A/N: Hey guys, to every one that has favourited and followed this story I can never thank you enough and I'm beyond sorry about the delay in updating - having 16 relatives stay with you over Christmas and well into the new year provides very little time for writing - especially when they insist on seeing pretty much every tourist attraction that Sydney has to offer... Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait, but any constructive criticism is always appreciated. :)
Rachel sighed as she received yet another text from Finn. Truth be told she had expected the texts to come much later than they actually did. She had been certain that his nonchalance and 'girlfriend' would keep him from caring, and she had almost changed her mind and replied. Almost. A couple of texts asking where she was wasn't going to change the months of heart ache and pain that she had endured at the school she kept telling herself.
So she kept her silence, and really it was probably the best response she could give at this point.
Sure she could go the whole "I'm currently in New York checking out performing arts schools because none of you ever seemed to care before" route, but what was the point? She didn't need to tell them anything. God knows they had never seemed to care before, more than happy to keep her in the corner or try to drown out her voice with their own whilst she tried to speak. In fact she had kind of thought that her absence would go unnoticed, or welcomed, for a little bit longer than it actually had. She was actually relying on that. It meant she would be given a bit more peace to be able to look at new schools without the inquiring texts of people she really didn't feel like talking to.
Besides she didn't want to run the risk of a glee club intervention, or whatever it was they called it.
She didn't want to hear fake apologies or unfounded statements that "it would get better" or that they "would be nicer people and better friends to her".
It would be far too little too late and all the pretty words that they could spin didn't guarantee her happiness. Things would probably be good for about a week as they all put on their best behaviour, treated her with kid gloves afraid that if they stepped outside the carefully drawn battle lines she would leave again. The problem was, empty words and empty promises didn't mean they actually cared and she could pretty much guarantee that within a week the same relentless pattern that her high school life had become would recommence as Glee club found some other drama to focus their attention on.
It wasn't even her in particular they were worried about losing, it was her voice. They'd all but said that to her – well Santana actually had but she was an entirely different matter – and she knew know that she wanted more. Giving them the opportunity to think she was giving them a " be nicer to me or I'll leave" ultimatum would only make things worse. Sure they would treat her better to her face, to ensure she remained in the club, but the whispers would circulate around the club (and by extension the entire school – nothing was a secret at McKinley) about how 'petty' she was being and how much they disliked her. They were already bad enough as they were, and whether the club thought she was stupid enough not to hear and understand where the rumours had come from or just didn't care was a blurred line she didn't feel like actually investigating.
If her mind hadn't been made up before, the week and a half away from McKinley looking at other schools had really allowed her to settle into her decision. Usually when she wasn't at school she had pushed down and repressed any painful memories, preferring not to dwell on them too long - surely if she ignored it long enough the pain would subside. There was no point in shedding tear after tear after tear, all it did was waste time and it didn't change the fact that she was almost certain to undergo the same fate the next day.
Now that she wouldn't have to return to McKinley, to the slushies and the insults and the blatant ignorance of teachers who chose to let students fend for themselves to 'build character' or 'gain independence' or some other lame excuse to free themselves of any responsibility, she was free to pick through the painful memories and bring them back into the light. Of course, for the most part, all that had done was allow her to recognise, in even greater clarity just how miserable she had been, but she refused to start at a new school with unresolved issues. She would work through them now, so that when she started she would start a fresh and knowing that whatever the new school threw her way she would be able to deal with it.
What she wanted most of all was to have high school memories that she could look back on and laugh and smile about. All her talk of being prepared for the paparazzi and having a bestselling autobiography was great for the future. But why should she have to wait a few years to start living and really enjoying life- Especially when everyone else got to start now? So no matter how painful the memories became she pushed through, certain that she already had enough material to fill three books on her early high school life and determined that a new school would provide her with the happiness she so thoroughly craved.
All that was left to do was to find a school. Her Dad's, never ones to deny their daughter anything, had insisted that she choose whatever school she liked and they would figure out work arrangements later. She had scoured the internet looking for performing arts schools, thinking that they had to be the best fit for her – both in preparing her for her inevitable Broadway future and in finding likeminded people. She desperately wanted to have a friendship with people who wanted her to be around and where she could just let loose and enjoy herself, and she was sure if she surrounded herself with people who thought like her the task would be made significantly easier.
