DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form. I never will; that's a slightly depressing thought, but life goes on I suppose. I do NOT own the songs contained in this chapter either; I'm not sure who does, really, but it's not me. They are both Beatles songs, so I'm guessing the Beatles or their children do; who knows though. The lyrics are from their 1 album and their Imagine album. Enjoy!
A/N: Yes, the title of the chapter is also the title of a song by the Beatles; it fits well, if you ask me. I seem to have a theme going this chapter, see if you can spot it; it's pretty obvious.
Chapter 12: In My Life
Song: Yesterday
By: The Beatles
-Lily's POV-
Lily was shocked. She didn't expect that, not in a million years. Sure, she had had her suspicions after what had happened earlier in the year, but she hadn't ever thought this would happen. She couldn't believe it! What must the others be going through, at that very moment? She barely knew what she thought on the matter, much less what the others were thinking, but she thought she ought to guess so she was prepared for the eventual reaction.
She looked around the table at the other Order members, and saw them all with gobsmacked looks. They look like I feel. The guys, in particular, were taking this news rather hard. She was trying to gauge what her husband's reaction would be, but it was nearly impossible to read his features. She studied his face for any hint as to what she might do to soothe him. She supposed that anger and disgust would be playing their roles by now, but she couldn't soothe those emotions as she felt them herself and wasn't quite sure how to overcome them.
She was upset, most of all, that they had all had to deal with this on top of everything else. It just wasn't fair; but then, whoever said life was fair? She wanted to yell from shock and all the other emotions she was currently trying to control. Lily got up and walked over to James; he needed her. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him from behind as he leaned back into her.
She tried to pour comfort into the embrace, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. He would be feeling betrayed, and with good reason. What had happened before was one thing, the loss of a friend happened to many people, but this was an incomparable blow to him and everyone else.
Living in this time was awful. You could barely trust anyone, and those you thought you could trust may not be worthy of such a thing.
That was what was making everyone so upset. They had trusted a person, with their lives no less, and he had turned on them. They all felt the familiar shock of betrayal and hurt. This would take some time to get over. Lily still couldn't believe it. Peter Pettigrew had turned Death Eater and was betraying his friends, probably as they spoke.
-James' POV-
James wanted to kill the bastard! His former friend had turned to the dark side and had no doubt shared valuable, and secret, information with Voldemort. What's more, Dumbledore had just sat by and let it happen. When Pettigrew; that's what he was referred to as now, Peter was too human for what he'd become and Wormtail held to many reminders of a good friend; had left the Order, Dumbledore hadn't wiped Pettigrew of his memories of the Order or his knowledge of the group. He said that, Pettigrew could be trusted with the information on the people and that the Order information was bound to be out of date. James had scoffed loudly when that was proclaimed by the old man, earning a sympathetic glance from Andy.
Pettigrew still knew where Lily and James' house was, even if he couldn't tell the exact location he could still send people to the general area, and all that had gone on in the Order whilst he still belonged. James was furious. He wanted to hurt Pettigrew. What he'd done caused a deep, seething hate to grow in him. James was growing tired of this, this endless fight against the evil bastard who called himself superior and murdered countless people.
He couldn't read the paper in the morning anymore, especially after attempting it this morning and having his breakfast nearly come back up; it disgusted him to hear about all the new deaths and the tortures that had taken place the previous day. Another had hit home that morning, which he had learned about in detail at the start of the meeting. The attacks last night had taken out some of the newer Order members, as well as some seasoned members.
The Pinnock's and the Duckett's had both been murdered; their children had been killed as well. There had been attacks last night on multiple towns, a mass targeting of muggles, and the Pinnock's and the Duckett's had happened to live in two of the towns that had been attacked. They had called for help and fought valiantly to protect their neighborhoods, but to no avail. Death Eaters had overcome them and murdered them, and then their children, in cold blood.
Another shock to the Order was the murder of the Bones'. Their home had been attacked early this morning; they had been a specific target, not a bystander of a mass attack like the others. Death Eaters had gone to their home and killed them in their sleep, never giving them the chance to fight. Their daughter though, Susan, had been at her Aunt Amelia's home for the evening and had remained unharmed. She was to stay there, as Amelia was her godmother. Dumbledore had contacted her and gone to set up some stronger protection wards.
James was sickened by what was going on, but it only fueled a burning desire to do something that had been crackling in him for months on end. He felt as if what he was doing, what the Order was doing, wasn't enough. He wanted to take on an offensive role in the war, instead of playing defense the whole time. He thought it such a waste, to have the Order members and countless others killed because Dumbledore wanted to play it safe and collect information. What good is information, if you never put it to use? He had asked his old headmaster that question many times, and found himself asking it again.
James was starting to get frustrated with the old man, very frustrated indeed. Lily walked over to him and he felt her wrap her arms around his neck, and he leaned back into her. He began to calm down from the shock of the first bit of news, that of his friends betrayal.
He wasn't entirely sure what to think about that yet. He needed some time with the other Marauders, and soon. Luckily, the meeting was over. It seemed he had been sulking through all the reports and news of attacks. He didn't care though, he was just glad it was over so he could talk to his friends. He nodded his head in the direction of the basement when he caught Sirius' eye, then did the same with Remus, Frank and Regulus.
They all caught on and headed for the game room after telling their wives where they'd be. Once downstairs, they all took a seat on the couch in front of the telly, leaving it off. Not two seconds after sitting down, Sirius got up and began pacing furiously. Remus joined him a moment later, and then spoke.
"I think we could all do with a drink." Without waiting for a response, he headed over to the bar and began pouring drinks. He came back with the five glasses floating in front of him. "This ought to do the trick. I broke out the muggle whisky, so it's plenty strong." He directed a glass into each of his friends' waiting hands. James took his glass and downed it in one go. It was strong enough, for the time being anyway. The muggle liquor had a kick to it that firewhisky lacked, severely. They wanted the burning sensation as the liquid flowed down their throats, if only to draw their attention from their immediate problem.
