AN: double update this week you lucky things! Thanks for the reviews, faves, follows reviews=faster updates :P
Special warnings for this chapter: drug use and Bucky's issues. Also Peggy channels some serious Sherlock Holmes vibes.
He scrapes the soft white powder into neat parallel lines; they stand out harshly on the dark wood of his fifth-parent's mahogany desk.
There's the sound of footsteps in the corridor. Shit. He scrabbles for the zip lock bag, hurriedly brushes most of the coke into it (most of it falls to the floor, shit, shit, shit. He pulls a book out, opens it to a random page, it's hardly a master disguise but it's enough to ensure his parents won't think about kicking him out.
Tasha opens the door and takes in the scene with a slightly amused look. "Reading up on the good old English Dictionary, James?"
He hates that he calls her James. It's the name his real parents gave him; he doesn't want to use it anymore.
"Looking something up for homework." He murmurs.
She snorts, "You don't do homework." She's always been too sharp for Bucky's liking.
"Might start," he says, snapping the book shut and turning to face her. "Why are you here?"
Her expression softens, "You have to stop this, James." She says quietly. He knows what she's talking about, there's only so much he can hide from her. "It's not healthy, you have to stop." Her voice is carefully emotionless but her eyes are soft, worried.
"Don't know what you're talking about."
She sighs, looks away, "The others are downstairs. Coming?"
Bucky bites back a groan. "Be right there."
When she leaves he drops his head to the desk and tugs at his hair in frustration; he doesn't want to see anyone, doesn't want to discuss Loki. Steve will be there with Peggy on his arm and they'll sit, perfect power couple, and parent the group with stupid encouraging smiles. (Bucky hates Peggy.) And Tony will sit making witty remarks while his eyes shine and everyone with half a brain can see he's barely keeping himself from sobbing messily everywhere.
Bucky won't be able to meet either of their eyes because he won't see anything meant for him in them.
It might be selfish but Bucky's never really liked Loki. He's adopted, so what? Bucky's own parents gave him away and he's been shunted around between foster homes ever since. Tasha's parents have given him his longest home but even now he's treading on eggshells lest they decide he's not the son they want and send him back to the foster care system.
He's never liked the way Loki acted like his life was so hard, poor little rich boy with his Daddy's mansion and money and name. How dare he when so many of his friends had much, much worse circumstances? Everyone knows about Bruce's dad's drinking habit, everyone had seen the bruises. Everyone knows about the Barton's money problems, about how sometimes Clint and Barney didn't get to eat at home, their dad had a drinking problem too until he crashed his car into a tree and well, cured himself of that nasty breathing habit.
Poor little Loki, his daddy loved Thor a little more than him (maybe Odin got pissed off with Loki's whining too) Bucky doesn't really think Odin killed Loki, he doesn't really think Loki killed himself (although if he did Bucky's a little jealous) Loki probably ran away. He'll be back in a few weeks once he realises what it's like in the real world without his parent's money.
Maybe he hates Loki because of what he's doing to the group (Bucky kind of likes that thought) he hates that they're all so hurt by this.
He sighs, stands up and heads down to the sitting room, wondering when his life became a teenage soap opera. It's ridiculous really: Bucky loves Steve who loves Peggy and is the straightest guy for miles around, Tony loves Loki (Bucky thinks Loki knew and liked to toy with Tony's emotions for kicks) Tony and Bucky are fucking and that's all it is, all it'll ever be. Pathetic.
When he gets downstairs they're all seated in a circle waiting for him, he takes his seat between Thor (and Jane) and Steve (and Peggy) and listens to them discuss their plans to split up and drive around Malibu and the cities near it and put up missing posters (because apparently Frigga and Thor's tearful television appeals aren't enough) He loses himself in counting the little swirly patterns on the ceiling above him and only realises they're talking to him when Steve nudges him playfully, "Buck?"
Bucky blinks, "Sorry, what?"
"I said do you want to come up to LA with me and Peggy or go up with Bruce and Tony?"
Neither. "Me and Tasha can't both be out, someone has to mind the house." He says, almost automatically. It's true. His-Tasha's parents are on a business trip in Moscow.
There's this awkward moment where they all stare at him and then Peggy (godamn, Peggy with her stupid British accent) says, "Come on, James no one's going to know.
Bucky flinches at the use of his real name. No one but Tasha is allowed to use it. "It's Bucky." He says with more bite then is really necessary. Steve's hand curls around her arm protectively as if Bucky's about to launch himself at her. Really?
Tasha's eyes narrow, "почему ты так?" why are you being like this?
