My Little Pony: Spongebob is Magic

Chapter 3

Squidward pressed his hoof against his forehead, trying to wipe it through his disguise. It was hot in his suit. He and Spongebob had arrived in the town to find dozens of ponies heading towards the hall, so there they were, sitting at the back, trying to look inconspicuous. Squidward couldn't give less of a fuck what they were talking about, so he sat quietly and churned the day over so far, trying to suss out his enemy. It really was quite astounding that they'd made it to this point without being caught, or even suspected. First off, he thought, there was the fact that their disguises were still leaking blood. Then there was the fact that all these landseahorses walked on four legs while they walked on two, but nobody had even blinked twice at them. The feet of SpongeBob's disguise had been ripped open where he had forced his shoes through too hard, and his long yellow nose poked through the horses nostrils, but nobody had said a thing. Even Patrick wasn't as dumb as these things seemed to be.

He shook himself free of this thoughts and glanced sideways at Spongebob, but couldn't make out his expression through his disguise. Probably smiling like a moron, he thought. He turned to face the front of the hall where a bright yellow monstrosity was addressing the room. "Do we really need to look for Derpy?" she was saying, one eyebrow raised. "Last time she I had her over she shat in my fish tank, ate my bed sheets and defiled all my watermelon."

"Yeah, my cactus still doesn't smell right!" came a voice from the crowd, followed shortly by a chorus of frustrated agreements.

"Yes, yes, mine either, but we haven't seen Flutterslut or Rainbow-Rash either."

"So?"

"So my vibrator takes batteries, which are fucking expensive in this town!"

A heated debate erupted throughout the town hall for what seemed like a long time before it was eventually decided that Applejack had the longest tongue and so nobody really cared where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were either.

"So, we're agreed? We can just forget those three cunts ever existed? Great, I don't have to waste half a day pretending to look for them."

As the crowd moved on to more pressing Pony matters, such as who could fit the biggest watermelon in their arse, Squidward stealthily made his way out of the hall whilst Spongebob screamed at the top of his lungs and sprinted through and out the door, knocking six ponies over during his exit. Nobody noticed.

Once they were outside they checked to make sure nobody was within earshot.

"Did you hear that Squidward?!", Spongebob whispered frantically, eyes brimming with tears.

After a pause, Squidward nodded. "I heard."

"What are we going to do Squidward? You heard them, they're coming for revenge! They're not through with Bikini Bottom!", Spongebob sobbed.

"Shh Spongebob, it's okay. They're not going to, because we're not going to let them." He lay a tentacle on the corner of Spongebob's square torso. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Spongebob nodded. It wasn't long before Squidward was back, dragging a gurgling, throat-slit pony across the floor by its disgusting hoofs. "There's only one entrance to this place Spongebob, and the whole building is made of wood. I assume you have your bubbles with you?" he asked, jamming the (almost) lifeless corpse through the handles on the entrance to the door. He gave it a few test-pulls to satisfy himself that it would stay shut.

'Of course, Squidward, you're a genius!' Spongebob exclaimed as understanding dawned on him.

'I'll never know how you can use bubbles like this...'

'Aww, Squiddy, it's all in the techn-'

'Technique, yes, shut the fu-no, don't do the moves just fucking get on with it.'

Spongebob nodded and brought the bubble ring to his lips. He started to blow. Like a baby squeezing out it's mother's arse, the bubble blew through the ring into the shape of a slab of wood. Spongebob grinned his silly grin and grabbed onto the bottom of the bubble-wood, the top of which promptly caught fire, turning the wood into a torch. He laughed incessantly as he torched the hall, which promptly lit up. The two heroes stood in silence and watched as the hall burned. They didn't say a word - even if they did, they probably wouldn't have heard each other for the dying screams of agony coming from the hall. Before long Squidward gave Spongebob a nod and motioned for to move off - their mission was accomplished, and they needed to move off before any more ponies arrived at the scene. They made their way back to the portal.

Spongebob gasped as he came to the top of the hill and took in the scene before them. Patrick lay a short distance from the portal, flat on his back and surrounded by dead ponies. Spongebob began to wail and began flailing his arms as he ran down the hill to Patricks side, stepping over a disembowelled Pony as they went. Squidward helped him up while Spongebob sobbed and fussed over him. He took a second to look around - he counted twelve dead ponies.

'Knock it off Spongebob, he's trying to say something,' he whispered as he took Patrick's hand in his and leaned in to hear him.

'Rock...eeee...'

Squidward swallowed hard. 'What was that, Pat?'

'They took...Rocky...'

And so, the diabolical Ponies have defeated Patrick and kidnapped Rocky in an effort to secure the portal - their route to invade Bikini Bottom. What will our three heroes do? Will they save Rocky or will Bikini Bottom be doomed? Find out, on the next exciting episode of Drag-I mean Spongebob is Magic!