Her first choice was obviously New York, but ever the realist she had looked up a few others as back up plans, certain that this is where she wanted to be and refusing to take no for an answer – she was not going to go back to McKinley.
Another text came through from Finn. This one angrier than the last. She gritted her teeth at his accusations of her being selfish and childish, but said nothing - she wasn't going to take the bait. He could text her as much as he liked, she wasn't going to reply. The happiness and joy that the thought of transferring brought her wasn't something she felt like sharing with the Glee club at this point, especially not Finn.
Yet another text came through but Rachel didn't even bother to read it, instead she pocketed her phone and looked around the waiting room of the principal's office of New York's premier performing arts school.
"Rachel Berry?" The young secretary said looking at her. She nodded and stood up, her fathers standing up beside her. "Right this way. Mr Conway will see you now"
Rachel and her fathers walked inside the lavish room and each took a seat in the ornate wooden chairs admiring the photos of students in various productions throughout the years. Mr Conway sat behind the large oak desk, his white hair lying like a cloud over his head and a pair of wire rimmed glasses perched on his nose.
He peered over his glasses at Rachel and gave a nod of his head. "Rachel. Mr Berries. Lovely to see you"
All three bobbed their heads and each gave a polite "Thank you" as they all focused their attention on the principal.
"Now Rachel your transcripts look wonderful. You're averaging As in all your subjects correct. "
Rachel nodded" yes, sir"
"Now your letter says that you're interested in the musical theatre program that we offer. Why have you chosen that?"
Rachel nodded and launched into her answer that she had to have given at least seven or eight times before, all of the principals had asked it and she had made sure to hit all the memorable moments in her development. From seeing her first onstage musical, to Barbara Streisand, Funny Girl and her dreams of Broadway stardom.
Mr Conway and her Fathers watched her speak animatedly, her arms gesturing wildly as she detailed her dreams and plans for the future and why she thought that studying musical theatre now would be the greatest advantage for her. The principal just smiled and nodded along as she spoke and she was sure that he was trying to hold back a laugh at her exuberant enthusiasm.
She was almost panting as she finished and Mr Conway chuckled and shook his head good-naturedly as he continued with the interview, clearly not expecting such a long and detailed answer to his question. "Now, you've been part of the glee club I see. How has the McKinley group gone?"
"We've made it to regionals twice in the two years since the club has been reinstated."
"Great, great and what did that involve?"
"We had a group rehearsal 3 times a week after school where we ran through group numbers and choreography and individual performances were sometimes work shopped." Rachel reeled off, by now used to the questions that many of the principals asked – it seemed to be standard procedure for a performing arts school. Still she tried to remain detached and talk about the group as a whole, and her role in it, whilst avoiding anything that would hint at the underlying pain the group had caused her. "And then I had individual vocal lessons for two hours a week and would rehearse every day at home." She finished her spiel and sat back a little in the chair waiting for Mr Conway's response.
"Lovely. I strive for such dedication in my students. Now if you don't mind me asking this is an unusual time of year to request a placement in the school. Not that you wouldn't' be an unwelcomed addition but what has brought you to our doors today?"
Rachel glanced quickly at her fathers, none of the other schools had asked her such a question and although she had worked on a brief outline of what she could say if the question ever arose, it felt childish and silly now. Taking a deep breath she decided that honesty was the best policy, she didn't really have that much to hide after all.
"Ohio hasn't been, and still isn't, particularly supportive of the arts, and whilst there have been a few teachers at the school who have fought hard to change the perception of art in the school, and in the community, it's still sadly lacking. The rest of the student body often disregarded glee club and the whole group faced a lot of physical and verbal abuse." She took a deep breath trying to gather her thoughts, and not let her emotions get the best of her.
