Hey everyone,
From this chapter, you'll start to see longer narrations from Rin cos I'm telling part of the story through her perspective more and more. After some thoughts, I've decided to shorten the Kagome and Inuyasha part (I guess none of you will mind. This IS a Rin/Sess fic by at large). After this chapter will be the last chapter then followed by a very long epilogue. That will conclude the story. Thanks for all the support so far. It'll be a long long time before I'll get to write again after this.
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In Rin's room one afternoon
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The two best friends did a little dance before they fell onto the bed giggling. Kagome stretched out her hand, selecting one fluffy looking cushion, hugging it as she lay back on the head rest. She let off a pleased sigh.
"Oh Rin, I'm so happy for you." She sent a cheery wink to the girl beside her now braiding her hair loosely. "So… the entire family has accepted your relationship with Sesshoumaru. They're not against it, even that fierce grandmother of his?"
Rin nodded, settling comfortably into the pillows as well, a wide smile perpetually clinging to her rosy pink features. "Yes, arigato, Kags, for always being so supportive toward us."
"You're so lucky…" Kagome seemed to be forcing a smile, then turned silent, a little too silent. Rin picked it up almost instantly, as she always had with her best friend. They've been in the class since high school and the girls could tell each other's moods by just a whiff.
"Kags, i-is something wrong?" Rin's brows furrowed as she moved closer to her friend's side, putting one gentle hand on her shoulder.
Kagome bit her lips as if pondering to tell.
"Is it gotta do with Inuyasha?" The girl made a guess, obviously an intelligent one. She could tell the change in her friend's face just by the mention of that name.
After a long, long pause, Kagome finally spoke. "Yash and I…. We may break up…"
Rin's eyes flew open. Right! She had been so engrossed in her own problems for too long. In her absence, things had happened between Kagome and Inuyasha that she didn't even know of, or rather, hadn't the time to find out. What sort of a best friend am I? Instantly, the girl felt too guilty to even breathe. "Kags, what'd happened between you two? I thought you two were going so well."
By now, Kagome was almost in tears. Her cheeks had turned deep red with agitation. "Yes, we were…until….until…"
"Until what?"
"Until Yash wanted to….." Kagome passed Rin a knowing look and the girl immediately understood what her friend meant. In a split second, images of her own intimacy with Sesshoumaru flashed in her mind. She was puzzled. When Kagome first heard of it, she wasn't against the idea at all. In fact, she had been quite supportive. So, what's stopping herself with the one she loved?
"Urm… Kags… You mean Yash wanted to… but you didn't?" She choked on the last word a little. "W-Well, I guess Yash should understand right? H-He can't force you to…"
Kagome shook her head violently, tears starting flowing down her cheeks. "It's not that I didn't want to… It's… It's that… I can't… And I know he's going to break up with me because of that. I just know it! We both know how men are with such things."
"Hey… there… there…" Rin carefully patted her best friend, trying to calm and soothe her. "B-But Kags, why do you say you can't?" In her heart she also had come to know that even when they had been best friends for so long, Kagome had seemed to keep certain secret to herself. She had never pried or forced her to reveal them but this time, she was just too curious, or rather, she wished to help in anyway she could. "Kags, you can tell me you know. We've been friends for ages…"
Another long pause followed. Then in an achingly slow pace, Rin watched as Kagome unbuttoned her sweater and pulled it down. With a slight gulp, she turned her back toward Rin and the girl gasped.
What was revealed was not fair normal skin of a young girl her age. Across her back, there were patches and blotches of uneven scars, like a sort of burnt mark. It was raw and unsightly, almost gruesome. Instantly, Rin recalled that she had never once gone swimming with her friend. Kagome, she had always turned such offers down. Now, she finally knew the reason why.
"Kags… A-Are those burnt marks? How did you…." The girl found herself stuttering, turning silent once she saw a difficult smile on her friend's face.
"You find it horrible too, right? I guess as much. I've no doubt Yash would too…" Unhurriedly, Kagome put her sweater back on. Rin waited, not knowing what to say. "It was an accident when I was a child." Kagome started again, looking rather painful as she remembered the ordeal. "You know that my dad and mom had never been on good terms."
Yes, Rin agreed internally to herself. Kagome's parents were divorced just last year and since then, she had stayed with her dad, only visiting her mother once last winter break in France.
"That night, they were quarrelling again, one of those heated arguments and they started hurling things at each other. And then, everything happened so fast. Something hit the oil lamp, it fell on me and even though my parents had rushed me to the hospital, I had suffered a second degree burn on my back."
