Disclaimer: Don't own them!
Chapter 3: The endless possibilities.
"He felt like his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it". Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Rogue had gone out to the groceries' store and now she was starting to make her way down the six blocks that separated her from the Mansion. The breeze got colder and colder with every inch the night took away from what was left of the day, so she hurried her pace. But it wasn't just the wind. Actually, she'd had this feeling all day long: this sensation of forgetting something, like she knew, from the moment she opened her eyes in the morning, that she was supposed to do something that day, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was.
Not like she had too much to do these days, anyway. She felt her life had somehow become a straight road with no possibility of turning right or left, where everything she could see out the window was the same old stuff from the previous day. Usually, she'd blame it on the end of school; but now, she was certain that there was something else, something missing. Love, maybe? Sure, the lack of it wasn't anything new to her, but anyway, it'd be to simplify things too much to say that she was already used to it. She could never get used to imagine this whole bunch of time she still had to live without someone to love. It was way too much loneliness for one person.
Maybe it was that: maybe this emptiness was starting to materialize in this almost tangible sensation of missing something, of having to hurry up, of… uneasiness with everything that surrounded her.
Yes, maybe it was just that.
It was almost completely dark out there, when she entered the Mansion through the kitchen's back door. After taking her jacket off and letting it fall on one of the stools, she went back to the only bag she'd brought from the groceries'; there was one single item inside of it: a large chocolate bar.
We can't always rationalize our thoughts: some of them just pop up in our minds for no particular reason, like they just fell from the sky and hit us right on the head. This way, since she woke up, Rogue also had the incomprehensible feeling that what this day really needed to get better, was just some hot chocolate.
A while later, she was sitting on the kitchen's table in Indian position, drinking the hot beverage, when Kitty sprinted inside the room.
"Hey! What's up? Oh, do you have some more of that? Is it chocolate? I want some, do you have? Oh, it's right here, can I have some? Yeah? Thanks!" The girl's hyperkinetic mood seemed to be at its highest point today.
"Sure, never mind." Rogue saw the girl swallowing her drink almost in one sip: "Come on, spit it out."
"What?" Shadowcat said, after cleaning away a chocolate moustache with the back of her hand.
"Whatever yah're up to! Come on, ah'm all ears."
Kitty opened her eyes widely and took a deep breathe, that was finally released into both a shriek and a giggle:
"All right!" she placed her mug on the table and finally gave away the big news: "I'm so, so, so, but like, so in love. Like, totally."
"Again?"
"But this time's for real! Come on Rogue, don't laugh, I'm serious! He's gotta be the cutest guy in the world, or like, the universe, you know?"
"If yah say so…" the older girl finished her drink and placed the mug next to Kitty's: "So, who is it?"
"Try an' guess. Come on, come on!"
Rogue narrowed her eyes and scrutinized Kitty's face, like this way she could get any hint of who the victim was this time. She'd seen her studying with some boy from school last week, but something told her it wasn't him. No, Kitty was way too excited, like this was something big… she looked away for a moment and a name materialized in her mind:
"Piotr?"
Kit's jaw dropped and stayed frozen, just as the rest of her, for a few moments:
"How do you… how do you know?" she finally uttered. Rogue shrugged, surprised she had actually hit the nail: "Am I being too obvious? But I just started to like him, like, yesterday, you know? I was going shopping and he asked if he could come with me, and the way he smiled…"
(…)
It was past midnight. Not the most usual time of the day to clean up your closet, but with nothing better to do, Rogue guessed any time was good enough, especially with Kitty nowhere to be seen, probably on a date with Piotr. T-shirts she hadn't worn in ages, belts she had forgotten she had, old high school notebooks with torn covers; all of that had to go, no more stocking up useless trash.
"...chère..."
The big plastic bag she was carrying towards the door, slid out of her arms, breaking open and pouring its contents all over the bedroom's floor.
She hadn't been paying attention to the TV, it was just background noise, but then she fixated her eyes on the screen: an old movie, maybe from the 60's or 70's, located in what seemed to be New Orleans. A bar, dim lights, a jazz band, some guys arguing around a table, a girl in a short dress, one of the guys calling her chère repeatedly. Had she seen this movie before? Not that she could remember. So she sat at the border of her bed, ignoring the worn out socks and old magazines still scattered on the carpet, and focused on the story for a while. On the Cajun accents these actors were failing to imitate correctly, on the saxophone and the piano, and the smoke of cigarettes over the glasses and among the tables.
Nope, she hadn't seen the movie. She had never even been in a place like this one. Then why did she startle like this? Why did it feel somehow familiar?
"Must be Jean's therapy, that's startin' to drive me nuts", she told herself out loud.
Must be.
(...)
She was sitting on the fluffy carpet of one of the X-Mansion's large, cosy living rooms, knees up to her chest. Was it still snowing outside? Who cared? She didn't want to go out anyway. She didn't want to meet him again and face the fact that for some weird reason of her mind's craziness, some tiny memory of him, some pale trace of his existence, had accompanied her to the waking world. They never did that, not even the ghosts of strangers she had to absorb at some point for one reason or another, ever came back to her in reality.
"Ahhhh, cherie, see: y' couldn't ignore Remy if y' tried", he appeared out of nowhere, letting himself fall on one of the sofas, immediately resting his feet on the low table: "Not even in dat borin' reality of yours".
Her jaw literally dropped in disbelief, the words chocking all together inside her throat.
"The heck... is wrong with yah?! My reality's not borin'. At least Ah've got a reality". As soon as she shot this, she regretted it. But he didn't seem offended at all; more like, amused.
