Chapter Seven

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I opened the door cautiously. Cautiously, mainly because I didn't know whether the nurse was a total cow or not. You can call me a pussy all you like, but I'm no pussy... I just think it's better to be safe than sorry. Anyways, as I was saying; I opened the door cautiously and took a step inside. Instantly the smell of anti-biotics and soap stung at my nose. That may sound like an 'okay' smell. I mean, it wasn't a totally bad smell, but it was really strong. I don't know how to exp- . I'm going to be honest. I'm totally rambling because I'm nervous that the nurse will be a bitch and rip my head off if she sees me. I retract my earlier statement, I am a total pussy.

"Why hello there". Shit! Shit! Shit! She wasn't looking at me. She was tending to Cartman who was sat on an examination table, totally trying to avoid looking at her. He greeted my presence with a thankful smile. Why he did that, I'm not so sure.

"How can I help you?", she smiled as she removed a rubber glove from her hand and put it in the bin that was situated just to the left of her. She had a sweet voice, and hair coloured bright pink. She seemed nice enough, so after recovering from my little panic attack, I let out a breath and began to reply.

"I- I'm fine thanks. I was just checking on Eric". Eric gave me a confused look, while the nurse chuckled happily to herself.

"Oh how nice", she charmed as she stood up from her chair, and stalked towards the sink at the back of the room. "You've got 5 minutes until class, so make sure to hurry", she almost sang. I snorted at her enthusiastic personality, which luckily went unheard by her. Eric noticed my reaction to her and let out a deep chuckle. His chuckle brought my eyes to land on him. He too, was dressed in clothing that probably would look somewhat better on a girl... if I could say that. To be honest, I'd preferably say those clothes would look better in a trash compactor, but all to their own. Is that how the saying goes? Pfft... I don't now. I'm only 10, how am I supposed to know.

"What do you want?", he spat accusingly, obviously expecting me to say something to insult him. With his first reaction being this, I couldn't lie and say I wasn't tempted to insult him, but I had come here out of good will so I made sure to stick with a good motive.

"Just checking you're okay. Craig... He really took it out on you, huh?", I asked awkwardly. Maybe I hadn't thought this through. I wanted to check that Cartman was okay but I had nothing to say to this person. Well... nothing nice per say. Cartman rolled his eyes at my response and flipped me off behind the nurses back. I decided to be the bigger man and ignored his insult. "I've heard you haven't got to go to lessons... I guess that's a plus... yeah?". He looked at me calculatingly, obviously having an internal battle with himself. He sighed, but then let a smug smirk wash over him.

"Yeah. I haven't got to go to any lessons for the rest of the day", he momentarily paused as he put his arms behind his head to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. "I haven't got to go the Appreciation Camp either".

"Wh- What!?". He didn't reply, he just smiled evily.

"Send me a postcard won't you?". I swear that if the nurse wasn't in the room I would totally wipe that smug look right off his face. I might be a pussy, but I can have outbursts of courage and strength, just like any other kid. As if sensing what I was thinking, Cartman flipped me off again and asked me what time it was. This obviously caught the attention of the nurse who took a step backwards to look at the clock on the wall.

"You'll have to go to lesson now sweetie", she informed as she finished up at the sink. I glared into the back of her head... until she turned around that was.

"OH MY GOD!". I instantly held my mouth after my outburst. The nurse's smile faultered a little, but she managed to put something similar to a smile on her face. Her deformed conjoined baby fetus face. Cartman was wildly laughing at my reaction to the nurse's appearance. Instead of shouting at me or getting angry, she put on a brave face and shushed me out of the nurses office. The only thing I could feel once she had pushed me out of the room was disbelief and guilt.

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"The person was identified as Diana Cravendale. Her family has been informed of the incident, and her funeral has been organised for Thursday". A low chuckle serenaded the end of the news reporters sentence. With a scratch at his bald head, and a final sip from his beer, our favourite murderer rose from his seat and stared admiringly to the ceiling.

"We did it mommy!", he screamed in joy, clapping his hands rapidly. "I'm going to be famous at last", he giggled childishly. However, as if on cue to ruin his day, the news reporter continued; "Our sources tell us that this is clearly the work of the Alien Beast that we've all been hearing about. For more information, we have our news correspondant right at the scene. Broadcasting for our news, here's 'Midget Wearing A Bikini'".

"Thanks Tom. There's been a right carnage down here in Stark Forest. Blood splattered all over the place in a gruesome scene straight out of a horror book. The victim, known as Diana was initially believed to have been murdered by the elusive murderer that's been wanted around South Park for the past month or so...". At the mention of his 'status', the bald man screamed happily, while doing some sort of make-shift dance purely to emphasise how successful he felt.