"Kags… I'm so sorry to hear that…" Rin slid her hand round the shoulder of her friend. "B-But, with the technology these days, fixing this can't be a problem right?" Indeed, plastic surgeries do wonders…but why didn't Kagome?
"I know. My mom wanted me to go for the operation so many times…but I turned it down."
"Why did you do that?" The girl was even more baffled. Well, girls care lots about how they look…especially when it was that serious.
Kagome made a forced sound of a chuckle. "I was silly I guess. I thought that by keeping this scar, it would make my parents feel remorseful toward me and no matter they badly they feel about each other, they would not file for divorce. Then at least, I would still have them with me."
"B-But Kags…"
"Yes. In the end, they still separated. I was naïve to think that they wouldn't because of me." This time, Kagome flashed a genuine smile. "But I've grown since then, especially after I saw how well they're living now. They're really happy. My mother finally fulfilled her dream of working in Paris as a fashion designer, a dream that she couldn't pursue when she was married to dad. My father's picking up golfing again, his favorite sport, something that he hadn't done because mom hated it. So, I guess they're really better off like this."
"But what about you?" Rin squeezed Kagome's hand. "You can't stay like this. You have to go for this operation. Tell Yash about this. If he truly loves you, he'll understand and I know him. He does love you, I'm sure of it. You need him Kags. Don't do this alone. Tell him."
"B-But… will he think me as some sort of a monster?" Kagome looked hesitant. She had good reasons to.
Rin shook her head confidently. "No, I believe in Yash. He's not like that. But if he truly wants to break up with you because of this, then, he's not worthy of your love. It's good that you find out now." She gave a firm pat on her friend's shoulder. "Tell him, Kags… take courage and tell him."
After yet another long silence, Kagome finally nodded as she smiled.
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Few days later
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Rin's narration
It seems that the sky has cleared for both Kags and I. Like what I've advised her, Kags told Yash about her problem and to cut the story short, I was right all along about Yash. They've reconciled since then and had started to make plans for the surgery end of the year. And how did Yash manage to make Kags believe in him? Well, perhaps next time, I'll tell you more about it. But just to drop a hint or so, he tried the 'I'll do the same to myself' tactic. No wonder Kags was moved. I would too.
Everything seems so fine now and things between Sessh and I are well too…Sesshoumaru is always his bossy self but I've strongly declined his offer of merging our rooms. The "Do not disturb" sign was put up once too often but uncle's 'gift' to us was never used since the 'strawberry flavored' night. I guess that's just not Sesshoumaru and I couldn't force him.
I've since gotten quite used to Sesshoumaru's bed… We spent many afternoon naps there, though he almost never let me sleep in peace. He'd even convinced me to move part of my wardrobe to his room and his to mine. For convenience in case we stay the night, he said. And yes, now, he sleeps through in my room till the sun's fully up and I had to yank him out of bed. That required skill because if not careful, I might instead be lured back in with him. However, it's a totally different story if I stayed over in his room. He'd make sure I never escape in the mornings and with a grip of steel like his, I gave up before even trying. And most times, it felt really blissful to just surrender to his loving.
Summer break's about two month's time and I'm looking forward to spending more time with Sessh. He was dropping hints about a short trip to the southern beach but was he merely teasing me. In any case, I'm already feeling the excitement! A whole week with Sesshoumaru… our first vacation together! Just the two of us!
But just when I thought nothing could separate us, an unexpected phone call changed everything…
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"Sesshoumaru-SAMA, are you done? We're late for school already!" The girl yelled at the top of her voice up the stair case, then, folding her hands and sat frustrated on the couch.
Hearing footsteps from the stairs, she looked up, seeing Sesshoumaru strolling down, folding the sleeves of his shirt simultaneously. Watching his elegant motions, Rin couldn't help but paced up to gently assist him. The boy greeted the gesture with a smile, allowing her full access while taking time to admire the porcelain beauty of the one he loved. He did not move his gaze from her even when she was done and started toward the doorway.
"Sessh, what are you waiting for? We're late." Rin turned back, flashing a smile as she reached for the knob.
Suddenly, the loud ringing of the phone alerted the boy from his musing. With a slight shudder, he picked it up. As Rin waited, she had at first thought nothing of the call, but as it went on, she noticed the change in Sesshoumaru's usual nonchalant expression. It was not like him to stir such emotions on his face and the girl knew at once…something wasn't right.
"I'll see you on Wednesday then…yes…goodbye. Arigato for calling." He finally finished, then putting down the receiver. Rin watched in silence as he merely stood there as if frozen in deep thought for a lengthen time. At last, he let off a soft sigh, then turned toward her direction, giving her the strangest look she had ever seen. It was as if he was confused, lost and pained by something all together.