He levitated the bottle over to the small table in front of the couch and poured himself another glass, which he also downed. When he poured his third glass, each one was only three fingers; he also refilled the others' glasses. The bottle was half empty by the time they started talking again, having been freshly opened.
"What are we supposed to do? The prat knows all about the secret passages in the school and he's probably told his master all about them by now. Do we tell Dumbledore about the Map? And if so, do we let him use it to patrol the entrances? And what, may I ask, are we going to do about the prat? We can't just let him go on with all the information he has, not only on the school but on us as well." Sirius was the first to vocalize the thoughts that everyone was having.
"We have to tell him about the passages, at the least." Remus said. "But, I don't know that we need to give him the map, or even alert him to its existence. Once he knows about them, he can have them watched; besides, the map is locked up safely in the office. It's not going anywhere anytime soon."
"Right, well that solves one problem. What about the other? Sirius is right, we can't just let the git go on knowing our secrets. We have to find some way to make him forget them. I, personally, vote we find the bastard and obliviate him. It'd serve him right if he happened to forget his life, as far as I'm concerned." Regulus gave his opinion on the matter, sounding truly indifferent to Pettigrew losing all his past memories. "We could catch him, and then erase any mention of our very existence from his memory. Who cares if it's most of his childhood gone? It's not as though he deserves happy memories anymore. From what I've heard, you have to kill at least one person to be let in."
Everyone winced as they pictured their one time friend murdering someone; it was an eerie thought. They decided to tell Dumbledore about the passages, and ask him to work something out about how to clear the memories. Remus and Frank were volunteered for the job of talking to the old man, because they kept their tempers best.
The other three went up to the guys' office to have some more whisky to drown their sorrows. It seemed, though, that sorrow knew how to swim, because the liquor was having very little effect on their feelings; they could still feel the anger and pain that came with such a betrayal, and it wasn't pleasant.
Top that off with the fact that they were, by now, completely drunk and they were looking at a very bleak day. James decided he wanted to fly to clear his mind and invited the others to come as well; Remus and Frank were still speaking with the old codger and the girls were still looking after their Order guests. Regulus and Sirius took him up on the offer so they all stumbled out of the office's back door and across the pitch to the broom shed; none of them noticed on their way out, that a screen on the wall next to the office door was flashing red.
-Holly's POV-
It was quiet. The house was still. The Order members had all departed, leaving the group of friends alone. Remus and Frank had tried to convince Dumbledore to take action against Pettigrew, but the man would hear nothing of it. They had warned him about the secret passages and their current condition, telling him to be on guard as Pettigrew knew them as well. After that episode, Dumbledore had left and taken the Order with him so the friends could comfort each other as needed.
They were all sitting in the game room, spread out in various states of disarray. Frank was sitting on one of the armchairs with Alice curled up in his lap, Remus and Rina were in a similar position in the other armchair, Lily was sprawled out on the couch with her arms and legs dangling over the edge, Rose was laying on the floor by the couch with Lily's hand floating dangerously close to her face and Holly was sitting curled up in a ball with her back leaned up against the end of the couch. The kids were all playing over by the pool table, not yet ready for their nap.
The meeting had gone on until lunch, the meal being provided by Tinker. They all stayed in their relative positions, just sitting or lying there, for a while. The kids started rubbing their eyes, getting tired, but nobody felt like getting up so they just fell asleep where they were and were conjured blankets by their parents.
Regulus, Sirius and James had left some time ago; they had been spotted flying over the pitch and occasionally the pool. They had been left alone though, when they yelled down in slurred voices that they needed to cool off for a while. Once the kids were asleep, the adults soon joined. They all slept as they were, whether it be sitting or lying down.
When Holly woke up, it was nearly six in the evening. The kids were once again playing with their toys by the pool table, having woken up some time ago apparently. Holly watched as her friends began to stir, shaking their heads to get rid of the daze that comes with an afternoon nap.
Holly got up and went to the bar, deciding that a stiff drink would help everyone. She only made six though, because they needed at least one sober adult for the kids. Usually one of the girls would volunteer to be the 'designated mummy' for the evening so the others could drink. It usually worked fairly well, and this evening Frank was the designated parent; the girls found it funny, though, to call him the designated mum.
"Do you reckon they've come back in yet?" Frank asked; everyone knew who he was talking about.
"No, but I'm guessing that if they were to stop moving they'd pass out. From what we saw, they were smashed beyond repair for the evening. They took it hard." Remus said, while drinking a glass of hot chocolate with Bailey's; it was one of his favorite drinks to have, because of the chocolate and alcohol, and the Bailey's complimented the hot drink well. Remus himself appeared to be taking the news badly, though better than the other three.
Holly was beginning to get worried, it wasn't like Regulus to drink then go off flying. She decided to go check up on him. She stood up and pulled Rose and Lily with her, though it didn't take much to convince her friends they ought to go. They took the secret entrance in the basement, the one that led to the pool and the broom shed.
Walking along the dark tunnel, drinks in tow, they eventually climbed out of the trap door. Holly came out first, and immediately began searching for Regulus' distinctive form in the dark night sky. She saw no one flying though; no movement at all in fact, except for that of the clouds, and began to worry. Where have they gone?
Lily stumbled up next; the girl couldn't hold her liquor, so she became intoxicated after a small glass of coke and rum. After her came Rose, a little more steady in her climb; she had more practice holding her liquor, having been Sirius' drinking buddy since sixth year. They, too, looked around the sky for any sign of their husbands.
"Weren't they…hic…flying before…hic?" Lily asked in between hiccups.
"Yes, yes they were. I wonder where they got off to. Maybe they went back inside and we didn't notice them; let's check the shed quick for their brooms." Rose suggested their next plan of action, which was carried out shortly after. "Huh," she said upon opening the door. "They aren't in there. They must have flown somewhere else; perhaps over the forest."
"Perhaps…hic…perhaps we should go after them. They were fairly drunk, after all." Lily suggested, again trying to talk between her hiccups.
