Here it is! My favourite chapter! Chapter 5! God, I really do love it!

I'm trying to be as realistic as possible and for everyone who asks "Isn't it weird that she does that?" (You will know what I mean when you've read it) I say, she was really, really desperate. And in terms of the romantic part: This is a destined couple and just deal with it, I can't wait any longer! (I've got too many couple scenes in my head!)

Hope you'll like it! (As much as I do)

I do not own the characters or the locations of Tales of Symphonia.

"Are you religious?" Anna asked Kratos, while they were walking through a small forest. "What?" he asked confused and after a few seconds she realised, what she had just asked. "What a stupid question! Of course you're not! You can't believe in a goddess that sends a chosen to destroy the Desians. Sorry, I really didn't think about that questions" she apologized quickly.

"Are you?" he asked. "Well…" she jerked her shoulders "I guess I am. I mean I do believe in a goddess and everything, but sometimes it's quite hard to believe. Right now it's easy, but back then at the farm I always wondered what kind of goddess Martel has to be to let so many people suffer. I suppose she can't do everything for us. Although it's not hard to say that right now when the sun is shining and I hear the birds singing."

Anna smiled and stretched her arms. "When we are already talking about the sun and everything, did I ever properly thank you for all that?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean. Pff…Of course the whole saving stuff! Did I ever say "Thank you" for that?"

"You mentioned that you are grateful."

"Once again. Did I say "Thank you"?"

"No. But isn't saying that you are grateful the same thing?"

"No, of course not! There's a huge difference! But now that I know it I can catch up on that."

And she suddenly just hugged him and not only Noishe seemed to be absolutely surprised. "What are you doing?" he asked a bit confused. "That's my way to show gratitude. And now shut up!" Anna took a deep breath and said "Thank you for saving me! Really thank you! I can't describe how grateful I am!" Then she smiled and just continued walking.

"That was unnecessary. I didn't save you because of the kindness of my heart."

"Don't care. I'm alive, am I not? That's the only thing that matters to me. Besides you didn't only save me, you also helped me to get away. That deserves my gratitude selfish reasons or not."

"I will never understand your logic."

"Don't worry. Sometimes even I don't understand it." Anna smiled at him again. For a while she played a bit with Noishe. She had almost lost her fear towards him, but still refused to ride on him. Then she asked "Hey, since you are here with me isn't there someone who wonders where you are? I mean someone of the Desians?" She had been thinking about that for a while, and found it strange that someone like him could just disappear.

"Actually there a several persons who are wondering where you are, Kratos" a voice said behind them "But finally I've found you." Anna saw how a figure stepped out of the shadows and in the moment she could see his face, she knew that something very bad was going to happen. It was a man, a half elf, with long blue hair. He wore a long and dark cape. His sharp eyes were watching mostly Kratos but almost curious he looked at her for a brief moment.

"Did you really think Yggdrassil wouldn't send someone after you? Especially after you said that you wouldn't help him to build up "The Age of the lifeless Beings". I didn't expect you to be that naïve" he stated. Who is Yggdrassil? Wait…What does he mean by "Age of the lifeless Beings"? She looked at Kratos then at the stranger. "I was hoping that he would leave me alone after I said that I don't want to be involved into such foolish plans. But since he sent you, Yuan, I assume he doesn't intend to just let me go" he answered calm. "That's the last thing he would do and you know that. So why are you behaving like a child and came down on this world?" the half elf, Yuan, wanted to know.

Came down on this world? What the hell is he talking about? "Because Mithos is wrong. What he is planning to do is not what Martel wished for" Kratos answered and sounded even a bit angry. Mithos? Martel? Now Yuan seemed to be little bit surprised about that answer, but said "That might be true, but that doesn't explain this" he pointed at Anna "It would be different if you had just saved some human but saving the Angelus-Project and even protecting it from the Desians is something very unusual for you. Kvar is desperately looking for his growing Cruxis Crystal and I doubt that he is getting any sleep right now. And not enough all the other Grand Cardinals are looking for it since they think that a Cruxis Crystal of that kind could get them a promotion. They are all quite excited." Shit! Not the other Grand Cardinals too!