"W-Who's that on the line?" She finally asked as he paced to her side.
"It's from Italy…my mom…I mean… It was uncle who called but it was about mother." He spoke calmly but his expressions solemn.
"Your mother? What's happened?" Instantly, Rin felt fear and worry gripping her. With such reactions from even Sesshoumaru, it can't be good.
"Mother is going for a high risk surgery and uncle's coming to speak about it." He seemed to be summarizing, especially that the call had taken a much longer time than with just that amount of information. What was Sessh not revealing to her? Rin felt a huge sense of uneasiness welling in her. But before she could implore further, Sesshoumaru had walked out of the house. "Rin, Ikuzo, didn't you say we're late?"
"H-Hai.." Nodding, she scurried after him, shuffling whatever she had on her mind about the issue.
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Wednesday at a café
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The fair haired gentleman bowed very low as if offering his deepest plea. "Sesshoumaru, I fully understand how you felt in the past about your mother. But now, she needs you. This is an important surgery for her heart and she had only a 50 percent chance of success. Even then, she would need a long time to recover and recuperate. Perhaps, you could see this as an opportunity for the both of you to seek some form of reconciliation in your relationship."
The boy remained silent throughout, Rin's heart beating so heavily she thought it might just jump right out if she spoke. Sesshoumaru's mother was hoping that he could go to live with her in Italy till she recovered. If he were to agree, does this mean that he'll be leaving her behind? And how long? A few months? A year or two or even longer?
The girl shook her head, trying to will the negative thoughts away. Sesshoumaru and her, they've come so far to be together. He wouldn't just leave her behind like this, no matter how the situation was.
"Sesshoumaru, this is the time your mother needs you the most. She loves you deeply and had always felt guilty that she wasn't able to be with you all these years. Her surgery may just fail and she may leave us for good. Even if the operation is successful, the doctor says that complications may arise in the midst of recovery. If you're by her side, I know, it'll greatly strengthen her will to live, to fight and to persist till the end."
The girl stared wide eyed as Sesshoumaru stood up suddenly as if leaving. Coolly, he picked up Rin's hand, offer a little bow before he proceeded toward the exit. Though startled, the girl followed him in a half dragged manner out of the café.
"Sesshoumaru…."
The boy paused in his step, not turning to face the one who had called him back.
"Please give it some consideration. I await your reply. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow." He paced to the two, raising a hand with a card in it. "This is my number and where I'm staying. Call me."
Seeing that the boy had no intentions to receive the card, Rin bowed nervously, taking it on his behalf, finding herself forcefully pulled along by the one holding her hand in a deathly grip.
As they came out of the café, gradually, Rin felt Sesshoumaru's hold on her loosen slightly, though he kept his fingers firmly laced with hers. He did not turn nor speak a word, merely walking in a ghostly silence homeward. The girl trailed behind, her own mind could not stop churning on about the possibilities of his departure. The uncle at the café had been so persuasive but Sesshoumaru had always hated his mother. Would he really agree to go? Hate? The girl signed inwardly. How could anyone ever hate their own mother? Deep inside, she knew that Sesshoumaru was merely putting up a cold front. He would never hate his mother. In fact, she'd say he missed her greatly, even felt lost and deprived without her.
Rin found her internal battle a terrible torture to her heart. She knew she was being totally selfish but she still prayed fervently that he wouldn't make a drastic decision that would destroy everything that they've so painstakingly built for the past year or so. Yes, she braced herself in believing in him. Sessh…he wouldn't…he wouldn't leave her. They'd been through so much. Well, they could always visit during the summer break. That's an alternative. Sesshoumaru would have thought of it too in all his intelligence.
But why then… why does her heart feel so unsettled, as if it didn't have that confidence?
When he reached the door of her room, he finally released her hand. Rin looked up earnestly for some sort of an answer on his dispassionate face but could find none. He merely stroked her cheek gently, giving a sigh. "You must be tired. Have an early night."
His words hit the girl like a tide as she recalled his casual tease that morning. He had hinted he was spending the night with her. Clearly now, he was no longer in the mood. Sesshoumaru's own brows furrowed as he picked up Rin's difficult expression. He gave a rub on her chin, lifting it up as if wanting to offer her a kiss. As the girl closed her eyes in anticipation of it, she felt his slight hesitance, then, she felt him giving her only a peak on her temple.
With immense unease, the girl closed the door behind her as she moved to sit on her bed, utterly lost.
