Hey! I'm so sorry for the late update. I'm on holidays so it's hard to get things done :s Anyway thanks so much to everyone that reviewed and favourited. This chapter is a bit different to what has been happening up to now. There's a bit of Breredith!

This isn't the best chapter but I felt really bad because I haven't updated in so long. I hope it's not too confusing. Don't be afraid to ask questions, I promise I'm friendly :)

Hope you guys enjoy and please leave a review or PM if you're curious or just wanna chat :) thank youx

6 MONTHS AFTER LOSING LO

"Mere? Have you seen my blue sweater?" Brian called from the bedroom. Running his hand through his damp hair, he ambled out into the kitchen,

"Mere…" he stopped. Meredith's back was too him and she was staring out the window with a glazed look in her eyes,

"Mere, let's not do this today," Brian sighed, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. Immediately she relaxed in his embrace and leaned back against him for a moment before turning around and gazing up at him. She traced her fingers along his cheekbone for a moment,

"I just keep waiting for her to walk in the door," she whispered, her brown eyes flecked with sadness.

"We all do Mere," Brian sighed, tucking a stray brown curl behind her ear, "but we have to start living our lives again. You know that."

Meredith looked at him for a moment, deep in thought,

"I know it's been six months, but at the same time I can't help thinking that Lo's still out there. What if she's waiting for us to find her?"

Brian looked at Meredith and felt his heart contract, "Mere…she's gone…"

"But what if she's not?" Meredith insisted, "The police said the chances that she was alive were slim, not impossible. Lauren is a fighter Brian, she would beat the odds."

Brian took Meredith's face in his hands and leaned in so that their foreheads were touching. God, she was so beautiful. Keeping to his word, Brian had proposed to Meredith. He'd hoped planning the wedding might distract her from the constant reminder of their friend's absence, however it was proving to be more of a reminder.

"None of us want Lauren to be dead," he said quietly,"but we can't wait forever. We're getting married in April and we have the tour coming up in the summer."

She looked away for a moment before turning back to him and smiling sadly,"The girls and I are going for dress fittings today. It's going to be weird without her... the wedding will be weird without her."

Brian could already sense where she was going with this and inhaled deeply

"Maybe we should push the wedding back..." she suggested softly, fiddling with a loose piece of string on his shirt.

Brian leant in to kiss her forehead, "Stalling our wedding day isn't going to bring her back. Lauren wouldn't want you acting like this," he insisted quietly, "enjoy the day with the girls."

She nodded slowly, "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I do," he whispered, "I love you too."

Meredith allowed a small smile and kissed him lovingly on the lips before untangling herself from his arms,

"I'm gonna go shower," she murmured, giving his hand a squeeze as she passed.

He looked after her with a worried frown, as she drifted out of the kitchen. Everything had changed so much since that day on the train. Guilt tore them apart. Joe was still in the dark concerning the offer Lauren had made in order to save him and Brian was determined to keep it that way.

In the beginning, when Lauren's disappearance was still all over the newspapers and police priority, Joe had been relentless in his search for her, even flying back and forth to Washington to where it had all begun. He'd been the force behind the groups flickering hope. But things had changed as the days, then weeks flashed by, with no news.

TWO MONTHS AFTER LOSING LO

Brian jolted awake at the sound of a ferocious banging on the front door. He glanced down at Meredith after sensing her move closer to him and saw she was awake, her eyes wide with fear,

"Who is that?" she whispered, her voice quivering.

Brian climbed out of bed despite her attempts to stop him. He turned and put his finger to his lips,

"Stay here."

In his sleep ridden state, he stumbled towards the front door. As he got closer he was able to make out a muffled voice. However after a moment he recognised it and cautiously opened the door. Standing in front of him, soaked to the skin, was Joe, his arm raised to continue walloping the door. He lowered his fist, relieved,

"They called…the police," he sobbed breathlessly.

Brian felt his body turn to ice and his stomach clench,

"They found a body," Joe choked, shivering as the tears flowed down his cheeks, "they want me to identify it but…"

Brian rested a hand on Joe's shoulder and Joe stopped, knowing Brian understood. Brian sucked in a lungful of air trying to get words out,

"I'll get my keys and we'll go," he finally managed.

