Chapter One
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"Okay class, today we have a new student. Isn't that nice Mr Hat?", came the low drawl from my new teacher for the following year or so. He had a glazed look in his eyes as he stared intensely into the button eyes of a ragged puppet. A ragged puppet he was gripping on to as if it were to run away if he were to let it go.
"That's right Mr Hat", whispered the teacher into the puppets cheek.
"Can- Can I sit down now?", I asked quietly. The teacher turned to face me with his eyebrows lowered into a quizzical glare-like fixture.
"Fine. It's Mr Garrison by the way", he spat spitefully before turning on the spot to face the chalkboard. "Okay today children we're going to be talking about Tyra Banks and why it's hypocritical for her to be hosting a model tv show". Questions raced through my head when today's lesson aim was said aloud, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut while I surveyed the classroom for a seat.
"Hey there good fellow. I notice you're from England as well. Come sit by me! We can be friends", offered a blonde hair boy welcomingly as I walked towards the desks. He wore a deep red coat with a coffee-brown flat-cap resting lazily ontop his wavy yellow hair. I smiled my thanks and sat down next to the only child who had seemingly taken any notice of me.
"Where do you come from then my good fel-".
"Not another Pip goddammit!", snorted a rather large boy from behind, purposely interrupting Pip. I turned to face him, a questioning glare engraved on my face. He took in my glare with indifference. "What is a Pip?", I asked, curiosity obviously getting the better of me.
"Hello", the English boy waved enthusiastically, teeth protruding from the grin that seemed to eclipse his face. "I'm Pip", he continued, calmly holding out his hand for me to shake, "what's your name old chap?".
The fat-boy rolled his eyes at Pip's behavior and mumbled the word faggot under his breath. Pip clearly heard this as his smile faltered a little, but he tried to remain as unaffected by the insult as he could. Noticing that his derogatory term hadn't really affected Pip, the fat-boy turned his attention me so that he could learn my name, a look of disinterest plastered across his bulbous face.
"My name's Nathan", I replied while shaking Pip's hand firmly. He smiled in return while the fat-boy rolled his eyes for the second time. Obviously becoming very bored with the conversation I tried to re-engage his interest. "What's your name then".
"Eric... Eric Cartman. But you don't need to know that because I don't associate myself with French people", he spat. A few girls and boys scattered around the class laughed at his remark while Pip turned to face the front, his face turning crimson as he uttered various curses to himself.
"I'm English, not French", I retorted snobbishly as I took of my burgundy beanie-hat to remove any traces of snow from outside that still remained on my hat. Dad had said we were moving to a mountainous town where snow was very common, but I hadn't expected the snow to be that extreme.
Eric laughed muskily, slapping his hand off his desk violently while a few children sat around him, looked at him curiously. "French AND Ginger! God must've hated you!", he cackled, spit spraying onto his desk in a desperate flee to escape his mouth. He gained a few laughs for that remark while some kids gave him the evilest of glares, but none more evil then one coming from a dark-haired girl dressed entirely in purples and pinks. I blushed furiously, entirely and completely mortified by the entire situation. To avoid any more embarrassment I decided to turn towards the teacher while I forced my hat back onto my head.
"Just ignore him my good man", whispered Pip as he noticed my reddened state.
"Is he always like this?", I replied. My voice equally as quiet and hushed.
"Mr Garrison!", shouted Fatty McFattison from behind, using a sickeningly sweet tone.
"What Eric", sighed Mr Garrison tiredly, obviously deciding not to turn away from the chalkboard.
"Pip and Na..? Nath..?", he paused in thought before continuing, "the new kid keep talking, an-and it's distracting me".
Again, deciding not to turn away from the board Mr Garrison responded.
"Boys, quieten down or I'll have to move the one of you". Pip made a defeated expression while I turned to glare towards Eric. He smiled falsely to the back of the teachers head before turning to face me.
"I thought I told you that I don't associate myself with French people. Especially not ginger French people so turn around you fucking piece of crap", he spat viciously, his eyes glistening a menacing red.
"By the looks of it, the only thing you associate yourself with is pie you fat fuck", I spat back venomously. Eric's face contorted in to a mixture of disbelief and anger as kids laughter serenaded the situation. Even Pip snickered under his breath quietly, obviously happy that someone had finally stuck up to the egotistical schmuck sat behind him.
"That was good kid", snickered a boy through his one hand, while he used the other to maneuver his green ushanka hat more comfortably on his head.
"Hey Jew! I will kick you square in the nuts!", Eric snapped, simultaneously flipping the boy off. Before I could be brought back into the argument I turned my head to face the front. Happy, that for the meanwhile I was going to be left alone and could focus on some actual schoolwork...
"...and that children, is why people class the show as shitty. Now, lets discuss the fact that several countries have even copied and made their own versions of the show, and talk about which dunderhead is to blame for airing such a terrible show worldwide".
...On second thoughts, I think I'll choose to pay attention to the argument that was quickly beginning to become a bit more heated. A boy wearing a blue and red bobble-hat was now engrossed in the conflict which seemed to drastically increase in size, enveloping people into the chaos.
"Stan, would you be quiet because you're distracting me", whimpered Eric in a high-pitched whiny tone.