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In the complete darkness of his room, the boy sat in the shadows as bits of memories of his childhood flashed in his mind once again….the accident…. the arguments…the separation.
All these years, he had kept them so locked up in his heart, and in the midst of doing so, he had locked himself in as well. It had always been the untouched pain, the unhealed wound, lining like a huge wall of ice between himself and the world. And it had stayed with him all this while… he had let himself sleep on it, shutting himself off, denying to feel, thus denying the hurt that comes with loving… He was afraid of wanting…for wanting comes with the fear of losing….until he met her…Rin. She had changed everything in his world. She… had brought life back to him, the ability to feel… to feel happy…to feel love and being loved.
Instinctively, the boy reached to open his bedside drawer, retrieving a velvet jewelry case from it. He flicked the lid, revealing a silver ring adorned with a dainty diamond on it. He let his finger run outline the item, the corner of his lips curved into a slight smile unknown even to himself.
Is he able to give her the happiness that she truly deserves? Or has he been lying to himself all this while, living in only a dream? Carrying a pain that had been so deeply rooted in his soul, is he still capable of loving, of truly loving Rin with all his heart?
Just when he thought he had regained his ability to love, this had to happen. Just when he thought he had won all the battles with the outside world, he was reminded once again, he hadn't won the one with himself. Perhaps, it was all destiny's part playing its cruel game on him, on them.
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At Inu-no-Taisho's office
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Hearing the internal ring tone, the Taisho pressed on the speaker button. "Yes?"
"Mr Taisho, your son is here to see you."
"Show him in." The middle-aged father gulped, his heart rate instantly sped. He had also been informed of the situation involving his ex-wife and her request and frankly, he hadn't a good night of sleep since then. He was merely waiting for Sesshoumaru's decision. No matter how unwilling he was to let his only son go, he knew that the choice was no longer with him. Sesshoumaru was no longer a child like he used to. He was old enough to make decisions on his own, a decision he could live with, a decision that perhaps could heal what a single father alone could not for so many years.
He watched as the boy entered the room, pacing to sit opposite him. A long pause followed neither speaking.
"So, Sesshy, have you made a decision?" The Taisho finally asked, breaking the silence.
The boy nodded as he looked up straight at him and the Taisho could tell the firmness of his gaze.
"Y-You have decided to go, haven't you?"
With a solemn sigh, the boy nodded again, holding his gaze to his father's.
The Taisho gave a pained smile. "You feel that you are able to recover what you've lost by going?"
"I do not know." Sesshoumaru answered with genuine honesty. "But I do know that if I don't make this trip, I'll never find out. Perhaps, I'll get so fed up with that woman that I'll storm out in three hours, who knows?" He coughed, stifling an equally pained chuckle.
"You do know that this is not a short trip. Your mother's illness may take years to recover…"
"I'm aware of that."
The Taisho fell silent again, taking adequate time to suppress the already overwhelming sorrow in his heart. At last, he took in a deep breath. "Sesshoumaru, tell me that I'm not losing you as my son, my heir."
"No, you're not. You can forget about removing me from your will."
The Taisho chuckled achingly at the attempted humor, fighting back the urge to cry.
"And old man, I'm allowing you to hug me… just for this one time." The boy intoned and instantly, he was embraced tightly by his father, feeling the moisture on his shirt as the Taisho teared.
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In the Inu-house
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In the quietness of the house, Izayoi sat by herself as she awaited the return of her daughter. She had heard about the latest turn of event from the Taisho and she feared…deeply feared how Rin was going to take this when she got home.
The door knob turned and the girl entered the room. "Mom, I'm home."
Izayoi looked up. The moment had come for Rin to know, but how was she able to tell it to her so that it would hurt less. No way, in her heart, she knew that there was no way it would hurt any less than it would.
She paced toward Rin, holding her daughter's hands in her own. "Rin, there's something mom has to tell you and you have to keep calm no matter what you hear."
At that moment, Rin felt as if her heart had stopped beating. Could it be? No, it can't be…No… it can't be true… But before she could further prepare herself, her mother had spoken.
"Sesshoumaru has decided to go to Italy. Sho called me this afternoon about the news."
"Really?" Involuntarily, tears started welling in Rin's eyes, completely blurring her vision. "He has decided to go, he has decided to leave me behind?"
Izayoi stroked her daughter's hair gently, hoping fervently that it would somehow soothe her. "You must have an intuition about that coming, right? You must have already prepared yourself for it, somehow…"
By now, Rin's tears had completely flooded her cheeks. She had never felt so lost, so without hope. "Yes, I've prepared myself that he might decide to go… b-but… I still can't accept it. I can't accept that he'll leave me …not after everything we've gone through together…" With that, the girl dashed for the door.