Anna could just stare at the two. There was something very weird going on and she had the feeling that one wrong move could kill her. Kratos didn't answer. Then Yuan shook his head "Talkative like always. Anyway, I've come take you back to Derris Kharlan and return the host body to the Asgard Ranch. I should also mention that Mithos is quite furious. So better think of a good excuse." No…Not back to the ranch! Not back to Kvar!

But then something happened that neither Anna nor Noishe and not even Yuan expected. She didn't even see the move, she just saw Kratos' sword that was pressed against Yuan's chest. "What are you doing?" he asked angrily and surprised. "I do not intend to go back and I will offer resistance if you should try to force me" he stated with his calm and cold voice. What the hell is going on? What are they talking about? What is he doing? Confused she just looked at the men. Noishe beside her seemed to be extremely tense and also worried. She could understand him perfectly.

"You are really serious about that….I didn't expect something like that. In that case I will have to report that to Mithos" he turned around and walked away "But this will have consequences. I hope you are aware of that." "I am" Kratos replied and watched how Yuan disappeared. Then he sheathed his sword and started to walk again.

"We have to hurry" he just said. Anna was too shocked and confused to ask any question and just followed him. She nearly had to run to keep up with him. She looked at Noishe, who seemed to be equally worried, but didn't look confused at all. Was she the only one who didn't know what was going on?

Anna had no idea how long they walked silent. At least for some hours. This meeting had changed something. She had no idea what, but I was something vitally important. Finally she had enough and stopped Kratos. "What was that?" she asked angry. "Just some new problems" he answered.

"Just some new problems? Do you think I'm stupid? That was so much more than just new problems!"

"That was something you don't understand."

"Yeah, you're right! I don't understand it and do you know why? Because this Yuan said things, that didn't make any sense! What is "The Age of lifeless Beings" and who is Yggdrassil? And why did he say you came down on this world and why did he say that he wants to take you back to DERRIS KHARLAN? Why? Derris Kharlan is the land where the Kharlan War was ended, isn't it? How the hell can he take you to this place?"

"You should just forget what you heard."

"No! NO! I'm sick of not knowing what's going on! I want you to answer me! I want you to explain me what he meant! I demand an answer!"

"Trust me. You don't want to know."

"I. Don't. Trust. You. Isn't it enough that I followed YOU! Someone who lets so many people suffer! Who let me endure a year in hell! I deserve an answer! And damn you are going to give me one!"

"You don't want hear it."

"Let me decide that! I want to understand what is going on. Please tell me!"

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"Maybe, maybe not. I just want an explanation!"

"Believe me you don't want to know."

"JUST TELL ME! I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IT OR IF IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I DIDN'T KNOW! I WANT AN ANSWER!" Anna yelled furious "and you better give me one!" For the first time Kratos looked like he didn't know what to do. He hesitated for the first time. Then Noishe twitched her shirt. He wanted her to calm down and his eyes told her the same thing that Kratos did. She didn't want to know. What can be so big that they are desperately trying to hide it from me?

She took one deep breath "Look. I don't want to know just because I'm curious. I'm already involved in all this. I'm the…and I hate to say that…Angelus Project. And not only that the fact that you saved me draws even more attention to me. Besides I'm so sick of the fact that nothing makes sense anymore! I want to understand what's going on!"

"If I tell you, there will be nothing left that will make sense to you."

"Let that be my concern. Okay?"

"You wouldn't be able to live a normal life anymore."

"Hello? I got a Crystal attached to my chest that is sucking out my life! My normal life ended a year ago."

And before he could say anything else she stated "Don't even try. There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. If you haven't noticed already I'm very stubborn when it comes to certain things." They looked at each other for a couple of minutes.

Then he closed his eyes and said "Alright, I will tell you, but you have to promise me that you won't interrupt me till I have finished." She just nodded. "But like I said, when I have finished you are going to wish you wouldn't know."

For an hour she had listened to the brutal truth. After ten minutes she had started to shake her head. Always repeating in her thoughts that it couldn't be true. That all this had to be a lie. Something like that mustn't be true. But although it was so horrible to hear, so horrible, it made sense. It was so damn logical! But she still refused to believe it.

For now over twenty minutes she was kneeling on the ground and cried. Her whole world was crumbling down. "This…this…can't be true" she said "This…is…impossible! This has to be lie!" Noishe was sitting next to her and was trying to comfort her. It didn't help. "You don't have to believe it if you don't want to, but it is true" Kratos simply replied.

