AN: sorry it's been so long! This fic is hard. Last part of Bucky's chapter. Anyone have any preferences for the next chapter's pov? :D

Thanks so much for all your reviews! Keep them coming ^_^

Tony sighs.

He really doesn't need this right now. He's in love with a guy who's been missing for almost two weeks (and might be dead or might have killed himself), he's spent the better part of his weekend looking for him and his Dad has an important meeting coming up (which means way more drinking and Tony you better godamned behave yourself!)

He's just gotten back from poster-ing the streets of LA with Bruce (they've been at it for two days and still got no leads) They'd driven back in silence, met up with others and seen only dull, sullen faces. No signs of Loki. The police are questioning local gangs and associates of Odin (but still, Tony's hoping it's not a kidnapping- they would have left a note, right? A ransom demand or something) He's not going to school tomorrow, he and Clint and Tasha are bunking and driving down to a few other towns to put up missing posters.

What he wants to be doing right now is sleeping (well, lying in his bed dialling that number over and over which is kind of the same thing) but instead he's at Steve's house.

Steve's parents are possibly the straightest, whitest people Tony has ever met, it's like stepping back in time to the '40's or 50's. His father, the gruff ex-army officer who overuses the word 'lad' and his mother the pretty housewife, forever baking and coddling her only child.

If Steve doesn't hurry up they're going to end up butchered on the living room floor. Or maybe Tony will end up slitting his wrists and bleeding out on the couch. Either way their flawless white carpet is going to need a thorough cleaning.

"Are you sure I can't get you something to drink Anthony?" Steve's Stepford mother simpers. Anthony. No one calls him Anthony.

"I'm fine thank you, Mrs Rogers," Tony says through gritted teeth. She smiles and nods and hovers awkwardly in the doorway.

"Steven will be down in a minute, I'm sure."

He fucking better be.

Steve arrives just as Tony's wondering whether it's possible to chew your own tongue off out of boredom (he reasons that if you didn't pass out from the pain and you had really sharp teeth it just might work) He smiles sheepishly, "Sorry to keep you."

"Its fine," Tony says, turning towards the front door and yanking Steve with him. They get halfway down the street before Tony spins to face Steve, "What do you want, Rogers?"

Steve raises an eyebrow, looks like he's about to lecture Tony on manners (which has happened before) but thinks better of it. "I wanted to talk about Bucky."

"Bucky." Tony repeats. "Loki is missing and you want to talk about Bucky."

Steve ducks his head and rubs at the back of his neck, "I'm worried about him," he admits quietly. "I don't want him to..."

"Want him to what, Steve?"

"I don't know, I just...We don't want another..."

If Steve says Loki Tony's going to punch him.

"Disaster." Steve finishes lamely.

Tony had said as much to Bruce but he's got enough on his plate with Loki and Bucky's a big boy, he can handle himself (but then he always thought that about Loki.) They were all messed up. All of them falling apart at the seams but he'd always thought they'd turn out okay. Before this all of them had looked away when Loki refused to speak to anyone or when Bucky disappeared for a day or to or when Bruce came to school in bandages and casts. It was easier that way. If they wanted to talk they would, if not they all just got on with it. Maybe that was wrong.

"You still haven't tried talking to him, have you?" Tony asks, crossing his arms.

"He won't talk to me," Steve mutters. "He talks to you, though."

Tony scoffs, "No, he doesn't. We just drink together. Look, Rogers, as much as I love these late night strolls I really want to get home to bed so could you just-"

Steve steps forward, "Tony, please. I know you're upset about Loki and I know how you feel okay? Because on top of worrying about Loki I'm worrying about Thor and you guys and Bucky."

"Oh, like I don't worry about anyone else." Tony snarks. Steve gives him a pointed 'Tony-you-know-damn-well-what-I-mean' look.

"Tony, if you had a chance to save Loki wouldn't you take it?"

Did he really just say that? "I'm sorry, what?"

Steve winces, "Sorry, that was out of line."

