I'm sorry it has taken so long to update, I had a hard time writing after watching the finale of WH13. This chapter is a long one but I hope you enjoy it.

I own nothing. All mistakes are mine.

The Time Is Now

"Myka I remember that day in Boone and it was one of my hardest days as well. I never thought I could feel that kind of pain again. It was so hard for me to watch you walk away."

As tears run down my face I have to remind myself, keep pushing Helena Myka needs to understand especially if you two want to have any chance at a real future.

"I wanted so desperately to stop you Myka, you have no idea but I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't feel I had the right after everything I had done. Because of my cowardice I let you slip through my fingers...again."

"I am so sorry for that day. I should have stopped you, I should have told you how I felt and why I was hiding but I couldn't I didn't feel like I had the right to."

"When I watched you drive off my heart went with you. You see my heart has never been mine, it hasn't been since the day we met. It has been yours from the start and will remain yours until the day I die."

I take a deep breath willing myself to continue. Why is this so bloody hard she has to know why I was such a coward? I guess that's why because I have to admit that I was just that a...COWARD.

"As I stood in the driveway, I knew in that moment that things were never going to be the same. That you were right, I was chasing a ghost and no matter how hard I tried it would NEVER be the same. Please understand I loved Adelaide and I cared for Nate but deep down there was always something missing, I just didn't want to admit it to myself."

I put my hand up stopping Myka from asking questions.

"I know, you want to know why I stayed so long."

I look over at her and her mouth is opening and closing she finally just nods for me to continue.

"You know my history of being bronzed and you know that I asked to be bronzed because of my grief for my daughter as well as my grief for the agent that was killed in my attempt to save her."

I take a deep breath, I'm on the verge of losing myself and I need to get through this she has to know everything.

"At the time I thought it was the best for everyone. But in asking to be bronzed all I was doing is running from my grief. In turn my grief turned into hatred and it festered inside of me for 147 years, it latched on to the deepest part of my soul. Please understand I know it is no excuse for my actions, but I never gave myself time to truly grieve for my Christina. I was so obsessed with trying to change what happened that I never allowed myself time to work through my loss and pain."

"So as you know that led me in to a tail spin and I wanted to destroy the world, until you stopped me, you saved me Myka. You saved me from myself that day. I was so lost in the darkness that I didn't realize what I truly found until it was too late. When I looked in to your eyes I couldn't imagine this world or my life without you. You were my light in all that darkness."

"When the regents took me away deep down I knew it was for the best. It allowed me time to heal and except the things that I could not change so long ago, to accept the fact that my Christina was really gone."

"After the Sykes incident, the astrolabe and putting your life in danger I decided that it was safer for me to get as far away from you and the warehouse as possible. I felt like all I brought you was pain Myka and I couldn't bear the thought, but in my selfish attempt to protect you I only hurt you more."

"That's when I found myself in Boone living with Nate and Adelaide who reminded me so much of Christina. I guess without realizing it I was looking for something to fill the void in my heart of not only losing Christina but of walking away from...you. It was a different life, a quiet life and at the time I thought that was what I needed what I wanted but I was wrong. I was in that relationship for all the wrong reasons."

"I guess the reason why I stayed so long was because I was content with my situation, he is a good man and she is a wonderful girl. I felt I owed it to them and to myself to try and I did try but it wasn't enough. It never felt right no matter how much I wanted it to be."

I glance up and I see Myka cringe.

"Myka I know how hard this must be for you to hear but I want to tell you everything."

She just looks at me with tears in her eyes and nods for me to continue.

"But the day you came back into my life, the moment I saw you, I realized what was missing it was...YOU. You made me realize what I was doing, I was hiding from my truth, I was hiding from my feelings for you because I didn't feel I deserved to feel the love I saw and felt in you."

I take another deep to try to collect myself again.

"After you left, I stood outside trying to work through what happened and I realized that I had to leave. I was only hurting Nate and Adelaide trying to pretend to be something I'm not. They deserved more than that. So I went inside and had a long talk with Nate, I decided that it was for the best that I leave. He tried to talk me out of it but I knew it was the right thing to do, I couldn't hurt them anymore it wasn't fair."

"So after saying goodbye to Adelaide, I loaded up my car and just started driving, that's when I found myself in Featherhead. The reason I didn't call was because I..."

Sigh

"Because I was scared, I was scared of what you might say, scared that you would send me away and never want to talk to me again. I was scared that I missed my chance with you Myka. I know none of that is a good enough reason not call and I am so sorry for that."

I glance down no longer being able to keep eye contact.

"I was a coward."

"So I found a little apartment and another job in a forensics lab working cold cases. As time went on I started to accept things especially the way I felt about you. I thought to myself I may not deserve to feel this way but I wanted you to know how I felt. When I found my courage I would pick up the phone and start to dial your number but then I would find a million reasons why I shouldn't call."

I look at her and I can see the hurt written all over face.

"Myka I'm so sorry, I wanted to call I really did I just...I just couldn't find the courage to."

I look down in shame but then I hear her sigh and I feel her take my hand, she gives it a gentle squeeze encouraging me to continue.

"I'm glad you called Myka because now I have the chance to tell you how I feel. No matter what you decide from this moment on you will know."

"I love you Myka, more than I thought I was capable of loving. You have managed to push through all my walls, see my darkest sides and you still had hope, even when I broke you heart more than once."

"There are no words for how sorry I am for that but I have loved you since the moment we met, you are in every part of me, you are the light in my darkness, and you are my balance Myka. All the time I was away from you I felt like I couldn't breathe, my heart felt like it would never be complete without you next to me."

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure this out, the only thing I regret is the pain I caused you but I don't regret finding you Myka. You are what I have been searching for, for 147 years. My life is whole when you're in it, you are my truth, my home, my ONE and I will love you for the rest of this life and the next for eternity."

Now we are both crying, she stands up and wraps her arms around me once again, we melt in to each other's arms. She leans back to look at me.

"Helena..."

Please let me know if there was something I left out or missed in writing this. Again I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for taking the time to read it.