this is a direct continuation of the last chapter.

i'm taking out the entire scene shared between L and Light because it doesn't fit with this chapter. i'll fit it at a later date, more than likely during school hours to make things more interesting for that pair and so i can add in stuff between Sayu, Matt, and Mello. i apologize.

i don't like the new filters. thoughts?

enjoy.

"My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So, won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry,
whichever you prefer."

- Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional.

"My name is L."

"L? As in... like, the letter?" Mello asked skeptically. Who the hell was named after a letter?

"Yes, as in the letter." L deadpanned, capturing Mello's gaze. "And, your name?"

"You were listening earlier, so you should already know it." the blond said harshly, grudgingly adding as he spun around to get a better look at this L character, "it's Mello."

Mello decided, in the minute he took in his appearance, that he was an odd one. Weird, strange, slightly scary to look at for too long. It was the way he sat, one leg drawn up to his chest and the other dangling freely off the plastic seat. The guy's shoes, dirty and falling apart, were laying against one of the chipped, metal poles lodged into the ground. A white t-shirt hung loosely off his shoulder as he leaned toward Mello and his jeans appeared to be one size too big. Who the hell dressed like that? It was so plain; the simplicity of his outfit threw Mello off.

"Am I that unappealing?" L asked, straightening his position and leaning his head against the knee held close to his body. His unruly black hair flattened on one side and his eyes watched Mello like a hawk, waiting for an answer.

"What? No!" Mello said, much too loudly, blinking repeatedly at his outburst.

"Are you sure?" L taunted him, smirking.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Mello snapped, his mouth forming a thin line as he watched L out the corner of his eyes. Mello thought back to something Matt hold him over the summer. "Wait..."

Matt told him of his friend back home. A friend that was supposed to be moving to their city before winter break. After having been given a brief explanation on who his friend was, Matt showed the blond a very bad picture of said person. And he... was sitting beside him. This L, who was watching him with blank eyes, had once been Matt's only friend. His only connection to the world outside his video games and friends online.

"You know Matt," Mello stated accusingly.

"Very good," L mockingly praised him.

Really? Really?

This was the person Matt spoke so highly of? Mello almost found that hard to believe.

"So, are you here permanently or just visiting... because Matt said you were moving here thanks to your parents an-"

L coughed, effectively silencing Mello's sad attempt at conversation. "Yes, I'm moving to live here. Also, I'll be attending school with you. And yes, before you ask, I know everything that has taken place between Matt and yourself."

"Oh, so he's... okay, yeah," Mello was at a complete loss for words, torn between asking L how much Matt told him and if he could give him advice on their twisted situation. That idea, however, was lost as Mello was uncomfortable asking a stranger for advice on his love status.

"I would like you to know that this entire ordeal is stupid," L said, "and in order for you to finally get rid of this Light person you should consider sticking up for Matt and what you had, instead of bringing another person in to cover for you so that you can spend time with him." L sighed, continuing, "Mello, I've never been in your shoes and nor do I ever plan to be, but until you can get over this there is no future with Matt. You think there is since you now have an alibi, but eventually that will fail you and you will be left with nothing."

A thick silence washed over them, offering Mello time to contemplate what little advice L gave him, despite his lack of asking for it.

"Did you know Matt is trying to convince his dad to move back?" L questioned several minutes later, eyes trained on the blond.

Mello shook his head slowly.

Move back? Mello had heard stories of that place and the memories it held; the redhead had been adamant abut never returning. Mello, with what little he knew about Matt's past, didn't blame.

But...

Matt was that determined to get away from him? After he'd gone through all the trouble to work around Light and bring Sayu into the equation, Matt still wanted to leave him. He didn't think things were that bad, at least... not yet.

Mello blinked, trying to get his mind around the mini speech L gave and the questions spinning around in his head. There had been zero indication, aside from breaking up and their exchanged notes, that things weren't going to work. Even then their notes spoke of promises and a brighter tomorrow. That aside, they had taken to ignoring each other in the halls, but Matt wasn't even allowing him - Sayu - to come up with ways for them to stay together. Couldn't Matt stick around long enough for his plan to work? Wasn't he willing to try? Willing to let Sayu work her magic and right what he'd terribly messed up.

Unspoken tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about how empty his life would be if Matt succeeded in moving. There was already little reason to wake up since they broke up; he wasn't happy anymore. Mello found that, even though he was hurting so much with Matt near, he would break if the redhead were to leave him. The blond couldn't stand the thought; couldn't fathom the idea.

"H-has he said anything about l-leaving...?" Mello stumbled over his words.

"Not yet. I'm almost positive his father is going to say no," L softly spoke. Mello felt relieved, but the other's posture told the blond that there was something else to be said.

"But...?"

"... but, I do believe that he's planning on dropping out in order to go back by himself," L finished, taking note of the whirlwind of emotions in his watery blue eyes.

"What? Why?!"

"I don't know, only he has the answers." L told him.

"B-but... are you telling me that he'd leave just because we didn't work out...?" Mello asked him, voice much lower than it had been before. L shook his head, black hair falling into his face.

"There's still a lot of things you need to know about Matt."

"Mello, his life is being threatened. Light said so himself that Matt's going to eventually regret coming here," L reminded him. "Matt's not stupid; he's knows that Light will go to extreme measures just to keep you two apart. That includes harming his sister."

Mello flinched. He suspected as much. Light wasn't known for backing down from a challenge, and to him, Mello was the biggest one he'd ever faced. Anything - anyone - standing in his way was immediately a problem that had to be taken care off. Why hadn't he realized this earlier?