"We both know dat hurts y' more dan it hurts me." He picked a handful of peanuts from a small bowl on the table, and dropped them inside his mouth: "Y' de one dat put me here, r'member?"
"Yeah, that's kinda hard to forget".
He continued chewing, as Rogue hugged her legs a little harder. Then, she thought of something:
"Don't yah... know about your life? Like Ah do?"
He shrugged:
"I know I've got one out dere, an' I know all 'bout it, dat is, 'til certain belle fille decided t' lock Remy inside her pretty lil' head". As many peanuts as he ate, the amount of them in the bowl didn't diminish: "Guess she couldn't resist bein' away from me ever again, uh?"
At first she narrowed her eyes at him, but then she thought: what the hell? His company indeed felt good and this wasn't even real, so why bother so much in hiding, in fighting, in trying to seem strong all the time. She'd just try to let herself go.
"So yah're extra charming today, ain't yah?" she straightened her legs: "Why's that?"
"Mebbe 'cause y' let Remy all alone an' devastated last nite, t' deal with a bunch of teenagers an' deir babysitters", he leaned in, closer to her, staring deep into her eyes just to add: "Hein?"
She looked away, trying to seem careless: "Well next time Ah'll induce mahself a comma so Ah can stay in here all the time, would yah like that?"
"Cherie, with y'... I'd like all sort o' things".
This time, she held his gaze. That was, until Scott entered the room.
"Ehem, sorry to bother you guys," Rogue thought his voice sounded worried, even though she couldn't look into his eyes to tell if this was just her imagination: "but, have you seen Jean around here?"
"Red head? Non".
"Rogue?"
"No, Scott, sorry; Ah've got no idea".
"That's odd," Cyclops slowly walked away, mumbling: "That's very odd..."
Silence fell on them for few seconds; then, she remembered:
"So what was it yah were gonna show me yesterday?"
"Remy thought y'd never ask", he stood up and offered his hand to her: "Let's go."
"Where to?"
He just cocked his brow:
"Allons!"
Being trapped inside her head for hours and hours, sharing small talk with a bunch of bored people, had always seemed claustrophobic and messed up to her. But for the first time, it felt somehow... liberating. She felt a little free, like the consequences or overthought meanings of what she did in here, didn't really matter. So she extended her gloved hand towards his, and he pulled her up to her feet. This small, superficial contact, felt so... real.
It wasn't snowing anymore, but the mansion's front yard was brightly white as far as the eye could reach. Rogue heard Kitty's high pitched laugh next to the unthinkable: the huge, quiet, shy Colossus, making an angel on the fallen snow. His, next to Kitty's, was certainly some species of giant angel.
"Here", Remy placed a coat over Rogue's shoulders, as they kept walking: "An' bottom it tight, chère: y' gonna need it".
"Rea...? Oh mah Gawd!" she gasped.
Right in front of them, there was a huge roller coaster.
"Where did yah get this thing from?"
"I thought y' were de one dat ruled here!"
She seemed bewildered: "What do yah mean?"
"It means Remy don't do anythin' here... 'sides trying to show y' the possibilities of yer own mind."
She shook her head: "So yah're sayin' Ah mahself brought it here?"
"I'm sayin' we're in for a ride."
Rogue let him hold her hand again and lead her towards the roller coaster, one of those wooden, old school ones, with twists and turns and vertical slopes. In reality she was kind of scared of roller coasters, especially since she was on one of them and it stopped all of a sudden, and they had to wait upside down for about twenty minutes, until they were rescued. She was about eleven years old back then, but it still made her tingly in her stomach every time she saw one of these monsters at a fairy.
The wooden floor creaked underneath her feet as they approached to the wagon. It at felt so real, but it wasn't. And in here, nothing could hurt her. She could dare to face her fears, overcome them and maybe even enjoy them. Maybe she could even become a fan of roller coasters after this. As Remy had hinted, the possibilities were infinite; she couldn't believe she had never explored so much... her own brain.
"Please keep arms and legs inside the wagon until it stops completely, thank you"; after securing them in their seats, Jamie, in a red and white uniform, nodded and let them at the mercy of machines, gravity and luck.
"Y' ready?"
"Sure", she swallowed hard and held on tightly to the metallic bars: "It ain't real, so why woulda be scared?"
She couldn't believe it when he rested the back of his head on his palms:
"Y' don't have t' lie t' me, cherie, an' specially not in here", he winked at her before adding: "Just trust... an' enjoy it!"
And then, it began. The repetitive sound of the rails, echoing the fast beatings of her heart. Going up slowly, the cold wind drying her lips and filling her lungs and making her feel dizzy with excitement, anticipation and pure, raw emotion.
Real, not real. But still, emotion.
He offered his hand and she held it tight, as they were pulled downwards by a force stronger than comprehension.
(...)
Daylight, her bedroom's half open blinds, a lump underneath the other bed's blankets, that should be Kitty, still asleep. Rogue sat and straightened her shoulders, her hair feeling sticky in the back of her neck, covered in sweat.
Her heart was still drumming like a marching band.
Note: When a fic falls into the horrible land of hiatus, I think it'll never come back to life. But oh, it seems this one did! I feel into writing again, and I read the two chaps I had already published, the ideas I had written in my little old fanfiction notebook, and then I thought, why not? Please remember my native language is not English, so I try my best, but if you see any mistake, I'm sorry, in advance. Well, that's it, for the moment. Wow it feels so awesome to publish Romy stuff again!