Chapter 3: Trial By Fire

July 18th, 1943

Malinovka, German/Soviet Front lines

"Move up fifty metres and hold station" Hearing the command, I shifted the tank into gear and rolled us to the designated point. From my view point all I could see was the edge of the forest we were in and beyond that a road leading to a small row of bombed out warehouses. Despite the attempt to be as quiet as possible, I could easily hear the other tanks idling to both my left and right.

In total, we were part of a fifteen strong company tasked with the capture of this area from a Russian task-force. That said, we had no idea how many there were nor where they were. Worse still, was the complete lack of infantry support in the area meaning that we were at a serious disadvantage should the Russians have anti-tank weapons. Command believed this to be of little concern though, since the Russians had only been in the area for a single day thereby limiting any fortifications. Of course, what Command believed and what was reality were often two very different things.

Taking a moment to look around the vehicle my eyes rested upon my fellow crew. Despite my earlier proclamations, I had decided to learn a fair bit about them after all. Not to be mistaken as a gesture of kindness. I told myself that I was only doing so to make us a better fighting unit. Of course I knew I was lying to myself. As much as I didn't want to get to know these boys in case they died, I did all the same. I felt the drive to do so. Believing that perhaps I could save them from a terrible fate. In the back of my mind however I knew the harsh reality and as much as I wanted to believe it couldn't happen I knew it most likely would. After all, it had happened before.

Directly behind me was Emmerich Hafner. The boy was actually our youngest at only fifteen. Not even into puberty yet, he was the very definition of a child. From what I could tell he was only trained to be the gunner because he was either too small or too weak for any of the other positions. His black Panzerwaffe uniform was clearly too large for him, giving the impression that he was even smaller then he was. Even now, in a situation that could prove deadly he had an anxious smile, giving me the impression that he did not fully understand what was about to happen. Taking a good look I realized for the first time that Emmerich could easily have been one of those boys on the Hitler Youth posters. The medium length blonde hair and the bright blue eyes coupled with the smile and the uniform all matched the Aryan agenda that the government was pushing. Personally I believed the whole thing to be a joke. There was no such thing as a "master race". The Russians were proving that every day.

To my right, sat Hermann Liebenstein. A lanky teen of sixteen, he still showed signs of youth. His scrawny frame coupled with a boyish face all pointed to him being far too young for combat. From what I could gather, Hermann was born in Wilhemshaven and was eager to enlist, his father being in the Kriegsmarine. Like Emmerich, Hermann was not really suited for any position specifically. For that reason he was trained to be the radio operator, this position also included the hull gun. When pressed it was obvious that Hermann believed wholly in the Nazi propaganda, showing nothing but pride for what his country was trying to accomplish. It made sense really, what with his father being the propaganda officer on the KMS Tirpitz. I didn't feel the need to correct the boy on a few misconceptions he had about his great Fuhrer, not that he would believe me anyway.

Behind Hermann was out loader, Hanno Fuchs. Among the three, he was he only one to be built for life in a tank. Being born on a farm near Magdeburg, Hanno was certainly strong enough to fulfil his duties as our loader. Due to age, Hanno had sort of adopted the role of older brother to the junior crew. I believed the whole thing to be a little odd since, at eighteen what worldly experience can one posses? Being a little more pragmatic, Hanno wanted to believe in the ideals he was taught throughout school but had began questioning them. For a farm boy, I found him to be quite intelligent. Able to carry on conversations, particularly in philosophy, that he should not be able to follow. It was a nice change since Emmerich was constantly asking questions about everything, and Hermann would constantly regurgitate Nazi rhetoric.

Finally to the rear and top of the tank, sat our glorious Panzer-fuhrer, Felix Böhm. This one was a complete mystery to me, refusing to interact with the crew in any unofficial manner. Beside the glimpse I had received back in Minsk, his entire past was a shadow. He was cold and indifferent to everything around him. Calling him a ghost would have been appropriate as one look into his eyes showed that he had died a long time ago. Knowing this though, I was not able to judge. After all, I had left a piece of myself back in Prohorovka. How much of Felix was left in Stalingrad?

Deciding that the view from here wasn't quite to my liking, I opened the hatch above my head, not bothering to ask for permission either. The fresh air felt wonderful on my sweat covered face and I let out a contented sigh. Taking the opportunity to finally look around, I got the full view of the situation ahead of us. Directly in front of us was the line of warehouses I noticed earlier, but beyond that is where things got interesting. Several hundred meters of open flat land separated the warehouses from a ridge line that offered a fair bit of cover. This is most likely where the Russians where waiting. What this meant was that either we had to engage from range or risk running the open land to close the distance. Obviously we would choose the former, since we outgunned the Russians by a large margin. This was, of course under the assumption that the Russians were outfitted with T-34-76's or older models.

From below I could hear the muffled words of another tank crew through Hermann's headset. Despite the fact that they were coming from a headset inside the tank, I could hear them fairly well. The message they carried was crystal clear. It was time to begin.

