A/N: Are we breaking up, my beautiful readers? :( I fear that we are. While the response to Episode 12 was amazing (50+ follows, 40+ reviews, 120+ faves), I was expecting more feedback. I've got over 3000 views on this thing but a lot of ghost readers. I mean, you guys are already awesome enough just for reading this story, but I know a way you can be awesome-er! ;) I'd really love to hear what you guys like, what you guys don't like, what you guys wanna see, etc. Even if it's just a word or two, drop in a review if you've got time! I appreciate it much more than you think. I'll even return the favor! I'm eager to read some of your guys' stuff, too! But no pressure, this story will be here no matter what. Special shoutouts to **GleeLovatoFan**, RL13436, OTHangels, omotot, IHEARTFOUR98, HPMudBlood, goodgirl21, LilithFanBebeNeuwrotic, DarkMelody, lizabeth143, PLLlover7, my-middle-name-is-awkward, Stephy-Dearestxxo, happytears5, Catarina, ChocolateMoosrePi, lynn, roganjalex, TheMysteriousBeauty, Jane, OTHFAN26, ChibiLova18, GlitterGirl123, Athena, BellaBaker86, cassiejohnson05, wiltedblackroses, Kmtb1234, Sherlyn -Queen -B, InHereIAm, TeamDelena97, and all my anons! And thank you to everyone that has faved and/or followed! It makes me so happy to hear that this story makes you guys look forward to Mondays! I'm super excited for you guys to read this chapter and next weeks, too! Things are about to get complicated! I wouldn't jump to conclusions about anything I've read, if I were you... ;) See ya next Monday!
Episode 13
Callie didn't sleep a wink, and though she pretended to, Brandon knows she didn't. He knows by the way her thumb kept finding its way to her mouth as she slept, and her nail to her teeth, and the way she held her breath every time they turned on to a residential street, afraid to open her eyes and find herself home.
Home. What a funny word.
If she didn't think this house was her home before, it's even more so not now.
And Brandon also knows that this is what she's thinking, however incorrect it may be, so when they finally turn down their street, Brandon takes a shot at reassuring her. When she realizes that he's talking to her while her eyes are still shut, she knows she's been busted. Feigning slumber was always a sort of defensive mechanism in her past. Clearly she isn't as good at it as she used to be. "I stole my dad's car, I left without telling anyone, and I haven't answered any of my mom's calls. Whatever is waiting when we get home, it'll be for both of us. You're not alone."
It feels nice to just accept his valiant gesture for a moment, but she doesn't for long. Because that's not how things work out in life. At least, not for her. She knows what's waiting for her, and it's not something who's magnitude will lessen with a little teamwork and hand holding. So she keeps her eyes shut. The darkness is lighter than anything to come.
"Still nothing?"
Lena steps into the living room, the usual glasses of wine missing from her hands, though in its place are two mugs of coffee, completely black. As much as they both need a glass of wine right now, they know it's probably not in their best interest if they're going to keep trying Brandon's number, even if it takes until the next morning.
The moon is already at its highest point, the darkest time of night has already passed, and the faintest glow of dawn is coming in from the open blinds. They sit side by side on the couch, tense in their positions, constantly watching for headlights in the driveway. Stef hangs up the phone after it sends her to his voicemail for the umpteenth time, depositing it on the table before burying her head in her hands. Lena sets down her coffee to wrap around her wife.
"Hey," her voice lacks conviction but it's the cheerier of the duo, "I'm sure they're on their way home now. Brandon and Callie. I'm sure they'll be pulling up any minute now, unharmed."
She removes her face from her clammy hands to meet her eyes, and though she isn't crying, her features have taken on characteristics of those that have been. And she can see that Lena's really trying to be her rock now, and it really does mean a lot to her, considering Lena's usually the one who needs the comfort. But this is all she can take away from it, and nothing more. "I just don't know what I'm going to do with either of them when they get back."
In the next second, Lena's hands have encased her own, and then she's squeezing back, leaning her weight into the tall woman next to her, basking in her warmth. For a second, this suffices. "Let's just worry about getting them home safely first."
"Of course."
Stef closes her eyes against her shoulder, letting the even breath of her wife in her hair soothe her nerves, and for the first time that day she thinks she could actually fall asleep. But then the flow to her head has stopped, and Lena's urging her upright, exclaiming, "Oh my God, they're home!"
