Chapter Seventeen;
"So glad you could make it", a small red-headed boy with glasses mumbled nervously as Red and I slowly entered the house, (that was apparently the meeting ground for Dovakhin and his 'orc-team' or whatever the proper name for them was). I didn't really care what they called themselves. I just wanted to know how to play whatever game it was that Cartman had banished me from. Once I knew the rules, I was going to beat his ass at his own game. That'll show him for booting me for Kula Keep or whatever it was. Look. I'm still annoyed, okay? It's not my fault I don't remember certain details that don't seem significant at the time. I think the fact that Red was so persistant that we learn how to play this game had something to do with how pissy I had become all of a sudden. It was like I was preparing for a battle, and I had to make sure that I made her proud. That makes sense. Right? I could only hope so.
"Thank you", Red quipped as she nodded to the boy who had greeted to us. Once we had rebegun walking down the hallway, she whispered to me about how the boy had diabetes. I wasn't so sure why she was telling me this, but I nodded along pretending that I was interested. I don't know why my mind was so out of it today. I just couldn't concentrate on anything that didn't involve learning this game so I could enact some well deserved revenge on Cartman. I normally didn't hold grudges, but for some reason I just couldn't let it go. Again, I blamed this on the fact that Red was here. "What's wrong with you, Nay?", she suddenly asked in a worried tone as she held both of my hands so that we could stand face-to-face. I smiled at the fact that she cared. But what was I meant to tell her? I'm only 10, I'm not old enough for this shit.
"Err... Nothing. I- I just need a drink I think", I replied dumbly. She gave me a look that showed she only partly believed me. Fortunately she decided not to pry further and instead began to lead me into one of the rooms that a kid dressed in a tin-foil chestplate of some sort had previously just exited.
"That was Damien", Red mumbled as she watched him exit the house altogether. Was she nervous, because why else would she keep providing me with random factoids that had nothing to do with me? Then again. I was nervous too. But I was the quiet-nervous, while she was the chatty-nervous.I guess she made up for what I lacked. That's another positive thing about Re- "What are you doing?", Red asked out loud, bringing me back to my senses. She was staring quite profusedly at a boy that had appeared infront of us, purposely blocking our way. Once I had focussed my eyes on said blockade, I realised it was the mute boy that I had run into earlier with my parents. He was still wearing that incredibly embarassing costume, but it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest which I guess I had to respect him for. He glared at Red for a second before turning to me.
"What's she doing here?". Oh. So he wasn't a complete mute then. Taking in his voice, I noticed it was a lot lower than I had expected it to be, which had caught me off guard slightly. (The fact that he had infact spoke at all, had also caught me off guard, let me just make that clear too). He was clearly unpleased with my silence as he rudely clicked his fingers in my face to try to bring me out of my thoughts. In short, it worked.
"Uh- Red?", I asked stupidly. He nodded at this in a very patronising way.
"The note said no girls", He explained tautly. Red was looking down her nose at him now, and I felt very put on the spot to defend her. However before I could even utter a word, he had already rebegun talking... I think to himself. "Why make a note when you knew assholes weren't going to read it. You want someone on your team and they decide to bring all their mates. I'm 'sure' I didn't put a 'plus one' on the invitation". I was glad that he was talking to himself, because I couldn't even begin how to describe how sarcastic he was being... too himself. I'm pretty sure no one would ever want to be on the receiving end of that. I know I didn't. Mainly because I wouldn't even know how to respond.
"Look...", I began quietly so that this mentally unstable kid wouldn't lose his head. He placed his eyes on me, faking interest in what I was saying. "If you really want me on... whatever your team is cal-".
"Pfft... Did you even read the invitation dick?", he cut me off in a snarky town. I felt Red's grip on my hand tighten slightly in anger.
"Clearly not". It was my turn to be sarcastic. "Me and Red here just thought it'd be nice to drop by a random house to say hello". He choked out a very short and undignified laugh.
"Ever think about joining the Sarcastaball team?", He joked. This time I couldn't tell whether he was actually being sarcastic or not.
