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Chapter 7: Night Shift
It had been a few hours since Andi had last talked with Hawkeye. After the issue with that patient, they had both spent hours running around from building to building until the OR was clear and the post-op ward was full.
Andi did a quick overview of the base and couldn't find him anywhere, so she headed to the mess tent, where she knew Trapper would be. Halfway there, a hand grabbed her arm.
"There you are," she said when she saw Hawkeye.
He smiled half-heartedly. "Can we talk?" She nodded, slightly bewildered, her eyebrows knitting together as he pulled her over to the side of the tent.
"Hawk? What is it?"
"It's not right," he stated, looking rather upset, "the way that guy treated you. How can you stand it? It's just not right."
Andi actually smiled at his concern. "Hawk, I've been dealing with that attitude for so long. Honestly, you guys disregarding that I'm a woman is more surprising to me. And you think that's not right? Remember why we're here in the first place? Because the only way to solve our differences is to kill each other."
"Well, what else can we do?" His sarcastic reply came immediately, and he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. That's kind of automatic." Then he shook his head. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, but it's nice to hear it all the same," she replied.
"Oh, come on. No need to be so modest," he joked, leading the way to the mess tent. He was still bothered, but was sure now that Andi wasn't fazed by the patient. After standing in line and loading their trays with the meager amounts of edible food left, Andi and Hawkeye sat with Trapper. The only people in the tent were the doctors who had stayed late in the O.R., minus Henry, who, according to Radar, was passed out on his cot.
"What shifts do you guys have?" Trapper asked.
"Oh, right," Hawkeye said, "I almost forgot we won't be getting any sleep tonight. I have one and three."
"Two and three," Andi said.
"One and two," Trapper said. "And speaking of, if we get to the tent now, we can catch about three hours before we're needed."
"Sounds good to me," Hawkeye yawned. "Good morning, Andi," he said as they parted ways.
Andi rose from her cot and stumbled into the post-op building at four A.M. for her first hour shift. Drowsily, she greeted Trapper.
"G'morning," she said, blinking in the sudden bright lights.
"What's so good about it?" he asked moodily. The nurses on duty didn't say much to her either, and she was fine with that. Talking exerted more energy.
The hour was mostly quiet, except for a few disruptions. The stern soldier that had refused her care, rather groggy from a sedative, had some very colorful words to say to her. When he started to disturb the other patients, Trapper had enough.
"Shut up," he said, and the nurses gave the man another sedative.
Andi found she spent most of her hour talking to the youth with the kind eyes. She hadn't realized how long they had been talking until Trapper tapped her on the shoulder.
"We're changing shifts. You'll be here alone for a bit. I'm going to get Hawkeye. See you in two hours."
"Thanks, Trap," she said as he walked away. "And you!" She returned her attention to the youth. "You need rest. Way too much talking."
"Yes, Doc," he replied with a smile. Andi was grateful for a good patient - meaning one that didn't have to be repeatedly shot with a sedative.
Andi walked around the room, checking the rest of the patients, making sure everyone was in good health, asleep, and, if need be, sedated. She was pleased to see that everyone was at least trying to rest.
She made her way to the last two beds. In the first lay her good persnickety friend with the icy eyes, still out cold from the sedative Trapper had given him. In the next one, the corner cot, was the "extra care patient," the one with survivor's guilt. He was asleep - or rather, had his eyes closed. Andi was looking over the chart and checking the I.V. when she looked down and saw him staring right back at her. His black eyes held a million emotions at once: pain, sorrow, confusion, desperation. He looked lost, lost in his own self. Andi knew survivor's guilt could do that to even the best of minds.
"Why?" he asked quietly.
She hesitated; she knew he just wanted answers, but it was not her place to give them. She looked behind her to where the sedatives were and made a move to go get one. She gasped in pain as his hand shot out and grabbed her arm, preventing her from moving.
"No!" he yelled, apparently aware of what she was going to do. "Just answer! Why did you save me? You should have let me die!" He grew quieter. "They all died. I should've too."
"Why are you asking me?" Andi said. "I don't think any answer I give you will be the one you want to hear." His hand still had a vice-like grip on her arm.
"Just tell me why you sedated me!"
"So we could operate on you," she replied calmly.
"Why?" he said once more. "Why save me? I deserve to die!"
All she needed him to do was calm down. "Look, I'm a surgeon. The men who operated on you are surgeons. Our job is to save lives. None of us could have let you die. We've all sworn an oath. We had to save you." She waited to see his response.
"I guess you're right," he mumbled. Andi let out a sigh of relief that they had gotten this far, thankful that his grip on her arm was slacking. Then, it tightened again, eve stronger than the first time. The look on his face changed back to anger and hatred, and he was shaking his head.
With surprising speed for someone of his condition that had recently been sedated, the soldier was on his feet, backing Andi into the corner. He pushed her head against the wall by putting a hand over her mouth. While it made her breathing difficult, if did not cut off her total air supply; he only wanted her to stop talking.
"It was my fault!" he hissed, actually making sure to not wake any patients. "It had to have been my fault! I'm the only survivor! I must have killed them somehow! Or I knew how to save myself, but I didn't save them!" Tears were in his eyes. "It doesn't matter how anymore. The only thing that matters is that I could have done something and I didn't. It's as good as treason. So don't tell me-" The quick, sharp sound of a needle puncturing skin came to Andi's ears, and she saw the soldier falter. "-you had to..." The words trailed off and he dropped to the floor like a rock. In his place stood Hawkeye, holding the empty sedative needle. Andi closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
"Andi?" Hawkeye asked, apprehension lacing his voice and every feature. He looked at her as if she was an unstable patient about to break into hysterics. "I'm going to need some help hoisting him back on to the bed." She nodded, and the two got him back onto his cot.
Barely a second after, Hawkeye pulled her into his arms. It wasn't the suddenness, but the action in itself. She couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged her. It certainly had never been at the 58th. She'd forgotten how safe it felt.
"I can't even leave you alone for five minutes!" he joked. But when he held her at arms length and asked if she was okay, there was an uneasiness in his bright eyes.
"I'm fine," she said sincerely.
"Good," he replied, though his eyes still held worry, "because we still have another hour to go."
The time flew by quickly; Andi wasn't surprised to see that Hawkeye was much more of an amusing companion than Trapper was. Despite the vast quantity of them, it wasn't his jokes or sarcastic comments that kept her smiling. They did their part, but it was the knowledge that no matter where she was in the building, Hawkeye was subtly no more than five feet away from her. At one point, they were a distance from each other, on completely opposite sides of the room. Though she had her back to him, she could feel him watching her, taking quick check-up glances. If it had been anyone else, she probably would have had the strong desire to hurt them a long time ago. But it was Hawkeye, which made it okay.
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