"You should have been here nine minutes ago!" Umbridge screeched as I sat down in my seat in Defence the Dark Arts.
She stood at the front of the classroom, hands on her hips and an outraged look on her face. All the while her pink shoe tapping away at the floor impatiently.
"Why? Did something actually interesting happen for once?" I asked, feigning mock horror.
"Detention, Miss Whestone!" she barked, her face slowly turning the same colour as the entirety of her outfit.
"Another one?" I asked. "Professor Umbridge, from the amount of detentions you keep issuing me, people may start to wonder if you've formed a little crush on me. And who could blame you? But I must tell you, I've got a boyfriend, and I'm quite fond of him."
I don't know how I do it. This much humour in one tiny person must be a gift.
"Sit down please," she breathed, turning around to face the black board very slowly. She looked very worried. Who knows, maybe she does have a crush on me.
You know what's weird? Hermione, that's what. One second she's all angry at us for force feeding first years experimental candy, and the next she's fervently whispering to us about some Defence Against the Dark Arts club. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm totally up for it, more than up for it. Anything to annoy Umbridge. It's just Hermione. Something about it doesn't seem right, I just don't trust her. She's up to something, either that or she's drunk. I approve of both of those things.
I've been told to go to The Hogshead for a 'meeting' on the next Hogsmead trip. Which isn't for another week yet. She refused to tell me anything about it, even when I pulled out a dagger and waved it at her threateningly. She's finally growing some balls. Wait, I hope not. Eww. Curse my over imaginative brain, those are images I'll never be able to get rid of, even with straight bleach.
Anyway, now's not the time to be thinking about this. I need to do my homework for McGonagall or I'll be put in detention for the rest of my life. I stood up from Gryffindor table, picking up a chocolate muffin as I went and taking a bite out of it as I walked through the Great Hall's doors.
"And where do you think you're going?" a voice asked from behind me. I turned to see the Toad Queen herself. Why isn't she too scared to talk to me yet? Not to worry, I'm working on it.
"Miss Whestone, you know very well one of my new rules is that you're not allowed to eat outside of the Great Hall. Hand it over, please." she squealed in her obnoxiously high voice, her claw like hand held out for my muffin.
Urgg, she sickens me, and not in a good way. Let's not forget about her new laws, ever since she became 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor' she walks around like she owns the place. Not far from the truth. Thank God Dumbledore is here to kick her dreams of being headmistress on the face.
Smiling back sweetly I did as she said. Not what she meant, but you can't fault me or how thorough I was.
I walked over to her and let my mouthful of muffin fall into her open hand before placing the rest on top. "Thanks, I was done with it anyway."
I walked away, very happy with myself and the sound of an imaginary applause in my ear.
She spluttered, her face screwed up before dashing away, presumably to a toilet, or an acid factory. No prize for guessing which one I'm hoping for.
The week was still young, and with McGonagall's essay about something or other due in, in less than an hour I was using the little precious time I have for lunch to finish it. And yes, this is the same homework from before. I'm a procrastinator, what can I say?
As far as I can tell, Umbridge despises me as much as Harry, if not more. So my hard work has obviously paid off.
I convinced some of the house elf's they were leprechaun's and that Umbridge had stolen their lucky charms or something. I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful than a grown toad-woman being chased through the halls by half a dozen angry elf's demanding their lucky gold, or whatever they were saying. And that's saying a lot, seeing as I've set fire to Snape before, twice, three times if you count the classroom mishap.
Filch seems happier than normal. I did that, you know how? I started a "Filch for Minister of Magic" campaign. He's loving the attention. I can see him now. He running around ripping the posters I've put up everywhere from off the walls. It's obvious what he's doing with them, he's keeping them. That's how happy he is.
"I've never seen him move this fast before," I whispered to Fred and George from our spot in the small secret passage, "I've been thinking, I reckon he's in a relationship with Mrs Norris. That's another point towards him, he loves cats, literally."
Two pairs of eyes flicked to me, why do people always look at me like that? Worried.
"Well," I whispered again, "in my defence it could be true."
"I don't want to think about that," George said, shuddering, "I'm very delicate you know, this kind of thing could ruin eating watermelon for the rest of my life."
Fred rolled his eyes, "I swear, the more you hang around with her, the madder you get."
Filch continued grabbing the posters and screwing them into tiny balls, but he found the closer he got to the great hall, the harder they were to get off. That's due to my permanent sticking charms, hopefully they'll stay there forever.
He yanked, tugged and pulled to no avail. After seizing the corner of one and yanking it with all his might, only to let go and fall to the ground he started to have a major strop. He kicked the wall and punched the air, he slammed his fists against the wall and pulled at his hair (I need to make that into a song one day)
We watched in amusement as students and the odd teacher passed by him, some stopping to watch while other chuckled to themselves and continued on their way to lessons. I'm sure I heard my name mentioned at least once. Good, always nice to know people recognise your handiwork.
With Saturday only around the corner, and the horror of having to face double potions I was not in what one would call a good mood. In fact, I was being avoided, even more so than normal. I noticed the same about Harry, as people walked around him like he had some sort of plague, whispering to each other.
"Don't worry, Harry," I say as I passed my him on my way to the dungeons, I said it in what I like to think is a reassuring way, but you never know with these people. "The little blighter's are terrified of me too." as I finished the sentence, as if to prove a point that needn't be proven, I hissed at a group of First year Hufflepuff's, they scattered screaming like the little girls they were. "See?"
And with that I was on my way, my mood slightly better. Leaving a confused, but hopefully slightly amused Harry behind. Do you see this? I'm full of rhymes today.
Potions slugged by, as usual. We were set a stupidly tricky potion that I sucked at. I was adding the pickled newts brain, or as I like to call it 'Snape food' when some wonderful news met my ears. Umbridge came marching in, and demanded to know if anyone knew who had been behind the Filch posters. Which, by now, were talking rather loudly, and repeating the same lines over and over again, "Children out of bed", "You can't hide from me" and my personal favourite "When I find you, I'll hang you by your thumbs in the dungeons." These were his most frequent 'quotes' and so I thought people would be more likely to vote for him, after hearing the familiar tones of his majestic voice they so dearly recall.
Anyway, it appears someone, and for once, it wasn't me, told her it was a group of Slytherin's who were behind it.
"I need these -these rebels caught and properly punished," Umbridge breathed, It's weird when people are angry, and instead of getting loud their voices just get really quiet and creepy. "And Professor Snape, if you haven't done that by the end of the week, you may just find yourself jobless."
With that she marched from the room, head held high.
I wanted to jump up and dance and sing! Finally, this is the best day of my life!
This one's short, but that's because I want the Dumbledore's army meeting to have its own chapter.
Please review, I'll dance for you if you do!
Thank you for reading, Love you all!