"As I was sayi- Sarcastaball?". Before I could continue, and before this Dovakhin kid could reply, Red sighed impatiently. She clearly didn't want to be around the sarcastic shit-lord infront of her for much longer. This was an action I seconded. "Nevermind...", I quickly cut in. "Look. If you want me on your team then you're letting Red play too".
"Yeah", she interjected as if it helped her cause. Dovakhin sighed at this, before turning to look inside the room we were originally planning on going in. Noting that only about three other people had come to his 'important' meeting, he nodded in surrender.
"Fine. But if your maiden gets kidnapped, don't come running to me". He quickly added, "Your King", at the end of his sentence as if it were vital I knew this. Red only spluttered a very boisterous and clearly disapproving laugh. Red was gifted with Dovakhin's two fingers raised in backwards-peace fashion. I could tell this was going to be a fun day.
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"Oh God -ACK- What A-are we g-going to d-do!", Tweek panicked as he grasped onto the nearest person to him in desperation. To Craig's displeasure, the closest person to Tweek appeared to be him. "We're in -ERG- shit, man!". Craig rolled his eyes, while he simultaneously pried Tweek's hands from his jacket.
"Clyde? Any help?", Craig's nasally voice sounded, as he gestured towards the panicked blonde infront of him. No longer than two seconds passed before Clyde's very own nasally reply was heard.
"You're a level sixteen thief. You can handle this". This was said with a hint of jealously. Of course, seeing as the wizard king very much hated Clyde's guts, it was only fair that Clyde had lost all of his levels when he rejoined the game. He was, as of yet, only a level four warrior. Lazily wiping down a wooden sword with a towel, he awaited Craig's reply. Of course, seeing as this was Craig we were talking about. The response was not vocal. Infact, it came in the form of his two middle fingers. Letting go of Tweek to symbol this with his hands had left the possibility of Tweek latching on to his jacket very much open... and that is what Tweek resulted in doing. This time however, Tweek was shaking Craig quite roughly so that he could regain his attention. Dejectedly, Craig turned his head from Clyde to Token.
"I'm staying out of this Craig", came Token's answer to Craig's unasked question. All Craig did in response was cut his eyes at his friend before deciding to take care of the situation himself. He quickly forced Tweek's arms away from his jacket, before giving him a harsh shove to remove Tweek from himself. This resulted in Tweek falling backwards onto the grass of Cartman's backgarden.
"Bloody hell Craig you didn't need to that", Token reasoned sternly as he rushed over to help Tweek up.
"He was annoying me". He said this, as if it was reason enough to shove someone to the ground.
"You annoy me. You don't see me pushing you to the ground", Token spat back as he helped Tweek to his feet. Almost instantly the blonde had latched his arm onto Token's wrist to both steady himself, and to have someone to hold for when his panic attack would undoubtedly restart. That was the thing with Tweek. He knew when he was going to have a crazy panic-stricken moment, and no matter how hard he tried to conceal it, it would always burst out of him in an metaphorically explosive way. He was a ticking time bomb, and no one was safe.
"Only because you don't have the guts to push me to the ground", Craig snidely remarked, as he fiddled lazily with his plastic knife.
"Don't make me prove you wrong", Token suddenly spat as he forced his arm out of Tweek's grip.
"C'mon fellas. How a-are we meant to beat the elves if we're fighting against each other", Butters reasoned as he exited the tent that was apparently the King's throne room. His reasoning was noted by Token, but went unheard by Craig who didn't care for the opinions of someone like Butters.
"What's Cartman doing in there?", Clyde asked as he finished up, polishing his wooden sword.
"Making a c-contract, so", he paused momentarily while he fiddled with his hands. "So none of us can d-double cross him like Kenny did".
"Seriously?", Craig snorted. He found the idea of a contract for something so meaningless stupid and redundant. This belief was truly replicated in Butter's mind. The difference between the two however, was the reason for their beliefs. Craig just found the concept of a contract stupid, while Butter's was too naive and actually believed that no one would backstab Kupa Keep, even without the prospect of a contract hanging over their heads.