Bucky likes speaking Russian. He likes the way it feels on his tongue, the way no one else knows what they're saying. "Мама и папа будет сердиться." Mom and Dad will be angry, he says.
"Они не будут знать, Джеймс. Перестаньте быть так." They won't know. Stop being like this.
A thread of annoyance weaves its way into Bucky's heart. "I'm not being like anything." He snaps and Tony's eyes are on him, furious and dark.
"You're acting like a child, James. Stop it." Tasha snaps, like she can control him.
"Не говорите мне, что делать," he hisses. Don't tell me what to do. Steve's watching him too, eyes wide and blue, concern and annoyance warring in them.
God. He needs a fix, just to take the edge off.
"Bucky, calm down," Peter says softly, there's no anger in his eyes (though Peter's never struck him as the type to get angry) Bruce is nodding beside him, watching Bucky warily and Bucky almost laughs. He's such a mess.
He stands up, "I'm going upstairs."
"Probably a good idea," Tony says tensely. He's still glaring, Bucky notices, like he's trying really hard not to punch him.
Bucky gets upstairs, barely resists the urge to break something (or everything) does a line of coke, then another.
Falls boneless and blissfully numb onto his bed and sighs.
When he opens his eyes again someone's knocking on his bedroom door.
"What?" he snaps. Don't let it be Steve, or Tony. He doesn't want to fight; he's too tired, too muzzy.
The door opens and it's Peggy.
"The hell do you want?" he snaps blearily, scrubbing at his face.
She frowns at him, regards him as though he's nothing more than something horrible she's scraped off the bottom of her stupid shiny shoes. "What I want, James is to know why you're acting like a child. You really hurt your friends, you know."
Your friends, like they're not good enough for her, like she's gracing them with her presence and worldly knowledge. "Fuck off." He growls. He is nowhere near clear headed enough to deal with it.
She doesn't leave though, instead she strides across the room and stands, hands on her hips before him. "So what is it? It's not alcohol? Is it a drug?" she asks, eyes narrowed.
"What?"
She leans down, studies him and Bucky resists the urge to push her away. "Drugs," she says, "Cocaine, is it?" she says so nonchalantly, like it's the most obvious and normal thing in the world and Bucky's honestly too shocked to do much then gape at.
She smiles coolly, "You have some powder there on your shirt." She straightens up. "It's almost as obvious as how in love with my boyfriend you are." She grins again, "Don't worry, I won't say anything too him."
If Bucky was any more sober he thinks he'd probably have thrown her out of the window by now. "The hell are you talking about?" he tries to sound angry, disbelieving, but his mouth is so dry it comes out as a rasp.
She's studying the posters on his walls, "You didn't deny it. I think it's rather sweet actually. I don't understand why you don't want to help find Loki though; you don't like him much, that's clear. Are you maybe jealous of him?"
"Jealous?" Bucky scoffs.
"Oh, you are. Is it the attention? Or are you just upset that no one can see how fucked up you are?"
"I fucking hate you," Bucky hisses, his eyes feel wet. "I fucking hate you."
Peggy smiles and there are footsteps in the hall and then Steve's leaning in, "There you are, Peg," he says with a small smile. He looks over at Bucky, red eyed and sat on the bed, he frowns, "You okay, Bucky?"
"He's just worried about Loki," Peggy answers for him, shooting him a quick devious look.
Steve crosses the room and drops on to the bed, throws a rough arm around him. "We all are, buddy." He says, like Bucky's some silly little kid.
Peggy sits down beside Steve and he throws his other arm around her. She smiles at Bucky but it looks more like a smirk. "We'll find him, guys," Steve says confidently. "We'll find him."
Bucky wants to turn and bury his face in Steve's neck and he wants Peggy to leave because she's fucking with his head now and he wants more coke because it's the only thing that makes his skin stop crawling because he's just wrong.
"Do you think maybe we could search Loki's room?"
Thor frowns at him, they've been allowed back into the house now and Loki's room sits empty and untouched like a tomb. "The police have searched it, Tony."
Tony scoffs, "The police don't know Loki, not like we do." He knows Thor will relent but Tony's not entirely sure if he wants to search Loki's room or if he just wants to be in Loki's room.
Thor shrugs, "I'm heading back now to pick some stuff up. You can come now I guess." He's been staying Jane's since he got out of prison; he's going to Steve's for a few nights now. Tony understands Thor's mother has kept so much from him it must be kind of hard to be around her.
Tony stands up, glancing at Tasha, Clint, Bruce and Peter. "Coming?"