"We did it Ma! We did it!".

"...this was because the victim was missing her left hand. However the body was also found ripped to shreds, skin and bone thrown wrecklessly all over the place. Because of this, the police department believe that this is the work of the Alien Beast". Hearing this caused baldy to stop his dance of macarbe, and instead clutch onto the sides of his television in desperation. All he wanted was to show his mom that he could be somebody. He could be famous. He could be infamous. He could be on the news. Oh how impressed his mother would be!

"No. NO! That was me! I killed her! I took her hand!", he argued with the television, shaking it angrily in his grasp.

"Animalistic teeth marks were found on the bits of body that were mangled by the alien beast. All this news respondant has to ask is; how are we going to sleep at night knowing that this beast is still at large".

"ARGH!", the bald man shrieked as he pushed his television on to it's back, causing the screen to split and turn to static. "Fucking wolves", he muttered to himself as he lifted himself back to his feet. He had killed that woman. He had cut her hand off. That was his calling card. He should be the one relishing in this fame, yet his glory had been taken from him, by some stupid fucking animal that had been looking for an easy meal. Our killer, much unlike the town, did not believe that this alien beast really existed. He had lived right next to the forest his whole adult-life, and not once had he seen anything alien like. He had seen bears. He had seen boars. He had saw wolves, pigs, deer and even other people. But he hadn't saw any alien beasts. None at all. Rubbing his hand over his bald head, he sighed loudly. He picked up his hat from the floor, followed by a can of beer from his broken mini-fridge and finally a shotgun that he had discarded behind his sofa. With a repeated "Fucking wolves", he swept out of his house as quick as his legs would carry him.

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I stalked into Mr Garrison's classroom feeling very sorry for myself indeed. I had basically embarrassed both myself and Nurse Gollum purely for something she has no control over. I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I hate it when people take the piss out of someone for something they can't control, and I had just done that. I had done one of the things I hate most. I slid on to my seat, totally ignoring the stares I was being given for not dressing in some ridiculous clothing. Talking about not dressing in ridiculous clothing, Kyle had promptly decided to sit in Cartman's discarded seat for some reason. As if my curiousity had become too much for me to handle, I turned on the spot and looked at Kyle. Surveying him, he looked sad. He looked... bruised. Someone had hit him I think.

"Haha there's two butch bastards now", a kid known only as Dogpoo chuckled menacingly. I took a leaf out of Cartman's book and simply flipped him off, while continuing to stare at Kyle. He obviously felt my eyes on him, and stared back at me curiously.

"What's up with you". He shook his head lightly, and buried his face into his crossed arms. I rolled my eyes, and sighed with annoyance. Again, he looked towards me and I stared back, still awaiting my answer.

"Token and that lot bet me up for not being meterosexual", he whimpered sadly. I nodded incredulously in reply. I had heard of people being bet up for looking meterosexual, but never the other way around. Twisting back on my seat, I held my head in my hand and just wondered who would be the first to launch a fist in my direction.

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"This is brilliant", Al Gore sang as he fashioned together some brown fabric. "I'm super serial. Why did I not think of this before!?" He continued to place pieces of brown material into his shopping basket. He had drove to Denver town, to try and put his previously discovered plan into action, and had fortunately managed to stumble up a small polish store, that sold everything. From non-translated dorito crisps to glow in the dark fishing wire. If you wanted some random crap, they sold that random crap. "I could use this", he whistled as he scooped up a tube of superglue. He tried to read the label on the glue, but of course he had no understanding on how to read polish. Infact, he had no idea what language this was. To him, they just looked like shapes and lines. To any other person, they'd most likely know that the language was in some sort of eastern-european language. Russian most-likely. Never-the-less, Al shoved the glue in his basket and carried on searching through the store. With a shop like this, his plan would be underway in no time.

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"Hey Kyle".

"Hey Chef".

"How's It Going?".

"Bad".

"Why bad?".

I kicked myself for not rushing to lunch quickly. I had reluctantly waited for Kyle, so that the chance of either of us being ganged upon at dinner was lowered. However, this meant that we were basically at the back of the dinner line, and we had been stood in the line for about 20 minutes before being able to even be given food. But no, that wasn't the worst of it, I now had to wait for Kyle to finish his moaning to the school chef before I could eat. I was absolutely starving. I was wasting away. Kyle, there's things known as agony aunts. Stop wasting my valueable food-eating time and hurry yourself up.