"A-A contract? N-No way man! That's -AGH- way too much pressure!".
"Look assholes!". Cartman had finally decided to present his peasants with his presence. He had his staff equipped in one hand, and the other clasped around a rolled up piece of paper that he had previously scrunched, un-scrunched, tore and stained with coffee water so that it looked aesthetically believeable. "I'm the king and I say contract! If that's 'too much pressure'...", he paused after mimicking Tweek in a very patronising way, as if to draw out laughter and applause for his, (in his opinion), excellent impersonation of the frazzled kid. To his joy both Craig and Clyde let out the slightest chuckle which was enough to fuel Cartman's ego that little bit more. "...Then you will find yourself banished from space and time. We all know how that turned out don't we". At this, everyone turned to look at Clyde.
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"Where the fuck is Kenny?", Kyle let out an exasperated sigh, as he sat back in his 'throne' uncomfortably. Seeing as the elven kingdom hadn't really been in operation since the humans and elves had teamed up the kingdom, (or Kyle's backgarden if you'd prefer), was more of a junkyard then a kingdom. For a throne Kyle had fished up an old deck chair, and the weapon's stall that Kenny should've been manning was literally just a piece of cardboard laying on the floor. If you were a lucky recruit you'd get a cricket bat or a tennis racket. If you were unlucky, you'd be left with the scraps. A roll of newspaper or a splintering branch for example.
"Maybe he's still trying to talk Damien over. You know how hot headed he gets", Stan commented to try to reassure his friend.
"Timmeh!", Timmy shouted in what seemed to be agreement. Jimmy had easily recruited Timmy to the elven side, seeing as they were pretty much bestfriends. Jimmy had stuggled recruiting the third graders, and even when he played them a song on his flute to their request, only two third graders actually decided to join the game they were playing. Of course, Kyle was very quick to voice his opinions about the fact that only two kids had been recruited, but Jimmy decidedly ignored him, believing that Kyle was just stressed out by the fact that Cartman and his Kupa Keep Cronies were undoubtedly going to waste the Elven Kingdom. Stan hadn't done much better. The girls had full on rejected to play the game, mainly because Wendy was still a little sour from what Stan had said on the school bus when they were travelling to the Appreciation camp. She was going to make sure that the 'yucky' girls (as Stan had called them), weren't going to play with the boys. The vampire kids was a whole other story. They were literally cultist-leeches who had said they'd only play Stan's game if he became one of them. Stan had enough of the whole 'dark-gothic' scene when he and Wendy last broke up, and there was no way he was drinking clammato juice and pretending to be a blood sucking pest just to get them to join in on the game. He'd rather staple his own eyes shut than go out his way to please some whack-job vampire wannabes. Of course, Kyle wasn't happy with the entire 'zero' people Stan had recruited, but he shut up when Stan suggested Kyle go through with the whole clammato juice ritual himself. As stated above, Kenny was still not back from trying to find Damien. Kyle had been more successful and had recruited Ike and three of his kindergartener friends. This meant, that even with the joint effort of Jimmy, Stan, Kenny and Kyle, they had only recruited seven more people. Six of which were younger then the entirety of Cartman's team, meaning that they may aswell have not tried to recruit anyone at all.
"Come on Kenny", Kyle muttered out loud. "It's all up to you now".
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"What are you doing Cartman?".
"That's king Cartman to you hippee". At Cartman's remark, Token let out an annoyed sigh. "If you must know, I'm letting the humans know we're planning an attack on the elven assholes at five".
"You g-gonna use Twitter?", Butters asked nervously as he twirled his hammer around in his hand. His reply earned him a stern stare from the wizard king himself.
"Carrier Raven you butthole!". Butters jumped slightly at the sound of Cartman's outburst, causing Clyde to grin.
"Why are you putting it on the 'Carrier Raven'", Craig butted in, making sure to air-quote Carrier Raven with his fingers. "Won't the elves find out?".
"It doesn't matter if they do", Clyde interjected as he made his way over to stand by Token. "They don't have enough elves to fight us all off".
