WARNING: This story contains themes of depression, SI (self-injury) and suicide.
This is dedicated to the sweet reviewers of the last chapter: Bluebell140, pumpkinking5, LA AngelxZV, and Jenny, who reviewed twice lol. Again, sorry for the wait!
Thank you to those that favorited (I know that's not a word, but just go with it lol) this story recently and favorited me as an author. It really does mean a lot to me. Shout out to: EllaBieber20, justtoread321, LiveandLoveYourLife4Ever, and zanessa4evarxxxx. Thank you so much :)
She opened her eyes slowly to see the bright screen of her alarm clock screaming in red numbers that it was 6:29 in the morning. That revelation is enough to jostle her awake and throw the covers from over body. Her hands were fast at work as she began to tie her hair into a messy bun, when she felt the bed shift.
Gabriella looked over her shoulder and was startled to see her mother occupying the other half of the bed. Well that's new, she thought as she swung her legs over the side of her bed and started towards her closet. She blindly grabbed the first long sleeve shirt she sees and a pair of jeans from the shelves.
She walked into her in suite bathroom and her hand stilled over the light switch once it has been flipped on. Her dark eyes took in her surroundings: the still filled tub, the slightly damp bath rug and there, almost hidden, was her dear friend. She dropped to her knees, not minding the cold tile against her bare skin. Instinctively, she reached under the small space under the sink vanity for the thin scrap of metal.
Her hand froze mid-reach as she caught sight of her bandaged wrist. She stared at it for only a moment before she finally picked up the blade and sat back on the heals of her feet. She held it in her palm, watching as it matched up almost perfectly to a cut that's already there. Her eyes shifted between the blade and her wrist. With the blade still in her hand, she picked at the corner of the white gauze and tape to reveal 'LIES' in blood red letters.
It's not actually that bad, she thought as her finger ghosted over each letter. She ran a finger over the word a second time, but this time applied pressure. The skin is tender to the touch, but it doesn't hurt.
Without another thought, she gripped her good friend between her thumb and forefinger and underlined 'LIES.'
She frowned when she doesn't feel any ounce of relief. She looked at the blade and felt numb as she pushed her self to a standing position to lean against the sink. She smoothed the bandage back in place and lifts her eyes to the mirror.
Suddenly, it's like any other day. She saw the hollow eyes starring back at her and took a deep breath, then falls back into her regular morning routine. She's on auto-pilot now, not able to process what just happened.
"Gabriella?"
Her body froze as she neared the door she almost made it out of the room, completely unnoticed an ready to get her day over with. She doesn't turn around, but simply slings the strap of her over-sized purse over her shoulder and continues walking.
"Where are you going?"
The voice isn't demanding or angry. If anything, it's sad and similar to that of a little girl.
"School," she said without a second thought as she finally reached the door and grasped the cold handle. She heard rustling and soon can feel her mother's presence behind her. For some reason, she doesn't move. Part of her is curious about what's going to happen next.
"Gabriella, I don't thi-"
"Don't touch me," she snapped, quickly shrugging her mother's hand off of her shoulder. The curiosity is suddenly gone and is replaced by anger. She pulled the door open with more force than necessary. "I'm borrowing your car," she said, still not daring to turn around. She keeps calm as she makes her way to the front of the house. She isn't surprised that her mother hasn't come chasing after.
That's nothing new.
-TWLOHA-
By some miracle that she didn't think twice about, she had made it to her locker without a second glance by passing by faculty members. She slammed her locker shut and hurried to homeroom with her books clutched to her chest. As she approached the class, she can hear Mrs. Darbus in the midst of a lecture. With the door located towards the front of the room, she knew that she couldn't slip in unnoticed. She bit back her nerves as she walked as quietly as she could through the opened door.
"We release you at 2 PM every day and do not expect till 7:15 the next morning, I'm sure that somewhere between those hours, you can- Ms. Montez?"
Gabriella looked up shyly to see her homeroom teacher watching her with a hand on her hip. Before she could get a word out, the eccentrically dressed woman launched into another speech.
"My goodness!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "It's only Tuesday! I have falling asleep before I can start morning announcements, Ms. Montez is waltzing after the bell, and Mr. Danforth! Stop spinning that ball in my class!"