Shaking out of the sort of trance she had fallen in, Stef, in her sudden relief, manages to joke, "Either I've just married a very twisted woman or they've got impeccable timing," and scrambles to her knees on the couch.
The engine gives one good, last roar before fading out, and they can see Brandon and Callie just sitting in the car, with the spotlights still blaring on the garage door, clearly stalling. Without a word, the two women fly out the front door, making eye contact for the first time with the two teenagers as they finally step out of the car. Brandon looks slightly relieved to find that they're running at them with open arms, but Callie is mortified.
They engulf Callie in a hug first, since she's closest, but she's too terrified to even get her arms to return the loving gesture. She wants to feel it, she wants to be able to savor the feeling any normal person would be feeling, but she feels nothing, and she just stands there stiffly as they rattle on about how worried they were about her. She doesn't even think they're telling the truth.
As Brandon comes around to the other side, Stef breaks away to pull her son into her arms, but Lena stays with Callie. She can sense something's not right. Callie's always been a little different, a little sadder than everyone else, and knowing her back story, she can see why. She just has so many questions, they both do, but they know they're not getting anything out of her for a while.
Brandon's arms are around his mother but his eyes are on Callie, deep concern tugging his mouth into a frown. He wants his moms to just give her some space, but he doesn't know how to ask, and he's not really in a good place to.
"Nobody's hurt?"
Callie almost has to laugh at Lena. She wouldn't have run away if she wasn't.
But she knows that's not what she means so she shakes her head slowly, wincing slightly at the sudden migraine that is threatening to manifest itself and tear through her brain. Brandon is starting to look pretty pissed that he can't do anything more to help the girl next to him, but he manages to answer his mother, and lets the two lead them back into the house.
"There's so much we both want to say," Stef admits as she closes the door quietly behind them, hoping not to wake the other children, though it will be morning soon, anyway. "And need to know. And we don't want you to feel uncomfortable at any point in this conversation so just let us know if you do."
This conversation is supposed to be for both of them, but both teens can't help feeling it's solely directed at Callie. Brandon feels the need to inch in front of her a little, seeing that, by the look on her face, she's already starting to feel rather uncomfortable, and begins to protest, "Mom-"
But Callie finally speaks. "I want to sleep."
They all stop and look at her, and when they do, Callie even finds herself scooting behind Brandon's arm. It's strange. He had always been the one she trusted the most at the house, and after everything that's happened, that hasn't changed. Even as she builds on to her brick wall, even as she builds a fortress to live in behind it, she has a little secret door for him. It's only there sometimes, but it's there.
Stef and Lena exchange looks of surprise, not too fond of the idea. They'd love if the talk could happen now, but they still respect her, and know that her answers to their questions will get better with time. They know that from experience. So they agree.
But Callie is talking again before they can get a word in. She thinks they don't trust her. "I'm not going to run away again. I swear. I really have no where else to go this time."
They swear they can hear something snap in that quiet room, something inside Callie. Something is snapping and dying.
"Okay," Lena replies softly, "okay, we'll talk tomorrow."
Callie doesn't waste any more time standing around and heads up stairs, though she's mounting them a little too slow, a little unsure. What will she say to them if they're awake? What will Mariana think of her now? Just when they were becoming friends...and Jude. What will Jude say?
Acid is climbing up her throat.
They all watch her go, and when she's out of sight, Brandon says, "I think I'm going to try to get some sleep, too."
"Maybe you should shower first," Stef suggests, wrinkling up her nose, "you two smell like something died in the car. You better hope your father doesn't get mad."
That's his cue to leave. He can sense the change of atmosphere almost immediately, he can sense it in the way her voice is bordering on sarcastic, and he's not prepared for this talk yet. So he shrugs and starts heading up, too, and avoids looking down. Not out of a fear of heights, but of what lies below.
"Brandon," she stops him on the fifth step, her voice a little softer, the edge gone. "Thank you. For bringing Callie back."
He looks down, and Lena is holding on to Stef's arm, and they both look so confused, so lost, he has to look away again. He did this. They both did this. His moms deserve happiness, he wants to bring them only happiness, but they can't catch a break. And now part of that is his fault.
