The Delta Quadrant seemed to have selected them for special attention over the days and weeks that followed. They seemed to lurch from one crisis to another with very little plain sailing in between.

They entered a period where one crewmember after another experienced a major personal trauma. First Seven, then B'Elanna, then Tom then Tuvok. Chakotay watched as Kathryn gave of herself as never before to counsel and support each one of them through their ordeals.

As soon as one crisis was over another seemed to have already begun, and sometimes they didn't even have the good grace to wait their turn and they overlapped. Difficulties locating materials that occurred naturally on any number of planets in the Alpha Quadrant; queues of irrationally hostile aliens wanting a piece of them; unexplained phenomena with the potential to destroy them appearing slap-bang in the middle of their flight path. It was beyond a joke some days.

It was as if the universe had decided to illustrate Kathryn's point that when you were captaining a lone starship on an endless journey across unknown territory, you weren't really left with the time or energy to devote to a personal life.

Chakotay had to concede that during this time he too felt like he was spread pretty thin. It still didn't change his conviction that he and Kathryn would have been stronger together, than as there were now…. which was what exactly? He wasn't really sure. They maintained their familiar routines in public, and the crew, with one notable exception, wouldn't have perceived much difference. And the notable exception knew better than to say anything.

There was less playful banter though. Chakotay couldn't bring himself to continue with his predictably unsuccessful, public courting of the Captain. He didn't invite her to dinner any more, because it just didn't feel right now. The dynamic had changed and he found he didn't have it in him to send himself up like that anymore. It just wouldn't have been funny now, for either of them.

Despite everything Kathryn had said about needing time on her own and space to think away from him, Chakotay discovered that there was something that he had been right about.

She didn't seem to be able to give up completely what they'd had, even now, when her sense of duty was demanding that she did. Even though she'd put their official unofficial relationship on hold while she did her thinking, in its place a doubly unofficial relationship seemed to have silently sprouted.

The first time she came to his quarters, late one night, she looked uncertain as to whether she'd be welcome. He immediately disabused her of that misconception.

As they lay entwined in his bed later, she repeated that she'd got no further in feeling sure about what she thought they should do. He listened patiently to the workings of her mind as her body wrapped itself around his as much as was humanly possible.

He had said he would give her time and he was determined to honour that, so he loved her and held her and they fused together like before.

The difference now was that he never knew how long it would be until she would appear again in his quarters, late at night. As an inevitable result, the few nights they did spend together were charged and emotional. Aside from that very first night, they didn't talk about things. He had no expectation that they would. That wasn't what she was coming for and he was OK with that. They did what came most naturally to them and he was more than OK with that.

He could see that, for now, it had to be on her terms or not at all. And he didn't like the 'not at all' option any more than it seemed she did. There was an unspoken understanding that she would come to him, in his quarters, if she needed to be with him, but not the reverse. He respected that, and even when he wanted her, he waited. For now.

In any case, it had been such a difficult few months that there had been very little time to dwell on their situation. He had fallen into bed exhausted more times than he could remember recently – so exhausted he hadn't actually been awake long enough to miss her.

They coped well on duty. He supported her in every way and she listened when he offered advice, really listened. Neither wanted the other to fail so there was no pettiness. In terms of their working relationship they were still instinctively in tune with one another, and continued to function as a supremely effective command unit. The relentless flow of unpredictable and perilous situations required them to be at their best on duty and so they made sure they were.

Finally, there was some calm space ahead and just as Chakotay was ready to switch his focus back to redefining things with Kathryn, Paris introduced the crew to Fair Haven.

The uncomplicated Irish barkeep listened to her troubles and she chalked up some serious time in the holodeck.

Her complicated first officer visited the simulation once and then chalked up some serious time in the other holosuite.

Chakotay and B'Elanna were amongst those crewmembers who didn't really take to Fair Haven.

The one time he had been in, he'd run into Kathryn on the arm of the hologram. She'd been dressed in what looked to Chakotay like an extremely uncomfortable period costume, and she was clearly embarrassed that he had seen her. His more rational self was grateful she was actually allowing herself to relax, and he didn't want to be the cause of her discomfort, so he figured he'd stay away.

He'd gone in to meet Neelix there for a drink to see what all the fuss was about, and if he was honest, to check out the bartender hologram. B'Elanna had already mentioned to him that the Captain was spending a fair few hours in its company and he wanted to see for himself. After that he didn't go back. Even if Kathryn hadn't been so uncomfortable seeing him, he probably wouldn't have gone back anyway. After the fifth consecutive explanation he'd had to give about the origins of his tattoo, he was becoming a little tired of the place. If they hadn't seen many men with a tattoo, he wasn't really surprised B'Elanna hadn't bothered with the simulation at all. There probably weren't that many Klingons walking the streets of 19th Century Ireland.

Consequently, he and B'Elanna had plenty of opportunities to beat each other up and call it hoverball, and to have dinner together afterwards in the mess hall. The hours and hours he spent pounding his holographic opponents in his boxing simulation and the hours he spent on the hoverball court meant that he toned up noticeably.

Over dinner one night, B'Elanna asked him if he was trying to get fit for a reason. He looked at her blankly. She smiled and said she thought not. Then she went on to tell him his newly toned physique hadn't gone unnoticed on the lower decks and there was speculation among the crew about what his motives might be for getting into shape. According to B'Elanna, people were saying that perhaps he'd finally given up with his spectacularly unsuccessful attempts at trying to romance the Captain and might now be preparing to start dating. It didn't look like they were going to be getting home anytime soon, and other people had already started to pair off. He avoided those big, brown eyes and said he was sorry to disappoint, but he was just enjoying the luxury of time to spend on things he enjoyed for once, and there was no ulterior motive worthy of the crew's attention.