"Sorry, Mrs. D," Chad and Troy recited in unison and hung their heads in shame.
All eyes fell on her and she felt a small lump form in the back of her throat. "I-I am so sorry, Mrs. Darbus," she managed to get out. " I had issues with my car this morning. I can turn around and get a tardy slip from the attendance office."
Mrs. Darbus sighed and looked like she was ready to run a hand over her face, but stopped herself. "That's not necessary, Miss. Montez. Please just take your seat in front of Mr. Bolton."
"Yes ma'am," she muttered as she avoided that blue eyes that had locked on to her.
"And Miss. Montez? Please do not make tardiness a habit. Transportation issues are not an excuse."
Gabriella bit down on her bottom lip and nodded. When the older woman's eyes finally diverted from her, she let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She was starting to think that going to school was a bad idea. That thought was further supported when a note flew over her shoulder and landed on her desk, She gingerly opened the poorly folded note and wasn't surprised to see a familiar, messy scrawl.
What are you doing here?
She fought the urge to role her eyes and opted to crumple the note in her hand. Not a minute later, another note landed on her desk. She opened the note and was met with pink calligraphy. She looked over her shoulder to look at Sharpay, who sat to the right of Troy. The blonde looked at her with furrowed eyebrows and gestured to the note.
Were you and Troy together last night?
Guilt flooded her veins as she thought back to her friend's admittance of a crush. She swore to Sharpay that she didn't have any feelings for him, but after everything that happened in the past 24 hours, she knew that she couldn't deny it for much longer. She crumpled that note in her hand and looked over at her blonde friend once more. Before she could mouth an answer, her head snapped forward as her name was called.
"Yes, Mrs. Darbus?" she asked reflexively.
"Are you still planning on helping out with the play?"
She fought the urge to smack her own forehead. She forgot that she had volunteered weeks ago. Forcing a smile, she nodded. "Of course! When did you need me?"
"Wonderful!" she exclaimed and clapped her hands together. "Meet us in the theater after school. It'll only be for a few hours."
She fought fight the smile on her face as she silently cursed herself for agreeing, At the moment, she felt completely drained of energy and it wasn't even 8 in the morning. She must have zoned out for the rest of the period because before she knew it, everyone was scrambling to get up around her. She gathered her stuff, including the crumpled notes, and slowly stood for her seat.
Reflexively, she turned to Sharpay so that they could walk to their next class together. She heard her giggles before she even looked up. Just a foot or two away from her, Sharpay and Troy were conversing. Her blonde friend was twirling a blonde strand of her around her finger as she clutched her books to her chest with the other hand.
The sight had a nauseating affect for her.
"Gabs," Sharpay called out, before she could turn away. "Don't you think Troy should help out after school too? It'll be fun!"
"Yeah," she answered absentmindedly, as she was more concentrated on looking anywhere, but into the blue eyes staring back at her. "C'mon, Shar. We got to get going."
"You're right," she said with a sad smile as she stepped around Troy. "I have to stop by my locker before class."
As she turned to walk away, she felt Troy grab her arm.
"Gabriella, can I talk to you first?" His voice was firm and his grip only tightened when she started to shake her head. "It'll only take a second."
She lifted her eyes from where he was holding her and looked into his eyes. That's when she caved. "Shar, go ahed. I'll see you in class," she said finally, without turning her head.
"Okay, see you."
Gabriella heard the hesitation in her voice and then clicking of her heels agains the linoleum. She broke their eye contact and her eyes fell to where he was still gripping her arm.
"Sorry," he muttered and then quickly dropped his hand. "I didn't expect to see you here,"
She kept her head bowed towards the grown and tightened the grip on her books. "Where else would I be? I have a test in sixth period."
"Really? That's what you're worried about?" A tone of disbelief was laced into his every word.
"What else is there?"
"My God, Gabriella," he groans with an exasperated sigh. "Last night-"
"Last night is done," she finished for him quickly, her eyes snapped up to lock on to his. "It happened and now it's over."
"But-"
"No." She placed a hand on his chest as he took a step towards her. "It's done. Can you please just let me move on? Please?"