"Don't you think I'm trying to do that? But…but I can see it in your eyes! I can hear it in your voice that you tell me truth! This whole story…it is too complicated and yet far too logical to be a lie. Everything makes sense…even…even if it's horrible! And even if I couldn't see that…you are the proof! Everything that the Desians did is a proof! Every horrible action makes now sense. But…but…but…"

Her sobs grew louder. "But now nothing is true! Everything I believed in is just one big lie! There is no goddess! There's nothing! The whole Journey of Regeneration is meaningless! Everything that gave me hope that let me survive my time in the ranch is a lie! There's nothing left I can believe in!"

"I never said that you would like to hear it. You wanted to know the truth and I told you the truth" he said still serene. "Do you think that helps me right now?" she shouted furious and jumped up "But now I want to know, why? Why did you save me? Why wasn't it enough to just kill the Desians?" Her whole body was shaking, while she was saying that "Why should…why should…a four…thousand…year old…angel…save me?"

He turned around and answered "If Yggdrassil wants an "Age of lifeless Beings" than he has to produce an enormous amount of Exspheres but mostly Cruxis Crystals. But till now the production of these Crystals causes many problems. That's why Kvar is so proud of his project. If your Cruxis Crystal should be a success, the results of his research would help to improve the harvesting of the Crystals. I thought that if I would save you the Angelus Project would fail and that would prevent Yggdrassil from achieving his goals."

Anna, who was still crying, answered silently "Don't you get it? You can't stop my Cruxis Crystal from growing. Nothing in this world can. You don't stop him! You are just wasting time! The only way to stop the Angelus Project is to…" And suddenly she realised that there was a solution for her misery. A way to end this slow death. Something she always had in mind since her first day in the ranch.

She stepped closer to him, so she could look into his eyes. Then she said, and sounded even more serious than him in doing so "If you really want to end the Angelus Project then you have to kill me."

"WHAT?" And Kratos sounded more shocked than she ever believed he could.

"It's the only way! This thing is bound to awaken! If you want to do something then end my life! I don't care. I don't want to die a slow and painful death like I would in the ranch. And now I know all that I don't see why I should live. Even if I wouldn't know, for me there is no going back. Everyone that I loved believes I'm dead anyway. So it wouldn't make any difference. And I…and I…don't want an "Age of lifeless Beings". It sounds horrible even more than the rest of the truth. You could do it fast. I wouldn't feel anything. And then you would have the time to really do something to stop him."

He looked at her like she had gone insane. "Do you realise what you're talking about? You can't mean that!" But she remained serious. "Do you know how often I wished for my death? Just that all this ends?" Anna pointed at her chest "Do you know how it feels, when something is eating you alive? Do know the burning, when your soul and your Mana is taken away from you? No, you don't! I lost the fear of death a long time ago, but now I'm terrified that someday this thing will not be a part of me, but that I become a part of it! Please, do it!"

"You are just shocked. You don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh, I'm not? Then just tell me one reason for me to live on."

"…I can't."

"See? Ther…"

"I didn't mean that. I meant that I'm not able to end your life."

"Wha…Don't be ridiculous! You killed plenty of Desians with ease."

"That's not the same."

"You're right. It's not. Because I'm asking you to do it."

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Why? You said, you wanted to end the Angelus Project and that is the only way. My DNA is the only one, which is compatible. If you kill me, then Kvar will never be able to harvest a Cruxis Crystal."

"You are not going to change my mind."

"I…I don't understand. Why can't you? What is holding you back?"

"You are confused and shocked that's all. Tomorrow you don't want to die anymore."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! I ALWAYS NEEDED SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO TO SURVIVE. SOMETHING I COULD LIVE FOR. BUT NOW EVERYTHING IS A LIE! GIVE ME ONE THING THAT IS TRUE! SOMETHING I CAN HOLD ONTO. SOMETHING THAT ISN'T A LIE!"

Anna fell on her knees again. That was too much for her. Torture she could have handled, but not this. Her whole worldview was destroyed. Tears were running down her cheeks. She had never felt so…betrayed and so helpless not even in the ranch. She saw how he kneeled down and then without any warning Kratos leaned forward and kissed Anna.