"How about we go," Holly said, "and you go tell the others where we are. No offense, Lils, but you don't hold your rum well. You shouldn't be in the air right now." Lily looked offended at the statement, but after a few moments of imitating a fish she chose to not argue the point and went back in through the trap door huffily. Holly and Rose proceeded to each grab a broom and mount up, drinks still in their hands.
They flew up and circled the pitch for a bit before flying off over the forest, their wands lit with a simple lumos. Holly lost her grip on her glass when she had to use both hands after a sudden gust of wind, dropping it to the ground.
"Shit, there goes my warmth." Holly had found that certain liquors had the effect of warming her up, muggle brandy being the best at the job. "At least I've still got my jumper; otherwise I'd freeze onto my broom handle." She wasn't really talking to anyone, more of a rambling to herself than anything else. She looked around at the sky, trying to see a sign of her husband in the clouds while Rose looked down to the forest for any sign of the guys. Rose finished her drink then dropped the glass, trying to hear it shatter from her position in the sky unsuccessfully.
They carried on for a while, searching above the forest and through the clouds but with no success. They were just about to go back and get the others to come out and help, when Rose alerted Holly to some flashing lights going about below them. They flew nearer, but not too close, and saw more of the lights flashing.
"They're dueling, but why?" Rose asked. It was obvious to the two women, that a duel was in fact taking place below them. They wanted to take stock of the situation before they joined in, especially since they'd been drinking and would need to have their wits about them. They watched for a few moments. They had their lit wands aimed at the ground and had identified the figures fighting.
James, Regulus and Sirius stood in a half circle, facing a group of seven Death Eaters. In the time the two women watched, they saw multiple spells being fired off. Two of the Death Eaters were already stunned and on the ground when they got there, only noticed because one of the seven standing tripped over the bodies when he was hit with a stunner as well.
The three guys kept fighting, fairly well for how inebriated they had been, and managed to stun two more of the six thus leaving them with four to go. When Holly saw the flash of green light flying towards Regulus though, she dived towards the ground in such a hurry. She landed hard on the ground, falling slightly, and stumbled over to the newly prone form of her now deceased husband and began mourning in the midst of the battle.
She had never felt such pain in her life. She felt as though half of her had been ripped viciously from her body, and she would never be whole again. She felt empty and alone. She was in such an amount of pain that she was past tears; she couldn't manage to produce any. Her world was falling apart and she couldn't stop it. She looked into Regulus' blank face; it looked so peaceful, almost as if he were sleeping and not dead. Except for the fact that his eyes were wide and lifeless, that is. Holly draped herself over her husband, and began to weep silently.
She heard the battle going on in the background, but paid it no mind. She was devastated. She could think of nothing but how her heart was breaking in a million different ways, how she would have to tell her children they would never get to know their father, how she would have to raise them alone, how she would never get to be held by Regulus again, how she'd never hear him say that he loved her or that she looked beautiful in sweatpants and a sweater, how she'd never see him smile again, how she'd never get to talk to him again or tell him how much she loved him, how they'd never get to comfort each other again, how she'd never get to hear him call her name again and how she already missed him so much that it hurt, it physically hurt her how much she missed him. She was convinced that there must be a gaping, ugly whole in her chest where her heart should be.
She stood back up, pain and anger flashing in her eyes. She was going to take revenge on the people who'd done this, the Death Eaters. She turned towards them and began walking slowly in their direction. She didn't draw her wand; she didn't plan on stopping for any spell and a shield charm wouldn't stop the killing curse. She wanted to kill them all with her bare hands, to make them suffer as much as she was. She was going to hurt them as much as she could, and nothing could stop her; nothing but one spell, that is.
Holly barely noticed the green light flying towards her and the distant sound of someone calling her name, and didn't bother trying to dodge the curse. It flew towards her at a rapid pace, stopping her in her tracks three feet from the nearest Death Eater. The last thing she remembered, before the world disappeared and she collapsed, was a sense of dizzying relief at getting to be with Regulus again, and hoping that her daughters would be taken well care of. Then, as though someone had turned out the lights, Holly fell into darkness so complete that there was no returning. There was no chance of her being saved as Frank and Alice had been, this was her end and she was joining her husband to watch over their children.
-Rose's POV-
She had quickly followed Holly down to the ground, but didn't fly over to Regulus. Once she landed, a little more smoothly, she began fighting the remaining Death Eaters with James and Sirius. She had seen the spell go for Regulus, and she knew what spell it was. She tried to aim from behind her tears, but was having extreme difficulty in landing any spells.
When she didn't do well aiming, she walked behind Sirius so she wouldn't be in the way and began firing off stunners in random directions barely taking care to aim around her Sirius and James. She was watching Holly mourn, for the most part, and saw when her friend got up and began walking towards the Death Eaters. She tried calling to Holly, but guessed she couldn't be heard. There was a look of intense pain and suffering in Holly's eyes, it was agonizing to watch her friends face when it looked like that. Holly was out for revenge, Rose knew, and she wouldn't be stopped unless she was killed.
When Rose saw the green light heading for Holly, she tried to shout another warning, but was too late. Holly had slumped onto the ground, lifelessly. Rose cried out, she began screaming and yelling. She figured she may as well be productive about it, so she wiped her eyes and stepped from behind her husband and began firing off the most painful curses she could think of at the remaining two wizards.
She got one of them with a cutting hex to the torso, and he began to bleed. She followed up with an immobilization spell, it would stop him from moving but he would still be able to feel the pain she had inflicted upon him. She was out for revenge now, after two of her friends had died. The man was stopped in his place, still bleeding but very slowly, his face contorted with pain. He would be of no issue for a while.
Rose turned to curse the other man, but saw he was already down. She turned around until she spotted Sirius kneeling over Regulus' body and James collecting Holly's. She went over to James, to have a quick word. She wanted some answers, because she would be busy in a short while.
"What happened James, and make it quick?"