"So you're just going to pretend it didn't happened?"
"Who said anything about pretending? I just want to move on from it. That's what i'm trying to do by being here."
"That's not dealing with it all!"
"I just-" she stopped mid speech and concludes with a grown of frustration. She turned away from him as she felt the tension build up in her eyes. She knew that if they continued this conversation any longer, she would surely end up in tears.
His arms instantly wrapped around her waist and he pressed a kiss against her hair. "I'm sorry," he muttered and then pressed a kiss to the shell of her ear. "I know not to push you, but I do it anyway."
She found it hard to speak so she opts to lean against the warmth of his body. There she feels safe and even loved. Her mind drifts to the night before, when he cradled her against his chest. She suddenly felt embarrassed and tried to pull away, but he only held her tighter. She cleared her throat and turned around in his arms.
"We should really get to class," she muttered, not daring to meet his eyes.
"Promise me one thing."
"What?"
Troy unwound one of his arms from her waist and placed his forefinger under her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. "If today feels like too much, come find me and I'll take you home."
"Okay," she said slowly as she felt her eyes begin to fill again. She didn't know if it was the tone of his voice or maybe just his whole being, but she felt overwhelmed with emotion.
"Gabriella, I'm serious. Promise me that you will."
"I promise," she said, not even needing another second to think about it.
"Good," he muttered and then pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Let's get to class then," he said, after finally releasing her from his grasp. He took her books out of her hands and guided her out of the classroom.
She thought back to the millions of times that had walked down the halls of East High like this. His arm was draped over her shoulders and she molded into his side. The sea of students parted naturally for them, as always. People smiled at them politely as they passed. If it wasn't for the tightened grip around her, then it would have been like any other day. It wasn't in a possessive manner, but rather a protective one.
Why can't he just give up? she thought to herself as she noticed the way his arm tightened with every step and every glance he threw her way. She wanted to pull away to create at least physical distance between them, but she felt that she couldn't. It wasn't the weight of his arm that kept her in place. She was simply tired of fighting.
With him.
With herself.
With life.
-TWLOHA-
Troy practically ran out the door the moment the bell had rung. About half the school was on their way to lunch, but he had other plans. The first place he decided to check was her locker.
No luck.
He was on his way to the library when he heard someone call for him. Turning around, he searched the hall for the source of that voice.
"Hoops!"
His eyes finally landed on his best friend for over 12 years, waiting by his locker.
"Hey man," he greeted, as they exchanged the handshake they perfected in middle school. "What's up?"
"Just waiting for Taylor. She had to talk to one of her teachers. You heading to lunch?"
"I'm actually looking for Gabriella. Have you seen her?"
"I think I saw her headed to the Science wing, so I'm going to guess the roof."
Troy resisted slapping a hand to his face. I should of looked there first. He thought to himself and gave his friend a curt not. He started to walk backwards and opened his mouth to speak when Chad grabbed on to his forearm.
"Hold up, man. I wanted to talk to you something."
He arched an eyebrow at his friend and readjusted his backpack hanging off his one shoulder. He stepped closer, Chad dropping his hand and shuffling his feet. He was surprised by the serious look on his friends face. "Are you all right?"
"I think the real question is: are you?"
"I'm fine. Why would you think something is wrong?"
"Well, if I'm being honest, you look like shit. Plus, you seem like you've been on edge lately."
Troy ran a hand through his floppy hair. He was exhausted from last night, but he didn't think he looked that bad. "I just had a really rough night."
"You sure that's it?" Chads asked, shooting him a knowing look.
"There's just some stuff going on with Ga-" He stopped himself from finishing his sentence, knowing that he would get in trouble with the brunette in question if she found out. "Grandma," he added, wincing slightly at how it sounded to his own ears. His best friend shot him another look of disbelief. "Okay, it has to do with Gabriella."
"Is she-" He started and made a gesture of a rounded stomach.
Troy's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he punched his friend in the hand. "No! How could you think that?"
Chad raised his hand to scratch his afro. "Someone from Gabi's neighborhood let it out that you left her house past might last night. Then there's another rumor that it isn't the first time."