She looked long and hard at him, then said, "You know what, Chakotay, maybe you should think about it? Is it really such a bad idea? I mean, don't get mad at me for saying this, but even I kind of thought you'd finally given up bashing your head against the brick wall that is Janeway too. So, why not?"

"B'Elanna... I don't-"

"You might be surprised how easy it could be. I mean, look at you! You're not that old. And then there's Gilmore, she's always had a thing for you - don't pretend you haven't noticed. And hey! It's even possible she hasn't heard about you and Janeway yet - maybe you should get in there? Fast, before someone tells her?"

She told him that speculation was also rife about the exact nature of the Captain's relationship with the holographic bar tender. As he made a conscious effort to unclench the fist that his right hand had become whilst she was speaking, he told B'Elanna he thought the crew had too much free time on their hands if they were dreaming up these sorts of fantasies.

Then, Tom Paris came to Chakotay's quarters one night uninvited. He said he had something to say that Chakotay needed to hear.

They stood awkwardly in the small living space. Chakotay thought vaguely that he should probably offer Tom a drink or a seat or something. But he was still wondering whether it'd be better to just get rid of him, as he wasn't sure he wanted to hear whatever it was anyway. While he was still considering what to do, Paris began.

He said he just wanted Chakotay to know that there was absolutely no substance to the rumours about the Captain and the holographic bar tender. He said he didn't care whether Chakotay wanted to talk to him about it or not, he was going to tell him.

"What do you think she talks to him about?"

Hands resting on his hips, his head dipped, Chakotay forced himself to look up to meet Tom's gaze. "I don't know, Tom. You're the one with the answers here, it seems."

"You. She goes there to talk to him about you."

Now that wasn't what he was expecting Paris to say.

"Yes. Surprised me too, but it's true. Michael told me."

Chakotay looked at him quizzically.

"The hologram. He's called Michael."

"Right."

"He said 'Katie' has some man troubles, and he's been offering her a friendly ear. Also told me he thinks the man's a damn fool for letting such an amazing woman get so tangled up in her own worries she can hardly think straight. He said she's lonely, Chakotay, and all she wants is a friend. Not that he isn't disappointed that's all she wants."

"So do you get it? Or do I need to spell it out? She's confiding in him because she's lonely and confused, and the crew have filled in all the blanks and made it something it isn't. She needs someone to talk to, about you, Chakotay. It's not exactly as if she can talk to anyone on the ship about it, is it? Who's she going to tell that she's fallen in love with her first officer, Tuvok? Seven? Neelix?"

Tom watched him for a few seconds. "We both know she wouldn't have been interested in that hologram anyway, unless he was a damn sight taller and had a tattoo over his left eye."

The corner of Chakotay's mouth twitched, and he could feel his face heating up as he met those irritatingly discerning eyes again.

Paris went on. "People are talking this way, just because of the novelty of seeing her with a man other than you by her side. That's all. That's what's fuelled all the gossip. So, what are you going to do about that?"

Chakotay sighed.

Tom just wasn't going to drop it. "Are you just going to leave her to try and find support and friendship from that mass of photons when you're here miserable without her?"

Chakotay was done here. "You don't know what you're talking about, Tom."

"No, you're right, I don't, because you won't tell anyone, not B'Elanna, or Mike, any of your friends. But what I do know is that whatever the problem you two have, you beating the shit out of a punch bag and the Captain talking to herself on the holodeck isn't going to solve it."

Paris had overstepped the mark by a mile or two by now and Chakotay knew he should probably react, but instead he just sighed. Because Tom was right. "No, it isn't. And thank you, for your concern."

Paris rolled his eyes. "You sound like a politician, Chakotay."

"I can't talk to you about this. That's part of the problem here for me."

"So she doesn't want anyone to know that you're together?" Chakotay held his gaze, but said nothing. "Well is that so bad? Does it matter that much? If that's what she needs...I mean, anyone can see why she'd find it hard. Having people talk about what you and her were up to every time the ready room door closed? Knowing her, I'm guessing she'd worry that the crew might think she'd lose her drive to get us home now that she's found happiness here... There's a lot that you can see she'd worry about."

It seemed he still wasn't done.

"You and I know that none of that matters, and people would most likely just want her to be happy, but that isn't the point, is it? If she thinks that's what'll happen, then that's bound to make her want to keep it secret. So, why can't you live with that? It's not like you're exactly Mr. Open-and-Sharing with the crew about your personal life is it."

Chakotay studied the carpet and cursed the fact he couldn't go against Kathryn's express wishes and actually talk to Tom. At this point, he really could use a sounding board himself for just how to go about getting her to let go of the Equinox disaster and let him back in. Paris was a lot of things, but he was no fool when it came to reading people, and he knew Kathryn. He could actually be damned useful here. Blasted mess.

Chakotay looked up and offered all he could. "I'm sorry, Tom. I really can't talk to you about this. It'd make things worse right now, if I did. Worse for me. You'll just have to take my word for it."

"OK. I'll just butt out then, but I couldn't leave you in any doubt about that hologram."

"And I'm grateful. Thank you."

In the days that followed, Chakotay wondered if B'Elanna might have been right about one thing, because every time he looked up from his dinner he seemed to find the shy smile of Marla Gilmore somewhere nearby and aimed at him. Pleasant sort of woman and all that, but she was starting to make him feel... shifty.

He forcefully stamped out any of the gossip he overheard about the Captain's leisure time. Possibly because people thought he had finally given up pursuing her they were a little less guarded around him in their remarks, and some of the 'jokes' he overheard incensed him.

When the Fair Haven programme suffered problems and much of it was lost during another all-consuming crisis, he wasn't sorry. He made no apology for his view that the crew would do better to forge relationships in the real world.