"We were flying, but got bored over the pitch so we left for over the forest. Obviously, we left the warded area. They started shooting spells at us, so we flew down and started fighting them. We were dueling, slowly overtaking them, and then you saw the rest. Not much happened. We blocked the curses and hexes, for the most part. Sirius was stunned once, but we revived him straight away and no harm done. That's it. I'll take Holly back to the house, and put the extra brooms in the shed. Can you manage the two?"
"Yeah, and thanks James. You want to tell everyone so that when we get back they'll know to leave Sirius be for a while; you know how he gets. They might be a little drunk, Lily especially." James winced slightly when he heard that he might have to sober up his friends; it wasn't an easy task, by any means. "Frank's on duty tonight, so the kids shouldn't be too much a bother." James nodded and set off with Holly's body and two brooms in his lap. He was very melancholy when he left, very serious. It seemed he had sobered up a bit. She knew he and Frank had a hard evening ahead of them; the others became increasingly difficult to deal with when drunk and the news of the deaths would make it worse. She hoped they would just tell everyone then get them all into bed.
Rose walked over to Sirius, who was still in the same position kneeling over Regulus' body. She knelt beside him and took his hand. He didn't even look up, and his hand was limp in hers. She squeezed his hand, trying to give him some reassurance, but she felt so helpless. They stayed like that for a time; Sirius silently grieving for his brother and Rose mourning the losses and trying to comfort Sirius.
Rose cast the spell to check the time, and saw that it was nearing 10:30. She and Holly had left the house at 6:30, and had joined the fight at about 7:00 or so. They had been kneeling there, frozen in grief, for three hours. She decided it was time to get moving and that Sirius could grieve just as well back under the safety of the wards.
She stood and tried to pull Sirius up by his hand. He wasn't cooperating though, so she took his whole arm and pulled as hard as she could. She got him up and walked him to his broom, deciding that she'd take Regulus' body with her. She got her husband mounted on the broom and hovering a few feet off the ground waiting for her. She went back to the body with her own broom in hand.
She again had to use a bit of her strength to lift the body up into her arms. It was a struggle for her, to get up into the air while holding onto her brother-in-laws body, but once she managed she hovered over to Sirius. She shifted Regulus' weight to her left arm and took Sirius' hand again with her right.
He looked at her and tried to force a smile but couldn't quite manage it. She pulled him up higher and they began their slow trek back to the broom shed. They flew in silence for the ten minutes it took to navigate their way back over the endless sea of trees.
They landed beside the broom shed, and Rose laid Regulus' body down when she dismounted. She took the brooms and placed them in the shed, then walked back to Regulus' body. She pondered how she was going to get the body back to the house; it was a short enough walk, but she got tired trying to lift him up and the trek through the few layers of snow wouldn't be easy. She decided that she would use the Mobilicorpus spell to levitate the body back to the house.
She wasn't sure where James had put Holly's body, but she would place Regulus' in the guys' office until she knew. She took Sirius' hand again and walked with him back to the house, her other hand holding her wand and directing Regulus in front of them. She was holding up fairly well, but she knew she would break down sometime; it was merely a question of when and where.
-Frank's POV-
Frank had already put the kids to bed when James came back. He'd had a feeling that something was up and he wanted the kids taken care of, even if they weren't quite tired yet. He was currently sitting in the living room with the others who had stayed behind. James had torn them away from their drinks and given them some coffee and sat them down in the living room.
He was about to tell them something, apparently the evening held some more in store for the group.
"When we were flying this evening, we got bored and left the grounds to fly over the forest. We were attacked by a group of Death Eaters, so we landed and started to fight them. I'm not sure how long we'd been at it, but; Merlin this is hard." James paused in his recollection, and Frank saw him take a deep breath before he continued. "Regulus and Holly were both hit with killing curses; they died." James seemed to deflate as he pronounced it to be true.
Frank was in denial; how could they be dead? They had been healthy a short while ago; drunk and angry, but alive. Why was this happening, tonight of all nights? Couldn't the damned Death Eaters waited to attack? And why the hell them, what did they do to deserve this?
Frank's thoughts then flew to the fact that, if this was true, that he and Alice now had custody over Mira and Carina. The two had been orphaned, and at such a young age; neither could even speak yet, they wouldn't remember their parents! Frank decided he would make it his job to tell them about their parents, all he could.
He was sitting next to Alice, holding her as she cried over the loss of their friends. It had been a horrible day followed by a horrible evening and Frank didn't think things would be getting better anytime soon.
"James," Frank said, looking around the newly depressed room. "We should get this lot settled in for the night and then call Dumbledore. Actually, we should just get them some calming draughts then get them comfortable down here; there'll be an emergency meeting, I'm sure. You go call Dumbledore and make the potions and I'll get them settled." James nodded his agreement and left for the fireplace in the sitting room.
Frank got up and set about conjuring up some blankets. Everyone was sitting in an uncomfortable silence, but nobody wanted to break it. Remus and Rina were lying on one of the couches, holding onto each other. Lily was sitting in an armchair, hugging herself. Alice was on the couch, her feet tucked under her bum with her arms wrapped around herself as well. Everyone was crying silently, shocked and horrified by the turn of events. Frank gave each of them a huge comforter to warm them with, and then called Tinker in.
He asked her to bring in some coffee or hot chocolate, but no alcohol; they'd all had enough of that for the time being. He lit a small fire in front of each of the occupied couches and armchairs that wouldn't burn anything but would provide warmth to them all. Once that was done, he sat down next to Alice and pulled her into his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm while she silently cried into his shoulder.
He looked around, and saw that Lily was still sitting with her arms about herself. He waved her over and she moved to sit on his other side, her comforter draped around her shoulders and pulled together in the front. He pulled her into his chest as well and began rubbing her arm as well, trying his best to comfort her as well as Alice. She was openly weeping now; the great racking sobs coming from his wife saddened him further. He pulled his wife and Lily closer to him, leaned his head back, and sighed. They were in for a long night and an even longer week, if Frank guessed correctly.
Frank conjured up some tissues for Alice and Lily to dry their eyes on, as they'd been awkwardly trying to use the comforters. Tinker popped back in then, with the tray of drinks for everyone. She passed a glass to everyone in the room, making sure that everything was suitable.
