Chapter Four
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"Okay children. Let's talk about X Factor and how it's a pointless show that exploits pitiful people who have no real chance at stardom".
Mr Garrison. Only one teacher could talk about pointless shit and still not get fired, and Mr Garrison was that one teacher. If you're wondering what happened between now and yesterday when Kyle and Stan had left my house, I can tell you exactly what happened. Sleep. That was it. The television must've got so boring that I had passed out on the sofa. Before I knew anything it was morning and I was being shoved around the house by my mom who was desperately trying to get me to clear off and go to school... and here we are. As of current, I was one of only four students who had turned up to school. Butters, Wendy, a very anxious twitching boy called Tweek and me. Where everyone else was, I had no ide- Oh wait. As if on cue, here they all come.
"Sorry I'm late Mr Garrison!", shouted Stan as he rushed to his seat. Kid after kid followed him in, as if they were all playing a gargantuan game of follow the leader. Mumbled sorry's were thrown away carelessy by the students, and Mr Garrison's replies perfectly reciprocated the sense of carelessness that was currently in the room.
"Why were you late Bebe?", came Wendy's high pitched voice from across the room, her eyes looking up and down at her blonde best friend.
"We were all looking at that poster advertising the county fair. There's a fnady dress competition and rides! It looks awesome Wendy, we have to go!", she squealed in return. Wendy instantly smiled and nodded her head, clearly agreeing to partake in her friends plans. This fair is probably the festival my mom was talking about? I truly hope it's as awesome as everyone is making out.
"What are you smiling at assmuncher", cackled Cartman as he took his seat behind me. I turned on my seat to defend myself, but was almost instantly cut off when Kyle came to the rescue, fulling glaring at Cartman as if he was trying to stare into his soul. Or in Cartman's case, the cavern in which a soul would normally exist.
"Shut your fucking mouth Cartman". I stared at him, a quizzical look smeared all over my face.
"I swear to god Kyle. Serious-Leh. I will kick you square in the nuts".
"Just shut up fatass".
"God Dammit! I'm not fat, I'm big boned! My mom even said so!".
"Cartman, your ass is so fat that when people see you on the streets they say, God Damn. That's a big fat ass!".
"No they don't!", Cartman protested, his fists shaking in rage. "Go back to Endor you stupid wookie!".
"Wookies don't live on Endor".
"Wookies don't live on Endor", he mimicked in a high-pitched tone.
"Children quiten down", Mr Garrison interrupted as he began to write words on to his chalkboard. "Now children, I trust you all got your parents to agree to let us take you on the trips that we have upcoming". With the end of this sentence, almost instaneously about 6 people turned to glare at me. I lowered my head into my hands, and retreated further back into my chair. Obviously people at this school held grudges.
"Now let me make this fully clear", Mr Garrison continued, "If you fail to hand in your letter for the camp this weekend then you will be forfeiting your place on the next school trip that's scheduled to be at the living museum. Instead, you'll be doing work with the principal for the whole of the day. Is that understood". A wave of dreary and moaned "Yes Mr Garrison's", supplied him with his answer. In return Mr Garrison smiled and began wiping the chalk away from his blackboard.
"Good going you ginger turd", Cartman hissed at me. At this, I twisted on my seat to fully face him fully intended to finally speak my mind before Kyle could try to defend me again.
"Look you fat shit, this is just as much your fault as it is mine. So I swear down if you blame me for this once more I will fucking kick your ass", I spat threateningly. I was no fighter. I was one of those douchey people that constantly said the phrase; 'I'm a lover, not a fighter'. So if Cartman agreed to fight me there would be a very good chance that I'd lose. Fortunately my empty threat seemed to do the job as he quietened down and stared towards the front of the class, obviously trying to act as if I wasn't even there. Feeling smug with this result I turned back around on my seat.
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"Shh. Shh. Shh. It's okay. Be quiet", Came the slow croak of balding man as he held his finger to his mouth. He licked his lips lightly, all the while shaking erractically. A muffled response enticed his ears, as he leapt across the room. He shuffled his hands through a rusty toolbox that he had left abandoned on an uneven wooden table, however one twitch proved too powerful and unintentionally caused the toolbox to spill it contents over the table.
"Oh. Stupid. Stupid!", he shouted at himself as he punched the table furiously. With this, gagged sobbings amplified in the room.
"Pweasem. Pweasem dun hurr me. Pweasemmm!". The man turned his head and looked at his trophy in mesmeration.
"Shhh", he repeated in all seriousity. "You'll wake up mother".
"Pwease", the barely-feminine voice repeated, but at a much lower volume then previous. This caused the man to cut his eyes and bare his teeth in rage. He stormed towards the woman who he had tied up and grasped onto her hair. With one violent tug, a loud muffled scream was released followed by barely audible sobbing.
"No. No!", the man reasoned spontaneously taking on a new persona. He went down to his knees and cradled the woman in his arms. She fully protested and battled to remove herself from her capturer's arms but to no avail.
"No. Don't. Don't cry", he said systematically, as if struggling to learn a new emotion. His speech and movements were very robotic, but he as a person, seemed so ironically innocent and socially awkward. He sobbed along with his prisoner, slowly rubbing his hand through her bushy brown hair.