Clint shakes his head, indicating Tasha (they've been dancing around each other forever) Tasha's still annoyed about Bucky (Tony's fucking furious) and Peter says, "Aunt May needs me home."
Bruce stands up though, "I'll come," he says.
They follow Thor out of the house to his car, "Shotgun!" Tony calls, running ahead. No one says anything until they're in the car.
"So what's up with Bucky?" Bruce asks quietly.
Tony shrugs (he honest to God just doesn't know with that guy, he'll deal with him later though) and Thor sighs, "Bucky's always been a little distant. He only really talks to Steve."
"Yeah well hopefully he gets himself sorted out," Tony mutters. "Last thing we need is another disaster."
When they get to Thor's his mother opens the door silently and tries her best to smile before disappearing back into her room. Tony feels kind of bad for her, her husband is in prison, her youngest is missing and her oldest hasn't been home in days, it must be lonely. At least Thor had them and Jane.
He leads them upstairs quietly and pauses outside Loki's closed door. "You guys can go in...I just can't right now."
"It's okay, big guy, we get it," Tony says with a small smile. Thor nods and disappears into his own room and Bruce opens the door to Loki's room hesitantly.
It's obvious right away that the police have been through all of Loki's things, the room is neater then it's ever been. The bed is tidy; the books are all stacked neatly on the shelves, there aren't any clothes strewn about the place and it's just eerie.
"Wow," Bruce says, "They really were thorough, huh?"
It doesn't look like Loki's room anymore. It looks like a fake copy.
"So, what are we actually looking for, Tone?"
"I don't know," Tony says honestly. He really doesn't. He just needs something. Anything that might tell him where Loki is.
"Well, we better get to it," Bruce says with an encouraging smile.
They search through Loki's room slowly, starting at opposite ends. They find Loki's stash of vodka and cigarettes (which the police obviously hadn't), the remains of a box of fireworks they'd stolen last November, a few old sketch books which Bruce flicks through quietly. Tony also finds an old hoodie he'd leant to Loki months ago and puts it on over the top of his shirt. It smells like Loki and it's sort of comforting.
"Ergh," Tony groans in frustration after an hour of searching, "There must be something. I mean if you were about to run away wouldn't you leave something? Did the police say if he'd taken anything?" (They may or may not have hacked into the police database and scoured the incident report for clues)
Bruce shut his eyes, "Uh, it said he just came up here and grabbed his school bag, right? And a jacket."
Tony nods, "Yeah, but most of his school books are here so he must have emptied them out. Did he pack anything else? I mean aside from his car keys and wallet and stuff."
"I don't know, I mean he left his mobile here, most of his clothes are here too. What else could he take?"
The phone is on the other side of the room, plugged into the charger.
Tony growls and flops backwards onto the bed, "I don't know."
Bruce sat down beside him, "Maybe he wasn't thinking, Tone. I mean he might not have actually planned this. And if he did why would he abandon his car?"
Tony burrows deeper into his hoodie. "Maybe he didn't want to be found."
He gets the call later that night.
He's home alone for once, no tree house tonight, no one sleeping over, he'd spoken to Pepper and Rhodey earlier over Skype and they'd offered to put some missing posters up but Loki never struck him as a New York kind of guy. Tomorrow they'll spend all day searching for him, tomorrow maybe they'll find him (hopefully)
It's Steve.
"What's up, Captain America?"
He hears Steve frown at the nickname, "What?"
"You know, blonde, blue eyes, big, strapping, the all American boy, or is that Aryan? Whatever, Captain America is catchier. Or at least less racist."
"...Right." Steve says slowly and Tony can hear Thor's low rumble on the other side of the line.
"So, anyway, Cap, what did you want?"
There's a pause and then, "Do you know what's up with Bucky?"
Nope. "Why would I know, he's your best friend, right?"
Steve sighs, "He doesn't talk to me anymore, not since..." not since I started dating Peggy, it's unsaid but Tony hears it all the same. "But he spends a lot of time together and I just thought...I don't know. You honestly have no clue?"
I wish. "No idea, Steve. Have you actually tried asking him?"
Steve's silence tells him he hasn't.
"So maybe try that. If not I'll talk to him."
Tony hangs up and flops back on his bed, still wrapped up in the hoodie from Loki's house. He taps his phone for a few seconds before dialling a number and raising it to his ear. It rings for about a minute before going to voicemail.
"Hey, it's Loki, I'm too busy with world domination plans to take your call but you know, leave it at the beep and I'll get back to you...maybe."