"Well, she's not and we're not."
"But you were at her house last night?"
"That part is true, but it's not what you think." He adds the last part quickly. "She's going through something and it has nothing to do with me. I'm just trying to help her through it. I wish I could tell you more about it, but I can't."
"Okay, man, I get it. But are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Chad. I'm just stressed."
"Are you uhmm-" he trailed off and shuffled his feet once more. "Are you still seeing that doctor?"
He stared at him for a second before it clicked in his head. "I am, but I won't be for much longer," he said with a small grin.
"You mean?"
"Mmhmm," he hummed with a curt nod. "They're staring to wean me off my meds."
"That's great man," he said with a matching nod. "Are you ready for that?"
"I think I am because I'm in a so much better place then when I started."
"I'm really happy to hear that," he said, clapping his hand on his shoulder. "You know, if you need to talk about anything, you can talk to me, right?"
"Yeah, I know, thank you for that." Troy gives his friend another smile. "I really need to go find Gabs, so I'll see you later?"
"Go find your girl," he said with a smirk, earning another punch to his shoulder.
"Shut up, man," he shoots back, fighting his own smile. They exchanged a brief hug before taking off down the hall. Turning down the hall, he caught sight of a familiar brunette just a few feet away.
"Troy!" she screamed down the hallway, catching the attention of a few students still loitering around the hall.
"Taylor!" he shouted back. "Chad's waiting for you by his locker."
"Funny," she began with a slight smirk as she comes stand in front of him, "because Gabi's waiting for you on the roof."
His eyebrows shot up in surprise for a second before he pulled his friend in a quick hug. "I better not keep her waiting then." Before he could step away, she gripped his wrist lightly.
"Troy?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm worried about, Gabs," she muttered, dropping his wrist and crossing her arms.
"Why? Did she seem hurt?" Panic filled his body and he fought the urge to completely run up to the roof.
"No, she's not physically hurt or anything. She just seems off. I actually noticed it this past two weeks, I just didn't know how to ask her."
"Don't worry about her, Tay. I'm going to check on her." He gave her another quick hug, offering just a bit of comfort. "But do you know what you can do?"
"What?"
"Next time you see her, just let her know that you're there for her. That's all she needs."
"I will," she said with a small nods an offers a small smile. "I better not keep Chad waiting any longer."
"See ya, Tay." He waited for her to turn around the corner and took another look around to make sure no teachers were watching. The coast was clear and so he sprinted the last few feet to the door that led to his secret getaway. He all but threw the door of its hinges and darted up the stairs. "Gabs," he called up, "you up here?"
No answer.
At the top of the stairs, he didn't see her on the bench or near the railing of the roof. He walked out from under the awning. He scans his surroundings quickly and spots a small figure lying on one of the bench-like structures spread out on the roof. One hand is thrown over her arm and the other hangs down beside her. With only the purest of intentions, he watches as her chest rises an falls.
She's okay, he thinks to himself. She's breathing.
"Are you just going to stand there?"
"Maybe," he shot back, but lifts her legs and places them over his lap and sits down in their place. "Taylor told me you were looking for me."
She hummed in agreement and stretched her hands towards him.
He got the hint and pulled her to a sitting position. When she attempted to slip her legs off of his lap, he stopped them with the hand that wasn't entwined with hers. He followed her gaze and realized that she was starring at their entwined hands. His fingers ghost over the bandage on her left wrist and her hand instantly tenses, but she doesn't pull away. He peels back one of the corners, just to see how it's healing.
"It didn't even hurt," she said softly that he almost didn't hear it,
He is about to question what she was talking about, but then he sees it- a thin line that wasn't there last night.
"This morning, when I walked into the bathroom, it felt like a dream. I saw the tub and the wet rug so I knew what happened last night, but it's like I can't feel anything. I'm not angry or sad or anything. I'm just here and going through motions."
"Maybe you're still trying to wrap your head around all of this?" He suggested as he watched her shrug in response and continued to trace the lines on his palms, Without warning, she pushed up his right sleeve and frowned.
"Did you do this because of me?" she asked as she traced a familiar red line.