He just nods and continues up, and tries to stop himself from enjoying her gratitude, because the next day, there will be none. And he'd rather not have that taste of paradise if only for just a day.
"Good morning, Talya."
Stef steps aside for the redhead to enter, and as she does she says, "Good morning, sorry I'm here so early. When Brandon told me what was going on I was super worried, so when he texted me to tell me he was home, I really wanted to see him."
Stef shakes her head, waving off her apology with a bagel in hand and surprising amounts of enthusiasm for someone who got only four hours of sleep. "Of course, he'll be down in a minute. You know how it is waking up in the morning."
With a mutual laugh they part ways, and while Talya stays at the bottom of the stairs with a smile plastered on her face, Stef joins Lena in the kitchen again, where her smile instantly vanishes. They're talking so quietly even her trained ears can't pick up a word they're saying, but then someone's slumping down the stairs and her suspicion flies out the window, and her eagerness returns.
But it's Callie, not Brandon, and the smile is stripped away to that of a fake one. Callie only notices the girl when she's almost to the landing, and she instantly slows, her hand making audible friction on the hand rail. She can't make eye contact with the girl without wanting to run away again.
"Hi, Callie. It's good to see you home safe."
She is almost believable in her well wishes, but not quite, and Callie swings around the staircase, walking away without a word.
Talya doesn't have too much time to dwell on her anger because now Brandon's making his way downstairs, spotting her swifter than Callie. His reaction, however, is a little different. He stops in his spot completely, halfway down the stairs. "What are you doing here?"
He doesn't sound particularly annoyed, but she recoils. "I came to see you. I think we should talk about yester-"
"Yeah, I know." he cuts her off, closing off the large gap between them and coming to stand in front of her. "I'm sorry for the way I acted. I was just stressed out. I didn't mean to snap at you."
His sudden normality has her extremely relieved and she's already over it, flinging her arms over his shoulders. It catches him by surprise and he steps back a little, hoping she didn't catch his face in reaction. They don't need another argument. "Let's just forget about it. What are you doing today?"
He glances over his shoulder towards the kitchen. "I haven't even talked to my moms yet. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be grounded for a while." She doesn't seem fazed by this, just keeps beaming up at him, and he swallows something in his throat. This isn't right. Trying to go on like nothing happened between him and Callie, it just isn't fair to Talya. It isn't fair to anyone. "Look, Talya-"
"We both know that you being grounded means they'll let you off the hook after a couple days. I'm not worried about it."
He has to tell her. He has to just rip the band-aid off. "Yeah, but, Talya-"
"Ah," she unclasps her hands from behind his neck to retrieve her phone from her pocket, then rolls her eyes at the screen. "It's my mom. She wants me home. She's been on my case, too, lately. I'm not sure why. I'll text you, though."
She stretches her neck to kiss him quickly, and he's too stunned at the lack of control he has over the whole situation to stop it. The second she's out the door, his mom is calling his name from the kitchen. He's only been up for ten minutes and he's already ready for bed again.
When he enters, Callie's seated at the island across from his moms, who are nursing cups of coffee, looking completely wiped out. The first thing he wonders is why Callie's up so early, already facing his mothers. He'd think she'd try to lay in bed all day before they'd have to pry her out manually. She probably just wants to bite the bullet.
"Sit." Lena is the one who orders it, not Stef, and this catches him off guard, but after thinking it over a little he can understand it. Lena, being the one who has the most anxiety of the two, usually ends up channeling her anger through said anxiety. The more anxiety, the worse the aftermath. "We're going to work all of this out while the rest are still sleeping."
He sits down awkwardly next to Callie, who doesn't even acknowledge him. He can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or she's had no sleep and is turning into a sort of zombie. Either way, it kills him a little.
"We want to hear it all from Callie first." Stef explains, eyes set on the weary brunette, who's hiding slightly behind a canopy of hair, shoulders dangerously curved. "We love you, sweets, but we're prepared to sit here all day if you don't tell us what we need to know."
She tucks half her hair canopy behind one ear before rolling her shoulders back. The pop echoes through the kitchen, and is followed by the spring of a bagel in the toaster, making the young girl jump. While she's as alert as she'll ever be, she explains, "I, uh, ran away because I thought it was the best thing for Jude."
