I'm sorry about the re-post of chapter 3 I was trying to make some small changes and I ended up re-posting the same chapter.

Here is chapter 4 I hope you enjoy it, the format is a little different. I hope it reads ok, I'm always worried that my chapters will read choppy or rushed. Again I hope you enjoy it.

I own nothing. All mistakes are mine.

The Time is Now

B & B

It's around 2 am and of course I'm wide awake. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head it's a wonder I haven't lost my mind or hell maybe I have.

I'm excited to see Helena, nervous to see her, nauseous because I'm actually going to see her, anxious to tell her things that should have been said a long time ago. I'm also worried that she may not feel the same, I know after talking to Pete last night I don't want to have any regrets but it still doesn't change the fact that after today everything WILL change.

There is a real possibility I may lose Helena forever. That thought scares me more than anything, I can't even put into words how much it terrifies me.

Things will either change with Helena feeling the same and from this point on we go through life together or it will change with…sigh…me walking away without her. Just that thought alone makes me feel sick, I love this women so much, I'm not sure what I will do if she doesn't feel the same but I have to prepare myself for that possibility.

I let a sigh of frustration, it obvious I won't be able to sleep, so I get up and take a shower. I will try to find something to keep myself busy until she gets here.

Featherhead

Bloody Hell! I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep but this is ridiculous it's 3 am and I can't even close my eyes without feel anxiety about what will happen today. I'm so nervous, scared, anxious, nauseous and excited all at once. All of these feelings are overwhelming, I can't even think straight right now.

Things are about to change forever, they will either change for better or for worse. Either way I must prepare myself for both outcomes, however with my past history I tend to lean more towards the negative.

After everything I have done to Myka and how much I hurt her, how can I think of anything else, I'm so afraid that I have been given one too many chances with her and after today I may not get another one.

So I know what I have to do today, Myka will know how I feel no matter what, if this truly is my last chance I can't waste it, not this time. I will say what I need to say and let Myka take it from there but she will know how much I love her after today.

I finally decided since its clear sleep will not make an appearance again, I head towards the shower. I will keep myself preoccupied until it's time to leave, then of course I will be consumed with these same thoughts all over again while I make my way towards Myka…sigh

Back at the B & B

The hours seem to drag on but it's finally around 10:45 am and I'm pacing in the library wearing a hole in the floor waiting for Helena to arrive. Pete was nice enough to help me keep everyone out of the house for a few hours while we talk.

I keep running what I want to say over and over in my head but I keep thinking no matter how many times I rehearse it, it will never come out the way I want it to.

So I will just speak from the heart and hope Helena really hears me, I just hope that I have the strength to get this out before I lose every ounce of courage I mustered up in the last 2 days.

I continue to pace lost in my thoughts when I hear a loud knock at the door, it pulls me from my worry. I take a deep breath ok Bering here we go the time is now.

I walk to the door and take another deep breath, opening it.

"Helena"

Comes out in a breathy sigh. She is as beautiful as ever, all I can do is stare no words come to mind it's as if I'm just learning to talk and I can't find my words.

"Hello Myka."

I finally snap out of my stare, I can see the anxiety in her face she is just as nervous as I am. I find my voice again.

"Please Helena come in."

She gives me a smile and I almost lose myself again in her beauty. God I have missed this women. As I guide her to the library and close the doors, take another deep breath. Ok Bering you got this just make sure you say what you need to say.

I offer her a seat on the couch and start.

"Helena."

She looks up.

"Helena the reason I asked to see you is because I need to tell you something. But I ask that you please let me finish before you say anything."

She can see how nervous I am, so she just nods and looks at me with the beautiful eyes waiting for me to start.

Here we go.