"Rin! Where are you going? Come back!" With desperation, Izayoi dialed firstly to Sesshoumaru, only finding that his line was off. Quickly, she called Kagome and related to her what had happened.
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At the playground
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Running mindlessly, Rin finally reached the playground. She panted, trying to gain her breath and then, once again, sobbed afresh as memories flooded her mind. She had been crying that night too here at this very spot when Sesshoumaru found her. That night, she had fallen in love with him. And since then, she couldn't remember a day without Sesshoumaru, her life before meeting him had seemed like a distant memory. Everything, her entire world, her very breath was about him. She had given him everything, her heart, her love, herself. She had kept nothing, withheld nothing and now, she was left with nothing. Her heart was emptied out even as she sat on the swing.
"Rin?" His mellow voice shook her as if out of a dream. She looked up, seeing him and needing an explanation desperately.
"Sessh, is it really true? Are you really going to Italy?" She couldn't wait to ask, she couldn't stand the pain that was drowning her.
The boy shuddered at the query, closing his ambers in silence for a moment. "I-I was intending to speak to you on this myself…but…yes, I've decided to go. I-I'm sorry…"
"Sorry?" Rin started crying again with an intensity she couldn't suppress. "You're sorry? I don't want to hear that you're sorry. That's not what I wish you'd say…" She shook her head violently covering her ears.
From afar, Kagome and Inuyasha had sighted the two and came running in the direction. After Izayoi's call, they had been on a worried search for the girl.
"Rin…" Sesshoumaru's hands rested on Rin's, pulling her off her ears and holding her tightly. "I-I…." He had great difficulty beginning. "I can't tell you how long I'll be gone and I can't say for you to wait for me. So will you…"
Before he could continue, a fuming Kagome had stormed up, giving him a hard slap across his face. "SESSHOUMARU! How could you! How could you do this to Rin? She'd given up so many things for you. She loved you so much! And just with a mere sentence, you wish to throw her away. You're indeed a monster, a demon! You do not have a heart!"
Sesshoumaru bit his lip as Rin shook herself away from him, her eyes shunning away in the most disheartened manner. "Kags, stop, don't say anymore." She swallowed a hard lump throat, clearing off the last of her tears, forcing back the rest. "I've always known that he was cruel." She looked up at him once more, this time, her eyes were cold, unfeeling with utter devastation. "All this while, you've always been the one who demanded and I've always been the one to obey. So, even for this time, you'd made the decision all by yourself. I'll still be the one just accepting it."
"Rin! Don't be a fool! How can you just let this bastard off like this, so easily?" Kagome pulled her friend to her side, as if wanting to shield her.
Sesshoumaru's ambers were fixed on Rin, never once moving away, the corner of his eyes shimmering with a hint of agitated tear. Facing the one who had stirred his heart, the one who had shared his bed, he forced himself to keep his composure, finding this time to be the most difficult in his life. "Good girl." He swallowed with pain. "You'll have to be stronger from now onward. You'll have to learn to be independent, to go home on your own safely."
"I'll be just fine without you." Holding his gaze, the girl spoke with whatever little pride she had left, balling her fingers into a fist so tight that she had pricked her palm.
With a pained expression and a forced smile, Sesshoumaru's own ambers flew shut as he nodded. And as he turned to walk away, a thin stream of tear rolled from the corner of his eyes. This wasn't how he had wanted Rin to know. He had wished to speak to her more deeply, to seek her understanding, her approval. He had wanted so fervently to find out if she'd wait for him.
His fist tightened in bloodless white as he paced homeward, alone. He couldn't stop his body from trembling fiercely both in the night air and in immense agitation. Was Rin speaking her heart a while back? Would she really be fine without him? Was he so insignificant to her? His heart pinched at those hurtful thoughts. Perhaps those were merely her angry words, he concluded. Still, she had all the rights to be angry with him. She had all the rights to not forgive him. She had all the rights to not wait for him when someone else comes along in time.
There, the boy made a decision, one that pained him till the point he could be choked alive. He would let Rin have that choice. It would otherwise be utterly unfair to her since he could not at this moment tell her the exact time of his return, or even how things would change in the future. Perhaps, this is the best test of their true feelings for each other, the test of time.
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About a week later
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Kagome peered around from her seated position at the stone bench till she spotted the girl coming in her direction. She waved vigorously, trying to catch her attention. "Rin! Over here!"