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"No way man. I am not cupping a fart", I cried as Dovakhin demonstrated how to do it right infront of my eyes. I'm not going to lie, how he managed to cup a fart and fling it into Red's face was quite amazing, (and disgustingly cruel), but there was no way I wanted to do that. I wouldn't class myself as a gentleman, but I was gentleman enough to know flinging farts into people's faces was not the way to go.
"Look. I've gave you and your tart a uniform and I've taught you how to play the game, so just do this one thing for me". It was tru-
"Hey! Don't call Red a tart!", I shouted, once I had realised what he had called her. He decidedly ignored me, and ceased being this amazing fart-teacher that he was so insistent on being. As I was previously going to say before I was cut off, everything he had said was true. He had taught me and Red how to play the game. It was basically a real life representation of those role playing games. You know what games I'm talking about, right? Those ones where you have to press attack or heal or some other option. I think Final Fantasy had a similar layout, but I'm not entirely sure about that. He had also given me and Red two uniforms. Red was dressed in a velvetty-red fake-fur jacket. However, to make her seem more like a warrior, and less like a cat-walk fashionista, Dovakhin had cellotaped circle-cutouts of tin foil around her elbows, and entire cake-tin to her chest. I guess this also provided some form of protection. She was basically a junkyard princess. Did that make me junkyard prince? She is my junkyard princess after all isn't she? Wait. What the hell am I saying. Pull yourself together Nathan. Pull yourself together.
"What you thinking about 007?", Dovakhin snorted as he picked up a plastic blade and shimmied it through his belt. He had begun calling me 007 because of the lousy costume he had given me. We were meant to be pretending we were in some medieval age, but you had Red dressed up similar to those girls on 'Toddlers And Tiaras', and me dressed up in a wooly black hat, a black t-shirt and basically black everything else. He had even used shoe polish and two fingers to draw lines on my left cheek. In Dovakhin world, this get up made me look like a spy. I believed it made me look more like a mime that just hadn't had chance to put on the white face paint yet. Another kid that had joined Dovakhin's team was practically wearing a dress however... so I guess I couldn't really complain that much.
"Oi. Douchebag". Dovakhin turned his head to face a boy who had apparently entered his garden while I wasn't paying attention.
"I don't go by that name anymore Damien", Dovakhin spat to the black haired Damien. This resulted in Damien rolling his eyes just to show how little he cared about Dovakhin's opinion.
"Captain Douchebag", he spoke with sarcastic emphasis on the word captain. "The humans are planning an invasion on the elves at five o'clock". Dovakhin went to reply with some undoubtedly sarcastic remark before taking in what Damien had said.
"But they're on the same team?", he spoke in a slow dumbed-down fashion while the calculations his mind was completing displayed on his face in the form of confusion.
"Clearly not", Damien commented narkily. All Dovakhin did in reply was smile.
"A three-way-war it is then".
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Chapter Seventeen... I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as previous ones. I just really wanted to update the story but because of exams and revision it's sort of knocked me out of sync. What also didn't help was the fact that during my revision, my laptop decided it would be a suitable time to get Blue Screen Of Death. Somehow my laptop was saved but everything I had ever done and saved was deleted. COMPLETELY GONE. That includes the basic plot I had wrote for this story. Luckily I remember key details, but not everything I was originally going to include so you guys are going to have to bare with me on this story. Hope you guys understand!
Disclaimer; Even after all this time... South Park STILL isn't mine. Damn.
Review Thanking Time;
IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and I'm also glad you're liking the FirecrotchXRed shipping ahah! I did have some sort of plan for Pip, but I truly can't remember what it actually was. Don't worry, I'll think of something! (BTW, that Kenny flashing tits at the hallway statement was just genius. You really made me crease dude!).
cortez30 - I'm glad someone understands what I was going through. Over loading is indeed Hell so I completely agree with you lol!
Wally-Waterson - Finally, a new face ahah! Thanks for the review and I'm glad you like the story and the romantic side thing too ahah! Hopefully this was a good update for you!