"I guess I just got tired of always being told that me, or my dreams of performing, were worthless or hopeless, especially when I love it so much and put so much effort into it. I feel like as much as I've grown up in McKinley, I now need something more. This school would give me the opportunity to work on my skills, around peers and teachers who not only know what they're talking about, but appreciate it as well."
Mr Conway regarded her solemnly over the tops of his glasses, nodding his head. "I see. I'm sorry to hear about the way the club has been treated, and am glad that there are still teachers fighting for arts education. I'm sure you'll find that an arts school will come with its own challenges, but hopefully these will be more constructive to your craft and lead you towards even greater success." Rachel nodded happily, already aware that getting everyone to like her was likely an impossible feat, especially when everyone vied for the same roles.
Mr Conway then turned to include her fathers in the conversation as well. "Now I'm sure you're aware that as a performing arts school we run our mainstream courses - maths, English, a language and a science are compulsory and then 4 hours of performance based lessons are part of the curriculum everyday. You will still be expected to rehearse and complete homework outside of school hours. Does that all sound acceptable?"
"Yes sir"
"Excellent now you're records are great but you'll still need to audition before we can offer you a place at the school"
Rachel tried to keep her grin in check as she nodded her understanding and acceptance whilst Mr Conway started to address her father on the tuition prices and financial side of things.
He seemed to drone on for hours and Rachel kept her face carefully schooled to not reveal how bored she was becoming. In her head she was running through audition pieces.
There was the obvious "Don't Rain On My Parade" – she had sung it enough times to know it backwards and it really would showcase her abilities. But was it too expected? Too mainstream? But she was auditioning for a place in part of the musical theatre program so maybe it was appropriate...
Her dad standing up and shaking hands with the principal jolted her out of her musings and she too stood to shake hands with the old, bespectacled man.
"We'll see you later this afternoon for your audition Rachel. Good luck"
With a smile and a thank you Rachel followed her dad out of the office.
She and her dad sat at a table at small vegan café on the New York sidewalk as they ate their lunch, her Papa having made arrangements to talk to a business associate about possible job opportunities in New York. Rachel continued to look around the little café, drinking the atmosphere in as she sipped at her lemon tea. She was feeling pretty good about her audition, having eventually decided that she'd be remiss if she didn't acknowledge Barbara in some way for getting her start in her sure to be shining Broadway career. There was no way this new school opportunity could be anything but a leg up in the industry. She was going to be surrounded by some of the best teachers and resources available there was no way that anything was going to stop her from reaching that stage.
She knew that she had impressed the admissions panel, even I they had remained fairly tight lipped after she had performed, offering her only a curt nod and a we'll be in touch soon. They couldn't however, hide their expressions of appreciation as she sang, her voice soaring with well-practiced ease over the notes, using their reactions to spur her on and belt out the notes with even more control and clarity then her Sectionals Performance the year before. She hadn't tried to hold back her grin as she had curtsied and thanked them for their time before making her way backstage to meet her father.
Lost in her thoughts she looked up, only to find her dad beaming at her.
"This is the one isn't it?" He asked his daughter, already aware of her answer.
In the last week and a half they had visited six performing arts schools - from Chicago to Cleveland to Michigan - but he hadn't seen his daughter as full of life at any of them as she was now. She seemed to be filled with some inner joy that was finally being able to shine now that the confines of Lima had been removed. He only wished he'd noticed her predicament earlier.
"Yep this is it. I know that we haven't heard back from them or anything but I have a good feeling about it. And besides this is New York daddy! Dreams are literally born here every day and can you imagine how many shows I can go and see to get the best preparation for my own debut?" She took another look around the busy street, watching as people hurried back and forth and the longer she looked the larger her smile became until it covered her whole face and set her eyes alight.
Her father smiled back at her again, he had known that none of the other schools were ever going to be contenders as far as his daughter was concerned. Not only was New York her lifelong dream the school was the most prestigious, the most renowned and it seemed like Rachel would fit right in.
"That it is" he replied and lifted his water glass, nodding his head at her glass on the table for her to follow suit. "To new beginnings in the city that never sleeps" he said and they clinked their glasses together both beaming.