"Damn straight!" Tony snarls. "This is your problem, Rogers."

Steve glares. "Don't you care?"

"Of course I care! But honestly, Bucky's been like this for years it's not my problem you're only noticing it now." he mutters. "I don't have time for this." He turns to walk down the street; Steve only lives a few blocks away from his house-

Steve cuts in front of him, "He hasn't been like this for months, Tony, he's getting worse."

"So deal with it," Tony says, trying to dodge around the taller boy.

"Tony, wait-"

"For fucks sake, just drop it! How about spending time with him alone rather than bringing Peggy everywhere. Anyone with a brain cell can see he hates her!"

Steve cuts off his escape again. "Did he say that? Why wouldn't he like Peggy?"

"Oh my god. You're actually blind, aren't you?"

"What are you talking about?" he frowns and Tony has to bite back a laugh. Steve is so blind, he's so quick to believe the best about people that he's stopped actually looking at them.

"Why don't you ask Bucky?"

"I told you!" Steve cries despairingly. "He won't talk to me!"

This time when Steve tries to cut off Tony's retreat he physically shoves the older boy back. "He doesn't talk to me either! How are you not getting this!?"

"Because you spend so much time with him, that's why!"

Tony snaps.

"WE'RE JUST FUCKING OKAY!"

Steve leaps back as though he's been bitten, "What?"

And oh shit Bucky is going to kill him.

"Tony what did you just say?" Steve asks eyes wide.

Tony opens and shuts his mouth a few times because what the fuck is he meant to say? Then his phone rings (and Tony is so going to fucking worship whoever is saving him from this situation) It's Peter.

"Tony? Get everyone and get to the tree house, they've let Odin go and they've found something! I'm at Gwen's; I'll be over once I work out what they've found." And then he's gone and Tony's shouting at a ghost.

"It was Peter, they've found something. We've got to get to the tree house."

Steve opens his mouth before nodding. "I'll drive."

"Come on, we're going to Clint's," Tasha says, dropping beside him on the couch.

Bucky's dozing, drifting. He yawns and arches slightly into the cool leather of the couch. "Wh-what?"

Tasha touches his cheek. "Come on, James." She says quietly. "They've found something in Loki's case."

He sits up. He hasn't seen anyone for days, "Your parents get back today." He mumbles, running a clammy hand through his hair. He can feel himself coming down, he's trembling slightly. God, he'll need a fix if he's going to see Steve tonight. He's been avoiding him, ever since his conversation with Peggy.

She stands up, knowing he'll follow and pads out of the living room. "They're your parents too." She says softly disappearing into the hall.

He sighs as he stands, stretches and heads upstairs, mumbling to Tasha that he's just going to grab a jumper. He yanks open the drawer where he keeps the little box that no one looks in. He tells everyone it's something from his real parents, in reality it's a little zip lock bag filled with white powder.

And it's empty.

"Fuck."

He doesn't have time to phone his dealer so instead he pulls out the bottle of vodka he keeps under his mattress and downs three cap-full's. It's not the same but he hopes it'll do. He pockets the bottle.

Tasha's already waiting in their beat up old car, stoic as ever. "All ready?" she asks coolly. She knows. He knows she knows. Maybe she emptied his little bag. Bucky smiles icily, "Ready."

They drive in silence.

Everyone's already seated when they get there. Tony, next to Bruce, is practically shaking with excitement, beside them Steve is sat calmly. He looks up when Tasha and Bucky clamber up and Bucky carefully avoids his gaze (he doesn't want to see the hurt in Steve's blue eyes or Peggy's hickey on his neck). Thor is absent, probably home hearing whatever news they're hearing through more official means.

Peter scrambles up moments afterwards and Bucky sinks back against the tree house walls. He doesn't need to be here.

"They found something; one of Loki's cards was used in New York." Peter says, brown eyes alight with excitement.

"Oh my God!" Clint says just as Tony says, "New York?" and Bruce says, "I thought all his cards were accounted for?"