"Is there anything else you be needing sir?" she asked him in her high pitched little voice.
"Could you go help James with the calming draughts then check on the kids please?" She nodded then popped out of the room in the next instant, taking off to set to work.
Frank sat there with his remaining friends and just was. He couldn't explain what that meant, only that he couldn't really feel anything; he was blank of emotion and feeling. He was sure he'd experience pain and sorrow eventually, but for now he had to stay strong for Alice; he could mourn later, when she was healed of the immediate pain. He could hold off his depression for that long, right?
-Rose's POV-
She had gotten Sirius inside and after she had placed Regulus' body next to Holly's on the desk in the guys' office, she had gotten him to follow her into the girls' office to sit and talk. That was where they were at that time, curled up together on the chaise lounge. They hadn't done much talking, but were comfortable in the silence; or as comfortable as one can get in that type of situation. The words to a song by The Beatles were floating through Rose's head right now. She decided to sing it to Sirius in an attempt to soothe him, or at the least get him to open up a bit.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me…
Speaking words of wisdom; let it be…
And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me…
Speaking words of wisdom; let it be…
She decided to hum the chorus, instead of singing the lyrics for this part; she never remembered how many 'let it be's' to put in. She was lying in front of Sirius, spoon style, with his arm wrapped around her. She knew he was listening to her, whether or not it was helping she didn't know, though. She began gently caressing his hand.
And when the broken hearted people, living in the world agree…
There will be an answer, let it be…
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see…
There will be an answer, let it be…
She, again, hummed the chorus instead of singing the lyrics. She could feel his warm breath on her neck, and it had sped up. He burrowed his face into the hair blanketing her neck, gently pushing some of it aside as he went. She felt a warm wetness on her neck, and knew he was silently sobbing. Her suspicions were proven accurate when she felt him shaking against her slightly. She continued on with her song.
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me…
Shine until tomorrow, let it be…
I wake up to the sounds of music; Mother Mary comes to me…
Speaking words of wisdom let it be…
She decided she'd sing the last verse of the chorus, as it fit well enough. And if she messed up the words, nobody would notice.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be…
There will be an answer, let it be…
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be…
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
When she was done, she turned over and pulled Sirius into her arms. He clutched her in his arms tightly, as if he thought she would disappear if he let go. That was just fine with her. She rubbed her hand in circles on his back, crooning nonsense words of comfort into his ear.
She felt like crying herself, but knew it wouldn't help him at all and that was her main priority. When he stopped weeping, she pulled back slightly and looked into his face.
He had bags under his bloodshot, puffy eyes. His cheeks were tearstained and red. His hair was damp and clinging to his face. His eyes held such amounts of pain that she wanted to weep over the fact that he had to feel that way. He was agonizing over this, she knew, and there wasn't much of anything she could do. She heard a knock at the door and called out to give her one moment. Sirius wiped his face off and sat up, facing the door.
Rose knelt on the lounge behind Sirius and kissed the top of his head before going to the door. It was James.
"Dumbledore will be here in five minutes or so," he said in hushed tones. "He's called an emergency Order meeting and I thought you might want to get Sirius upstairs before people start to get here. How is he?" James sounded genuinely worried about his friend, and it touched Rose that James cared so much.
"He's not doing well, that's for sure. He's passed denial right over; he saw it happen, how could he deny it? He's grieving right now; soon he'll start with the guilt and then the rage. After that, he should start to move on; at least as much as is possible under such circumstances. I'll take care of him and be back down shortly; I'll give Dumbledore my account of the story so before retiring for the evening. Thank you for all you've done, James. How are the others taking it?"
"Stoically, I guess would be the best description. They're all kind of just sitting there, quietly. Their faces all have tear stains on them, so they've been crying. Frank and Remus are comforting the girls and I was just going to Lily. She's rather worse for wear, I'm afraid. Tinker's brewing calming draughts; I was supposed to, but I worked on a Dreamless Sleep for Sirius instead. Here, have him take this and get some rest. Merlin knows he'll need it coming up."
Rose took the potion vial and hugged James briefly. She thanked him again and went back to Sirius.
"Sirius, let's get upstairs. You need some rest." She pulled his hand and he followed her, not doing more than walking beside her. She got him upstairs and into their bedroom after some time; he didn't want to move much, so she ended up having to coax him every so often to keep going.
When they finally got to their bedroom, she pulled out some of his pajama bottoms. She helped him to take off his robes, t-shirt and jeans and then put on the flannel pants. She instructed him to the bed and handed him the vial. He just sat there, staring at it in his hands.
"I don't want to go to sleep yet, I'm not ready. I don't want to be alone, Rose."
She wanted to weep, yet again, this time at the sound of pain in his voice. It was strained, weak, fragile, and it cracked when he spoke the heart wrenching words. She swiped her hands over her eyes to keep tears from falling, and went over to him. Sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, she pulled him to her with her arm.
He hugged her in return and they sat that way for a while, finding solace in each others' presence. She patted his arm gently, and got up.
"I've got to go talk to Dumbledore, but I'll be right back. Alright?" he nodded. More, she thought, because he knew she had to do this rather than because he was alright with it.
Rose went downstairs and went straight for Dumbledore. She gave him a detailed account of what she had seen earlier that evening. When she was done, she stuck around for a few minutes to hear what the man had to say about what had happened.
They were all gathered around the dining table, most of the Order there. Molly had stayed home with the children, Arthur had insisted he would tell her about everything later on, and then there were the people who had been killed recently who were also missing from the table.
"Where are the Death Eaters again, Rose?" Dumbledore asked.
She explained to him the general direction they had gone to find the boys and he immediately sent out a group to find the stunned scum and turn them over to the ministry. Rose found her mind wandering, after that, and decided it was best to leave. She went back upstairs and into her bedroom, only to find Sirius gone.
