Okay I'm gonna apologise in advance for this chapter because it's gonna be tough on the feels, but I promise things will get better.
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6 MONTHS LATER: STARKIDS
"Where are they?" Jaime moaned, checking her watch for what felt like the hundredth time, "their flight came in over an hour ago."
As if on cue, Darren and Joey emerged from the arrivals gate, lugging their baggage behind them. Jaime and Julia raced forward and threw their arms around the boys, sinking into their embrace and holding them. Seeing them reminded them of the support they still had. Joe followed the girls more hesitantly and Darren looked at him over Julia's shoulder, with pity and sadness in his eyes,
"How're you holding up?" he croaked
Joe shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand through his cropped hair, "Never thought I'd have to do this."
Darren nodded understandingly. They'd arranged a sort of memorial service for Lauren for the following evening in one of the local theatres. Lauren had never been overly religious and it seemed appropriate to hold it in a place where she was always so at home. It was something that needed to be done; an outlet to say goodbye. Lauren's family were arriving in the morning and heart-warming numbers of Michigan alumni had already arrived over the past few hours,
"We'll get through this together," Darren said quietly, his voice catching slightly
Jaime slipped her hand into Joey's and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He smiled slightly but couldn't quite bring himself to really mean it. Julia stared down at the floor, not commenting, trying to distance herself from the reality of the moment.
She was finding it tough to adjust, feeling Lauren's absence every morning she woke and she wasn't there. She hadn't just lost a friend, she'd lost a sister. They'd embarked on the challenge of conquering New York together. Lauren had been the first one to read her book, they'd shout in anguish at the television when their favourite contestant was voted off and they'd been each other's source of comfort through the break ups and melt downs. It tore Julia apart that the one person she'd need most tomorrow night, was the one person that wouldn't be there.
The ride back to Starkid manor was mostly silent, everyone preferring to keep their thoughts to themselves. They'd agreed that everyone would stay together tonight no matter how crowded it got.
As soon as the car rolled to a stop , Joe got out, bounding up the front steps two at a time and through the front door,
"He's hardly talked these last few days," Julia whispered worried, "he was doing okay for a while, but this past week has just sent him spiralling backwards."
She exhaled heavily and fisted the steering wheel in frustration as she struggled to remove the key from the ignition. Darren placed his hand over hers and swiftly pulled the key out, handing it to her,
"I don't think he's the only one," Darren said softly, his eyes bearing into hers as if could see right into her soul, "We're hear for each other Juls, don't forget that."
They trudged up the steps, dumping their bags inside the front door before going through to the sitting room. The room was filled with familiar faces - Britney, Tyler, Nick, Matt, Devin, Richard and many more - huddled together on the sofas and floor, their eyes trained to the television screen. On it, a slideshow of photos from their college days played to a soft backing track.
Joey sniffed as a photo of him and Lauren laughing backstage during the Very Potter musical, appeared on screen. He felt a hand pat his arm reassuringly and glanced down to see that it belonged to Meredith, whose red eyes remained focused ahead. Her other hand was clasped tightly in Brian's as the video played on. When it ended, no one moved,
"Who made this?" Julia asked weakly
Everyone looked around, searching for an answer, "I didn't want people to forget her."
Joe's gruff voice came from the back of the room, his eyes shining and his hands shoved in his pockets, "she should never be forgotten."
Joey looked in the mirror, attempting to straighten his black tie,
"FUCK," he swore venomously, yanking the tie off and slumping down onto the floor. He'd hardly slept, his mind refusing to allow itself a few hours of rest.
"I can't do this Lo. I can't… it's my fault, I'm sorry," he sobbed, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.
He could hear the sound of footsteps reverberating around the house as people got ready. He would be leaving in soon to meet with Lauren's parents beforehand and then after that it would finally be time to say goodbye. Surprisingly he'd managed to remain uninterrupted while he gotten ready and for that he was grateful. He needed to gather himself before putting back on the brave mask he'd been wearing for months.
He twisted the tie around in his hand, allowing its soft fabric to slip through his fingers. Black wasn't a colour he could associate with Lauren. He stood shakily and slowly placed the black tie on the bed before walking over to his suitcase and pulling out a blue one with pugs on it that Lauren had given him as a joke last Christmas. He placed it around his neck and tied it, glancing at himself in the mirror. It looked ridiculous with the black suit, but he knew Lauren would've smiled at the sight of it. The bedroom door swung open,
"We've the car ready out front," Brian informed him.
Joey nodded, "I'll be right down."
Brian smiled sadly when he saw the tie, "we never got her a damn pug."
Joey's mouth twitched up in humour, "the poor dog would've been cuddled to death."
"True," Brian sighed, "… we'll wait downstairs man. Joe, Julia, Denise, Jeff and Darren have already gone on ahead."
"Nah, I'm ready…" Joey trailed, taking a final look at himself in the mirror and pulling himself up straight, "let's go."
Jaime took a deep breath as she walked through the theatre door. Her eyes fell on Joe who was talking with Lauren's father. She could see effort it was taking him to not break down and, not for the first time, she wondered where he got the strength from. Lauren's mother sat quietly to the side, her hands wrapped in Julia's, who raised her head as Jaime, Meredith and the boys came in.
