while he slept. His eyes searched the room for something clean to wear, but after a few minutes of not finding anything, he gave up with a soft sigh and resorted to just wearing his pajamas until he had to change. He'd have to wash clothes later on for school the next day, and that little bit of information made him cringe. Matt hated housework.

"Matt?" a second voice inquired, soft and depressed. It made him jump.

"What?" Matt held a hand against his chest, his heart beating fast under the t-shirt.

It got quiet for a moment as he focused on calming his nerves. Matt raised a brow, waiting for whomever it was outside his door to speak; had he been fully awake he would have realized that it was his boyfriend standing on the other side of the wooden barrier. Of course, he had no idea.

"Hey, uh," the other person began, shuffling closer to the faux wood, "your dad let me in. Can you open the door?"

Who was asking for entrance into his room? And why didn't he recognize the voice?

"Uh, yeah, sure... hold on."

Matt, who was too busy questioning himself over who and why, yawned softly and opened the door. It creaked in protest as it was forced out of it's resting place, but that didn't stop Mello from helping the redhead by pushing on it with one hand.

"Mello," he sighed in relief as the blond came into view. Matt had, with good reason, convinced himself that his boyfriend was his brother or someone else he really had no desire on seeing. The paranoia following his nightmares made things so much worse.

A pained smile crossed Mello's features as he stood before Matt, taking in his messy bed hair, dingy attire and sleepy persona. "Yeah."

"What's up?" Matt asked, wrapping his fingers around Mello's wrist, effectively pulling him into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

The air in the room was heavy, laced with tension and words that Mello didn't want to say. Words that were stuck in his throat like a sword he couldn't remember swallowing. This, of course, went unnoticed by the redhead that was walking backwards towards the bed. Matt watched Mello with tired eyes as he stiffly moved in his direction, hands fisted at his sides. A sullen expression fluttered across his face, forcing Matt to furrow his brows.

Was Mello nervous?

Was something wrong?

"You okay?" Matt asked.

Hm? Yeah," the blond lied, seating himself beside his soon to be ex-boyfriend. "I'm fine."

"I don't think you are," Matt muttered, their eyes locking as Mello turned to face him, blue eyes conflicted as the redhead inched closer. "What's wrong, Mel?"

"Friday night," Mello responded, leaning into the arms that had wrapped around his worn body, "remember?"

"How could I forget?" Matt gently placed his lips against Mello's cheek.

Mello melted against the warmth radiating from Matt, all worries escaping his rattled mind as the other teen ran his fingers along Mello's arm. It was a subtle motion; but it held affection, reassurance, and promises of a brighter future. Mello had never been the kind of person to romanticize things, but when he was in Matt's arms, where he was meant to be, he couldn't help but find the beauty in one of their last intimate moments together. Mello wanted it to last as long as possible.

"Matt," he inhaled sharply, "I need you to do something for me."

"Okay." Matt agreed unknowingly, "I'll do whatever you need me to do." Matt's grip around Mello's body tightened.

"Are you sure?" Mello looked down at his hands, afraid to continue the task that had been forced on him.

In truth, he was more afraid to look at Matt. He didn't want to see the shock written across his pale features or the tears that would, without a doubt, stream down his face. Mello didn't want to look into the broken eyes of the redhead when he would have to walk out of Matt's life. Asking his favor was, while difficult to do, a lot easier than knowing that he would be forced to watch Matt break in front of him.

After what felt like decades of sitting in silence, Mello coughed lightly. "Matt, I need you to be sure about that."

"I'm sure," he spoke, too lost in thought and content with their bodies rocking back and forth.

"... I need you to forget," Mello ceased to move with the redhead as he pulled away, eyes filled with regret the second the words left his mouth. "Can you do that?"

"Forget what, Mello?"

"The convention," he sighed heavily, "the day you moved here."

Matt blinked in confusion and opened his mouth to speak, but Mello cut him off, "these past few months."

"M-Mello...?" Matt cocked his head to the side, staring in awe at the boy that was avoiding eye contact.

"I need you to forget," Mello sputtered. It was in that moment, hidden behind a shield of gold, that Matt noticed the tears that had begun to fall from Mello's eyes.

"A-and," his voice was lost as a sob worked through his body, "I want you to forget Friday night... and yesterday."

"W-what? Why? I can't do that," Matt said.

"You said you were sure," Mello offered as a response.

"But, I... I can't do that, Mello. I can't forget any of that!"

"You have to," his elbows dug into his thighs as he held his face in his open palms, pain in liquid form sliding down his wrists. "I need you to."

Matt bit his bottom lip, bringing forth a coppery taste, and he wrapped his arms around Mello for a second time that day, holding the crying blond against his chest in a weak attempt to calm him down. What was going on? Why was Mello insisting that he forget about everything they'd done together? Why did he want him to forget them?

"I... I can't," Matt whispered, his seemingly strong demeanor crashing around him the more Mello cried into his shirt. Tears threatened to spill with every fragile sound emitted from the blond. Matt pressed his lips to the top of Mello's head, lovingly - longingly.

"I'm sorry, Matt."

Matt's breathe caught in his throat; he knew what was coming next. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about preparing himself for this moment, because he had. Matt spent hours upon hours staring at the ceiling and wondering when it would come to this. However, he hadn't expected it to be so soon.

"What happened yesterday, Mello?" Matt asked, creating soothing circles on Mello's back.

"My mom saw us," Mello answered truthfully.

So that was it. That was the reason for this. Matt inhaled deeply, waiting.

"I don't want to forget, though. Please... don't do this," Matt's desperate tone hit Mello hard, but he had already - well, his mother had - made his mind up. Matt shook against the blond, tears rolling down his cheeks as he forced back a whimper.

"I'm so sorry," Mello spoke softly, pushing against Matt's body, "but there's no other option."

"I know," Matt told him as he lazily brought a hand to Mello's chin. "I know..."

Matt forced the blond to look at him through the tears cascading down his face, their eyes reflecting the pain coursing through their bodies. Without much thought he leaned down and captured Mello's lips in a chaste kiss. The atmosphere in the room picked up as their lips connected, dulling their senses and drowning their sorrows. Mello lapped at Matt's mouth, running his tongue along his bottom lip. Matt obliged, as his tongue met Mello's in a poorly staged pas de deux.

"Mello," he pulled back, resting his forehead against Mello's, "I love you."

Those three simple words struck Mello in a way he never thought possible; like they were his lifeline and without them he would die. Mello slid his arms around Matt's waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you too, Matt," he whispered against Matt's skin. "I love you too."

Simultaneously they both wondered when the words to make their break up official would surface, but neither wanted to be the one to speak them. It was too much to know that this would be the last time they would share a moment. It would only increase their pain if one were to utter "we're over".

"Matt?"

"Yeah...?"

"Hold me until my mother calls?" he requested, closing any gape between their bodies.

"Of course," he murmured, pulling Mello into his lap.

Matt closed his eyes to prevent anymore tears from escaping and, for what felt like eternity, the broken couple held each other. The room was silent, save whimpers coming from both teenagers as their hearts shattered on Matt's bedroom floor.

They couldn't tell how much time had gone by, but a sound that neither wanted to hear echoed loudly in the silence. She was calling - this was it. This was the moment Matt had been dreading since school began. It wasn't supposed to happen now. Maybe later, but not yet...

Mello removed himself from Matt's grasp and without looking back he left a sobbing redhead behind. And, with his door clicking softly back into place, they were over.

i think my mind hates matt and wants to ruin his life. god, help us both.

review, please. thank you.

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