"Shut up Cartman!", growled the 'Jew' as he positioned himself more carefully on his seat.
"Sticking up for your girlfriend again Kyle" joked Eric maliciously. As this was said, a blonde boy in a light blue shirt stood up from the desk to the right of mine.
"C'mon guys, we- we can all just let this go and be friends again, huh?", questioned the blonde, a slight southern-accent accompanying his reasoning.
"Shut up Butters", sighed another boy who was sporting a blue chullo-hat. He lifted his head to inspect Butters before lazily retiring his head back to the top of his desk. This earned a few snickers from a brunette boy sat next to chullo-hat-boy.
"Yeah Butters! Listen to Craig you dildo", he laughed to himself, causing his reddish coat to crinkle and crease. 'Butters' frowned sadly as he reluctantly sat back down in his chair. Within seconds it was easy to notice that tears were threatening to burst from his eyes.
"Don't be so rude to Butters you assmaster!", threatened a blonde girl, who had obviously also noticed how upset 'Butters' was becoming. Even though it didn't cheer him up completely, knowing that someone was defending helped Butters fight off the tears forming in his eyes. However, before he could thank the girl he was cut off.
"What you going to do now Clyde. Little miss lesbian just called you assmaster", chuckled Eric menacingly and his stared directly into 'little miss lesbians' eyes, purposely trying to intimidate her. It was obvious that Eric was enjoying this argument a little too much.
"Don't call Bebe a lesbian you fat cunt", hissed the dark-haired girl from before. In return Eric flipped her off and mouthed the word bitch. "I'll fucking kick your ass again", she spat, as she lifted her clenched fists... as if to exaggerate a point.
"Fella's, don- don'tcha think this is getting a little out of hand now", interjected Butters nervously, as he fiddled with his hands so that he could have some sort of distraction.
"Butters, for god sake shut your god damn hippie mouth", barked Eric. With that, Butters burst into tears.
"Lads, I agree with Butters. All this is so very stup-".
"Shut up Pip!", several people whined simultaneously, fully intending to cut Pip off.
The arguing seemed to amplify, totally unnoticed by Mr Garrison who was currently drawing some crude drawings onto his chalk board.
"Am I in hell?", I whispered to myself exasperatedly, as the other children continued to argue amongst themselves. "Seriously? Have I died and gone to hell!?", I almost screamed. I half expected a camera crew to burst into the classroom, telling me that this was all a hoax and that no school could be this crazy. They'd congratulate me on working it out, and there'd be laughs all around. Then we'd all party and everything would be fabulous. Now...
"that would be awesome", I thought out loud, obviously letting my imagination run away with me. Luckily I was unheard by the rest of the class who were still arguing in the gargantuan argument that was underway.
"Heh heh", sniffed the crying Butters. Unheard by everyone, except one. I turned to face 'Butters', my face blushing red from being caught effectively thinking out loud to myself. Smiling, he rubbed one of his eyes to remove any traces that he'd been crying. After that, he looked at me through his one remaining eye and chuckled quietly. "You're funny", smiled Butters, unintentionally revealing a toothy grin.
I wasn't really in the mood to socialise with these people any more, but Butters had only just stopped crying, so I thought it would be a lot better if I smiled my thanks, rather than just act ignorant and cold. Unfortunately he took my smile as an excuse to begin a conversation.
"So yo- your the new kid huh?", he asked with a tone very contrasting compared to the behemoth argument that was still occurring around us. How the teacher had still not noticed this monster of an argument by now was beyond me.
"Err... yeah. Me, my mom and my dad moved into one of the small brown houses about five minutes away", I replied grinning.
"Don't ya' have any brothers or sisters?", he asked with what seemed to be genuine curiosity. Maybe 'Butters' wasn't as bad a person compared to some of the other people in this class. Realising I still hadn't answered him, I hurried myself to think of an answer.
"Erm. No, what about you?".
"Naa", he sighed with a sad expression. I twiddled my thumbs impatiently waiting for him to continue. "What's your name then fella?", he asked.
"Nathan", I answered smiling. I was actually beginning to make my first new friend in this quaint little mountain town. Pip probably would've been my first proper friend here if fatso hadn't poked his nose where it wasn't wanted. I'll just have to get to know Pip at break or something.
"What's your name then anyways?", I questioned in return, "Or is Butters actually your name?".
"Nah' my n-name is Leopold Stotch", he replied while messing with hands, "People call me Butters because it sounds like Buttersco-".
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU KYLE YOU JEW PIECE OF CRAP!". With that, me and Butters twisted on our seats to face Eric, matching shocked expressions on both of our faces... On everyone's faces... On Mr Garrison's face...
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How was that for a first chapter? Hopefully you guys liked it? I literally wanted to introduce as many characters as I could so I thought what's the best way to introduce characters? I know! A massive argument ahah. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy. There will probably be about 2 more introductory chapters which begin to indicate pieces of the plot.
Also, if you don't mind... please, please, please, leave a review. Tell me what you liked! Tell me what you didn't like! Tell me what I could improve on! I don't mean to beg, but I just like receiving feedback.
Disclaimer; South Park isn't owned by me at all... I can pretend it is though... right? No? Damn.