Brandon is the first one to try to deny this. "Callie-"
But she ignores him altogether, clarifying, "He saw me and Brandon kiss, and he, uh, knew it would ruin his chances of staying here permanently. So I left, knowing that you would adopt him anyway."
Nobody says anything about how selfish her unselfish gesture really was, but they're all thinking it. She's just like a stray dog now, though, and one wrong move, or if they try to approach too fast, she's gone. So Lena breaks her own fourth wall, her muscles relaxing slightly, and opts for, "We still want to adopt you, too."
She's so confused as to why they weren't more shocked after hearing about her and Brandon that she barely registers what she's just said. "What?"
"You leaving made us realize just how much you and Jude mean to us." Lena goes on, trying to avoid looking at Brandon and the frustration that is flashing over his eyes. "And we still want to adopt you."
Tears are brimming in her eyes now, threatening to spill over on to her cheeks and leave dirt trails to be traveled again, because she just can't seem to get off this damn hike in to hell. "I can't," her voice is fire, crackling in the lone woods, "I'm sorry, I just..."
Stef sees her eyes wander to Brandon and she quickly interjects. "You two know the rules about-"
"I know," Callie counters faster, because she can't hear her say the words, it might make her throw up. She finally gets it that one of the twins must've told them. Jude saw them first hand, but even despite the resentment he's probably still holding for her, he wouldn't tell anyone. Like he said, it would only hurt him, too. "And that's not what I meant...I just can't be a part of this family. But please, adopt Jude. I want you to. You won't be doing me any favors if you don't." The two women look like they're about to combust, not from disappointment with the two but from utter helplessness. It seems there's no right way around the situation.
Brandon is red in the face, feeling completely defeated but not wanting to give up just yet. He's about to go off when Callie adds quietly, "But if you would still have me, as your foster child," all movement stops, "I would be so grateful."
The last thing Brandon wants is for Callie to get booted off to another foster house, away from Jude and his new, adoptive, loving family. But he also doesn't know if either of them can keep living together, keep carrying on like they don't care about each other more intimately. He knows now that it was never going to work out; there is never going to be a time when everything falls into place between them. They will never win.
And he knows this is how she's been living for almost all her life.
So seeing as her proposition is the only semi-reasonable solution, he shuts his mouth.
"Callie, we couldn't-"
"Please," the fire in her trachea is growing larger, growing louder, and Lena's defined head of curls is suddenly just one big mass behind her glassy eyes, "please, this is the way I want it. If it's not too much to ask."
There's a floorboard creaking above them and they know their time is up. Stef and Lena look at each other once more, then at Brandon, who's nodding solemnly his approval, then back at Callie. Stef's voice cuts through the silence, and Callie shudders internally. "Of course, Callie."
She doesn't feel better than before, but she wasn't expecting to.
Both teenagers rise to leave, but Stef makes quick to ask Brandon if he could wake the rest up for breakfast, so then he's gone and it's just the three of them. Callie hovers near her bar stool, waiting for one of them to talk, and she's playing with the drawstrings of her sweatpants, still blinking back the remaining excess water in her bottom eyelids. "You like Brandon as more than a foster brother?"
She's taken aback by Stef's question, unsure of her motives. "Um..."
"I'm sorry, Callie," she apologizes swiftly, seeing how uncomfortable she's already made her, "it's just that I know you can get caught up in these feelings for someone when they're so nice to you, and make you feel good inside. It doesn't necessarily mean-"
Callie knows it's her attempt at trying to trick her into thinking she doesn't actually like Brandon, but she's too far gone for that, and she can't help but to feel slightly pissed, even knowing that they're only doing it out of love. They really do want to adopt her. But it can never happen. They know this has happened before, and that time it was different. That time it was most definitely not anything real. So she shuffles over to the door, avoiding eye contact until she's almost in the next room.
"Brandon's no Liam. I guess that's the problem."
When she stops at the top of the stairs, she's greeted by four sets of eyes, though one of those sets refuses to look into her own. They all look like they've been talking already, and Mariana is asking Brandon what time they got home at when Callie tries to get her little brother to look at her. He feels her staring into him but he keeps his eyes on Jesus.
