Chapter 6

I stood in the store, looking down at the scribbled notes in my hand. There was a strange sense of calm inside of me, something that I hadn't really expected after all the chaos I had been through.

In my hands were the bags of shopping I had spent hours trying to find, my feet were ready to fall off and my stomach was burning in hunger. Checking that I had ticked everything off my list, I headed down the road, ignoring the stares that followed me as I passed.

For now, it was pretty obvious that I was pregnant. Percy...oh god, Percy...he had yet to find out. I hadn't even bothered to tell him but I was scared of what he might say or do. I didn't want to risk hurting again, it had taken me all this time to nurture my broken heart and ponder on what exactly went wrong.

I passed the park and headed back to my grandmother's house down a long neat winding road that almost glowed in the summer sun.

"Annabeth! Annabeth!"

I tilted my head and searched for the voice that beckoned me. My friend Thalia raced up to me, her electric blue eyes were full of determination and worry. Pushing past a family walking through the park, she ran up to me and didn't waste a moment to catch her breath.

"Annabeth, you have to tell him."

"No."

Was my usual response and I meant it completely. No matter how many times she tried to persuade me, I wasn't going to give in. I didn't need Percy anymore; I can survive by myself without him.

"Listen to me, Annabeth," she tried again, grabbing my wrist and forcing me to look at her. "He's going to University at the end of the summer. You'll never see him again. I know you think otherwise, but he deserves to know."

"I'm not telling him. I'm not."

"You're being selfish. It's his child as well."

I pulled away with a look of disgust on my face. "He was the one who left! He made it clear that he hated me and I highly doubt telling him I'm pregnant is going to change anything. You don't understand anything, Thalia. You don't understand what this feels like. So I'd shut my mouth if I were you."

She pressed her lips together and slapped me as hard as she could. The sound echoed like a gunshot throughout the park. I flinched and bit back the tears that sprung to my eyes.

"You know that it's not just you who's hurting. We all are. So just stop with that god damn pride of yours and get back to the real world."

"He hates me," I replied, my voice was small and timid and suddenly I felt my whole future crashing on top of me. I was no longer a person anymore...just a lonely half soul with only longing and hope residing inside. "He'll tell me to abort it. I know he will. I can't do it, Thalia."

Her eyes seemed to soften ever so slightly, but still she pushed me in the direction of Percy's house and shook her head, leaving no room for debate.

"Please Annabeth. I do know that this is difficult but it's better to do it now – rather than later."

I took a deep breath and knew in my heart that she was right. Though my cheek still stung, I made my way down the path with a heaviness in my chest.

"He still loves you," she whispered as I left. It was said so quietly I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it but I didn't believe a word.

How could he love me? It was all a lie and I was over it. I can now get on with my life just as before and I don't care about any of the days we shared.

They mean nothing. To him anyway.

XXX

Knocking on his front door felt like the hardest thing I've ever done. Standing here with the sunlight streaming over my shoulders, with my stomach visibly bulging through the baggy top – which hardly concealed the obvious lump.

What do I say? What will he say? Will he be angry? Frightened? Or will he just slam the door in my face without speaking a word to me. I wasn't sure what I expected, but somehow I knew that whatever he said now couldn't hurt me anymore. My heart was too broken to care. That I was sure of.

I realised then and there the loneliness that swallowed me up. I needed him more than my own breath, more than my own heart. I am nothing without him. But he can never know, for fear of the embarrassment. He obviously never felt the same way. He used me and once he got what he wanted, he ended everything we had.

I thought that only happened in stories.

I waited. And waited. But the door never opened.

Fighting back the lump in my throat, I turned away and hurried back down the road with my hand cupped around my stomach. It's just you and me, I thought. Even if all hope seems lost for now, we'll find a path in this life. Just you and me. That's all that matters.

And above everything else. I believed those words.

XXX

"Hey, beautiful."

Luke handed me a stunning bouquet of roses and winked at me cheekily. He wore casual clothes, but look neat anyway.

"Ready to go on a dangerous adventure into the heart of Manchester?"

I rolled my eyes and grinned. "Sure. But that's going to be a pretty long walk."

"I was joking," Luke protested. "I was thinking of going on a romantic stroll somewhere, have dinner at some restaurant and go back to the hotel...and well after that..."

His face went bright red, though somehow I found it endearing.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," I sighed and dragged him down the hotel corridor and out into the streets.

I was thankful that it wasn't raining – although it wasn't the perfect weather for a 'romantic stroll'. Luke took hold of my hand gently and gazed adoringly into my eyes.

This was wrong. This was completely wrong. I can't do this...I can't. His hand didn't belong in mine and every nerve cell in my body screamed out in protest. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Go before it's too late.

My palms felt sticky with sweat and I hoped desperately that Luke hadn't noticed.

And then my blood ran cold.

On the other side of the street was a school. Low ceilings but full of greenery and a flat playing field. Trees were dotted around behind the black fencing and the bell rang, signalling the end of the day.

Young children rushed out of the doors, holding their parents hands, smiling and chattering away in their high pitched voices. They were so innocent and free...they had so much to learn about the real world that I was envious to even watch them.

But that wasn't what caught my attention.

"Annabeth? Are you ok? You look a bit pale," Luke asked worriedly, guiding me away from the school entrance.

"I'm fine," I said weakly. "I'm just a bit cold, that's all."

"There's a pub over there," Luke pointed out. "We can hang out there for a while."

"Yes, right, yeah...uh...that's a good idea," I cursed myself for being so nervous.

"Are you sure you're fine?"

I nodded hurriedly. "Yes. Never been better."