The girl panted as she reached her best friend's side, heaving her bag to the ground and opened her small lunch box of sushi. "Kags, I'm sorry I'm late. Extra class ended late today."
Kagome watched as the girl merely looked down at her food, not seeming to have the slightest urge to touch them. "Why aren't you eating, Rin?"
Not answering verbally, the girl just smiled as she poked her straw into her yogurt drink, sipping it in a slight difficult manner.
Deep inside, Kagome knew that Rin was far from being fine. Since that fateful night of argument, Rin had changed completely. Firstly, she had become so suddenly serious about her school work, always slogging in the library till late hours in the night. She had even started a part-time job at the burger joint. Though always maintaining a perpetual fake smile, Kagome could almost feel how much her friend was hurting inside. It was a painful sight, to see how Rin had lost so much weight in just slightly more than a week and how pale and colorless she looked. Her usual expressive eyes had lost all their spark and were usually swollen probably from excessive crying the night before.
Truly, it must have been tough on her. How could you try to forget someone when you keep seeing them at home, when that person happened to stay in the room next to you? Coming to know Rin as she did, Kagome had guessed that her friend would pretend as if nothing had happened, laughing and making jokes in front of Sesshoumaru during the usual family meals. That would just make her die a little more a day.
Kagome continued her observation, noticing how Rin was slowly picking up a piece of sushi. The girl only took a small bite before yet another difficult expression surfaced.
"Rin, a-are you alright? You don't look very well." Indeed, Rin was looking extremely pale that day.
"I-I'm alright. I've been feeling a little sick since yesterday." The girl half muttered and was half covering her mouth.
"Sick? You mean like throwing up?" Kagome had turned genuinely concerned as thoughts flew in her mind.
Rin nodded. "I guess I just hadn't the appetite because of the late nights and my schedule lately had been crazy." She tried a smile that wasn't at all convincing.
"Rin, look at me." Kagome turned her friend till she sat straight facing her. "I-I hate to say this but… Rin, do you think you could be…."
The girl was startled by the comment, her eyes suddenly flew wide open in shock. "You mean, I could be…" Her heart ached as she was instantly reminded of her previous intimacy with the one whom she once loved, the one who was no longer with her. "B-But I was on the pill."
Kagome shook her head in the most serious manner. "Don't you know, they're not completely safe. M-Maybe, you should do the test, just to be sure?"
The girl fell silent.
Rin's narration
Pregnant? I could be having Sesshoumaru's child?
No, it can't be, not when … when he no longer wants me…not when he no longer cares… not when he no longer …loves me…
Perhaps this is all punishment for me… for going against the norm…for doing the contradictory…for falling for my brother…
This is my punishment…
Have I come to the end of the road?
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In the Inu-house
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"Rin, sweetie, Sesshy, dinner's ready…"
Hurriedly, the girl disposed of the test kit in her hand when she heard her mother's call from her room. Taking one deep breath and bracing herself, she opened her room door, instantly hearing the door beside her click. Before she knew it, she was looking straight at an equally awkward Sesshoumaru.
In silence, the two froze for a short moment but it was Rin who broke the stillness. Putting on the best smile she felt she could, she went over giving him a strong pat on the shoulder. "Hey! Are you all packed and ready to go?"
Her wide eyed enquiry did somewhat shock the boy from a distant musing of his own. "Erm, yes, almost." He answered and Rin felt an instant prick in her heart. Sesshoumaru sounded so polite, too polite. She couldn't still get used to that.
Taking a breath to forcefully brush off that lingering thought, she forced out another smile anyone could tell it was fake. She tried another joke. "You know, Sesshy, from now on, you should stop eating Italian food because you'll get so sick eating them everyday when you get there." Instantly, she felt much worse.
The boy forced a smile himself. "Yes, I will remember that."
The girl gave one final smile, the last she could come out with before tears eventually fall. She hurriedly wanted to turn and pace down to the dining hall. She wouldn't embarrass herself for shedding anymore tears in front of him.
"Rin…"
She stopped, turning slightly to face him, waiting for him to finish his statement.
"Are you unwell?" Sesshoumaru's tone was filled with concern, she could tell at least still tell that bit. "Y-You look really pale."
She hesitated a moment, then, pretended to laugh it off loudly. "Really? Oh dear! Do I look horrible?" She placed both her hands on her cheeks. "I-It must be the late movie last night." She took a peek at Sesshoumaru. His ambers showed that he was definitely unconvinced.
She fell silent, vivid thoughts churning in her head again.
What does he care how I am? It's none of his concern anymore, she hardened her heart.
