this is mainly a filler chapter of mello reflecting with a little something to bring the end of the story to a head, so you don't have to read it if you don't want. i understand.

i'm hoping to have the next chapter out tomorrow sometime, but don't hold me to it. i'm not good at making promises.

anyway, i hope you guys had a great holiday.

enjoy.

"Just trying to find your way anywhere,
but you've come to find you're alone.
It's getting dark and you've lost your way...
I haven't let you go, as long as you know that."

- Holding on, Scary Kids Scaring Kids.

Morning came much too early.

The faint light seeping in the open window did little to keep him asleep. Instead, it forced him to wake up earlier than normal and Mello hated waking up before his alarm went off, be it on the weekend or school day. Mello wasn't having any of that, despite the fact that he couldn't sleep anymore.

Mello rubbed his eyes and sat up with a groan, one hand awkwardly reaching behind to rub at a sore spot on his back. In his sleep induced thoughts he vaguely wondered if it was normal for fair rides to cause back pain, but as he stretched and became more alert, the rest of the evening came flooding back to him.

For a short moment he asked himself if it really happened. His confirmation was the gross feeling he felt when he swung his legs around to the edge of the bed. It was foreign - it was completely weird. He wondered if that was how Matt felt after the many times they had sex.

Did he have random sore spots on his body? Did he feel nasty afterwards? Did he ever question what they'd done and asked himself why?

Not that Mello was questioning his reasons for finally taking bottom. He knew damn well why he did it, and if fasked, it honestly wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. He'd probably do it again at some point.

Those thoughts aside, Mello gathered up the first set of clothes he could find on the floor and threw them on long enough to get from his room to the bathroom for a hot, lengthy shower. It would also give him more time to think over what happened, how he felt, how he was sure Matt felt and when they'd get the chance to be alone again. He didn't want them to go days - weeks - without touching each other, despite knowing that was how things would probably pan out.

Why did things have to be so complicated?

The hot water rushed over his body, pulling the pain from his sore muscles and allowing him to relax as he stood still under the shower head. He ducked his head, blond hair falling into his face and sticking in places. He didn't bother starting the task of washing off as he began to let his thoughts drift.

He thought about how they had the perfect ending to an amazing night, even if some of the things they did weren't of his taste. It was all for Matt, he kept remindng himself throughout the night, though a small part of him knew that it was for his well being too. The way Matt acted like a kid experiencing his first time at the beach - all smiles and excitedly pointing each direction whenever he saw something that caught his attention - it brought a smile to Mello's face the more he thought back on it.

It was no wonder he willingly gave himself to Matt. He'd been planning it for a while, but the opportune moment never came up until then. It was a good thing.

No, scratch that, it was a great thing.

An amazingly, fantastic, mind-blowing thing that he wouldn't take back for the world.

It was something that Matt would always have. He would have that piece of Mello for the rest of his life and Mello didn't regret it all. If they didn't make it in the long run, at least they both had parts of one another and fond memories to look back on when things started to go awry. Though, in all honesty, Mello hoped that they'd last forever.

Mello slowly ran his fingers through his hair, coating it with a mixture of two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. He lathered it in before rinsing it out, and just like before, he stood as still as could be while he continued thinking. He was trying to make use of his time and not use all the hot water, even though he really wanted to.

While he began washing himself off, he pondered on how things would play out now that they knew they could get away with using Sayu as definite scapegoat. She'd proven that she was there for them and their relationship, for which he was extremely grateful. He didn't think he could ask for a better friend than Sayu and that said a lot.

She bailed him out of having to deal with her brother. She allowed him to have all the time he could get with Matt. She put up with his nonsense, especially all that he'd done and put her through before Matt came along. It was surprising that she stayed by his side - if he'd been the friend to a person in his shoes he wouldn't have stuck by. Mello would've said his farewells and hopped on the next bus out before anyone even knew he was gone.

He was just that kind of person. The kind of friend that people would debate keeping around.

In any case, he gave major props to Sayu for sticking by him and dealing with his level of crazy. Not many people would do that.

As he rinsed the soap from his arms he thought back to the random friend that Matt had. The weird guy that just moved into town and was working on annoying his way into the life of Light. L - if he remembered correctly - had done a decent job at keeping Light away.

He'd only seen him a handful of times wandering around school like he owned the place. Skipping class, insulting those who tried to flirt with him, and pestering the hell out of Sayu's older brother. Mello figured he deserved some kind of thanks for forcing the Yagami heir to leave him alone, though he was fairly certain that L was doing it for the sake of Matt and not his.

That brought him to question the status of the relationship Matt had with him before meeting Mello and moving. L seemed to know a lot about the redhead, and by any normal standards, he would say that friends often knew a lot about one another. However, L seemed to know more about Matt than Mello and that slightly bothered him.

L was a friend, where Mello was the boyfriend. Shouldn't he know more or just as much?

Mello shook his head, deciding that he didn't play the jealous lover very well. If Matt wanted to tell him more then he would. Until then, he'd wait.

Movement outside the bathroom told Mello that someone was awake, so he finished washing himself off. He made it a point to linger on cleaning the dried cum from his body - his or Matt's, he wasn't entirely sure. Either way, he felt loads better when he finally stepped out of the shower and into the misty room.

"Mello?" his mother's voice cut through the silence as she knocked on the door. "Can you hurry up, please. I'd like to talk to you."

Mello rolled his eyes. "Yeah, give me a minute to go get dressed."

"Alright. I'll be in the kitchen."

With an aggravated sigh at having his alone time ruined, Mello tied the towel around his waist, tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper and made the short trip back to his room to find clean clothes for school. He took his precious time, opting to prolong whatever it was his mother wanted to talk to him about. She could wait.

Instead of rushing, he thoroughly brushed his hair, making it a point to have it dry as he brushed. If there was one thing he hated, it was wet hair. Especially when his clothes got damp. He also took his time selecting what he would wear - he wanted to look good for Matt after the night they had. He wanted Matt's eyes on him at all times when he saw him during the day and his thoughts revolving around him. As if that wasn't the case already.

When he finally felt like he could present himself, he grabbed his bag from the floor in one hand and his shoes in the other before awkwardly turning the lights off with his elbow. Slowly Mello walked into the kitchen, a small smirk plastered on his face as he rounded the corner with his thoughts still focused on Matt. He felt like he was on top of the world, like nothing could ruin his mood.

However, upon looking at his mother as she sat in her designated spot at the table with a white coffee cup held between her hands, Mello knew that something was wrong. It wasn't like her to not look at him when he entered the room, no matter how angry she was at him.

"Mello," she said softly, lifting her head. It was the first time Mello had seen complete and utter disappointment in her eyes. "We need to talk."

sorry the build up to the end is a little blah, but it is definitely needed. only two chapters left you guys, i threw this one in because i don't want to end it yet. i'm also working on the final installment, which... like i think i said before, will go up the same time the last chapter of this goes up.

anyways, thoughts? yes? no?

review, please. thank you.

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V