-Sirius' POV-
Sirius had gotten impatient waiting for Rose, so he had gone to the nursery. He knew he shouldn't wake up the twins, but he wanted their company. When he walked in, though, he was surprised to see that they were awake and sitting up. When the door opened, they looked up at him and smiled. He tried to smile in return, but couldn't manage it; as if they could sense his grief, they stopped smiling and looked to him. He went over to each of their cribs and picked them up then went and sat in the rocking chair.
He was very depressed, and what Rose had sung earlier inspired Sirius to sing another Beatles tune to his children to try and express some of what he felt.
"There are places I remember;
All my life though some have changed.
Some forever not for better;
Some have gone and some remain."
"All these places have their moments;
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living;
In my life I've loved them all."
Sirius choked on that last verse, thinking of recent events.
"But of all these friends and lovers;
There is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning;
When I think of love as something new."
"Though I know I'll never lose affection;
For people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them;
In my life I've loved you more."
Here, Sirius hummed the instrumental part of the song.
"Though I know I'll never lose affection;
For people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them;
In my life I love you more…
In m-y-y-y life I love you more."
When he finished, he smiled down at his children. He felt that song encompassed his current range of emotions and it helped him to sing out what he was feeling in some odd way. He didn't know how to explain his many emotions, there in laid his difficulty in talking to Rose. He was angry that his brother had been murdered, he was furious that he couldn't stop it, he was upset at himself for not doing more, he felt guilty about his brothers' death, but most of all he felt pain.
It was washing over him in great waves, ripping apart his very being. He wanted to curl up and die alone, but at the same time he wanted to be comforted by Rose and their children. He wanted to let out a long, agonizing wail to take some of the pressure off the lump in his throat but he wanted to stay silent forever as well. He felt as thought there was a cold stone sitting in his chest, weighing him down but also felt as if he was drifting aimlessly. His eyes were heavy with tiredness and sorrow, his heart heavy with pain and anger. He was unable to do anything though, except grieve, and he didn't know how yet.
He'd cried, sung and sat in silence and that was only in the past two hours. He had to figure something out, but what was he to do? He knew Rose would understand what he was dealing with, as would Lily, but he didn't want to talk to them and receive sympathy or advice. He wanted to talk to someone who would just listen without commenting, who would just be there. Remus and Frank would be unable to fully comprehend what he was going through, as would James, and he didn't want the sad looks that Rina and Alice would give him, filled with remorse. His friends were out of the question, as were strangers who all would show pity to him.
"I don't suppose you two would want to listen to your old man, would you?" he asked Calla and A.P. They quirked their heads and looked up at him, as if to say 'go for it'. He did. He told them all that had happened, what he was feeling, why he couldn't talk to anyone else, everything he was going through. He became absorbed in the 'conversation'. So much so, that he didn't notice Rose walk in frantically half-way through then pause when she heard him talking; she had stepped just outside the door and sat down against the wall and she listened to her husband pour his heart out, unbeknownst to him.
"I can't rightly explain everything, I guess, but thanks for listening I guess. You know, we may have to do this again sometime; it helped a lot to say that all out loud, even if you can't talk. Between us, I think that made it even better." He got up and put each of the twins back into their own cribs and tucked them in. "Night loves, don't tell your mum I talked to you lot first. Sweet dreams." He smiled one last time and left. Rose had, by that time, gotten up and gone to their room to ready herself for bed.
Sirius walked in and asked her about the meeting, not getting much other than Dumbledore sending people out to get the scum who did 'it'. Sirius took his dreamless sleep potion and got in bed. He lay on his side, as did Rose, and pulled her back into his stomach. They seemed to mold together when they laid down that way, as if they had one body.
As Sirius started to fall asleep, he felt Rose shaking and heard her crying; but before he knew it, Sirius drifted off to sleep, a peaceful dreamless sleep that would take him well into the next day.
-James' POV-
It had been a week since Regulus and Holly had been killed, and their funeral would be taking place that morning. Everyone had taken the news badly. Sirius was barely seen around the house; the one time James had seen him, his friend had been talking to Calla and A.P. and James thought it best to leave him be. Rose had confided her worry about Sirius in her friends; she said that he barely slept and only ate when she forced him to. He had been seen by the others as well, apparently, wandering the second floor aimlessly, walking from bedroom to bedroom.
Rose had broken down two days after the murder. She had just collapsed after dinner one evening and begun crying. Nobody had been able to calm her enough to walk, so James had carried her into the living room to be consoled. They had talked to her, sat with her, stayed silent, everything they could think of to calm her, but nothing worked. She just sat there for two days crying; the only times she didn't cry during those days were when she was asleep. Holly had been like a sister to her over the years, had comforted her when her parents died and been there since they met on the Hogwarts Express. Regulus was her brother, in essence, and she had loved him as well.
Rose had, though, finally recovered a few days ago; at least enough to get up and eat again, anyway. The others were being stoic about their grieving in an attempt to be strong for Sirius and Rose, when they were around. Lily had been crying herself to sleep the past few days, all the guys walked around with solemn looks on their gaunt faces, the girls all had puffy, bloodshot eyes from the crying; it was a horrible week.
Nobody could quite overcome the shock of such a loss; Holly and Regulus had been there for all of the important occurrences in the past couple of years. Regulus had been present at every birth, giving support to the woman in labor. Holly had done countless hours of work to help with the preparations for the children and to make life more comfortable for the girls while they were pregnant. It seemed so surreal, that they were now gone.
James woke up on the morning of one of the saddest days of his life and after a shower began getting dressed. He put on a pair of black dress pants, a white dress shirt, a black and grey tie, a black suit jacket, dress shoes, and a pair of black dress robes. He tried for some time to make his hair lie flat, but had to give up when Lily told him it was time to go.
She had on a simple black dress. It had long sleeves and a turtleneck-line. It was form fitting on the top, but flared out slightly at the waist. It went down to just below her knees. She had on some black shoes, but had foregone jewelry and make-up for the day. Her hair was left in its natural state, wavy and down around her shoulders and back. She wanted to use a charm to make it less bright, but had been told to leave it by nearly everyone in the house.