"Hey, Callie." Mariana is the first to say it, hopelessly trying to break the awkwardness that has descended upon the five. She says it too casually and it's bordering on ridiculous, but Callie appreciates the effort, so she forces her stubborn cheeks to pull up the corners of her lips briefly.
But this serves only to heavy the atmosphere and Jesus blurts, "It's good to see you home."
She can tell that he really does mean it, unlike the other person that had the courage to flat-out lie to her face earlier. Her right eyes twitches with the warning of fresh tears, but they are not that of sadness.
However, when she lands on Jude and he's still not looking up, she wants to die. When she was just a shell, missing a bottom half and a nut inside, discarded by an animal, he was the one that made it feel okay to be missing that nut. To not have a bottom half. Because she was once whole and he helped her remember that, and look back on it fondly. But now it seems he wants nothing to do with her, and that's the end of her world. Now she's completely useless, and when another animal comes along with high hopes and hunger for something whole, they'll find absolutely nothing, and she'll be kicked aside in the dirt. She won't even be worth burying for safe-keeping.
"Jude?"
And somebody's lit that fire again in her body, except now it's moved from her lungs to her stomach, and she's prepared to empty whatever little contents it contains into the toilet a few feet away.
Brandon walks up behind the twins and urges them downstairs, muttering something about bagels from their favorite bakery, clearly trying to distract from the situation. But their interest is piqued now, and they can't help but glance back, even as their brother pushes them away.
"Jude, talk to me."
When he finally replies, his eyes cut a trail where they travel from the ground to her face, and it's less like talking and more like spitting. "You could've died. You could've left me like Mom and Dad left us. And you don't care."
She doesn't know who this boy is in front of her, and she doesn't know when and why he ever came to the conclusion that she stopped caring about him. Her whole life revolves around caring about him. There was no Callie after the accident, just Jude. She wishes he could see that. "That's not true, Jude, I never wanted to hurt you. I did it because I thought that-"
"I don't care what you think anymore."
She was prepared, to some extent, for this conversation, but definitely not for this. He's not just mad...he's disowning her. "Jude, wait,"
But he shuts the door in her face, and it's all over. That's all that Jude will be to her, a door with a couple of rotting stickers, and sometimes if she's lucky, a sideways glance at school or the dinner table. She doesn't know what to do or say anymore. Jude has to take the initiative now, and that's what scares her the most. She's not sure he will.
Her back slips down the length of it, and she feels the knots in her muscles as she does so, almost sticking as she goes. She leans against his door, pressing her palms into the plush carpet, feeling for the floor underneath, feeling for something solid. When Brandon is at the top of the stairs again, his eyes say he wants to help, but her eyes tell him to leave her alone. And he does.
Stef slaps the keys into his hands, not even bothering to hide the absolute disgust she has for him as she speaks, already turning to walk back into the house. "I hope you're sober enough to drive."
Mike visibly flinches, but puts on a brave face and follows after her. "I haven't had a drink in a while!"
"What's a while, Mike, a day?" She stops so abruptly he almost crashes into her, and has to take a few steps back so he won't breathe in her fire breath, so she won't scratch him with her claws. Baby hairs are springing up from her once neat pony tail, and the couple of cups of coffee she downed earlier only seem to heighten her emotions. "Just...go home."
"No." His own voice is starting to rise, sick of letting her talk down to him. He's not a child. "I want to see Brandon. He's my son, too, and I deserve a voice in the matter of his punishment!"
She pushes her full weight into the door, stomping inside. "Not today. Brandon's grounded."
The door slams in his face.
Mariana wakes at eleven, feeling uneasy. She checks the window, which is wide open to allow a nice cross-breeze, but that's never concerned her, being on the second story. Then she springs upright, eyes wide on Callie's bed, but she's in it, facing her, even. She's not asleep. "What?"
"Oh," she breathes, pushing out her fingers that were clenched around her quilt, "I just...something doesn't feel right."
Callie doesn't say anything else. Sounds like the story of her life, and she's not really in the mood to rehash it. Mariana turns on her side and snatches her phone off her side table, tapping the screen gingerly. She's not expecting any messages at this hour, but there's one when it lights up.