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"I'm totally going on the haunted castle ride you guys! The county fair is going to be so sweet", Cartman almost sang from his place in the dinner line. He impatiently pushed Kyle further forwards as if that would allow him to get food faster.
"Stop shoving fatass!". Instead of responding Cartman chose to imagine the positives of the county fair. His smile, clearly showed that he was having a great time in imaginationland. I snorted to myself in laughter at his expression just as the dinner que moved along so that I could be in the room where the chef handed us kids our food. The school chef was a chubby African-American man who was constantly humming a tune to himself whenever I saw him on school grounds.
"Hello there children!", he welcomed as his finished spooning a lump of gravy over Clyde's dinner.
"Hey Chef", responded Kyle, Stan, Eric and a boy known as Kenny, all in unison.
"How's it going?".
"Good".
"Why ba- Oh. Er...". The chef scratched his head, obviously trying to contemplate what to say. "Why. Why good?".
"The fair is next week chef. Isn't it kewl!", Cartman laughed. I waited for them all to finish talking, and for Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman to walk off before I gave my tray to the school chef so that he could place some food on it. Once he had given me my tray back I smiled my thanks and carried my tray to the dinner hall. I scoured the entire room for a spare seat, but after realising that I probably wasn't on everyone's best terms I decided to sit at a table that currently had no people sat at it. I shoveled baked beans around the tray carelessly.
"Hey Fella!", sang Butters as he sat down next me, playfully sliding his tray along the table as if pretending it had wheels. I watched curiously at he continued to move his tray around the table, making random engine noises at odd intervals. I chuckled lightly and began to form my reply.
"Howdy Butters". He faced me and smiled before turning back to his race-car fantasy. "How are you?", I continued, fully hoping that he'd take the bait and engage in a conversation. Anything to pass the time away was acceptable in my eyes. He paused his game and faced me once again, a small grin on his face.
"I'm great thanks. W-What about you?". He answered as he began to dig into his food, obviously deciding to stop pretending he was a driver in the Nascar league.
"I'm good too thanks... What's got you all happy?".
"Haven't you heard? The county fair is coming to town".
"Oh, I've heard about it alright", I replied as I began to eat my school meal. "Is the fair any good?".
"I. I'm not sure".
"You're not sure?".
"Nope. But the lads said that it's amazing so I'm excited". I looked at him curiously as I took a sip from my juice box.
"Haven't you ever been to it before?".
"I was going to last year. B-But I was grounded for looking si-silly on my school photo. I did bad, I did".
"I've never been to it". With this, Butters looked at me with a knowing expression on his face, that did nothing but make me feel slightly paranoid. "What?".
"Of course you haven't been to it silly. Y-You only moved here a couple days ago", he giggled as he gulped down a spoonful of something that resembled tomato soup. I rolled my eyes jokingly at his humor before replying.
"Real clever Butters. I mean, I've never been to any form of fair or festival".
"W-Well you can come with me if you want. My mom said she'll take me if she's not busy so I can just ask her if you can come". He offered through sips of his drink.
"Are. Are you sure Butters?".
"Of course I am. M-My mom wouldn't mind much".
"Well. If it's okay with your mom then, yes. Yes please". He smiled at my response and nodded before continuing on with another topic.
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"Move along people, nothing to see here!", paraded a police officer as he tried to prevent paparazzi and news-reporters from getting film footage of the latest thing deemed 'news worthy'.
"Officer Barbrady! Over here!", shouted a red-headed police officer from behind some bushes.
"What is it Yates?", he asked as he made his way over to the Sergeant.
"It's struck again", the sergeant replied as he pointed towards a discarded corpse. Barbrady instantly held a tissue over his nose when he noticed the body of Veronica Crabtree. The elementary school's bus driver. Her face was frozen in an extremely unpleasant and panic-stricken position. Her eyes completely glazed over.
"Who would do something like this?".
"Simple Barbrady".
"Is it?". The sergeant nodded as he dragged the officer a little closer to the corpse.
"If you take a good look, you'll notice that the left hand of this ancillary character has been removed". Barbrady simply stared at Yates, willing him to continue his point. "No person would ever do something like this. This was clearly the work of the alien-beast that we've all been hearing about". Barbrady looked at him in total disbelief.
"What evidence do you have for this?".
"Plenty. We even have an eye witness to the account".
"You do?".
"Yes. He'll be with us shortly". No more than two minutes passed before a black limosuine pulled up just outside the crime scene. The door swung open, revealing a snobbish looking man. He twisted his legs around, and pounced out of the vehicle before strutting towards Barbrady and Yates.
"Here he is Barbrady. Meet our eye witness. Al Gore".
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Chapter 4! Full with South Park references, brief introductions to characters I forgot to put in the story previously, & Finally... plot development! Yes! The basic introductory chapters are all done for, so now begins the.. well... the beginning of the actual plot. I know things have been slow getting to this point, but things should start to pick up the pace from here on out. I won't race through everything though, as the entire plan of the story gets very bizzare and hectic after a while, (due to this story revolving around numerous South Park Episodes all mixed into one).
Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It's harder than it looks to piece a story together, but hopefully I'm doing an alright job ahah. Thanks to the people who have reviewed, favourited and are following this story. It's you guys that inspired me to continue on with this, so thanks you guys!
Disclaimer; You probably know this by now, but incase you didn't... South Park isn't owned by me!