The Time Is Now
"Helena."
I rub the back of my neck and take a deep breath, it's time to put your feelings out there, no turning back.
"Do you remember that day in Boone?"
I look up for her acknowledgement and I see her cringe a bit, she doesn't say anything she just nods.
"I want you to know that was ONE of the hardest days of my life. Having to leave you, to watch you continue to lie to yourself, hearing you say that you were happy with...HIM."
I say thru gritted teeth. Now is not the time, keep pushing forward Bering you can get angry later. I take a deep breath to calm myself.
"To be honest Helena I died a little that day. It felt like you were turning your back on not only the warehouse but...me."
I look down for a minute to collect myself even though all of this happened so long ago sometimes when I talk about it, it still feels like it happened yesterday.
"I was so angry and hurt that, I didn't completely understand why I felt the pain so deep, why it hurt so much leaving you but I started to really think about our relationship and then it hit like a freight train."
I take another deep breath and looked at her to make sure I still have her attention.
"I realized Helena. I love you, I am in love with you. We have a connection that runs deeper than anything I have ever felt before. I love you with all my heart and soul. I love you from the deepest parts of my soul that I never knew existed."
"I know what you're thinking that you don't deserve this love, well you would be wrong. I know what you have done in your past and I forgive you. You are not the same person now that you were when you were de-bronze. I want you to know that I don't see your past indiscretions or an evil person sitting in front of me, all I see is the women I love, the women I am in love with."
"I see an intelligent, beautiful, complicated, stubborn women, who has so many sides to her that not only intrigue me but are exciting. Helena I have seen some of your darker sides and I don't care. I love you and I want to be with you, I want to share my life with you."
Now I have tears in my eyes as I focus on the women l love, she is crying and I want so badly to go to her but I need to continue.
"I want you. I also NEED you to know that I will love you until I breathe my last breath and beyond. Helena you are my other half, my one. I have never and I mean NEVER loved anyone the way I love you. My heart aches when I'm not around you or near you. My world stops when you look at me and OH MY GOD when you look at me it makes me feel like we are the only two people in the world in that moment."
"I love you Helena no matter what. I love you. Whatever you decide today I will love you until my dying day."
As I look into those beautiful obsidian eyes, I wait. She's still crying so I finally go to her. I lightly grab her hand and guide her to stand. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight, I feel her sink into me. I whisper in her ear.
"I love you."
I pull back a little to look at her.
"Do you understand Helena I love you with everything I am, you are a part of me and you have been since the day we met."
She starts to cry harder and I keep her wrapped in my arms until the crying stops.
She finally pulls back a little and looks at me, we hold each other's gaze for a moment, I lean in and place a gentle kiss on her lips. I can feel her breath and mine catch at the same time, we smile at each other, and then Helena steps back a little to guide us back to sitting on the couch.
"Myka I have waited so long to hear you say that."
"I love you too. Oh Myka, I love you so very much."
She takes a deep breath.
"But I need to explain some things to you and now it is my turn to ask you to please let me finish before you ask any questions. I know that beautiful mind of yours has a million of them but I'm hoping after I explain some things it will help."
I don't say anything I just nod. I realize Helena needs this as much as I do so I sit back waiting for her to start.