He turned away but Joe's question stopped him immediately. It was the one question he was sure neither of them wanted an answer to,

"What if it's her?" Joe said, desperation and despair clinging to his words.

Brian couldn't bring himself to face him as he felt his own eyes begin to water.

"It probably isn't her," he replied, sounding far more confident than he really was.

The body had been found a couple of miles outside of St Louis, so by the time they arrived at the City Morgue the sun was making its first appearance of the day. They had put on some lame late night radio station that played 'The top 10 greatest hits from the 80s' on repeat for hours. Neither of them cared enough to bother searching for another channel, both had their minds clouded with the possibility of only one thing.

They pulled into the almost empty carpark. Brian killed the engine and for a minute they just sat, staring at the large grey building in front of them. It was as cold looking as the people lying inside. They walked in in silence. A middle aged man wearing a shabby grey suit guided them down a long corridor. Brian squinted against the bright artificial lights that seemed to suck the colour from everything.

They reached a pale mint green door and stopped. Their guide turned and gave them a solemn look from behind his glasses,

"Are you both going in…"

Joe shook his head, "no, no, just me," he informed in a quiet voice.

Brian didn't argue. He knew this was something Joe needed to do alone. The door was unlocked and Joe gave Brian a brief nod before following the mortician inside. The door closed with a grinding click and Brian was left alone in the dreary deserted ticking of a nearby clock, cut through the unbearable silence and with each second that passed he felt an invisible weight getting heavier and heavier on his shoulders,

Five minutes…. Ten minutes… fifteen minutes…. Time seemed to drag by.

Eventually, over an hour later, Joe emerged, his face pale and his eyes empty,

"Joe…" Brian started, assuming the worst.

"It's not her," he croaked

Brian's first response was relief but that was soon replaced with a feeling of dread. Just because it wasn't Lauren this time, didn't mean it wouldn't be her the next time. He felt the walls begin the spin and the queasy feeling in his stomach returned with a vengeance. He reached out blindly, feeling for the nearest wall and leaned against it for support. It had been a long night. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out, taking long drawn out breaths - 32 unread messages from Meredith. He clicked into the most recent one,

Mere: Bri, everyone's here and I don't know what to say anymore. We need to know. Is it Lo? Love you x x

He typed a reply, his fingers shaking and pressed send,

Brian: It's not her. Love you too Mere x x

He looked up and saw Joe was standing, leaning against the wall opposite. He had his head resting on his forearm, facing the wall. Brian could could see the muscles in his shoulders tensed,

"Joe… it wasn't her," Brian whispered. Joe nodded silently and faced him,

"ya, I know… can we? Can we go?" he sighed exhausted, "I don't want to be here."

Brian inclined his head in agreement and together they walked down the deserted corridor. Joe didn't utter another word until they sat into the car,

"I don't think I could do that again," he muttered, "I couldn't go in and see Lauren lying there. I'm done." He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a deep breath. Brian didn't know what to say so he started the car and left the cold building, with it's cold lifeless people, behind.

Joe had stopped searching for Lauren after that, afraid of what he might find. He'd lost the love of his live and that pain wasn't going to go away where ever she was.

Brian gasped as he felt a stinging pain in his hand and looked down surprised to see he'd been squeezing one of the kitchen knives in his hand subconsciously. He dropped it, shocked, into the sink and ran his hand under the tap. He watched as the blood mixed with the cold water, turning it from a deep red to a coppery stream.

After a few minutes the bleeding ceased and he grabbed some tissue, wrapping it around his palm. He turned as Meredith returned, plaiting her wet hair into two French braids,

"Are you ready to go?" Brian asked, forcing a smile on to his face for her sake. This was how everyday went by - each of them pretending that they were fine and moving on with their lives,

"I'll get my keys and we'll go," Brian said, thinking of the night, four months previous, when he'd said those exact words to Joe and how everything had changed so much since then.

Until next time x x x