I'm not coming home
Four words. Four simple words, sent to her around ten, but she was already asleep. If only she had stayed up like her moms, who are still talking between themselves in the living room, then she could've texted back. She could've found out what exactly she meant, she could've tried to stop it. But she doubts Lexi still has her phone, if she even had it all in the first place. It could've been her mom who texted her. Her dad, even. There's no way to know.
"Oh my God," the words set in and she shoots out of bed, practically sprinting for her brother's room to see if he got the message. Callie is somewhat worried, but she doesn't budge. This isn't her family, and these aren't her affairs.
When she gets there, Jesus isn't in his bed, and she only wakes up Jude with her slapping feet. She doesn't even apologize before abandoning the room and heads towards her mother's, figuring he's probably not in Brandon's, since the usual, rhythmic piano is missing, deeming him asleep.
The bed has yet to be unmade but the closet door is wide open, and there are a few cardboard boxes that are sticking out past the mirror. She slides on to her knees and examines the mess, shoving blouses off the sides of the boxes and closing them up. This mess wasn't made by her mothers, and whoever it was must've been looking for something.
Then she sees it, a small black chest behind the boxes, with the lid halfway on it, a little green peeking through. She slides it out and lifts off the lid, revealing a stack of bills, and her heart stops. This is the emergency money, and a little under half of it is gone, along with a certain family member.
She springs back up and barges into Brandon's room, waking him immediately. "What the hell-"
"Jesus is gone!" This seems to make him lucid and he swings his legs out of his bed while she explains, "We both got a text from Lexi saying she's not coming home, she's not coming back from the Honduras! He took some of the emergency money and I think he's going to try to get there somehow! He's already gone!"
He's already peeling off his pajama shirt and throwing on a clean one, an obvious sense of déjà-vu washing over him. "How did he get past moms-"
"I don't know, but we have to tell them."
He steps into his closet to pull on his pants, then returns, shaking his head and tugging on his sneakers. "No, they'll kill him. They can't know. And they don't need more stress right now."
She's walking towards the door, about to go get changed herself. "Well I'm coming with you."
"No, you're not." He debunks, brushing past her, beating her to the door. "I'll find him on my own. He can't be far, he probably took his skateboard."
When they're back in the hallway, they stop talking, listening for the quiet chatter of their moms. They're still in the living room. It'll be tricky, but they're both experienced.
But not experienced enough for Callie's excellent hearing. She's standing in the doorway to Mariana's room, looking groggy, but clearly hasn't slept, because her hair is next to perfect and she's not wearing her pajamas. If it didn't feel so serious, she wouldn't have concerned herself in the matter, but he's fully-clothed close to midnight and that's not normal for him. "What's going on?"
He examines her own attire momentarily, raising a brow, but informs her of the situation. "Jesus left somewhere, something about Lexi. I'll be back soon. Don't let them find out, okay?"
"No," she says, walking back into the room, and they're both left standing there, looking both confused and anxious, but she returns shortly with her phone and her untied shoes. "I'm coming with you."
He looks down at Mariana, who's looking rather impatient as she waits for him to tell her no. But after brief contemplation, he agrees. "Alright." She's opening her mouth to complain but he brushes her off with cheap flattery. "Come on, Mariana, we all know you're the best liar."
She rolls her eyes but agrees anyway. "Fine. You've got a few minutes to get out the door and out of the driveway before they notice. I'll lead them away for you."
They watch her as she slumps down the stairs, pretending to be half-asleep. She moans something to Stef and Lena about having a nightmare, where they then proceed to usher her into the kitchen and baby her and make her tea. As they pad silently down the stairs, something eats away at Callie. Regret. If she had decided to stay home instead of Mariana, that could be her getting babied.
She shakes her head as they slip into the car. That could never be her.
As they roll out of the driveway, careful enough not to start the engine until they're on the street, Brandon asks, his voice gentle, barely above a whisper, "Why'd you want to come with? If we get caught-"
She turns her head towards him, catching his eye and effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. "Whatever's waiting when we get home, it'll be for both of us."
And they don't smile at each other, but there's a tiny twinkle of the beginning of one in both of their eyes, lightning before thunder. It's a start.
Next week on The Fosters:
Brandon and Callie continue to search for Jesus
Talya reveals something that may ruin developments between Brandon and Callie
Mike proposes something to Stef that can't be refused
and more
All new, Monday, August 26th