Martin's phone rang at about 7 am on Saturday morning. From the ringtone, he knew it was the one designated for Imperial. It was Isaiah Bent, his assistant.

"Martin, sorry to trouble you. We have a critically injured patient who has already been prepped for surgery. All the readings tell me that we should go in but something in my gut says no. I couldn't tell anybody but you about gut feelings, they would laugh me to scorn and say I had lost my edge. I trust your judgement. Can you come in for a second opinion?"

Martin didn't hesitate. Isaiah was not given to gut feelings.

"Think nothing of it. Let's look at the risks of going in now or postponing surgery. Please send me whatever you have, I'll look at it on my way over."

He touched Louisa lightly and told her he didn't know when he would be back but would call as soon as he knew. She groaned, told him not to worry, she was seeing Dr. Milligan at 11 and had some shopping to do after.

Louisa's session wasn't going well. Sometimes Dr. Milligan got on her nerves with his endless probing. Today he was making her feel like a nutcase. He wasn't saying much, never really did. One particular question had her on edge.

"What are your expectations when you enter a new relationship?"

She was puzzled. "What do you mean? My relationship with Martin? Any relationship? Doesn't everybody wish for a lasting , loving relationship?"

"Maybe. Some people enter into a relationship for money, fame, sex, a family."

This was all too invasive for her. She hemmed and hawed until he finally leaned across the table and explained to her what he meant.

"I'm sure you and Martin will make a satisfactory go of your relationship. Still, I want you to understand how you act out your expectations in a relationship. This way, when there's a problem, and there will be, it will not catch you off guard and make you resort to counter-productive responses."

Inwardly, Louisa seethed. She? What about Martin?

Sensing her irritation, Dr. Milligan softened it by saying, "You and Martin will have to resolve your problems together. I want you to understand your contribution to that process."

When the session was over, she practically grabbed the homework exercises and ran through the door in as dignified a manner as she could. There was a little park down the road from Dr. Milligan's office where she liked to sit and recover. Today, she stayed longer than usual. The session had been hard work, harder than usual. As she began relaxing, she thought about how she and Martin handled disputes. Their constant rows in the village were not worth remembering. They had been a dysfunctional pair. Becoming a mother had taught her patience and marriage had released her from the need to win every argument. She and Martin hadn't experienced any serious rows. Neither wanted to spoil their new-found happiness so they dealt with issues as they arose.

There had only been one major row and even remembering it now made her cringe.

Although they slept together in the master, Martin noticed that Louse kept clothing and other personal items in the guest room, almost as if she had set up her separate space. He ignored it, until one evening he decided to ask her about it.

"Louisa, there's enough space for both our things in our bedroom. You don't have to go through the trouble of going from one room to another when you're getting dressed."

"I don't want to move in on you."

"What do you mean? Aren't you comfortable here? This is our home. I thought we had crossed that bridge."

"Yes, Martin, I'm very comfortable , but I'm still a guest, a fiancée guest."

Martin got up from besides Louisa on the sofa and pulled over a chair so that he sat facing her.

"Louisa, this physical structure is a house. Our home is the relationship we are building and to which we committed ourselves when you agreed to marry me."

She turned away from his gaze and mumbled, "You have never formally asked me to share your space. It just happened. We have never talked about guidelines, for example, with this new arrangement."

"What do you mean? What guidelines? We live here together when you're not in Portwenn. When I was in Cornwall for the Project, I lived between my hotel and your cottage."

"Well, we have just sort of drifted into my stayovers. I don't see a problem with my spreading out. You like your place just so, I'm more relaxed about such things.

Martin knew she was being evasive to avoid a discussion about where they would live after the wedding. As a result, a date could not be set. Martin was content to have Louisa back in his life and knew there was no point in pushing her until she was ready. He let the matter rest for now.

She didn't.

"Why does it always have to be London? Times have changed in the village, it's not the backwater you used to think it was."

He turned to her surprised. He couldn't see the relationship between their discussion and Portwenn.

"Louisa, I would be happy to visit Portwenn more often if that is what you want. I have more time now and weekends here and there would be fine."

"But what is it that YOU want? You never liked Portwenn so you don't have to visit out of some misguided sense of duty to please me."

"Where is this coming from? What sense of duty?"

And then the fateful slip.

"The one that made you send cheques religiously for James, and take care of Joan from afar as a matter of duty. Yet you kept away, only coming back when there was no avoiding it."

They had never discussed that period in their life, so it had to come out. Coming out in this way was unfortunate.

The Martin she had not seen since he left the village thundered at her. "Are you saying that I should not have done those things? If so, that is stupid."

The Louisa he had not seen since he left the village yelled back, "So now I'm stupid? Stop trying to trip me up. You know what I mean. I mean spontaneity, not doing it only because it is expected of you."

"I didn't say you were stupid. Everyone has responsibilities and deal with them differently."

"You can say that again. How responsible were you when you walked out on me?"

The room went quiet. They looked at each other, neither willing to go down that path. Martin tried to diffuse the tension.

"Louisa, let us not go back that far. Hasn't what we have now not made up for all the wrongs in our lives or have I been deluding myself?"