He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. "I didn't do it because of you," he said as he nudged her chin gently so that she had no choice, but to look at him. He noted how her brown eyes looked as wide as ever, giving her the face of innocence.
"I thought you stopped."
"I did stop."
"But it looks new!" she practically screeched, the frustration evident in her tone. "See? I'm bad for you! You're starting to feel better and I just stir up all your old feelings. I am not what you need right now."
"Gabriella, " he began in a firm tone. "I didn't do that because of you."
"Then why would you start again?"
"When I got home last night, I couldn't sleep. I tried almost everything to get myself to fall asleep, but after an hour, I still couldn't sleep. So I pulled out one of my favorite books and one of my old razors fell out. I don't even remember keeping one there. Before I really gave it a second thought, I did it."
"Do you regret it now?"
"No."
"No?"
Troy nodded and a slight smile graced his lips as he watched how her eyebrows knitted together. He linked their hands together and kissed the back of her hand. "I don't regret it because it hurt."
"What?"
"As soon as that blade touched my skin, it hurt. I waited it out a bit, waiting for that relief to wash over me, but it never did. The cut just hurt and it wasn't like how I remembered, It just didn't feel good, you know?"
She doesn't speak, but she drops her gaze.
"Looking back, I can't remember how it ever felt good. Gabriella, look at me." Hesitantly, he watched her raised her head."Don't think for a second that you are bad for me."
"But how can you look at me and not feel weighed down by all my shit?"
"I see a bit of myself when I look at you, or at least how I was. I remember feeling hurt and going through the motions of life. I also remember feeling lonely, no matter how many people were around me, It was the worst feeling and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not you."
"And what makes me so special?"
"Really? We're going to go through this again?" He scooted closer so that she was practically on his lap. He raised his free hand to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear and then rested it gently on her neck. "I really care about you and want only the best for you." Before he could comprehend was happening, her lips were pressed to his. The kiss was soft, unlike their first kiss, and it lasted for only a second. "What was that for?" he asked as soon as she pulled away.
A blush graced her cheeks and dropped her forehead on to his shoulder. "I don't know."
"Well, I wouldn't mind if you did it again," he joked as he slipped one arm around her back and one under knees so he could pull her fully onto his lap.
"Troy, I like you."
He barely heard her as he felt her nuzzled her face into the curve of his neck. "I like you too," he said with a smile, tightening his arms around her.
"But we can't be anything, at least not now."
"I've been waiting for you for about a year now. What's another couple of weeks, months, hell, even a year?" He craned his neck to kiss the side of her head. "I just want to be here for you and be whatever you need."
They stayed wrapped up in each other for a few minutes. He heard her take a few deep breaths and he smiled at the thought that she was taking in his sent. He'd drop the occasional kiss on her head and traced invisible patterns on her lower back.
"I forgot to ask," he began, breaking their quiet moment, "why did you want to meet me up here?"
"I was going to tell you that I was going home, but-"
"But?"
"But I think I'll stay."
"And what made you change your mind?"
"You," she said simply as she clings to him just a bit tighter. "Thank you for for making me feel not so alone."
"You'll get through this and I'll be beside you the whole time." He punctuated his statement with another kiss to the top her head. He tightened his own grip as he relishes in the feel of her in his arms and hopes that she feels a bit more optimistic than she did that morning.
This ended completely different than how I imagined it a week ago, but I'm pretty happy with it.
Thank you for reading and please review.
Oh and here's a little bonus for y'all: There's a link between the title of each of the chapters of this story. Leave a guess as to what it is and leave a brief description of a scene you want to see. If you guess correctly, I'll try to incorporate your scene as best as I can. It can be a scene between Troyella, their friends or even their parents. Give it your best shot!
Okay, now I'm done. Have a good rest of your week! I have about 6 hours before I have to get up for a 8 plus hour shift at work.
Much Love,
Kae xx
To Jenny: Thank you for taking the time to leave an anonymous review twice :) I'm sorry it was a bit late but last week was kind of hectic for me so I didn't get a chance to write. I actually don't live in the Philippines, by the way, I'm from the states. But it's always nice to meet another Filipino. Hope you liked this chapter!