Harry and Hallie were sitting on the bed trying to play patty-cake; they ended up just clapping and high-fiving each other. Harry was wearing a suit that was an exact replica of James'. Hallie was wearing a black velvet dress. It had t-shirt length sleeves and a rounded neckline that was just under her chin, just far enough away for comfort. The neckline, sleeves and hemline all had white lace trim. Her hair was pulled back with a white bow and she had on white tights. The dress had a white satin ribbon around her waist, tied in a bow at the back. She wore a pair of shiny black shoes to match the outfit.
They had gone out to get the dressy clothes for the kids yesterday. Lily and James had volunteered to go, letting everyone else stay home. They had picked out a different black dress for every baby girl, though they had few options near the end of the line, and had gotten each little boy a suit and a clip on tie so they didn't strangle themselves.
They had chosen especially carefully for Mira and Carina. Mira would be wearing a black velvet skirt and a charcoal grey turtleneck with long sleeves and some black shoes. Carina was wearing a black skirt, a black tank top and a white dress shirt left open over the tank top. She had the same black shoes, and both of their hair was pulled back with black bows.
Frank and Alice had taken over care of the twins, as their godparents, and had moved their nursery up to a spare room on their floor. Other than that, nobody had disturbed anything on the houses second floor.
Once given the go ahead from Lily, James picked up Harry from the bed and Lily picked up Hallie.
"Come on, mini me, let's get going. You and Hallie need to be on your best behavior today, buddy, for Uncle Padfoot. I'm sure you'll behave yourself, this is just in case you didn't know."
They continued to walk downstairs, foregoing apparition for the day, and met the other mourners in the dining hall. They would be holding a service in the dining hall, which had been cleared of its table and filled with chairs, and then the burial would take place afterwards.
Regulus hadn't wanted to be buried in the Black family mausoleum, and Holly's family didn't have one. They had discussed the matter with Sirius and Holly's parents and decided to bury the couple side-by-side by the garden, overlooking the lake. It was near where they were married, and it was a place both were happy at. All parties involved in the decision making had agreed, so two plots had been dug for the burial later in the day.
As of now, the caskets were at the front of the room with the lids propped open for mourners to pay their last respects. James and Lily walked up to the front and stood before their friends' caskets, turning the twins so they wouldn't see the bodies. Sirius and Rose were off to the side shaking peoples' hands and conversing quietly with a few people. James and Lily said their goodbyes, then moved on to speak with Sirius and Rose.
Dumbledore was going to conduct the ceremony and the burial in a short while. Sirius was to give a eulogy and James, Remus and Frank were all going to speak about Regulus. Likewise, Rose would give Holly's eulogy and each of the girls would say a few words about her. Depending on how they were holding up after all that, Sirius and Rose would go back up and say a bit about their life after school; if they couldn't manage, Lily and James would do so for them.
People began shuffling to their seats. Molly was clutching a handkerchief and was wiping away tears. Arthur was sitting down the row from her, trying to keep the peace between his children; the Weasleys employed a certain theory to their seating and it seemed to work fairly well. Molly sat at one end, with Bill and Charlie to her left. Fred sat to her right. After them came Arthur, with Ron in his lap, and last in the line-up came George and Percy. They figured that, if they separated the boys up the right way, there would be less trouble and they could concentrate more on the services.
James and Lily sat in the front row on the far right, Harry and Hallie in their laps. To their left were Remus and Rina with Lucinda sitting between the two, half on each lap. Next in line came Alice and Frank with Neville in between them and Mira and Carina in a lap each. Then were Sirius and Rose with Calla and A.P. each taking up a lap. After them was Holly's immediate family and an open space for Dumbledore when he wasn't speaking.
Dumbledore walked in, dressed in dark blue robes with silver stars embroidered on them; James supposed that the man didn't get much more serious in his clothing choice than that, and that those robes were a concession as it was. He went to the front and began speaking about Regulus and Holly's lives and all they had accomplished, how they were cherished and loved by many. He was followed by the many other tearful speeches. There was a lot of child switching; when getting up to speak, the children residing in each lap had to be passed to someone else for the time being.
When it came time for the part about their marriage, children and conclusion, Sirius and Rose were unable to speak, so Lily and James took Mira and Carina and went to speak about their friends once more.
"They had a wonderful life together. They fell in love at school, and knew that they were soul mates nearly from the beginning," Lily said. "After school, while we all lived in Sirius' flat in London, they grew closer to each other. When they were married, it was the happiest day of their lives; it was filled with joy and love, that which cannot find an equal. Their love for each other possessed a unique level of intensity and passion that few can match, and they enjoyed every moment of it."
"As a product of their marriage and lives together, they had these two lovely ladies. Mira and Carina, while without blood parents, will never be without love or family. Their parents' memory will live on, shared with them through stories and actions. While Regulus and Holly are no longer with us physically, their love will always remain." James took his turn in the speech. "If Mira and Carina grow up in a happy, loving environment free from war then Regulus and Holly will not have died in vain. They fought for the betterment of life for their children and future grandchildren."
"We cannot forget what they lived and died for; love. They loved each other, they loved their children and they loved their friends and family," Lily continued. "Our memory of them years from now will not be how they died, but how they lived." Their speech concluded, Lily and James sat down with Mira and Carina.
People around the room were in tears, silently weeping. Dumbledore stood and led the large procession of mourners out of the dining hall. He was levitating the caskets in front of him, side by side. They walked through the library, which had been cleared of chairs and tables, and out through the big glass door at the back.
The procession walked in silence, except for the sobbing of distraught mourners. They walked along the deck over to the space between the garden and lake. The deck had been cleared of snow and had anti-slipping spells placed along it to keep everyone from falling down on any ice that may have lingered.
When they got to the edge of the deck, they walked a path that had been cleared of snow along the yard and over to the plots. Dumbledore lowered the caskets into the ground as everyone gathered around. They had a moment of silence, where everyone was left to their thoughts, and then Dumbledore covered the caskets with dirt by way of a spell.