Before Felix could even give the order, I pushed the tank into forward, matching the others perfectly. If he was upset over my lack of interest in his orders he never said it. Emerging from the forest, we all rolled over to the warehouses unmolested. The Russians were either waiting for a clear shot or were unaware as to our locations. Finding an excellent spot I moved us into one of the warehouses that had a large hole, offering a perfect view of much of the field. Closing the armoured shutters over my view port, I moved the KFF-2 periscope into position so that I was still able to see. In some ways I liked this view better, as it offered a wider field of view. While driving however, you'd take your eye out with this thing. With a better view of the situation, it was obvious that the Russians had taken positions on the ridge in front of us. Amongst the trees and rocks you could see smoke plumes from their engines rising and mixing above them.

It was at this very moment that several flashes of light punctuated the cover, eyes widening, I yanked my head back from the scope. After several moments I could feel the shells hitting the ground all around us. A moment of relief followed as it was clear that we were not hit. I looked back to watch as Emmerich turned the turret in the direction of one of the flashes. As he acquired the target he looked back and waited for the order. Felix was quick on the uptake and ordered the shot. I watched as the shell arced out and struck the dirt near a wooden barricade at the edge of the field, well below the target. Our allies were quick to follow suit and I could hear several other dull thumps as our armour answered the Russians in kind.

The greater picture was much more optimistic. Four tanks burned in the distance with an unknown number hampered by mobility kills. Based off of what I was hearing through Hermann's headset, it was clear that all of our tanks were operational. I knew the next steps in this dance, and as if on cue the Russians charged the field. Knowing they were outgunned, they would need to close the distance for their guns to have any real effect on us. Emmerich fired again and this time struck a T-26 in the track. The ill fated tank didn't last long as another Pz. Kmpf IV finally put it out of service. Looking out into the field it was clear that this battle was in our favour. No less then six tanks were either damaged or destroyed with the surviving crews scattering away from their vehicles. The sacrifice was enough however, as the last few Soviet tanks finally breached our lines and engaged us at point blank range.

Pulling us into reverse. I moved the tank out of the warehouse and turned to hug the wall. This allowed us to face the tanks that were now driving to flank our rear. Several of our tanks were caught off guard, shells ripping through back and side armour. In a moment, five of our tanks were left as wreckage. Once again Emmerich fired, this time scoring a direct hit on the side of an American built M3 light tank. The force of the round punching straight through the tank and striking another T-26 in the back putting both tanks down. Behind me I could hear Emmerich laughing and shouting about a "two for one kill". The fact that he was laughing, I found the be rather disconcerting. With two tanks down, that left us with only two tanks left to fight. With ten seven point five centimetre guns pointed right at them it took a very short amount of time for that to change again.

I only heard one incredibly loud shot ring out from all directions before I saw both enemy tanks vanish. Simply blown to pieces as their ammo and fuel detonated simultaneously, leaving not but a crater to testify to their passage.

As the last of the smoke cleared, I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and slumped back into my seat. Suddenly throughout the tank I could hear cheering. It seemed that the boys couldn't contain it and let out uproarious cheers and laughter. I looked back to watch Hanno reach across the breach and ruffle Emmerich's hair. The revelry was cut short all to soon though.

"Enough! We still have a job to do. It's our turn to cross the field to make sure that we got them all. Driver, line us up with the other tanks and begin crossing." Felix ordered with an edge in his voice.

Complying with the order, we began to move once more, this time as a group through the remains of the soviet tanks. Looking at the remains, I couldn't help but fell something akin to regret for the people who were most likely still in them. Three or four people sharing the same tomb. Some burned to death, others dead before they knew what had happened. Dying in a tank could be a blessing or a curse. On one hand, you could be hit by a shell that penetrated and instantly killed. On the other, you could be burned alive by ruptured fuel or have your limbs blown off, left to slowly bleed to death. No matter how it happened though, you were still dead and dead men leave behind nothing but misery. I was left wondering how I would die. Would I die in this machine like so many others? Or would I die at home surrounded by my family? In the end it mattered little how I died since it would most likely be completely out of my control. A series of actions that may or may not have anything to do with me ultimately leading to my demise. Worse yet, what would become of the boys in here with me? Would they share the same fate? A million unknowns and so few outcomes. Did the actions of one really amount to that much?

It was during my musings that I caught the sight of another muzzle flash. As if in slow motion caught the sight of the shells impact on the tank directly in front of me. The round dug into the side, right in between the turret and the hull. The force of the impact rocked the entire tank onto it's left tracks and right as it reached the apex of it's roll the turret flew off and landed in the field twenty metres away. Eyes widening, I punched the accelerator and prayed to god we weren't next. As we crossed the field, I watched the ridge line where the shot came from and started counting. Another round was fired, the velocity so fast that the trees surrounding the tank seemed to ripple from the force. I didn't know if it met it's intended target, all I knew was that it wasn't us. Just as importantly I finally saw our target.