Peter nods, "They were, the ones he used regularly anyway. Apparently this one was an emergency account Odin set up for both his sons."

"So he's alive?" Tony breaths, he sounds so happy, something twists in Bucky's heart.

"Wait a second, if he ran away he'd know that the card could be traced. Why would he use it?" Bruce asks.

"Maybe he was desperate?" Clint suggests.

"Maybe," Steve echoes. "And that probably means he wasn't kidnapped. I'm assuming that account didn't have that much money in it, plus they wouldn't have waited this long, would they?"

"Who cares? I'm going to New York tomorrow," he announces. "Who's with me?"

Bruce, Clint and Tasha raise their hands without hesitation. "I'll come too," Steve says. "Since I'm the only one who's legally allowed to rent rooms and everything."

Tasha nudges Bucky. He turns away. He doesn't want to road trip with Steve. Peggy will no doubt come along too. "James will too." Tasha says in her 'don't-fuck-with-me-voice'. Steve beams. Bucky groans.

They plan out their route and trip for the next hour or so. Peter elects to stay at home and relay information back and forth. Bruce leaves first, then Steve who heads over to Thor's to fill him in, Clint and Tasha disappear to his room so she can help him pack. Bucky's not sure how but he's ended up alone with Tony.

The other boy is fidgeting, all his giddy joy has dissipated and Bucky frowns. "What?"

Tony stares mutely for a few seconds and Bucky sits forward. If Tony Stark is speechless this must be serious. "What did you do, Tony?"

Tony looks down, apparently suddenly fascinated by the small tear in his jeans. "I um, I may have accidently told Steve we were fucking..."

"What?" Bucky's heart stops. "You're joking right?" Oh god, oh god. "Please tell me you're joking."

Steve will hate him.

Tony's eyes meet his reluctantly. "I'm sorry Buck," he says quietly.

"No." Bucky says. "No. You didn't. You can't have!"

Steve will tell people. Oh god. What if Tasha's parents find out. They'll send him back to a foster home. Who wants a gay, fucked up son?

He'll lose all his friends.

Tony stands, moves forwards. "Bucky, you need to calm down." He says, slightly panicked.

How can he be calm?

He can't even breath.

"Shit," Tony says. "Shit, Bucky calm down! Hang on, I'll get Tasha. Awh, shit. Bucky don't cry!"

Bucky hadn't even realised. Tony leans down and awkwardly rubs his shoulder. It's ridiculous. They've been fucking for months but any tender gesture between them is so forced, so fake.

Bucky flinches away. "Don't fucking touch me." his skin is crawling.

"Bucky!"

Fucking Tony Stark. He doesn't really care. Bucky growls and shoves him off, shoves him back hard. "Fuck fucking off, Tony!"

He scrambles down the ladder with difficulty.

He still can't fucking breath.

His world is about to fall apart.

He thinks he hears Tony call after him but he's already out of Clint's yard and in the street, his vision blurred with tears.

Tony catches up with him, grabs his arm and Bucky yanks it away.

"Bucky, I'm sorry!" he repeats. He really is.

"No you're not," Bucky snaps. "You know what? I don't even care. Why should I? Because I know something you don't."

Bucky is very obviously drunk; Tony can smell the alcohol on his breath. Tony grabs his arm again to hold him steady.

The other boy sways, "I was the last one to speak to Loki. He asked for you 'cos he knew you were seeing me that night," Bucky slurs. "I told himtoo. You should have seen his fucking face, Stark. He was so fucking pissed."

Tony lets Bucky go. "What?" he asks quietly.

"He was crying, Stark. I sent him off, told him you wouldn't care."

Tony's eyes are wide and this time when Bucky runs he doesn't follow.

Bucky keeps running until he hits something hard. Something that makes a soft noise of surprise and wraps its arms around him and says, "Bucky? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Bucky mumbles, he's crying again. I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry I wasn't good enough, I'm sorry I fell in love with you and fell into bed with another guy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Steve tightens his arms around Bucky. "It'll be okay, Buck. I've got you. You'll be okay."