What the hell is happening? she thought more surprised than shocked. Was this real? Was he really kissing her? Or did she just hallucinate? …But this felt very real! His hands held her face and while her eyes were wide open his eyes were closed. It was soft kiss. A gentle kiss. She would have never expected that he would kiss like that. And still no one had ever kissed her like that. It was kiss that didn't ask for something. A kiss that just told her how he felt. Nothing more nothing less. He didn't expect not even asked for any kind of reaction. A hopeless kiss, but still filled with emotion.

Then he let go. "That's why I can't kill you" he said and his voice was still calm and serious, but there was something else in it. Something she couldn't describe. And before she could think of anything else to do, she slapped him. Really hard. It had been reflex. She couldn't have stopped it even if she had wanted to. To be honest she really had wanted to. "Like I said at the bridge" she said "You can't do something like that without asking."

And then she kissed him. She didn't know exactly why she did it. There were several reasons: A part of her wanted to try to taste this kind of kiss a bit longer, another part just wanted to see how it was to kiss him and there was a small part in her that told her that it was the right thing to do.

Anna, what are you doing? Since when do you kiss strangers? Well, you've know him for a month so basically he isn't a stranger anymore. Still…you…shouldn't do that. You are…just desperate…like he…said…

But then for some seconds she just stopped thinking and kissed him differently. A bit more passionate. Maybe even little more than she actually intended. Finally she stopped and moved away. It was embarrassing but it took her several moments to catch her breath. She turned around, so she didn't have to look at him. She didn't want to see his expression. Actually Anna didn't even know what she should expect. The only thing she knew was that she had to break that silence, which was worse than anything else.

"So, let's see if I got that right" she said, trying to change the subject "Four thousand years ago Mithos the hero split the ancient world into two pieces in order to save them. Sylvarant and…and Tethe'alla. But…after his sister Martel was killed he lost it and since then he is trying to resurrect her and grant her, her final wish. A world without discrimination. To be able to do that, he created with you and this…Yuan the church of Martel and the Desians to control both worlds. And the Journey of Regeneration is actually a way to create a vessel for Martel and to change the Mana flow. With other words to save one world and to destroy the other. But that has failed till now. And now he is trying to create an Age were no one has a soul anymore and turns into the same lifeless creature. Right?"

She didn't wait for his answer. "But you disagreed and came down from Derris Kharlan, which is apparently a whole planet floating over this one, to Sylvarant. Then you stumbled on me and my Cruxis Crystal. And so I became involved in all this." Anna shook her head. "Damn! Damn! Damn! Not only that I was chosen for the Angelus Project, no a FOUR THOUSAND year old Angel thinks saving me is the key to stop his mad leader! How great are the chances for that? Less than zero probably! I am the unluckiest person in this entire world…no, the unluckiest person of…both worlds."

"Do you feel better?" Kratos asked behind her. "No! I feel betrayed, hurt, helpless and totally stupid….And I have a headache" she answered angry. "Do you still feel the urge to die?" he asked serious. "Well, I…I'm not sure to be honest. I'm so confused and I don't know what I should think about all that. I don't even know what I feel right now anymore. There are too many emotions. And you didn't help me by…doing what you did" she replied and blushed. At least he couldn't see it.

"I…" he seemed to think about how to answer that "answered your question."

"Answered my question? That's the first time someone called it like that. You…well, kissed me. There's no reason in denying that."

"I didn't deny it" he answered, and she could hear in his voice that he felt more and more uncomfortable.

"When you say it like that, it sounds like you would regret it" Anna said and there was a faint smile on her lips.

"I don't regret it." Well, that was a fast answer!

"Hmm…Sounds like the truth. In that case I guess, I can admit that I don't regret it either. It was a pretty good kiss, if I may say that."

"What?"

"Wow! You really sound surprised! That's actually a bit cute" she said. Then she stood up and turned around. He was looking at her with an expression she couldn't define. "Well" she came a bit closer "you "answered" my first question, but there is one thing where I need…to find the answer myself. So please let me try just one thing without freaking out, okay?" "What do you intend to do?" he asked and seemed to be a bit worried. Now she stood only a few inches before him "It's just…that I want to answer one of yours. Even though you were so selfless and polite that you didn't even ask."

