Chapter Fourteen
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The funeral service was long and slow. Nobody had actually found Al's body, but no one had enough disrespect to not plan a funeral for him. He may have been a psycho, who didn't really think about how what he said would be interpretated, but I'd like to think he deserved a final send off. I know I'd want a final send off if I was in his place. Maybe one that wasn't as long or as awkward as Al's though. No one had really spoken or gotten to know Al Gore personally, so people had turned up to his funeral mainly to not seem like heartless douches. Most of the attendees were worried about some flashing lights that had been seen around the town the previous night, but being at that camp meant that none of us fourth graders had seen anything. Even Eric said he saw something, but he wouldn't let on to anyone what he actually saw. Speaking about Eric, he was the only person who had enough balls to tell everyone how 'faggy' he thought the 'whole funeral for someone you didn't know' affair was. He just didn't know how to have even the tiniest bit of respect or dignity. I had seriously began wondering whether he was as large as he was because of his inflated ego needing a lot more room. It was definitely a possibility. Anyways, getting back onto topic. Al Gore's death had been seen as some sort of holy sacrifice by the town of South Park. He had sacrificed himself to kill that beast we found back in the forest. The beast that had apparently been killing people around the town since before I moved here. His selfless sacrifice had earned us the day off school on Monday, (which was when the funeral had took place). A lot of the town had been there. Just standing there. Wordlessly. They were clearly as clueless as us kids were. After about 30 minutes, the majority of people had dispersed from the empty grave that had been given to Gore. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I hoped he wasn't actually dead. I was being super cereal...
My family were last to leave his grave. This was because my mom had some sort of stupid superstition. She wanted to please the spirits so that they could please us or something like that. Just... Don't ask, because I don't know what goes on in the head of my mother. How dad managed to understand her was beyond me, but then again my dad knew everything. I'm sure his IQ was like a million or something.
"You looking forward to the county fair this week?", My dad asked as if he somehow knew I was thinking of him. I nodded while looking down at the black blazer-jacket I was wearing. I wasn't really sure how it was a suitable thing to wear at a funeral but my dad had said it made me look smart. I just guessed that dad was trying to lighten the mood. Looking back towards him, he smiled before taking a quick glance at mom and then turning back to me. "I'm thinking pancakes for breakfast. Aye son?". Mom looked at him with a faked-angry look on her face.
"You've already had breakfast". At this he nodded with a quick laugh.
"Second breakfast then. We're wasting away, aren't we son?". Mom shook her head playfully at me when I agreed with my dad. "Fine. Pancakes it is". With her surrender dad snaked an arm around mom's shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze. Blanching at the sight, I turned on the spot to be met with a kid that I had never met before. He was dressed in a long purple cloak, (that seemed to be fashioned out of a curtain), and a painted paper-mache crown upon his head. I stared at him, waiting for him to speak but quickly realised the kid was going to remain silent. Before I could decide to speak first, he held out a piece of purple paper, which I reluctantly took.
"Whose your friend Nathan?", my mom asked goofily. I turned at the sound of her voice and mouthed 'dunno', before turning back to the boy. When I turned back however, he had disappeared. Shrugging it off I shoved the paper into my pocket and continued the walk back to my house to get changed.
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Sighing loudly, our favourite murderer swung into a bar not too far from his house. The lighting outside informed him that the place was called Skeeter's Bar, and after all this mockery of some guy he hadn't even heard of partly taking his glory for killing that beast in the forest, he felt like he had earned himself a drink. He thought a drink would also better his mood. The fact that some guy had took some of the glory had really angered him... but the fact that, that some guy had died meant that he wouldn't be able to enact revenge by killing him himself. The idea of losing a kill really devestated our favourite murderer. However, once a couple pints of beer were pumping through his veins he had his happy persona back. Mainly because his alcohol-fueled state had reminded him that he had a bunch of 4th graders to kill. Oh, how he planned to kill them he didn't know just yet. He had to play it carefully though. He wanted to make sure that every one of those glory-hunting spoilt brats got what was coming to them, and if he went out killing people left, right and centre then he would never be able to make them all suffer before the police caught up with him. This was new territory for him. Previously he had been killing people with the mission to get caught. But now he was going to try and kill people without getting caught. He was clueless. All he knew was that; It was going to be a really hard task. It was going to be a really difficult task. It was going to be a really fun task.
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Join the Bloodknox Battle Orcs today! Meeting at the elusive Red Fort. (That's the red house next to the South Park sign for you newbies!) Starts at 4pm! Be there or be square! (Free Hat) - Dovakhin The Orcish Overlord.