It came as no surprise when Mr Conway called to offer Rachel a position at the prestigious LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts. That didn't stop Rachel from screaming though as she enveloped her fathers in a massive hug and started jumping around in a circle. When they broke apart, Hiram straightened his glasses on his nose and clapped a hand on Rachel's shoulder.
"We knew you could do it bug. And we're so proud of you" he wiped a tear from his cheek and Rachel surged forward to hug him tightly.
"Thank you dad. I'm so excited" she ended with a squeal. "It's going to be just like fame. Singing and dancing and acting and vying for parts in a production that'll actually be performed and watched by critics. Oh dads this is just the beginning. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"You know what this means, don't you?" Her daddy said.
"Oh of course - we need to celebrate" her papa cut in. " ooh I know this fantastic little Italian place just down -"
He was interrupted by her father " besides celebrate I mean. We should start looking for a place to live."
Rachel clapped her hands again bouncing on the balls of her feet "oh we'll be actual New Yorkers!" She exclaimed and threw her arms around both of her father's shoulders.
Her papa patted her arm "Rachaela I think you were always a New Yorker at heart. You practically came out of the womb belting Broadway lyrics."
They all chuckled and continued their conversation about where, and when, they could start apartment hunting.
Rachel considered going back to tell the Glee club her new plans for the rest of her school years, but the more she thought about it the more her thoughts moved in the opposite direction. What did she really owe them at this point?
For a year and a half she had been the most dedicated and most invested glee club member and despite all of her efforts all they ever did was shun her. If it wasn't open hostility and name calling then it was the more subtle missed invites to supposed 'group gatherings' or the eye roll whenever she performed a solo, a stark contrast from the rapt attention that she paid during their performances (so what if she was analyzing it at the same time. The industry wasn't always kind and if she could provide a little bit of feedback now then she could help them improve and help their chances at competitions and their own individual performances.)
Maybe she should go back and explain that she wouldn't be there with them to compete at regionals – especially with them quickly approaching. But truth be told she almost physically recoiled from the idea. The idea of going back to McKinley without having to go just to survive another academic day made her stomach roll. The distance of the past week and a half week and looking at new schools had definitely changed her perspective and she as more than just ready to get out. She was angry that she had to put up with all of it for so long. All they had ever asked her to do was change.
"Stop dressing like that – you're going to pull our whole image down."
"Stop talking so much."
"Get a nose job."
Never once had the appreciated her for who she was. It was only ever her talent – and whilst the others didn't have her own impressive resume of technical training and extra-curricular involvement Santana and Mercedes and even Tina had a lot of talent and they could sing at regionals without her. True it wouldn't be quite as good, but at this point she knew she was probably only going to be singing back up anyway. They wouldn't miss her.
Apparently they could, and would, miss her voice. The near constant stream of texts from Finn was testament to that. Apparently he had been appointed sole correspondent or something. It was as if none of the others could bother to even spend the few seconds it would take to send her a message themselves, ask how she was and not just how her voice was. That or Finn was the only one that cared enough to ask where she could possibly be. That option didn't make her anger subside any less. Apparently Finn could only care about her when she wasn't with him (and she obviously wasn't allowed to do the same – his anger over Christmas was hard to forget and his displeasure at her even mentioning Quinn at this point was none too subtle). He was such a hypocrite.
She threw her phone across the room, and screamed into her pillow. Seriously was he the only one allowed to call the shots? Was he the one who could always get what he wanted?
No! Starting from now she was going to be stronger than ever. She was free of McKinley, free of their Glee Club and she was most definitely free from Finn. She was going to make her own way in this world, In New York City and one day when her name was, inevitably, up in lights they would all wish that they had treated her a little better. She was not going to play the same games over and over again with all of them. She was sick of them and her heart had had more than enough.
That lonely, Jewish girl from Lima, Ohio who kept sweeping up her heart to hand to Finn, or the Glee club, was going to be long gone. Replaced by the stronger, better, and much more prepared New York Version.
First things first. Cutting off all contact with her previous life. She didn't need, or want, to share it with the people from her past, who would only want to tear her down.