Lily leaned into James as the burial was finalized, needing the support. He shifted Harry to one arm and pulled her in with the other. They had taken Harry and Hallie back from Frank and Alice and given them Mira and Carina back to care for. It was a sad day, for everyone involved, and one that wouldn't soon be forgotten.
The plans for Christmas were still going to be put into motion, it had been decided, but it wouldn't be the same. The only reason they were still celebrating was it was the kids' first Christmas and it was still a few weeks away; they had time to begin the healing process.
They all went back in, after the burial, and lunch was provided for everyone. A lot of people had come to pay their respects to the well-liked couple. The entire Order, some people from St. Mungo's, most of Hogwarts' staff, a lot of Ministry employees, Aurors, Obliviators, old school friends and many more.
The wards had been particularly difficult to work around, but had been taken care of in the end. They had set up a new system with Dumbledore's help. People could floo in for the day, if they said 'Funeral of Regulus and Holly Black'. They would be stopped just short of entering the sitting room and would be 'tested', so to speak, by magic to see if they had any type of harmful intent towards the houses inhabitants. This way, people could come in for the day and not know the address. The Fidelius hadn't been affected by this, as it was working with the new spell, so it would still protect from anyone who either didn't say one of the specific phrases or who came with hostile intent.
The lunch lasted for hours; people chatted about many things, the main topic being Regulus, Holly, Mira or Carina. It seemed that people weren't running out of things to say. People James didn't know were coming up to him, Lily, Remus, Rina, Frank, Alice, Sirius and Rose and giving their condolences.
When everyone did leave late in the afternoon, Tinker and Dabble set about cleaning up. After the children had been put down for their naps, James pulled everyone into the girls' office; he didn't want to upset anyone by going to the guys' after it's most recent contents. He poured out two fingers of whiskey for each adult and passed the glasses round.
"To Regulus and Holly, two extraordinarily wonderful people," James said, raising his glass.
"To Regulus and Holly," everyone else repeated, lifting their glasses as well. They all had their drink, and then left the room. None of them wanted to drink too much, not after what last time brought about.
Each went their own separate ways, going to various parts of the house to occupy themselves for a short while. James and Lily went upstairs to put on more comfortable clothes. All in all, the day had been long, tiring, depressing and painful; but their troubles weren't over yet.
-Lily's POV-
The days between the funerals and Christmas were hard, in more ways than one.
In the two weeks following the funerals of Regulus and Holly, everyone got their chance to break down and grieve properly. Rose had already broken down and dealt with the largest emotional blow. The break downs came at different times and different places for everyone, but they happened. The group came to call that time The Stagnancy. It fit, too, as they didn't advance or develop in anything; it was as if life came to a standstill for them those two weeks.
Alice broke down on the third day of The Stagnancy. She had been feeding Cari, as Carina had come to be called, and had suddenly burst out in tears. It was an endless, unbidden stream of tears that poured from her eyes. She cried all afternoon and when anyone tried to speak with her she shoved them away. She got up that evening, with a look in her eye of cold determination. What she was determined to do though, none of them had a clue.
Remus had fallen on the fourth day of The Stagnancy. He'd been composing a letter to his mother, about recent goings on, and had spilled the ink. It set him off on a rampage, walking around the house in a fury throwing anything he came into contact with and yelling at anyone in his way. That lasted a couple of hours, at most, but had done the most damage so far.
Frank lasted until day eight, holding his barriers up until he couldn't take any more. He was good about how he exerted his fury though, locking himself in a room and putting up a silencing spell. If one were to ask what he'd been doing in there, they would have been told he'd screamed himself raw. His voice was weak for days afterwards, from all the yelling he apparently did.
Rina broke on day ten. She had been talking with Lily and all of a sudden neither one could take any more peaceful talking. Rina had gone to the kitchen and kicked out Tinker and Dabble. She set out on a baking whirlwind, making everything and anything that came to mind then proceeded to eat it; apparently, she was a nervous eater. Nobody had known that, never having seen her like that before. She isolated herself in the kitchen and wouldn't come out until she was sick from the food.
Lily had also burst on day ten. She had run to the library, her favorite sanctuary, and locked herself in. She'd read for three days straight, refused food and sleep. She read frantically, any book she picked up. She only came out when she did, because James had had his breakdown.
James' breakdown, on day thirteen, was probably the loudest as he didn't bother with silencing charms. He went to the game room, pulled out their record player and started playing the music as loud as he could get it; he eventually turned to a magnification spell to make it even louder. He had sat in the basement for hours listening to the records, when he finished with them he'd throw them at the wall. He was finally stopped by a bleary eyed Lily, who had been pulled from the library for the purpose.
Sirius' was perhaps the worst; taking place on the fourteenth day, the day before Christmas Eve, Sirius did all of the above in stages. He woke up and cried, then calmed himself by listening to loud music, followed by a trip to the library and some yelling at those who disturbed him. He got frustrated with everything and began throwing the books, tipping the tables over, and kicking chairs until they broke. After all that, he went to the kitchen and requested a whole list of comfort foods which he promptly ignored after losing his appetite.
His friends were all worried, but knew that he needed to grieve as they had and that he'd come around.
Christmas Eve came, with the family dinner and the gift opening. Nobody had really gotten into gift exchange as they had in years past; only the children seemed excited, while the adults put on happy faces and did their best acting job. They all spent the day together on tenterhooks, trying to not disturb one another from their temporary peace with the world. They were successful in their attempts at civility and managed a halfway decent day, even if it was silently shadowed by the deaths of Holly and Regulus.
A/N: That took a while to write, but a week really isn't that long if you think about it. It was hard to do that to the characters, but it's a war and death happens. The next chapter should have the rest of their Christmas and some other stuff in it. I had to help move my sister back into her dorm at college yesterday; that was fun (extreme sarcasm). It may be a while before the next chapter, first week of school is coming up and after that my uncle may be coming to visit for a few days. My grandpa's having a motorcycle race at his house on my birthday so we're going up there to see that. I'm slightly disappointed in you lot; I know you're reading the story, but nobody is reviewing…sad. Oh well, I guess, watch for the next chapter.