"It's an SU-152!" I couldn't help but let a little bit of panic enter my voice. This machine could knock out a Tiger easily enough, what hope did this little tank have?

"Maintain course driver. Once we get in his face then we win."

As I watched it, I noticed that I could see straight down the barrel. In my head I was still counting though and was up to fifteen. As we moved the barrel followed and I knew that I had only one chance to get this right. Sixteen, I shifted my hand to the individual brakes. Seventeen, I slammed the left track brake while still at full speed. I realized that this could brake the track but we had no choice. The entire tank lurched to the left just as the 152 fired again. As hoped the round slammed into the front of the tank, which was now at a steep angle and glanced off. Ignoring the ringing in my ears, I pushed the tank forward again, hoping that we would reach the tank destroyer before it could reload again.

As luck would have it, we did. For the final time that day, Emmerich sighted and fired. Whether intentional or not, I'll never know, but the round blew off the track leaving the tank immobile. No longer able to manoeuvre and with no targets in front of it, the SU-152 was useless. Believing that we were simply going to shoot the vehicle until it was destroyed, I found myself quite surprised to hear a hatch opening. Looking back, I saw that Felix was exiting the tank. Opening my own hatch, I saw that many of the tanks crews were exiting their vehicles with small arms and advancing on the damaged TD. Turning back to the other three and warning them to stay put, I pulled myself out of the tank with my own MP40 in hand. As I approached, i could hear the taunting and jeering that was directed at the now trapped, Russian crew.

"Come on out, Russian pigs."

"Ya it'll be faster then dragging your sorry asses out of there."

"Or would you rather we burn you out?"

"That's actually a good idea. Let's roast them in there."

The resounding cheer from the assembled tankers was deafening. As I watched the respective commanders made no move to stop the crews, I realized that this atrocity was going to be met with no defiance.

I don't know why I didn't step in. Maybe it was fear. Perhaps, deep down, I wanted to see this happen. I'll never know, but what I do know is that I stood there and watched as my fellow soldiers, using an assortment of tools, pried open the fuel tanks and rigged them to ignite.

"What are they doing?"

My eyes widened at the question. Spinning on heel I looked down at the three boys standing behind me. I glanced at them then at the funeral pyre that was being built and quickly realized that I could not let them witness this. Looking into the eyes of Hanno, I placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Take the other two and stay in the tank until I tell you to."

Stealing a quick glance over my shoulder, Hanno quickly realized what was about to happen and nodded his head. "Let's go guys, we aren't needed here."

As they turned to leave, Felix walked up to us and stepped in front of Hanno, blocking his path.

"You can't keep the outcome of war from them forever Scheller. One day they will need to see the things that must be done to make them strong. If you aim to hold that from them then you might as well be killing them yourself." Looking at Hanno but talking to me, Felix spoke with a sort of dull resignation. As if he believed what he was saying even if he didn't want to.

"You would have me allow children to watch a war crime take place then!?" I was furious at the very idea

"I would have you stand aside and allow them to grow as men."

"Like you?" I quipped.

"Stand down Gefreiter, you are out of line. I have ordered that you allow my crew to witness these proceedings and you will damn well comply." The edge in his voice was palpable.

"Fuck you." I snarled.

Instantly, Felix closed the distance between us and thrust his finger in my face. "No, fuck you. If you ever say something like that to me ever again I will make sure that you are court martialed for it."

"Well then, allow me to provide you with something worth the effort." Dropping my weapon I threw a punch directly into his face. The strike was true and Felix was knocked off his feet. By now everyone had gathered around us to see what the argument was about. The instant Felix hit the ground I heard a audible "click" as a round was chambered into a pistol behind me. Scrambling to his feet, Felix drew his own weapon and levelled it in my face. I could see it in his eyes. The want to shoot me was there. The drive to get revenge for the humiliation that he just suffered. Deep down was something else though. A glint that I could not place. An emotion somewhere between rage and curiosity that seemed so foreign to a human.

"I could kill you for that. I won't because I have something better in mind. I think it's important you know that I am going to break you. Now, turn around and do the honours." Gesturing to the tank destroyer, it was obvious what he was demanding of me.

"There is no chance..." I was cut off by his weapon discharging. Instantly I jumped back expecting to feel the force of a bullet striking me. When no such sensation was felt I looked at the ground to see a small hole near my foot.

Realizing I had no choice, I turned and began walking. As I walked over to the vehicle, I felt a piece of myself die with every step. First Prohorovka and now Malinovka. I was steadily losing whatever humanity I still had to this god-forsaken country. The closer I got the more I realized that I had accomplished nothing. My attempt to preserve whatever innocence that remained in the others had lead me to commit the most horrific act of my life. And yet even in the end what had I accomplished? Nothing, nothing at all. I was going to kill these five men for nothing. Finally reaching the incendiary charges, I inserted the fuse and backed off.

The screams that followed would haunt me until the day I died.