What Up it's me Dez oh wait hehe you already know that (yup I'm that weird)
Today could've been a HELL of a lot worse...ok so I waslate to clas YET again and it doesnt exactly help that the flashbacky nightmares have returned and THAT damn wound wont heal oh and the fact that Ally almost caught me re-xressing that same damn wound.
As much as I'd like to tell them (no love to tell them) about this shameful disgusting secret I'm hiding I'm scared because oncd they see the 1,000 or more cuts and uglyy scars that cover both my arms then they will really think I'm a disgusting freak and most likely dissown me and resent me just as everyone else i n my pathetic life already has and to be honest diary I cant take the rejection again NO I cant risk it,I wont risk it ever!
Ok honestly when I first started hurting myself it hurt I mean it REALLY hurt but something inside me realised that the pain I was inflicting on myself was nothing compared to the pain being inflicted on me by the very people that were supposed to love and protect me so i gues I just found new ways to hurt myself and hide it.
I'll tell you the real reason I started down this harmful and destructive path but please be patient with me as it actually hurts to remember.
Growing up it was obvious my parents and my sister didnt want me around they either looked right through me or was constantly shouting at me as though I have no feelings what so ever...
I remember one day as if it was yesterday I somehow managed to annoy my sjster again so she decided to teach me a lesson (one I will never ever forget) so at the tender age of 15 (yeah just 2 years ago) I was left with 2 fractured ribs,afracturedb wrist,a split lip and a black eye (all that from a GIRL)
So that same night I decided to hurt myself beliueving it would over write the pain they cause me (NOT my smartest idea as I'm still doing it)
Well I guess I should share my shameful secret with a real person rather than just a book as once again I seem to have lost concentration and cut deeper than originally intended (URGH I'm gong to need stitches again!) Maybe if I leave now I'll make it to school on time
What-Up - Dez