XXX

I'm eighteen years old again. And I'm sitting on the train with my newborn baby in my hands. The tiny little life that I held was even more perfect than I had ever imagined. Silky curls of black hair and warm green eyes that were a complete mirror of her father.

Ebony Chase. My daughter. Barely a month old and yet I'm saying goodbye to her so soon. My grandma had demanded to give her up for adoption but I knew a better person.

After debating with myself through the entire nine months, I knew what to do. The choice was hard but it was better than any of the other options.

I'm sorry I won't be there for you, I'm sorry that I'll hardly ever see you and that you'll grow up without a mother. If there was any other way, I wouldn't have hesitated to keep you by my side. But this way, I'll know that you will be in safe hands.

The train eventually stopped and I stepped off onto the grey platform, hugging my child like she was my lifeline. Looking down at her again, I felt my heart clench, seeing Percy's features reflected in her face.

If only I could keep her. If only...

Then I would be able to always have a part of Percy with me. I would always have a reminder of what we used to have and the blessing that came out of it. But now I have no one. My father still hates me. I tried time after time knocking on the door to apologise, but he slammed it in my face before even uttering a single word.

My mother and little brother are dead. And I can't help but wonder what they think of me. Will my mother be disappointed or angry? Or will she accept my mistake and forgive me?

I sighed and took the nearest bus down a jumble of roads and streets, past the shops and chaos of the city and towards some grey stone flats.

I took a deep breath in and headed up the stairs, apprehension crept into me with every step. You're my last hope.

A simple knock. Step back and breathe.

The door opened and I saw him, standing in person in front of me. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to hold his hand and never let go. He looked the same as ever. Handsome beyond compare and deep green eyes that could pierce right into my soul with one glance.

I forced a smile on my shaking lips.

Percy blinked, as if he was just registering that I was actually here. Outside his flat. Carrying a baby.

"Annabeth? Oh my god, Annabeth..." he stepped forwards with a torn expression on his face and looked like he wanted to kiss me right there and then. But he didn't.

"Can I come in?" I managed to say, averting my eyes from his.

"Of course," he opened the door wider and then shut it behind us.

I stared around his flat...looking at anything apart from his face. His flat was small but well kept. A small kitchen and light blue curtains. A single bed was pushed against the wall and sheets and sheets of manuscripts lay across the room.

"Sorry about the mess..."

"It's fine."

We were silent for a while and a layer of awkwardness coated the atmosphere. Say what you have to say and go.

"Why are you here?" Percy blurted out, rubbing the back of his neck, like he always did when he was nervous.

I tried hard not to stare at his eyes. Those same eyes that betrayed me. I gulped back down the tears and chided myself for getting emotional.

"It's a long story, Percy," I started softly. "And you're the only one that can help me."

"Anything. I'd do anything," he said. Almost too quickly.

But why? Why would he say that? He hates me. He broke up with me.

"I...I mean, it's a big ask."

He didn't reply but merely nodded once for me to continue.

"When...when we broke up..." I felt my heart race again and tried not to let on how much it hurt. "I became pregnant – "

His eyes widened and his gaze flickered up to my daughter and back to me. "Annab – "

"My father threw me out of the house," I carried on, not wanting anymore sympathy. "I ran away to my Grandparents for shelter."

"Why didn't you tell me?" his tone wasn't cruel like I expected. It sounded...human. Caring. Compassionate. And somehow that made me feel even worse. "Why didn't you?"

"I was scared, ok?" I shot back. "I was scared of what you might say. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't face you again, knowing that you...you hate me."

"I never hated you – "

"Then why did you end it, Percy?" I demanded, my eyes flashing wildly, hoping to hear the truth.

"I – I can't tell you that."

Annoyance burned in my throat. "Whatever. I'm going off topic. I'm here because I need someone to look after my daughter. Ebony Chase. My grandparents want to put her up for adoption...but I don't want to give her away to some strangers..."

"I'm in University," Percy replied.

It frustrated me how he wasn't getting angry. It was frustrating how he was so calm yet firm at the same time.

"I don't have the money, Percy," I whispered. "I can't raise a child. I'm a failure and I know it. But please...if you care for m – our child, then can you agree to this favour? I'm sorry that it's such short notice but – "

"I'll look after her, Annie – "

"Don't call me that."

"Annabeth," he corrected. "If this is what you want – "

"I don't want this," I fired back, remembering the pain he had caused. "But I don't have a choice."

"Then I'll do it."

"You will?"

"Of course, Annabeth. Do you think that I don't care about you?"

"Yes," I muttered.

A flash of fire lit up his green eyes. "Then you're wrong. I never stopped caring about you but – "

"But what? What else is there to say?"

I choked back another sob and kissed my daughter on the forehead before handing her to Percy.

"I thought so," I continued.

"Annabeth, it was – "

"Just look after her. Show her all the love you know and tell her that I love her."

XXX

It was the same guilt that gnawed inside of me as I lay in my double hotel bed, underneath the covers with Luke's sleeping form beside of me.

Why should I feel like this?

Percy and I were over and had been for five years.

Yet why did I feel that sense of betrayal? It wasn't like I'd committed adultery or cheated on anyone. But I knew in my heart that I was lying next to the wrong man. The warmth from his body felt suddenly cold.

I'm sorry Luke. You deserve someone better. Someone who can give you all of their heart and all of their soul.

Sorry. It's such a simple word but no matter how many times I say it, I can never get rid of the darkness inside of me. Sometimes sorry isn't enough to compensate for everything.

I'm sorry Percy...I would go back all those years if I could, to undo the past so that you're the one lying by my side right now.