"I'm starving. Let's get to dinner." Ignoring Sesshoumaru's obvious wish to continue imploring about her condition, she scurried down the stairs.
Dinner went on with the Taisho and Izayoi doing most of the talking, mostly about their actual wedding in about a week's time. They had brought it forward so that Sesshoumaru could attend it before he set off, another reason being Izayoi's pregnancy.
"Sweetie, why aren't you eating?" The middle aged mother noticed how the girl was not the least touching her food.
Alerted, Rin quickly stuffed two spoonful of rice into her mouth, trying to swallow it but it just made her feel a stronger urge to be sick. Stifling the slight tremble in her hand, she put down her pair of chopsticks and instead, sipped on the green tea, hoping it would somehow soothe her. She looked up, noting that Sesshoumaru was scrutinizing her every action intensely. She faked yet another smile, she was getting good at this, so she thought. "I-I guess I ate too much during tea break, all Kagome's fault. I'm too full."
She was just about to heave a great sigh of relief when a voice spoke from across the table.
"You said you were starving just now." It was Sesshoumaru.
Rin gulped and from the corner of her eyes, she could tell that he had kept his gaze fixed on her like fire. Damn him! He was still as before, always looking for chances to get a word in at her.
"Erm… Mom, uncle, I think I'll go off first. I'm meeting Kags and Yash." She did a little wave, then turning to the one right opposite her. "Sesshy, you can have my share. You'll miss home cooked food." She only dared to take a brief peek at him, knowing that his vision had not once left her.
Rin raced up the stairs, headed straight for the bathroom. She had barely flicked the door shut before she collapsed and heaved, empting everything she took just a while back.
Why? Why is this happening to her? Why?
The girl weakly held onto the counter top toward the sink, turning on the tap full blast. She cleared her mouth and washed up a little. Regaining back a little of her strength gradually, she stood up at the mirror, gazing into the stranger from within.
Who is that in the reflection? She could no longer recognize herself. Since when had she become such a pitiful sight? Since when had she turned so devastated, so heart broken, so lost and helpless?
Unknowingly, tears had flowed down her cheeks with the renewed pain. This place, this foreign house, it was once filled with so much happiness and love, so much hope for the future… Now without Sesshoumaru, it has turned into nothing more than a cell for a criminal like herself, one that she felt so emotionally imprisoned. Yes, she was a criminal. It was all wrong from the beginning. Right from the beginning, she should have restrained herself from this scandal. She should have set the example of an elder sister. Now, it was time for her to bear the full consequence…alone. And that was her ultimate punishment, to bear this alone.
Inside the bathroom, the girl took a lengthened time to herself, till she could cry no more, till her tears dried out. She cleaned herself up, checking in the mirror making sure she was at least presentable before she opened the door. She only took a step when she realized someone was standing right in front of her.
It was Sesshoumaru! He wasn't speaking, merely looking at her intently.
Sesshoumaru, how long had he been outside? Did he hear her crying? Or even before that?
Rin felt instantly vulnerable. "Erm, hi Sesshy, did you want to use the bathroom? Erm… I'm done…so…" She gestured him, feeling only that he was still looking at her with an intensity that made her shiver. She gave a smile, then bolted for her room.
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At the pub
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"Cheers!" Both Inuyasha and Kagome stared worriedly as they witnessed the girl down her second pint of beer. When Rin glared at them with displeasure, they raised their glasses awkwardly to join her.
"Hey wait!" The girl pulled Inuyasha's hand back, half shakily. "You should have something to toast for. It's more fun that way!"
"Erm… sure…" The basketball captain raised his glass while scouting for something, anything. "Let's make a toast to erm…. Being contented with what we have."
Rin giggled as if pondering over the phrase. "Hmm… being contented with what we have, that's a wonderful toast."
"Really? I thought it was so lame…" Yash blushed with embarrassment while scratching his head.
"Who says?" The girl argued. "It is just perfect…" She paused for a moment, then struggled to life her mug for another sip, Kagome reaching out her hand to assist her. "You know…Kags, there're three things most important in a person's life, kinship, friendship and …love." She put down her mug with a much louder impact than she was aware of, making the other two jump in slight shock. "I have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends, why shouldn't I be contented? Why should I still bother about that person who is making up for that last one-third?"
Rin nodded as if in agreement with herself, totally satisfied with that last comment she made. She was about to take another sip when Kagome forcefully pulled the glass from her.
"Rin! Stop it! Stop it once and for all!" Obviously, Kagome was affected by all this. Angry tears had started to well up in her eyes. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you pretending to be happy even in front of me?"
