August, 1981
Remus crouched under a windowsill, hoping that his disillusionment charm would hold. They weren't his strong-suit when it came to defense and concealment but it was the best he could do so far removed from recourses like James' invisibility cloak. His assignment up north seemed more of a diversion rather than an important mission for the Order. Yet, Remus dutifully followed the suspected death eaters throughout their days.
The Order kept in touch by sending up various members to see how Remus was doing. It was lonely and solitary but it also gave the young wizard time to reflect. After the war he planned on reengaging with his friends to rebuild relationships that were crumbling due to distance and hurt feelings but for now all he could do was his job, as mindless as it seemed on most days.
He was due for a check-in with the Order in mere hours. Last time it was Mad-Eye who visited and questioned him about the death eater activity in the area. It felt more like an interrogation than Remus had expected, but that could just be how it felt to talk to the auror. This time he was to meet with Sirius – the very thought of which made Remus' stomach feel like it were made of worms.
Romance had done their friendship irrevocable damage when their love-life fell apart. Their breakup had almost split apart the quartet of friends. No one wanted to take sides but everyone ultimately does when a fissure splits a group.
The last time Sirius and Remus met face-to-face there had been physical blow, not between the former lovers but between James and Sirius.
It was just a few months back when Dumbledore had convened all members of the Order together to ensure mutual recognition between members and to give people a break from their grueling hours. It was difficult to convince some of the more cautious members that meeting in a large group was a wise idea. To most, it felt like a summer picnic, if most picnics involved a great deal of security and secret locations.
Remus was chatting with Dorcas and enjoying a frosty butterbeer when Sirius walked in hand-in-hand with Marlene of all people. It was as if the chill from his beverage spread throughout Remus' entire body. Closing his eyes momentarily, Remus told himself to be cordial. "She's been on him like a grindylow," Dorcas muttered quietly, seeing Remus' gaze move away from Marlene and Sirius.
"Hmm," was all Remus could get out before he was pulled away by Elphias to discuss information they had on death eater recruitment.
The afternoon passed without Remus in the same conversation as Sirius. Instead he talked with Fabian and Gideon, learning that they'd be hiding out at a family cottage by the ocean. Edgar Bones talked about going abroad to garner support from his international connections. Benjy was asked to investigate members of the Ministry – many of his coworkers and friends. Everyone had interesting, important work except for Remus.
In an effort to avoid an uncomfortable encounter, Remus even stood distant from Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter in a picture Dumbledore insisted they take. "It's for posterity, after all," Remus could hear Sirius whisper in a lofty voice. James chuckled quietly, then straightened his face at a huff from Lily. Remus tried not to scowl at the immaturity.
After they were all blinded by the flash of a bulb, people were starting to leave the quiet party. "Can I have a word, Moony?" James asked, stepping onto the back porch. Remus followed him out and leant against the railing, quite at his ease with one of his few friends. "I'm worried about you," James said without preamble. "We've hardly heard from you in the last few months."
"I've been spying on death eaters," Remus reminded him. "That doesn't bring me by for afternoon tea very often. He knew that it was just the death eaters that kept him away – despite having more than a year since he and Sirius decided to officially split up, he was still nursing a broken heart. After catching Sirius in a romantic moment with Fabian, Remus gave Sirius a second chance, which turned into a third and fourth.
James saw the look of melancholy cloud Remus' face and reached out to give him a consolatory pat on the shoulder when Sirius appeared on the porch. "Prongs," he said with a grin, then, as if just seeing his ex, added, "Hello, Remus."
The change from using a nickname they created in school to first name felt like a slight which was one of many he had experienced since breaking up. Deciding to stop sniveling like a wounded puppy, Remus used the best tool of the brokenhearted – cold sarcasm. "I see you and Marlene are doing well," he said with an airy coolness.
"She's quite… satiating," Sirius smirked, wanting to meet Remus' snark with happiness from his new relationship. Sirius couldn't really say he was that truly content with Marlene – she felt more like a Band-Aid to mask the pain he felt from his falling out with Remus.
"I can think of at least two things you like about her," came Remus' retort, slipping from his brain to mouth without going through any filters.
James was starting to look uncomfortable and his protest of "Guys," was unheard by either of his friends.
Sirius straightened his back and narrowed his eyes slightly, "Like that she isn't a frosty bitch? Or that she let me into her life?"
Silence hung in the air for moments while Remus' heart started to race and James' look tense, ready to jump into action if needed. In a slightly more firm voice, James started to say, "This isn't the place," but was cut off by Sirius who looked suddenly vindictive.
"I don't know what else I expected from a werewolf," he uttered in a low voice.
It was a visceral reaction, James reaching back and releasing his fist into Sirius' jaw. The half step back that Sirius stumbled was all it took for his face to contort in rage and confusion. "No, Sirius," James asserted. "There are some lines you just can't cross."
"Fine," Sirius huffed before turning on his heel and going back inside.
It had been on that unsavory note that Remus last spoke to Sirius not two month back. Remus pulled out of his painful reverie only to see his mark had left. It wasn't easy tailing someone without them taking note, especially when they were as paranoid as this death eater was.