Joe managed to pull away from Lauren's father and came over to them, his face pale and clearly exhausted,
"Would it be okay of one of you spoke? I don't think I can..."
Joey examined his friends face and cleared his throat, "Of course. Are you sure you don't…"
"I can't," Joe stopped him, his eyes pleading, "I thought I could, but…"
"Joe, it's okay, I know," Joey reassured him, stuttering slightly, "I'll do it."
"Thanks," Joe whispered
Jaime looked at Joey, her face filled with worry, as Joe walked away. None of them should have to do this, but someone had to. She placed her hand on Joey's arm delicately,
"You sure you're okay with this?"
"Nope," he choked bitterly, rubbing her hand, "but I owe this to Lo."
As the memorial started, the Starkids couldn't help but feel disconnected, finding it difficult to focus on the words being spoken.
Lauren's mother said a few words but soon stepped down unable to go on, supported by her son while sobbing into his shirt. Finally it was Joey's turn to stand up. He walked to the front of the room, his eyes focused on the smiling carefree picture of Lauren in front of him.
He turned and took a deep breath, his eyes scanning the tearstained faces,
"I didn't think this would be something I'd ever have to do, so I apologise in advance for my lack of preparation. Lauren would have given out to me if she were here."
This earned him a sad chuckle from the crowd,
"There isn't anything I can say to properly convey the amazing person that she was. She was the glue that kept us all together, the one person that could defuse tension with a simple smile. She cared…" Joey felt a tear slide down his cheek and cursed himself for not being able to hold it together.
"You could literally feel the love she spread, whether it was through her words, through a hug or through a reassuring smile, Lauren was a glowing light."
Joey started to feel his words stumble into one another and bowed his head to pull himself together. He raised it again and out of the corner of his eye he saw Joe slipping out of the room before carrying on,
"I wish more than anything that she was here."
6 MONTHS LATER: LAUREN
Lauren groaned as she opened her eyes to see the sun disappearing over the horizon,
"What time is it?" she asked groggily, looking at Shane.
He smiled, "almost 7 o' clock. You hungry?"
Lauren nodded and wiped the sleep from her eyes and looking out the window,
"We'll stop soon for something to eat. There's surely a garage nearby. We're not far from Chicago."
Lauren suddenly felt wide awake. Chicago – she was only a few miles from where all her friends were. She tried not to sound too interested, but she couldn't stop her heart thumping in her chest as she posed the question, trying to keep her voice steady,
"Is that where we're headed for good?"
Shane shook his, too distracted with checking the fuel levels to notice Lauren's anxiety, "no, just passing through," he replied, his voice trailing, "we're gonna need to stop for fuel soon."
They drove for another hour and Lauren felt her chest tighten as the signs indicated they were nearing Chicago city. She could see it's skyline in the distance and couldn't help imagining her friends among the throngs of people it inhabited. What were they doing right now?
It was dark by the time Shane pulled over into a large petrol station in the outskirts of the city. He turned to Lauren before unlocking the door, "not a word to anybody, got it?" He patted his chest pocket and Lauren was reminded the gun tucked away in there.
They entered the store together, Shane's hand resting on her lower back. However, it didn't feel like the gesture of affection or protection that it should have been. Her eyes locked with the cashier for a moment. The man was old but his twinkling eyes and benevolent smile relaxed her a bit and she found herself giving him a fleeting smile in return.
Shane nudged her lightly to turn down the aisle towards the drinks in the back,
"Don't draw attention," he whispered under his breath
"I didn't…" she began in a hushed tone.
"Drawing attention to yourself doesn't have to involve causing a circus show," he stressed, still glancing around cautiously, "simply by making yourself easily remembered could stir up shit. Just stay behind me when I'm paying and try to keep your face hidden."
Lauren was convinced she heard a slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. He seemed nervous and on edge and she realised with a sinking feeling that it wasn't just her life on the line if any suspicions were formed. Shane would be blamed and have to suffer the consequences. They walked up to the counter and Lauren, keeping to Shane's instruction bowed her head, pretending to be absorbed in the hem of her cardigan. Her hair, although shorter, still covered her face when left loose.
She walked out alongside Shane without looking back and crossed over to the car, climbing in without a word, a bottle of water and a chicken sandwich gripped in her hands.
Shane turned to her as he threw his jacket into the backseat, "Good job in there."
She didn't know why, but she felt sick as he said those words to her. It was like being praised for something you knew went against what was right. That had been her chance to get away but the fear of retribution had held her back. She felt bound to Marcus and his group by an invisible force that seemed to block her mind's ability to think fully for herself. Her identity was no longer her own and in that moment she understood exactly what Shane had felt in the shop only moments ago.
The car started and with a final look out the window she said goodbye to the gas station, but not quite before her eyes met a pair of familiar blue ones that stared back at her in shock. The interaction lasted only a second but she knew it would be enough. Joe knew she was alive.
*Runs and hides*
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