Then she leaned forward and kissed him again. She felt, that he was…quite surprised. But she had to do it. She needed to know what she felt, while kissing him. The first both times she had been too confused and distracted. Now she could focus on the kiss. Well, at least she was trying to. It was surprisingly hard to think at all. Then Anna even deepened the kiss with one hand. It was only for some moments, but that was more than enough to answer her question.

"That…That was pretty interesting" she said with light red cheeks. And suddenly a bright smile appeared on her face. "You are so damn lucky! I hope you now that." "…What do you mean?" he asked. Kratos seemed to be a little bit overstrained. "You are so lucky that women always fall in love with their saviors, even if they are…angels. It's such a cliché, but I'm afraid it's true" she answered still smiling.

"Would you…please repeat that? I'm not sure I understood you right", he said and he looked so surprised and confused, that it really was kinda cute.

"You heard me and besides you told me something that was….way more complicated and you didn't have to repeat that. …I thought you wanted to hear that. But if I misunderstood something…"

"You didn't…misunderstand…"

"Then I don't see the problem."

"Are you sure…"

"I am sure. Do you really think that I kiss someone like that without a very good reason? And before you ask, no it's not because I'm so desperate that the whole world is a lie. I admit, there are…a few questions that you will have to answer me, but apart from that… You really don't want to hear something good, do you?"

"You don't care?"

"Care about what?"

"About Cruxis, the Desians, everything…"

"Oh, that! To be honest I'm still angry and I feel betrayed and helpless. But…well, call me naïve, but I'm not able to see you that way. I mean you never hurt me or anything. Although…you are still…a bit scary."

"You did understand that I'm responsible for the misery of both worlds. I'm even responsible for your suffering at the ranch."

"…So you started the Angelus Project, captured me, dragged me to the ranch and attached this thing to my chest?"

"You know what I mean."

"Sorry, but when it comes to such things I blame the ones that actually DID something to me. …Are you trying to scare me off? Or do you want me to blame you for everything that happened to me?"

"…"

"…Well…okay I admit that it would be so much easier to have someone to blame for all this. And it's not like I wouldn't care at all, but since I kinda…like you I'm not disaffected to try to understand. I'm not saying that I won't blame you for anything, but maybe I will be…convinced to forgive you. And so far you've made a good impression."

She suddenly sat down and groaned "Damn! This is so confusing! In the morning I thought the world was a nice place and I was glad that I wouldn't have to see you much longer and now the whole world is filled with lies and manipulation. And then I say I have a crush on you. This is the weirdest day ever! Shit! Couldn't you have kissed me tomorrow instead of throwing everything at me tonight?"

"You begged me to kill you. I had to do something."

"And of everything you could have done that came to your mind?"

"…" He looked somehow…in a very weird way embarrassed.

She sighed. "Well, at least a lot of things make sense now. Still…there are so many questions left."

"You are sure that you don't want to die anymore?" Kratos asked still worried.

"…I…am sure. Nevertheless I'm feeling hurt and very, very stupid in some way. And my headache is killing me."

"Sounds alright."

"Have you ever had a headache? I'm not alright."

"You are worried about a headache?"

"Do you want me to be worried about the other things? Because if I do I might start begging for my death again." She smiled a bit.

"…"

"Of course then you would have to calm me down again so it wouldn't be all bad." Now Anna's bright smile reappeared.

"If you are able to say something like that, you are fine" he stated.

"I wouldn't say fine, but basically you're right" she answered. Then she saw Noishe, whom she totally had forgotten. He looked so surprised that she nearly had to laugh. Then something crossed her mind. "Before I can sleep and try to handle all this" she said "There's one thing I need to know." She looked at him and then Anna asked "What exactly is Noishe?"

It's done! Oh my god, that was so hard! But I'm really proud of it.

And for everyone who wonders, it's not an accident that the sentence "I love you" wasn't in it. (Falling in love isn't the same for me) Anna isn't sure yet if she really loves him. And well Kratos…okay I confess in my version he fell in love with her at first sight and already loves her, but he wouldn't say those three words, when she's so desperate and confused. And I think it's much more romantic if it takes some time till one of the two says it.

I would really, really like some reviews for this chapter!

And thanks for reading!