Snorting at the purple note that mute boy had given me earlier, I scrunched it up into a ball and chucked it into the park bin. Dad, mom and me had gotten home about five minutes after the encounter with 'Mr Silent', and after 10 minutes of getting changed into something more comfortable I was outside of my house and exploring the town myself, for what must've been the first time. I had been outside of my house before obviously, but I hadn't really traversed into the main streets of the town much, so I felt like I could spend today just exploring and working my way around town. My travelling had took me to various places of the town. I had reached the church first, before continuing down the road to pass by the police station. Walking further along the very same road, I came to the main market strip of South Park... and I couldn't help but feel quite confused by what the town had to offer. Where I was expecting a useful corner shop or a helpful conveinience store, I was met with an abortion clinic and a photo store. Where exactly did people in this town get their food from? I mean, there was a whole shopping-centre in town but for some reason it was always closed whenever I walked past. It was just never ever open. Anyway, continuing from the market strip I had found my way to the park in town, which is where I was currently situated. I wasn't on the park to play before you think that! I'm 10. I'm way too old to be playing on the park. Park's are for babies. I was just sat on the slide so that I could catch my breath. If I happened to slip down the slide then that wasn't my fault. That would be gravity's fault. Yeah? Like, I'm way too old to be playing on a park, but if gravity pulls me down the slide then that's not my fault. It's not as if I'm choosing to go down the slide. It was out of my control. Yeah. That sounds believeable... I err- I mean... of course it sounds believeable because that's the truth. After being 'forced' down the slide by gravity I decided to leave the park and explore more of the town. Before too long I was met with the sight of a cinema and a coffee store.
"Hey kid!". Hearing the pale man stood in the ticket booth of the cinema shout me, I turned to face him. With a smirk of getting my attention, he held a movie ticket up to the glass of his booth. "How does it feel knowing you can't see this movie because you're not mature enough?". With a shrug I turned away from the man and continued down to the coffee shop next door.
"Tweak Bros?", I asked myself quietly so that any passers-by wouldn't think I was crazy for talking to myself. Noting that no one had heard me, I opened the door to the coffee shop and walked inside. Almost instantly the smell of coffee beans and cream hit my nose. Letting out a small smile at the delicious smell, I began walking to the counter before noticing Cartman stood in the corner of the seating area, wearing the most ridiculous wizard garb. As if sensing my eyes on him, he gasped thoughtfully before composing himself and walking over with a spring in his step.
"I see you've noticed my magic wizard robes", he stated while trying his best to fake a posh-accent. With a chuckle I nodded my reply. My laugh made him glare slightly, but again he composed himself.
"What are you wearing?", I cackled while holding a hand over my mouth so that the sound of laughter would be mumbled and hopefully less noticeable.
"I just said magic wizard robes asshole! Learn to listen you dumb fuck!". At his insult I stopped my laughter. Noting my silence he smiled at his success. "Hey! Where d'ya think you're going?". Clearly he had obviously noted that I was walking away from him, but had not worked out I was walking towards the counter. "Aye! Don't ignore me you pigfucker!". The man at the counter glared at Cartman for his outburst, before placing a probably-rehearsed smile on his face.
"What can I get you?". I gave the man an equally false smile before turning to look at the menu. I wasn't really a massive coffee lover to be quite honest. Which kind of made me question why on Earth I had walked into a coffee shop. Noticing that I was having trouble deciding whether or not I actually wanted a coffee, the man behind the counter tapped me on the shoulder as if to bring me out of my thoughts. "Are you here to play with Tweek and his friends?".
"What?", I asked dumbly.
"Is that why you're here? I've had a bunch of kids playing Knights and Trolls or something come here asking for Tweek. They're all in the back room if that's where you need to go". With a quick 'Thanks', I smiled and turned on the spot so that I could head home. World of Warcraft-like games, were games I rarely ever enjoyed playing.
"If you ignore me once more I'mma kick you in the nuts! Seriously!", whined the very large wizard-boy who had just jumped in my way in an attempt to stop me from leaving the coffee shop. Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed and decided it would probably just be a lot easier if I agreed to answer Cartman's questions rather than refuse to acknowledge them at all.
"Home". At my answer he tutted dramatically before turning me around and leading me towards one of the tables. He had his arm draped over my shoulder, and I was suddenly aware that something fishy was probably going to happen soon. For some unknown reason he was limping really badly. I wasn't sure what had happened to Cartman when the rest of us had went to the camp, but something clearly had happened. I was in no mood to ask him about it though.
"Why would you want to go home when you can make something of yourself?".
"Look Eric, if this is about the World of Warcraft game you're all playing then I'm not interested".