"I... what do I do?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Okay, well... do you know where Matt is?"

"Yes," he murmured, biting his nail.

"Where?" Mello prompted.

The rippling of the creek was soothing. It was something he definitely needed in order to stop thinking abut current situations - if even for a moment. Matt mentally thanked mother nature allowing him to find peace of mind.

His original idea had been to explore the park a little, maybe visit their spot or get some use out of the old swing set he walked by on his way to finding solace. Instead, he didn't do either of those things as he stumbled across a small creek surrounded by rocks large. Sitting alone and hidden from the rest of the world was a far better option than being out in the open for the wrong person to see him.

Matt lazily drew pictures with the dirt that had been collecting on top of the rock. Small pictures of himself and Mello littered the area next to him, and although they were little stick figures, Matt knew who they were and what they stood for. Or, rather, what they didn't stand for.

They were drawings of them hugging, laughing with tiny blurbs of 'ha!' coming from the sides of their mouths, but the one that meant the most to him was the picture of them holding a heart. Matt broke the heart, of course. The two tiny people held one side against the other as if trying to keep it from actually breaking. They were fighting. It made sense to Matt; he hoped that whomever stumbled across it would be able to understand it.

"Fuck, I'm lost." a voice sounded, startling the redhead. Talking in the middle of a patch of woods was like screaming into a newly renovated room; drying paint made for an excellent echo. "Where the hell am I? God, why did I listen to him?! I'm fucking lost and Matt isn't here!"

The frustration in Mello's voice was obvious, but the shock that rocked Matt to his core wasn't. Matt hadn't expected the blond to come looking for him - hell, it wasn't like he knew that they were in the same place. The only person he'd seen had been his old friend, and even then the chances of him and Mello running into one another was slim. Would L rat out his whereabouts? Probably; that still didn't change the fact that this meeting was coincidental.

Matt listened as Mello's footsteps grew closer, leaves crunching under his shoes as he came to a stop beside the boulder he was laying on. It took everything in Matt to not jump off and into Mello's arms when he saw his head come around the side of his hiding spot.

"I fucking swear, L is going to pay for this. Shit, I bet this was some kind of game... like," Mello took a moment to pause and inhale, "like... Light is helping him. I bet he wants me to get lost so Light can come to the freaking rescue. I knew this wasn't a good idea... why did I- ugh! I need Matt."

If the redhead didn't already know Mello, he would have deemed him crazy for talking to himself. Matt chuckled softly, holding a hand over his mouth to keep Mello from hearing him. It was funny - the blond having a conversation with himself. Matt listened, wanting to know if Mello was going to answer himself or not. What made it even more entertaining was that all the blond had to do was look up and he'd find the object of said frustration peering over the rock at him.

"I bet Matt doesn't even want to see me. I mean, I wouldn't want to see me either. I did everything wrong... I hurt him. I'd understand if he really wanted to leave. It's just," Mello stopped talking long enough to take in the surrounding area. L told him to come to the biggest rock, but there was no Matt or any signs that he'd been there. Was he even in the right place?

"It probably doesn't matter anyways. Nothing would happen if I did find him, so there's really no point in me being here. God, damn it," he spat the lord's name. The same lord that supposedly loved all his children, though Mello had his doubts the more screwed up everything became.

"Matt, if you're here... fuck, I hope you are," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want you know that I love you, even though we're in this fucked up situation and I'm just making it worse. I love you and I'm sorry." The tears that Mello had been trying to keep at bay could be head in his words. Matt knew as soon as the words left his mouth that the blond meant everything he was saying.

However, Matt wasn't entirely sure that throwing himself at his ex-boyfriend would be good for either of them. He wanted to; the idea was tempting and he had to fight his body from moving on its own. The redhead didn't want to jeopardize anything, though. His resolve had gotten him farther than he thought would ever be possibly, so it wasn't a shocker that Matt was afraid. Afraid of what would happen now and what would happen later.

And what of Sayu? Matt couldn't write her out. He couldn't think of only their future when she had been added into their badly choreographed drama.

"... Whatever, this is stupid." Mello said.

L had convinced him that Matt wanted to see him, and after having gotten his hopes up, Mello was happy that he'd finally get to spend time with the redhead. Granted, they would only have a few short hours together before his parents got wind of the situation via Light, but that was more than enough time for him to learn Matt all over again. Mello would take anything he could get.

Mello sighed, slipping his hands in his pockets and turning around to retreat back to the swings he'd left L on. He had to remember which direction to go and what tree to turn at; he wouldn't mind it if he was actually lost. That idea was beginning to sound better and better.

Matt frowned as he listened to Mello leave. Originally, he wanted to be alone, but now... Matt didn't like the idea of being left. It was his fault, though. He would've had Mello, but he just had to be stubborn and refuse to show himself. Fuck, he felt dumb.

"Mello," he cried out. "I love you."

It was too late, he knew, but he hoped that wherever Mello was he could still hear him. Curling in on himself, Matt wrapped his arms around his legs. This was harder than expected.

Mello smiled, despite the pain in Matt's voice, as he heard the distant confession come from behind him.

you guys, my dog died two days ago. this sucks. ._.

but, on a brighter note, i know this is being posted july 27th where i'm at, but there's still a few hours left on the opposite side of the country, so i want to wish the person that talked me into rewriting this story a happy birthday~ :D

according to facebook, anyways.

review, please. thank you.

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