"I wouldn't know what we have. I wouldn't assume too much if I were you."

"And what the bloody hell do you mean by me walking out on you? Weren't you the one who refused to tell me you were pregnant until near delivery; refused to involve me in your care; refused to allow me to see James when I came to Portwenn. Louisa, you're not entirely blameless in this fiasco."

Martin got up and fetched a glass of water for himself and Louisa. She took it from him without a word.

He sat down beside her and closed his eyes for a time before he spoke.

"Louisa, I can't go through this again. What else do I have to do to atone for my sins?" He looked at her pleading. "Please tell me."

"I don't know. You're the great Martin Ellingham, you figure it out."

"I thought I had," he shot back sarcastically

About to go into full rant mode again, he caught himself, softened his voice, turned her head to look and him and said, "Louisa, I love you, always will. Let's stop before we say something we'll both regret."

Louisa was not ready for a truce. "Oh, I have had more than my fair share of regrets. One more won't matter."

They both paused and in that space, Martin asked, "Are you saying that you regret us coming back into each other's lives?"

She didn't answer. Neither remembered what their row was about. They just knew that they had returned to a place where they had hoped never to be again.

Trembling all over, Louisa excused herself. "Martin I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

He didn't answer. Just looked sadly at her as she slowly climbed the stairs.

She did her nightly ablutions and retired to the guest room, frightened at what had just happened. Her old fears about abandonment came roaring back. Shame and pride prevented her from apologizing. After all, she had started it. She lay awake for a long time crying into her pillow until she heard Martin come upstairs and close his bedroom door.

After she left, Martin was too shocked to go after her. He blamed himself for letting the matter get out of control. He knew that when Louisa was in one of her worry binges, she could be unreasonable if she felt cornered. He sat for a long time wondering how he could mend things. He wasn't prepared to lose her again. He decided he to give her some time to cool off. When he saw that she was in the guest bedroom, he thought it best to give her the space she obviously wanted.

Sleep would not come. After hours of tossing and turning, he got up, knocked on the guest room door. Not getting an answer, he pushed the door open. Louisa jumped up when she saw him. She had dozed off after hours of tossing and turning too.

She held out her arms and with tears welling up in her eyes, said, "Martin." He took her arms, sat on the bed beside her and whispered, "Louisa." That was their apology. They held each other without another word until they fell asleep in exhaustion.

The next morning neither knew what to say to each other. They showered and ate breakfast in silence. Martin noticed that her eyes were puffy from crying and she tried to hide them by keeping her eyes down on the table. After they had eaten, Martin took her hand and led her up to the meditation space. He lit a few candles, placed blankets on the mat, then gestured for her to sit with him. They sat for a long time until Martin started speaking.

"Louisa, it took me a long time to accept that I had to change. When I decided to deal with my demons, I began a long and winding journey. Sometimes when I thought I was getting there, I would have a setback which meant that I had to start all over again. Last night was another setback. I still have demons lurking inside me that I can either conquer or learn to live with. When there was a fallout like last night's, this is where I would sit for hours until I was able to forgive myself and start over."

"Martin ..." She began.

"Shhhh ... Give me a minute, Louisa. When you said I did things out of a sense of duty, you were correct. There are many things I do out of a sense of duty because it is the right thing to do. But there was more to it with you, James and Joan. Joan was really the only mother I ever had and James was my son and, yes, my responsibility. As his mother, I also had a responsibility to you. I avoided Portwenn because I thought I could never make you happy and wanted to give you a chance to find happiness without my getting in the way. You were not to know that."

"We, I made such a mess of things. So many misunderstandings, misinterpretations, missteps," Louisa wailed, shaking her head and wondering if they were meant for each other.

Seeing her despair, as she slumped against him, Martin tried to lighten the mood. "Louisa, be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with us. Remember, we're stuck with each other."

More seriously he continued, "Last night I was defensive. Your perceptions were reasonable, given that we had never talked properly about why I left Portwenn. Please forgive me," he asked. "I don't want to lose you again."

She shifted around until she was fully in his arms. "I was wrong. I always do this. I deliberately goaded you by bringing up something I knew would hurt. Why do I do this? I thought my sessions with Dr. Milligan were helping me. I try not to worry, but I know I need to decide between Portwenn and London."

Martin placed his hand on her head and began making circular motions with his fingers as if to calm her. "It's not about Portwenn or London, it's about us. Your decision will come when it is most needed." He invited her to consider using the meditation space as a place to rebalance her emotions when things got out of hand.

Louisa, looked up at him teary eyed. "Please forgive me. I don't want to hurt you, I love you too much. You don't deserve this."

"Look, as a couple we're not always going to see eye to eye on everything. And that's fine. What is important is that we're honest with each other even when we're afraid."

They sat together lost in their private thoughts, not realizing that they were similar. Neither wanted to lose the precious time they had recaptured with each other. Each privately resolved that they would be more understanding with each other.

Finally, Louisa yawned, "I'm tired. Never slept much last night. Can we go back to bed and get a little nap. You should be tired too."

Glad for the invitation, they retired to the master bedroom. Sleep came quickly and peacefully.