"Hear me out you douc- World of Warcraft? Seriously? It's Dungeons & Dragons asswipe!". As if to emphasise how annoyed he was that I had gotten the two mixed up he tightened his grip on my shoulder so that he was hurting me. Clenching my teeth to so that I wouldn't gasp out in pain, I continued the conversation.
"Okay, Okay".
"Nyah!", He exclaimed in a way that made it sound like he had achieved something. "Now Nathan. I'm offering you something that I never ever offer other dirty gingers freaks". I glared at him for this. "But seeing as you're a day walker I guess you can be an exception", he reasoned to himself, in a way that made it sound that he wasn't entirely happy asking a ginger, whatever he was going to ask me. "I want you to join the KKK". He removed his hand from my shoulder and smiled whe-
"What!?", I choked in disgust after fully realising what he had asked me.
"Don't get your ginger balls in a knot dickface. It means Kingdom of Kupa Keep", he snapped as he took a seat at a table. Gesturing for me to join him, I sat down opposite him.
"Kingdom of Kupa Keep?", I asked as I picked up and surveyed a coaster that had been left on the table. Within a few seconds he had snatched the coaster from my hand and was looking down at me with pure seriousity.
"The world is in danger firecrotch", he started, totally ignoring my question. I decided to ignore his insult and let him continue. "Us humans need all the help we can get". With this, he paused and looked at me for an answer that I didn't have. "Come on firecrotch I don't have all day".
"What? ...and stop calling me that". He rolled his eyes and then proceeded to look at me as if I was brainless.
"Look assmaster. Do you want to be on my side or not?". It was clear he was rapidly losing his patience. Fully knowing that if I declined his invitation to play some role playing game, I would have to deal with his complaining and bitching tomorrow in school I sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Great. We'll do the ceremony back at the Kingdom".
"What? Ceremony!?". My questions went unanswered as Cartman was now focusing on the people that had just walked out of the store room. Following his eyes, I came face to face with quite a sight. Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny, Jimmy, Token and Craig, all dressed up in some hand-made medieval-esque clothing. Stan and Kyle had fashioned themselves to look like some humanoid being with pointed ears. I would've guessed vampires, but the rest of their costume didn't really fit the whole 'blood-sucking monster' theme.
"Oh howdy Nathan", Butters smiled with a quick wave. I waved back but couldn't reply as Kyle had already begun speaking.
"We got Tweek out of retirement Wizard King".
"That's great Jew". Kyle did not seem happy with Cartman's reply.
"Hey fatass! If I have to call you Wizard King, then that means you have to call me Elven King". Cartman whined at the idea but did as he was told.
"Fine Kyle you goddamn hippee crybaby". Once he had got that out of his system, he went back to role-playing. "Thanks Elven King". The fact that Cartman had called Kyle something in a positive light had really bothered him. "I've got firecrotch here to join us too. Isn't that right firecrotch".
"I said stop calling me that", I hissed at the fat boy, only earning a devious smirk in return. "You know what. Fuck you Eric".
"Don't be such a sissy bitch. Listen to your king!", Cartman ordered in a whiny-pitched voice.
"King? Pshh", Kyle mocked.
"Kyle! Seriously. I will kick your ass you ginger jersey Jew!". Kyle glared at Cartman for his remark. "C'mon firecrotch. Grow some balls and join us". The way Cartman said this, made it sound like I didn't have a choice.
"Just play the game?", Craig asked me in a friendly tone. Well... as friendly as Craig could possibly make it sound. Shrugging slightly, I sighed and let a small smile grow on my face.
"Fine guys", I smirked in defeat. At this I earned a playful cheer from Token, Craig and Tweek. "So... how do you play?".
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Before I get into the author notes... College has re-begun! This means updates are going to take quite a bit longer than usual. I'm sorry but revising for my A-Levels just seems like the bigger priority at the moment. Updates will mainly be on weekends, but the odd weekday updates may occur. Thanks for understanding guys!
Chapter Fourteen; How was this for a chapter? Now that the whole Al Gore part has finished, I needed something to take up that spot. This is why the whole 'Stick Of Truth-esque' setting has came in. Don't worry I won't dwindle on it too much, and I won't implement spoilers if I can help it. I just need something to split the murderer scenes from the kid scenes and this seems like the perfect topic for the meanwhile. A couple references to past episodes in this chapter again too for you South Park Superfans ahaha.
Thanks to my avid reviewers Cortez30 and IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch! I'm grateful for the reviews you two have been giving me. They help me work out whether something is working or not in the story, so thanks guys! For anyone else who wants to ask me a question, give me plot ideas you wouldn't mind seeing or even something as simple as constructive criticism; Don't feel scared to leave me a message or a review!
Disclaimer; South Park isn't my property guys.