The girl looked up in her blurry vision, though pained but still, she tried to suppress it. "What do you mean, Kags? I'm not pretending…"
"Right you're not! Look at you, how you've let yourself become! You think I do not know that you're hurting terribly?"
Rin stubbornly fought back her tears with all her might as Kagome continued.
"Rin, I'm your best friend. You can cry and wail out your heart in front of me and I'll cry along with you. That's how it's supposed to be! Not like this! Then, we can all sob as we gulp down the beer." In her agitation, Kagome lifted her mug and swallowed every single drop, Inuyasha watching in total shock. "See, that felt so much better!" She brushed her own tears off her face and dashed away before she cried further.
"Kags!" Yash immediately ran after the one he loved.
As they went out of sight, Rin finally released herself from her prideful stance as tears flowed fast and free. She had thought she had cried enough, she had thought she could cry no more…she had thought her heart was dead …but still… it was still hurting… it was still hurting. How could she make it stop? How could she make all this stop? She scrunched her fingers onto the mug handle tightly.
Round the corner, Yash finally got to Kagome and she fell into his arms sobbing.
"I know Yash, I know I shouldn't be like this but…"
"Hey, there there…" He stroked her back gently. "I understand how you feel but Kags, Rin needs us now. We're supposed to cheer her up, not to bring her more pain. We've got to go back. She's waiting."
Stifling her sobs, Kagome nodded.
As the two made their way back to the pub, they found only an empty table.
"Where's Rin?"
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"Rin! Rin!"
Kagome was almost her own hair out as she and Inuyasha blindingly dashed everything in search of the lost girl.
"Yash, I'm so worried. Where could she be? And just now, I even said those things to her… What if…" The girl tugged on the one she loved with a huge sense of urgency.
"Think positive, she can't be far. We'll have to look around, maybe on her usual route home…"
As they nodded in agreement, the basketball captain the all too familiar figure behind them. "Sesshy…"
The boy appeared slightly baffled. "What's happened? Why are the two of you looking so flustered?"
It only required one sentence for the girl to blow her top. She glared heinously at him as if all ready to give him another good waking slap. "Why? You have the nerve to ask why!"
Inuyasha pulled her back, putting a firm hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Sesshy, It's Rin. We've lost her."
The boy shuddered with unease. "What do you mean you lost her?" His heart was beginning to pound.
"Sesshoumaru, how could you be so cruel to Rin? Have you even noticed how much she was hurting because of you?" Kagome pushed Yash aside to pull on Sesshoumaru's shirt, turning in greater fury the more she noted his expressionless face. "Do not even tell me you're blind to all this! Didn't you notice she hadn't been well? She could be pregnant, Sesshoumaru, with your child!" With that, she pushed him off, then brushing her own tears away, not able to control the urge to cry again.
Instantly, the boy froze as images that evening returned to him, how Rin was behaving at dinner, how sickly she was looking and how she wasn't eating. Rin..she's pregnant?
"You're so cruel, Sesshy, so cruel. Do you know how painful it is for a girl to find out that she's pregnant with a child of a man who no longer wants her?" Kagome couldn't control her sobs even when she scolded the one who deserved it. "All you have to do is leave. What's going to happen to her after that? How is she going to tell the whole world? That she's carrying a baby while still a student? Belonging to her brother?"
Inuyasha gave a gentle pat on Kagome's back, urging her to stop. "Sesshy, Rin was not herself just now at the pub and… she had a few drinks…"
When Sesshoumaru heard that last bit, his ambers flared red as he took off in great speed. Tremendous guilt and remorse could not start to even describe what was stirring within him. He loved Rin. She would be the one love in his heart till the day he dies. He should have told her that right from the beginning. Why had he waited? Why had he waited so long? Too long and perhaps… too late?
Rin, wait for me… don't do anything stupid… I beg of you…Onegai…I…I love you….
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Hey,
I know I've let everyone wait too long for this chapter. I promise, the next and last chapter would come fast. I'll start on it immediately after I post this. Really wish to thank all the nice people who took time to review the story, Starrygirl, babegalanime, Wolf-Inu-Yasha38, mysterious advisor, tammy, riceball909, DragongirlCV, LostSoulsOfTheDead, Irivel. I hope I didn't leave anyone out. Fanfiction net's the best! You know I also post in Mediaminer but had never experienced such wonderful responses from readers. So, I love all of you… I hope to really receive more coz this would be the last story I'll write in a long while I guess… So thanks so much for everything. This site has been really fulfilling for the past year or so for me, reading all the wonderful stories and then writing some of my own…
So, till we meet again…cheerio…
Evilbuny