After a long while on a fruitless journey for information, Remus went to his tiny flat where Sirius would be meeting him. The watch on his wrist seemed to speed up as Remus' heart raced. He could hear footsteps in the hall and hoped that it was anyone else from the Order but Sirius.
The tap at the door and a terse, "Remus, it's me," told the anxious werewolf all he needed to know. Sirius was outside his door.
"It's unlocked," he called in a shaky voice. Sirius stepped just in the door and looked at the cell-like room Remus resided in. "It's not much," Remus said, trying for a stab at casual conversation.
"No, it's not," Sirius agreed in a quiet voice. Shutting the door, he took another step into the room.
Remus was taken aback by the change that had come over Sirius in the months since they last saw each other. His cheeks were hollowed out – perhaps he was not eating well. There was a slightly dead look to his eyes as well. It occurred to Remus that it had only been weeks since Marlene's murder. His prolonged grief for her created sympathy and jealousy but it was compassion that won out as he said, "I'm sorry about Marlene."
Sirius' eyes flashed dangerously at these words and spat out, "Are you now?" The unsaid accusation hit hard.
"I…" Remus faltered, not knowing how to steer the conversation with Sirius when he was so uneven.
"Do you transform here?" Sirius asked bluntly.
Taken aback by the sudden shift in topic, Remus answered, "No. There's a room in the basement, more of a closet actually, that I use."
"Good. There's been talk of werewolves maiming people on Voldemort's orders," Sirius stated, not keeping the accusation out of his voice this time.
"How could you think- "Remus started, feeling not at all ready for that level of mistrust from someone he once held in closest confidence.
Ignoring the half-formed question, Sirius moved on. "What have you gathered about Rowe?"
Desperate to insert some levity in the conversation, Remus joked, "I don't think he's a dog person." The allusion to their misadventure together did not budge Sirius from his glower. "There isn't much to tell about him," he added. "He doesn't meet with known death eaters. I, uh, have a list of his contacts over here."
Remus crossed the room to a table he was using for notes on his mission. "I'll take those," came Sirius' voice. "Is there anything else?"
Sirius' coldness, borderline hostility, towards Remus warranted an inquiry. Finally facing Sirius, a mere few feet apart, Remus asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," was all he got for a response.
"There's been a lot going on recently," commented, feeling concern for Sirius mount with each exchange. "We can talk about it if you'd like," he paused before adding, "I'd like to think we can still be friends."
It might have been the piteous look on Sirius' face, or his own need for affection, but Remus moved closer to Sirius so that they were almost touching and gently stroked his cheek. "I just want to forget it all," Sirius confessed, leaning into Remus' tall frame. "I wish I could…"
Finally, the opening Remus had been hoping for, the moment to be vulnerable and show that he could be the person Sirius needed. "I would like to forget the war and be with you," Remus breathed, reaching down to take Sirius' hand in his.
Sirius jerked his arm away from Remus' probing hand and scowled, "It's not the war I want to forget – it's your treachery."
Stepping back, as if physically pushed, Remus could only stare at Sirius for a few moments before saying, "My treachery?"
"You've been good, Lupin, very good," Sirius fumed. "First with Marlene and her whole family, just to make it look convincing." Remus' jaw went slack at this allegation. "Then you moved on the Prewett brothers, still angry with Fabian."
"Sirius…" Remus protested weakly. "How could you think that I'd-"
"Because you're cold, calculating, and possessive," Sirius nearly yelled. "You're feeding Voldemort information on the Order with the crazed hope of-"
Enough shock left Remus' system at this point for him to lash out against this unfounded tirade. "Of what? Getting you back?" He let out a short laugh. "You're really full of yourself, Black. Half of the Order has been put into hiding or murdered and you think it's part of a scheme for me to get into your pants?"
"You were keen enough to try it just now! For all I know you'll move on James and Peter just to eliminate my other friends."
This was beyond ludicrous – sense had entirely left the conversation.
"Have you been railing against me to the others? Is that why I've been ditched up here?" Remus' head was spinning as all his doubts and uncertainty came back in full force.
"That was just luck," Sirius shot back.
"You're completely around the twist," Remus muttered.
"I loved you," Sirius croaked. "I loved you and now you're… you're a death eater." Tears welled in Sirius' eyes but that did not stop him from advancing on Remus and pulling him into an angry kiss. Unlike the many other kisses the two men shared, this one was fueled by neither lust nor passion – rather it was the dying ember of a fire long gone out.
He wanted to fall into the kiss and live out one last moment of affection but it would be a lie. Neither of them felt that way for each other. Pushing Sirius back, Remus managed, "You have your information, so just leave."
The emptiness of his forced kiss confirmed for Sirius that Remus was not the man he once loved. It was with great sadness that he parted, feeling the deep sting of betrayal. A curtain fell on the friends, turned lovers that soured forever severing the bond they had so passionately shared.
A/N:
That is betrayal. Yup. So, I'm going to write a brief epilogue to this showing their relationship at the start of OotP and make it so that my story can stay in line with Epitaph of a Good Man and HIKML. I'd love to know what you think! Was there too much relationship and not enough other plot? Was I too mean? *hides* If you recall that this is thematically tied to Pique Dame by Franz Suppe. The last act is meant to be more turbulent like the last part of the song.