"Yeah I noticed Kyle. I just thought you little crackers were having a fancy dress day". Oh god, not this again. Kyle had done nothing but spent the entirety of lesson time, complaining to me about the meterosexual fad that was happening. I throughully agreed with him that the fad was a bunch of shit, but he clearly did not think me agreeing with him was enough. He was mostly upset that his friends had outcasted him due to the fact that he apparently now looked butch. If this was anyone else I would've cared, but a few days previous he had helped beat me up when I was outcasted myself, so I wasn't too fussed that he was having a taste of his own medicine.

"C'mon children, you're holding up the line". With that, Kyle went to stand in the dinner hall. As usual, I handed Chef my food tray, and asked him how he was. He'd give the same reply that he normally did, then he handed me my food tray back and in return I'd smile my thanks, before walking into the dinner hall myself. Before I could even begin to find a seat Kyle was instantly by my side. The fact that he had got beaten up earlier had obviously shaken him up, as he hadn't left my side all day. I was prepared to play along however. I felt like the chance of us being ganged up on decreased if we weren't alone. So I guess his company was helping me, just as much as it was helping him.

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"You. Lots of err... How you say?", a foreign woman asked politely, as she waved her hands hand towards the stock pile of objects that Mr Gore had brought with him to the till. She had a deep Romanian accent, and was pulling the most amused face possible. "Crafts?". Al nodded, not really paying attention to what she had asked. Instead he had hurriedly pushed the items on to the till for her to put them through her scanner.

"How much is this glue?", he asked as he picked it up from the pile. The woman looked at him, clearly not understanding what he was asking. "How much?", he repeated. She shook her head cautiously in an apologetic fashion.

"I. Err. I...", she trailed off nervously. Al Gore bit his lip to try and subdue the annoyance he was beginning to feel. He had to get this plan underway as soon as possible, otherwise the ManBearPig might work out his plan. He was super serial that it had to be done super soon. But the woman infront of him was making this a very impossible task indeed.

"Price!", he shouted aggravated. The woman shook a little before piecing together what he was asking her about.

"Oh. Ab- About Tree Fiddy", she whispered nervously, fearing that the customer infront of her was about to have another outburst... and after hearing the price, that was exactly what he did.

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It was now nearing the end of the school day. The end of the school week actually. Well, it was the end of the school week for Cartman. Everyone else (including myself) still to endure a weekend at some crummy camp. Even I wanted to punch myself. I longed for a weekend. Just for a couple days relaxation before I had to be subjected to anymore of the nonsense that was so abundant around here. On a positive side, a majority of the kids around me had finally had an epiphany and realised how stupid they looked in their meterosexual clothing. With red faces, and hushed voices they had snook off to get changed back into some more regular clothing. Infact everyone except for Stan, Kenny, Token, Craig and Clyde had gotten changed. Those five were currently trying to be more metero then each other. I rolled my eyes dramatically when Clyde's voice whined a high pitch 'Gurl!'. With a few finger snaps his voice stopped and Stan's voice took his place.

"Oh no you didn't".

"Yes baby girl. Yes I did".

"Don't make me snatch your ratass weave". Kenny's mumbled laughter sounded after Stan's remark. I think all five of them had realised how stupid they looked, but this was now a matter of pride. If they gave up now, then this whole fiasco would've been a total waste of time. Oh, and I may aswell mention that Kyle was no longer following me around like a lost puppy. Once people had began to realise how stupid they were, he instantly decided to migrate to Butters and Tweek. Of course, they were my friends too so he was still around me, but the fact that he was no longer the only company I had was very appealing indeed. Leaning back on my seat I stared tiresomely towards the clock positioned just above the chalkboard. Willing it too hurry up so that I could just go back home to the safety and normality of my house. As if God had decided he wanted to answer my prayers, the bell began to ring for the end of the day. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I was the first one out of seat, and out of the classroom.

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Chapter 7. Done. I made sure to implement both references, and factors of the main plot into this chapter, so hopefully you guys won't find this chapter pointless. Next chapter will most likely be the bus trip and probably the arrival at the amazing fun lovely camp *Says that with enthusiastic sarcasm*. I'm not entirely sure how many chapters this story will actually have, because it's not as if I plan that far ahead, but I'm guessing we're probably a fifth/quarter of the way through. That might change, and the story may be over in no time. It totally depends on how I feel about this story as it progresses. As usual, if you have any queries or any suggestions for the story/my writing skills, then make sure to leave them in the review section! Thanks for reading this far by the way! ;D

Disclaimer; Do I still need to state this? South Park = Not Mine.