My Little Pony: Spongebob is Magic

Chapter 2

On the edge of Ponyville there was a portal, the kind that swirls around and around like a hypnotic whirlpool. A black whirlpool. The portal was black, I suppose.

Anyway, a few feet away from this portal there was a pony. This pony had three best friends that she hadn't seen since the portal appeared. She considered herself to be quite clever, so she had put two and two together. Unfortunately, she'd gotten five and spent the last few days looking for her friends in completely the wrong place, but finally she proved that she wasn't a complete and utter cunt by making her way to the mysterious portal. This time, she got six. The vortex inside the portal just helped her think. So, there she was, trying (in vain) to think, to figure out where her friends could possibly be, when Twilight Sparkle came sliding down the hill to find her (the portal was at the bottom of the hill).

'Hey, Apple Bloom, what're you doing here? You know we're not suppose to be by the portal. It could be dangerous!' exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.

'I'm trying to figure out what happened to the incontinent and her two friends.'

'Who gives a fuck?' she asked politely. 'My cactus still smells of shit and fish.'

Apple Bloom scrapped her hoof against her head. 'Yeah, sorry about that.'

'That was you?! What the fuck is wro-'

'Hey, shut up,' she interrupted. 'Can you hear that?'

Twilight Sparkle shut up. She could hear it. The sound of incessant giggling, coming straight from the portal.

The two ponies moved closer towards the portal. It flashed brightly, so suddenly that the pair had to shut their eyes.

'Fucking cum stain!' Twilight Sparkle yelled out in pain as she stumbled backwards, blood trickling down from her forehead as Apple Bloom turned to help her. 'Something hit me!'

The two ponies looked down in horror as they realised what had come through the portal. A severed ponies head, empty eye sockets gazing up at them.

More giggling. The ponies turned to face the portal again, bracing themselves, ready to turn and run. Another bright flash. A wet thwack. Apple Bloom opened her eyes, turned, expecting to find another head. Twilight Sparkle was on the floor, a dent in her head, her skull poking up through her skin and a line of blood running from each ear. Next to her head was a brain-stained rock. She flicked over the rock with her hoof. On the clean side there was a single word, written in green crayon. 'Rocky'.

Behind her, the portal flashed a final time. Apple Bloom swallowed hard, piss and shit exploding across the floor behind her. She had already managed to turn, to run, but now found herself to terrified to move. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a pink slab reach down for the rock and picked it up. It occurred to her the pink, point-shaped slab was a hand of some sort. She tensed her legs, breaking free of her fearful paralysis, ready to spring forward, to warn the village. She barely made it a foot before something sharp sunk into her spine. Her lifeless body carried on a few steps before ploughing into the ground so fast it ripped the grass from the ground in a spray of mud.

'Oh...My...GOD!' exclaimed a high-pitched voice. 'It's so beautiful here! Don't you think Squidward?'

'I dunno,' he replied, frowning as he ran his tentacle through his imaginary head of hair and stared at the bright blue, rainbow-filled sky. 'It seems pretty fucking grim to me.'

Patrick cantered over and picked up Rocky, licking him before slipping him into his pocket. 'What now Squidward?'

Squidward took a moment to think about it. He wasn't sure how he felt about being in charge of 's little mission. On the one hand, it was a position of authority, and he liked to feel important. He was, after all, the most intelligent critter in Bikini Bottom (not to mention the most deadly). On the other hand, he had to put up with Patrick and Spongebob. Then again, he thought as he looked down at the crushed skull atop the corpse of Twilight Sparkle, that might not be so bad. He sighed as he considered the options. 'Pat, you and Rocky stay here and guard the portal. Spongebob and I will sneak into Landseahorseville.'

Spongebob brought his hand to his chin. "But Squiddy, how will we get in without getting noticed?'

Squidward grinned. 'Easy...', he said as he got to three knees and began to skin Apple Bloom using his clarinet. 'We just need a disguise!'

'Hurray!', Patrick and Spongebob yelled it in unison. And so our heroes quest to save Bikini Bottom was underway, and had gotten off to a good start under the leadership of Squidward the Brave. What peril awaits them? Find out, on the next exciting chapter of 'Spongebob is Magic'!